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Ryuuji woke up from his sleep, slowly opening his eyes. His head felt heavy, pulsing like someone was constantly hammering his brain, and thus making it difficult to formulate even a single thought. He tried to sit up on the bed he was currently laying on, but he felt so weak, the mere idea of lifting one of his limbs being an herculean task. As if that wasn’t already enough, he felt like his entire body was on fire, heat rising through every inch of his skin, while shivers ran all across him.
What happened?
He took a look around, recognizing the room he shared with Suzuno at the Sun Garden. Then he saw a packed up backpack next to their closet and his eyes widened as he jumped up from the bed, only to lose his balance the second his feet landed on the ground, falling right back on the mattress.
Fuck. The trip.
That’s when it all came back to him. A few of the guys had planned to go camping for a couple of days before school started, taking advantage of the nice weather of early spring. Some of them would be graduating that year, Hiroto being among them, so it had been an excuse as well to organize a trip all together before having to depart for university. Hitomika had insisted on going with them, as none of them had any prior camping experience, so they would still have an adult they could rely on in case of emergency. They had all been so excited, planning things weeks in advance, buying stock of food to eat during the bus ride to arrive there, plotting pranks they could pull on the others (that had been mostly Nagumo).
But then, just a few days before they were set to go, Midorikawa had fallen ill. It had started with a simple cold, nothing too serious, just a stuffy nose and a headache. But then his throat had started to feel sore and he had developed a cough. Hitomika had suggested he’d skip the trip, to avoid his health getting worse while they were out in nature with no hospital near enough to go to if things got bad. She had reassured him that they would plan another trip in the future, that there would have been time to make up for it. He wasn’t even among those who would finish high school, he still had two years to go through. But that would have been one of the last trips he would be able to do alongside his best friend and knowing their time together at the Sun garden was about to end, he wouldn’t want to miss it for anything at all. So, stubborn as ever, he had kept on insisting, up until the day before, even if his condition hadn’t gotten better in the slightest.
He remembered filling up his backpack with his essentials, while coughing incessantly. He remembered taking a shower before going to bed, while feeling heat starting to rise up all over his body. He remembered putting his clothes on his chair so that he’d have them ready, distantly thinking about taking something for the headache that had accompanied him throughout all of his day. And then… then he remembered starting to feel dizzy, his head constantly spinning, which led him to decide to lay down for a bit, hoping it would pass in a couple of minutes. Then his memories started to become confused, managing to recollect just a few disconnected moments of all that happened after.
Switching between being half asleep and being awake in a dazed state where his vision was blurred and his mind clouded. Suzuno waking him up after a while to ask if he was okay, but only being able to mumble out a response he wasn’t even sure was comprehensible. A few indistinct voices speaking near him while someone touched his forehead. And then nothing.
He quickly scanned his surroundings, taking in the daylight coming in from the window and then looking at the alarm clock he kept on the nightstand to check the time.
2 pm.
Their departure had been set for that same morning at 10. He slumped against the wall, hugging his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees, and sighed. Well, here goes the trip I’ve been waiting for for a whole month. He tried not to be too bitter about it, he knew that rationally speaking, Hitomika was right. They would have probably organized another trip sometime in the future to make up for the fact that he hadn’t been able to go this time, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel a bit upset that it meant the time him and Hiroto would be spending together before he left for university would be even less than before. He knew that it would be just a couple of days. He knew that they couldn’t stay attached at the hip day and night. And he knew that it didn’t mean they would never see each other again. Hell, the campus wasn’t even that far from where the Sun Garden was and Hiroto himself had promised he would come back regularly when his lessons and exams allowed it.
And yet… Ryuuji couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. The only time they had been apart for a long period of time was when Hiroto had gone to Liocott Island with the Inazuma Japan team for the FFI a couple of years ago, while he was forced to stay back due to an injury, and even then he knew everything would be going back to normal as soon as his friend came back. But now it was different. They were growing up, and that meant the time they would be spending together would progressively become less and less. And no matter how much he trusted Hiroto and knew how much the other boy cared for him, there would always be a small voice in the back of his head that would say ‘he’s gonna leave you alone once he’ll find someone better than you.’
A coughing fit halted his train of thoughts and, feeling grateful for the interruption, he decided to shove away all of those negative feelings, deciding to deal with them in a second moment. He already felt physically exhausted, he didn’t need his mind to add insult to injury, thank you very much.
Deciding to lay back on the mattress, he absentially wondered if Hitomika had asked someone to take care of him, given his ill state. Maybe one of the other guys there at the Sun Garden from those who had not gone on the trip. That question was answered sooner than expected, as while he was about to get under the covers, Ryuuji heard the door opening.
And he saw Hiroto walking into the room with a bucket of water and a towel on his shoulder, softly humming a song he had been listening to on rotation for the past week. He halted his steps when he saw the younger.
“Oh, you’re awake! I was just coming to check on you. How are you feeling?” Midorikawa’s eyes were wide open, staring in stupor at the boy right in front of him.
“What are you doing here?” Hiroto looked at him with a frown, like he didn’t understand why the other would ask that question.
“I told you, I wanted to see how you were doing. Has your fever got up?” He got closer to the younger, putting the bucket on the floor and crouching down to be eye-level with Midorikawa, and brought a hand on the other’s forehead to check his temperature. All the while the green haired boy was still looking at him completely stunned as he was still trying to process that his friend was there and not in some godforsaken forest setting up his tent with the others.
Hiroto lowered his hand, tasting Ryuuji’s cheeks as well, before he spoke. “I think your temperature is still quite high, I’ll go grab the thermometer to-”
“Why aren’t you with the others? Why did you stay? ” Midorikawa interrupted him. He seriously was having a hard time understanding why his friend had decided not to go on the trip. Had he really chosen to stay back because of him? The question seemed to make Hiroto halt for a moment, as if he hadn’t expected it. Then he sighed, standing up to grab a chair he put next to the bed, sitting near the other. He took the towel and soaked it into the water inside the bucket, carefully wringing out the excess water as he spoke. “Do you remember what happened yesterday right after dinner?”
Ryuuji tried to recall something more than the scattered memories he had, but it was useless. He could only remember the physical sensations, like how his body felt close to self-combustion for how hot he felt. How, despite that, he could still feel the cold seeping through his bones, making him tremble from head to toe. How weak he had felt. But no actual images of what had actually happened.
“Not quite. I remember packing the last few things for the trip, taking a shower and then deciding to lay in bed for a bit because I didn’t feel quite well. Everything after that is just a blur.” Hiroto made him lay down completely before gently passing a hand through his fringe to move it out of his forehead. He placed the towel there and then continued to card his fingers through the green locks, caressing Ryuuji’s head in a soothing motion.
“Suzuno found you shaking on your bed so he tried to ask you what was wrong but you were just mumbling nonsense, so he came to me and we told Hitomika. When she touched you you were basically burning. We managed to give you some medicines to make your temperature go down, but it was clear you couldn't go camping in these conditions. So when Hitomika said she would need to ask someone to take care of you, I suggested I’d skip the trip and stay here to do it instead. So here we are.”
For how grateful he was to have his best friend with him, that still didn’t answer his most pressing question.
“Why?”
Hiroto frowned again, as if the question confused him. “What do you mean ‘why’? You had fallen ill and needed someone to take care of you. What other reason would I need?”
He said that as if it was the most obvious thing, like it baffled him that Ryuuji would even need an explanation for it. And honestly, his answer left Midorikawa stunned. Not that he didn’t think Hiroto didn’t care about him, quite the contrary. But that meant he had given up on a trip they’d been organizing for weeks, for which they had spent money on to buy the equipment they would need, that would have been one of the last chances they’d get to freely have fun all together before school started… just because he was worried about Ryuuji and wanted to help him. He’d chosen to stay with the younger, putting him above everything else, including himself. And he was behaving as if it was the most natural thing he could do.
Upon seeing the surprised look on Midorikawa’s face, Hiroto tapped him on the forehead with his finger, taking him out of his mental rumbling. “You silly. Did you really think I would have left you alone like that?”
Ryuuji just stared at him for a moment longer, and then tried to hide behind the covers feeling himself starting to blush. “Also”, Kiyama continued, a bit more hushed, “I probably wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the trip knowing you were feeling unwell and without any possibility to check on you.” Ryuuji actually felt his heart flutter at that and was about to nudge him on further, but his friend didn’t give him the time to do that, as he got up from his chair and removed the now drying towel from the other’s forehead, dipping it in the water again.
“I’m going to look for the thermometer, so we can check your temperature and then I could bring you some food. You haven’t eaten anything since last evening.” Ryuuji nodded at that, though he didn’t feel that hungry, but he knew that rationally he did need to eat.
Hiroto put a hand on his head, ruffling his hair affectionately. He picked up the towel, squeezing it to get rid of the excess water and positioned it on its previous place on the other’s forehead, the contact between his heated skin and the coldness of the wet towel making him hiss.
“Keep it there, it should help lower your temperature a bit. I’ll be right back.” He offered him a gentle smile and then he got out of their bedroom, gently closing the door behind him. Ryuuji laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling with a million thoughts swirling in his head.
…
Ryuuji didn’t know how much time had passed until Hiroto came back with a thermometer in one hand and a steaming bowl of soup in the other. The younger groggily tried to sit up, his body feeling just as heavy as if it had been turned to stone while shivers ran all across his skin. As soon as he noticed his friend struggling to get up, Hiroto rushed to get to him as fast as he could.
“Wait, let me help you.” He settled down the bowl on the nightstand, then ran up to Ryuuji, trying to assist him in sitting up completely.
“I have a fever, not a terminal disease. I can get up on my own.” The younger said in a light tone, but then, since the universe seemed to have a great sense of humor, his arm gave in, almost making him collapse on himself. And he would have if Hiroto hadn’t been there to hold him up with his arm around his back.
“Yeah I can see how well you’re doing.” He said back, laughing a bit and making Ryuuji blush. He usually struggled to accept help from others, so having to rely completely on his friend for everything made him feel quite vulnerable. But at the same time, he knew Hiroto would rather physically force him to accept his help, than let the younger do everything on his own. That was probably one of the main reasons Hitomika had let Hiroto stay at the Sun Garden.
The older went to take the bowl, sitting next to Midorikawa on the bed. The latter had expected him to hand him the soup, staying there just to keep him company. Instead Hiroto took a spoonful of the liquid, carefully blowing on it before bringing it closer to the other’s lips. Understanding his intentions, Ryuuji opened his eyes wide, bringing his hands up to stop his friend. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like? I’m feeding you.” Hiroto moved the spoon close to the younger’s mouth again, as if that was enough of an explanation.
“No, you won’t. I can do it myself.” Ryuuji protested again, feeling himself flush even further. He could not let his friend spoon feed him, that would have been too too much for him to stand. But Hiroto didn't seem to be of the same mind, as he kept insisting.
“Mido, you can’t even hold yourself up right now, let me do it.” Truthfully speaking, the older was right. He wouldn't be able to hold the bowl for more than a minute without dropping it on the floor. But he was pretty sure he would have died from embarrassment before even finishing the meal. So he let his stubbornness guide him again.
“You don’t need to, I swear I’m fine.” He leaned forward to take the bowl in his hand, but Hiroto moved it away from Ryuuji’s grasp, looking at him with a resolute expression on his face, a seriousness he had rarely seen the older wear.
“No, you’ll just spill it everywhere, you're too weak.”
“But-”
“No, no buts”, Hiroto’s voice was more firm, his tone leaving no room for discussion,"Now stop complaining and come here before the soup gets cold.”
Something in the way he spoke made Ryuuji halt. He was so used to Hiroto speaking in his usual calm, gentle tone that witnessing the more decisive, resolute side come to life made him feel… strange, but not in a negative way. He was feeling kind of hot all over, but not for the fever.
Ryuuji stared at the other for a moment, then, accepting his defeat, he leaned forward to grumply take the spoonful of soup Hiroto had been about to give him before that whole banter. And so, without another word he began to eat, his best friend feeding him slowly. Ryuuji avoided the other’s gaze the whole time, and if the warmth on his cheeks was caused by something other than the searing hotness of his soup, it was nobody’s business but his own. Hiroto was about to go as far as cleaning his mouth with a napkin, but Ryuuji tore it from the other’s hand. His brain felt already on fire as it was, he didn't need to add fuel to it.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally finished his late meal and Hiroto helped him check his temperature. Even though it had indeed gotten down a notch from last evening, it was still quite high. Hiroto got up, taking the bowl with him and heading to the door.
“I’ll go to the pharmacy to buy some medicine for you, it shouldn’t take long. You should rest a bit, it’s better if you don’t push yourself until you’ve recovered completely. I’ll be back in a bit.” He offered a soft smile before exiting the room, and with that he closed the door behind him, leaving Ryuuji alone to stare up at the ceiling, a million thoughts swirling in his head.
Fuck, he really had to get a grip. Why was he reacting like that? Well, he kind of knew the answer. He had accepted his crush for his best friend a long time ago, that much was true, but Hiroto still didn't know anything about that and he would have liked to keep it that way. Which meant he would need to conceal the way Hiroto’s behaviour and words affected him more than he would like. But that was easier said than done, especially if his friend kept on doing things like feeding him, and caring for him, and tending to him, and being so gentle and a literal sweetheart, and-
Yeah, maybe he needed to take some acting courses, that might be the easiest option.
And Ryuuji had learnt by then to suppress any flicker of hope that might arise from the older’s actions. He was gentle and selfless by heart, he would have dropped anything he was doing if he knew one of his loved ones needed help. And if Ryuuji ever received some kind of “special treatment”, it was just because they were best friends. Nothing more. No matter how much he wished it was different, how much he wished his friend felt the same way as he did, he knew reality was most definitely quite different from what he hoped. To think differently would just lead to him getting hurt.
But God did Hiroto make it difficult not to fall deeper than he already was. How could he not, when his friend treated him the way he did? At the end of the day, he had given up their trip just because he was worried about him and wanted to look after Ryuuji, and he talked about it like it had been the easiest decision he had ever made. It didn’t matter that they had been organizing this trip for weeks, that they’d had to buy the equipment that he couldn’t use now, that next year Hiroto would have gone to university and that trip represented one of the last opportunities they’d have to spend time freely all together before adult life came knocking at their door.
He could be somewhere in a godforsaken wood, setting up his tent, hearing Nagumo and Suzuno’s endless teasing, laughing at Saginuma unintentional bluntness, sharing snacks they had bought beforehand, having fun with their friends. Instead he was there going to the pharmacy to buy meds for Ryuuji, having to help him do basically everything because he was so weak couldn’t even stand up. And now that he thought about all of it he was starting to feel quite guilty. Because all of this wouldn’t have happened if Ryuuji had cured his cold before it broke out into a full fever. If he hadn’t been so stubborn in thinking it would simply pass in a couple of days. He could have even decided to stay back beforehand, asking someone else to take care of him for a couple of days so that Hiroto wouldn’t have felt the need to do it himself.
And on top of that, he was there acting all giddy because of his crush, instead of apologizing for the trouble he had caused. He kind of felt like an idiot now. His train of thoughts and remorse was suddenly halted when he heard the door opening and he saw Hiroto coming in with a glass of water and some pills in the other. He must have been caught up in his head for longer than he had thought.
“Hey! It took less than expected, the lady at the counter desk was so lovely. She told me you should take these two times a day-”
“I’m sorry.”, Ryuuji interrupted him abruptly. That made Hiroto look up, staring at him with furrowed brows, not understanding why the younger was apologizing all of a sudden.
“For what?”
Midorikawa bit his lower lip, pondering his answer. He knew that the other would have probably said that he shouldn’t worry about it, that it didn’t bother him at all and that it had been his choice not to go with the others. And yet Ryuuji couldn’t help but feel consumed by guilt.
“I… I don’t know, I feel like it’s my fault you’re stuck here with me and… now I’m kind of a burden to you, being sick and all of that, and- I don’t know, maybe you felt forced to stay back in a way? And not only that but you basically have to do almost everything for me now because I’m too weak to do it myself and… Also you might get sick too if you spend too much time with me and… yeah, for all of this I guess.” Hiroto just stared at him for a moment, then went over to Ryuuji, firstly putting the glass and the pills on the nightstand, then turning to completely face the other. He gave the younger a grave look, before lifting his hand up and flicking the younger's forehead.
“Ouch! What was that for?” Midorikawa complained, bringing his own hand to caress the spot Hiroto had hit, his lips unconsciously shaping into a pout. Hiroto on the other hand was looking down at him with his arms crossed over his chest and an amused expression on his face.
“That’s what you deserve for talking nonsense. Nobody forced me to be here, if I decided to stay, it’s because I wanted to. And I knew perfectly well that I’d have to do things for you or would have to at least help you in doing them. That’s what “taking care of someone” means, in case you didn’t know”, he said teasingly. Midorikawa turned away to hide his blushing cheeks.
“I guess you’re right”, he mumbled. Hiroto’s face softened and seeing the younger still trying to soothe the pain on his forehead, his eyes glinted in mischief, an idea forming in his head. He approached Ryuuji and cradled his face in his hands, while the other looked up at him with a confused expression. Then Hiroto placed a gentle kiss on the spot he had hit, leaving the other stunned as he drew back and stood up again.
“See? I’ll always take care of you. How does the expression go? Kiss it better?” He put his hands on his hips as he spoke, looking at the younger with a slight smirk. Ryuuji just stared back, not knowing if he wanted to wipe away that smug expression with his fist or with his mouth. What he knew however was that he felt one step away from bursting into flames. And if his brain had already been muddled by the fever, that kiss must have completely shut it down for good, because he found himself blurting out, “What? You’re gonna kiss my fever away too?”
He freezed when he realized what had just come out of his mouth, simply waiting for a hole to open into the ground, making him fall and die into the flames of Earth’s hot boiling core. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. His friend shrugged, acting indifferent, as nothing of what they were saying affected him in any way.
“Well, I mean, I could if that’s what you want.”
What Ryuuji wanted was for the Grim Reaper to take his life and put him out of his misery. The only thing that made him understand the older was joking was the little smirk still present on his face.
Being unable to counter back with anything other than a scream, Midorikawa settled on throwing his pillow at his friend, though the fact that he was weakened by his sickness meant the hit wasn’t as powerful as it could have been and it led to the older laughing at the failed attack.
“Come on big baby, take your medicine.” Hiroto passed him everything and a glass of water, still giggling, and waited for him to be finished as he settled back the pillow on the bed.
As soon as he gave the glass back though, he broke out into a coughing fit that lasted long enough to make him feel like he was about to spit his tonsils out of his mouth. Maybe god had actually listened to him and he would be coughing to death. He stopped right in time to see his friend had crouched down next to him, his hand hovering near his back as if he wasn’t sure what to do.
“Are you okay?” Ryuuji turned to see a concerned Hiroto staring back at him, all of the previous smugness completely gone and replaced with apprehension.
“Yeah, don’t worry.” It came out raspy and broken, air scratching his throat as he spoke. It just made the older look even more worried, mentally looking for a way to make the younger feel better before the meds kicked in.
“What if I make us some tea? Maybe that would help with your sore throat.” Already imagining the warming sensation of the hot liquid warming his throat, Ryuuji nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, I would like that.”
…
The tea turned out to be a very good idea indeed. It still took more time than normal to drink it all since his cough stayed strong, but at least his throat didn’t hurt as bad as before.
When their cups were emptied, Hiroto made the younger lay down again, as they went on talking about nothing in particular. At a certain point, Hiroto had started waving his fingers through the other’s hair, an action he found so relaxing that Ryuuji fell asleep without even noticing it.
He woke up some time after, feeling sweaty but a bit better than before. He noticed he was alone in the room, but he could hear someone talking right outside his door. The boy sat up on the bed, his pyjamas uncomfortably sticking to his skin as he moved. Ugh, I should probably take a shower. He was contemplating whether to get up and go right then, he saw the door opening slightly and Hiroto’s head picking out from behind.
“Oh, you’re awake. I hope I didn’t wake you up, I was talking to Hitomika on the phone. She wanted to know how you were feeling.” He got inside the room, closing the door behind him.
“Don’t worry, I just woke up actually.” As proof of that, Ryuuji yawned as soon as he finished the sentence. No matter how much he’d slept in the last 24 hours, he still felt exhausted as if he’d spent the entire day doing forced labour. Though he had to admit his head felt clearer than before, and his body no longer felt like it had been placed on ardent carbons. “I feel a bit better, by the way, I think the meds did their job, though I’m kind of sticky right now. I think I’ll take a shower later.”
Hiroto came closer to inspect him, trying to gauge the younger’s temperature with a hand on his forehead. “Yeah, I think you’re right, you’re not burning up like before. How about we have dinner first? It’s actually quite late.” Ryuuji turned his head to the window, noticing it was already pretty dark outside. He must have been asleep for longer than he thought.
“Yeah, that sounds good.” His friend smiled at him, happy with his answer.
“Great! I’ll go get the food, and when we’re finished, I’ll help you with the shower.” That made the younger halt. He was to ask what the redhead meant, but when he managed to open his mouth to speak, Hiroto had already got out of the bedroom, the sound of his footsteps becoming fainter as he walked away. That left Ryuuji staring at the closed door with eyes wide. He didn’t know what the older meant by that, but he was seriously starting to think Hiroto was plotting against him to make him lose his sanity. There was no other explanation. With all of the dignity he could muster, Ryuuji turned to face his bed and screamed into his pillow.
…
Hiroto came back with not one, but two bowls full of soup this time, which had the younger stare at him for a moment, trying to understand why he was carrying so much food.
“I get that I need to eat, but that seems a little too much.” Hiroto let out a chuckle, sitting on a chair in front of Ryuuji, passing him one of the bowls and settling with his legs crossed on his seat.
“Well, I’m sorry if I wanted to eat as well.” He said, raising his bowl to take a spoonful of the meal. That had Midorikawa looking puzzled. It was probably past 9 pm at that point, hadn’t the older already eaten with the others? The redhead seemed to notice the silent question behind the younger’s eyes. “I decided to wait for you to have dinner, so that we could eat together.”
Ryuuji was about to press on for more answers, but Hiroto interrupted him before he could speak, offering a gentle smile. “Don’t worry too much about it, ok? Let’s just eat.”
And that's what they did, between a few banters and light conversations. Midorikawa was glad this time he could feed himself without his friend having to do it for him. He wasn't sure he would have managed not to combust on the spot.
For all the guilt he still felt despite Hiroto’s words, he was glad his friend had decided to stay with him, keeping him company. Otherwise he would probably spend the majority of his time laying on his bed, dwelling on what he could have done if he could have gone on the trip. And though he complained about the older’s antics, deep down he enjoyed being cared for and pampered by him, having the older’s attention completely on himself. Maybe it was wrong for Ryuuji to wish it could be like that all the time, but he could not deny how happy it made him feel. It’s true what they say. ‘The forbidden fruit is always the sweetest’.
When they finished their dinner, the older collected their dishes, bringing them to the kitchen to wash them. Ryuuji offered his help since he was feeling better, but of course Hiroto opposed it, insisting he shouldn’t push himself just because the medicines had started to work. Once his friend got back to his bedroom, the moment Midorikawa had been dreading about finally arrived.
“Come on, let’s go take a shower.” Hiroto helped him pick up some towels and fresh clothes from his closet before they headed to the closest bathroom with showers on their floor, luckily finding it completely empty . The younger was hoping his friend would get out, leaving him alone so he could wash himself, but the other seemed intent on not leaving the other’s side, no matter what.
“Okay, take off your clothes, I’ll adjust the water temperature.”
Ryuuji halted in fear, looking as his friend took the hand shower to get the water running. “Wait. Why are you… are you not going to wait outside?”
“No? I told you I was gonna help you shower.”
Ryuuji suddenly blushed, probably getting as red as his friend’s hair.
No. That was it, this was too much for him. It didn’t matter that they used to shower together when they were kids, with there being too many people and not enough bathrooms. It didn’t matter that Hiroto had already seen him naked so many times, in the changing rooms of the Aliea Academy first and then when they both were in the Inazuma Japan. It had never been like this.
The sudden images of what it might be like to shower together with his friend flooded his head. The mere thought of Hiroto’s hands caressing his scalp as he washed his hair, of Hiroto’s fingers touching and gliding across his entire body had him feel all warm and dizzy. How could he survive Hiroto touching and caring for him in ways Ryuuji had only dreamt of until now, without his feelings pouring out from every reaction his friend got out of him? How could he get through it while acting like the feeling of Hiroto’s hands on every inch of his skin wouldn’t bring him all too close to the edge of madness? He simply couldn’t. The older knew him too well, he would notice if something was off and Midorikawa wasn’t sure he would be able to brush it off like it was nothing.
He took a deep breath to steady himself, trying to hide the panic coursing through his veins the more he thought about it.
“Hiroto, listen, I feel a lot better right now, you don’t need to stay here with me to help, I swear.” He hoped he was doing a decent job at hiding the tremor of his voice. The older’s brows furrowed in confusion as he turned around to look at the other. “But what if you need something or you feel unwell all of a sudden or you pass out again hitting your head on something, then you might risk having a concussion and-”
“I won’t, there’s no reason for me to.” Ryuuji interrupted him. He really appreciated how much the other worried for him, but he needed to put his foot down this time. “I took the meds just a couple of hours ago and the fever won’t come back all at once anyway.”
Hiroto looked like he was internally debating on what to do, clearly wanting to insist further as he searched for something on Midorikawa’s face. The latter tried to school his face, holding his breath while he waited for an answer. At last the older let out a sigh, seemingly settling on a decision.
“Okay, I’ll go out. But I’ll be staying right outside in case you need something. And I'll dry your hair. We need to make sure they’re not damp.” Ryuuji finally exhaled, feeling himself relax and then nodded at the other. “Deal.”
Hiroto got out of the bathroom, gently closing the door behind himself, but not before throwing one last look at the younger, pointing his index finger at him. “Seriously, if there’s anything you need just call for me.” That got a giggle out of Midorikawa, who found himself kind of endeared to his friend’s excessive worry. “Yes sir, I will.”
Once Hiroto got out, he got out of his clothes, stepping under the already warm water and letting it run all over his body. He lightly scratched both his scalp and his skin with soap, washing away all the sweat his fever had caused, feeling like a new person as he stepped out of the shower after he had finished rinsing everything. He changed into his new clothes, wrapping his hair in a towel to prevent the drops from dripping everywhere.
As he got out of the bathroom, he found Hiroto standing right next to the door, his head leaning on the wall behind himself while he stared at the ceiling.
“See?”, he said as soon as he stepped out into the corridor, “Still alive and well.” He faced Hiroto with his hands on his hips and a proud expression on his face, as if proving him he had been able to shower alone without any trouble. However, Hiroto found it a bit difficult to take him seriously while he wore an oversized pyjamas with little silly sharks printed all over it.
“Yes, yes, you’re a big boy who can take care of himself.” He joked, prompting Ryuuji to pout as he heard the older making fun of him. ”Now let me dry your hair.”
Midorikawa huffed, lightly shoving the other as they made their way to the younger’s bedroom. “Shut up.”
Hiroto took the hair drier and sat on the bed, with Ryuuji settled on the floor between his legs. They remained quiet while the older worked and the younger felt like he could almost fall asleep like that, with Hiroto gentle fingers brushing through his hair, careful not to pull on it too roughly as to prevent hurting the younger. The whole scene made his heart ache with the domesticity of it all. He could perfectly imagine lifting his head to silently ask for a kiss, Hiroto placing a small one on his nose and then smiling softly as he looked at the younger under him. He could vividly imagine his friend helping him brush his hair as they stood in front of the mirror, gently moving a few strands of green hair behind his ear, placing a small peck on his shoulder as he finished. He could fully imagine them getting under the covers together, snuggling and cuddling with their legs entangled, all wrapped up around each other. He could imagine himself settling his head inside the crook of the other’s neck, surrounded by Hiroto’s perfume. The older would give him a goodnight kiss before they’d both fall asleep just like that, secured in an embrace that spoke of love and adoration.
But unfortunately that was not the reality they were living in. Those images were nothing more than a dream, an illusion his mind loved to conjure when his friend paid him any attention, with the hope that there was something more behind it, that Hiroto too was secretly hoping their relationship could turn into something else.
But the dreamer between the two had always been Hiroto, so Ryuuji did what he was always best at: he suppressed all of his hopes, shoving away any image his mind had come up with, trying to disillusion himself from wishing that they could ever be anything other than friends. It was a reality he had to deal with, no matter how it made his heart ache, how much it filled him with sadness. He had decided long ago that he would not confess his feelings to his best friend, dreading what the outcome could be if he did. He would rather suffer in silence but having Hiroto still by his side, than risk ruining their friendship forever. Better the devil you know that the devil you don’t, he always repeated that to himself. And he tried to convince himself that that was the best decision for both of them.
Being so caught up in his thoughts, he hadn’t even noticed that Hiroto had finished drying his hair, had already put the blow dryer away and was now crouching down in front of the younger, trying to get his attention.
“Earth to Mido, are you with us or has the fever infected your brain as well?”
That made Ryuuji snap out of his trance, looking a bit disoriented at first and then trying to scold his face so as not to show what kind of emotions had been swirling inside him.
“Oh erm… Yeah, I’m sorry I kind of zoned out for a bit.” He gave his friend an awkward smile as he twisted his fingers in his lap. Great job, Ryuuji, you’re a born actor.
“Are you sure everything is alright? You can tell me if there’s anything that’s troubling you. Or is it the fever? Is your temperature going up? Are you cold? I knew I should have checked up while you were taking a shower, maybe it was too hot or you stayed under the water for too long and-” Hiroto had started to touch his forehead and his cheeks as he spoke, trying to figure out if his temperature had actually gone up. In all honesty, seeing his friend’s excessive worry helped him relax a little, the scene being so familiar and endearing it distracted him enough to calm himself down a bit. He let out a chuckle, grabbing his friend’s wrists to stop him from inspecting his face further, efficiently halting his outpouring of concerns as well.
“Seriously, you don’t need to worry. I’m just tired, that’s all.” Hiroto lowered his hands, still looking a bit skeptical. It seemed like he was about to press more about it, but Ryuuji spoke first, wanting to drop the subject. “I think I might just go to bed.” His friend sighed, finally deciding to let it go. He stood back up, giving Ryuuji a hand to get up himself.
“I think it’s best if we sleep together, or at least in the same room. That way if you need something, I’ll be right there.” Ryuuji guessed he should have seen that coming at that point, especially after the almost shower incident.
“Don’t you think it might be better if you didn’t spend so much time with me? You risk getting sick too if we stay so close all the time.”
Looking at his friend’s eyes he could see the same determination that had sparked up earlier when he had insisted on feeding him. “I told you I would take care of you, how can I do that if I'm not with you? And no offence, but you have not been the best at tending to yourself and I would rather not have you collapsing out of nowhere again without anyone in sight, thank you.”
He did make a point maybe, though Ryuuji would never admit that. He just turned his gaze away, a slight blush tainting his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He mumbled.
“And also”, Hiroto went on, rolling his sleeves and putting his hands on his hips, taking a fierce stance, “my immunitary system is quite strong, it takes more than this to knock me down completely.” He stood there, chest slightly puffed out and a fiery expression on his face.
“Are you calling me weak?” Ryuuji asked.
“No, but I’ll call you stupid for ignoring your cold and letting it get to this point.” His friend leaned towards him, with an expression that said ‘prove me wrong’. The younger sighed, knowing he had lost this battle. “Touché.”
Hiroto went to switch the lights in his room, turning on the small lamp near the bed as they prepared to go to sleep. As Ryuuji was about to get under the covers, he saw the older standing in the middle of the room, gaze passing between Suzuno’s bed and Ryuuji’s one, pondering which one would be the better option.
Midorikawa looked at him briefly, then sighed again. Well, as the saying goes, ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’. So he lifted his covers, making space on the mattress to help Hiroto make his decision. “Come here, nanny”, he teased, already knowing what reaction it would pull out of the older. As expected, he huffed, a cute pout forming on his lips as he made his way to the bed. “Don’t call me that.” He muttered, settling on his side and facing the other.
It was not the first time they shared a bed, quite far from it actually. Midorikawa had lost count of the number of nights one of them had slipped into the other’s room, searching for comfort after a nightmare or during a sleepless night full of intrusive thoughts. It was something they used to do since they were children. But they were not kids anymore. The excess space on the bed that would had remained when they were little had been progressively taken up by their bodies growing with the passage of time, to the point where now, as they entered their late adolescence phase, there was almost no space left between their bodies, making the choice of sharing a bed almost uncomfortable.
But Ryuuji would gladly deal sore limbs and a backache if that meant he could be this close to his best friend. He would never get used to the soothing and tender sensation it all brought. How protected and safe he felt whenever he laid in front of Hiroto at night, their bodies brushing against each other as they shrunk to force themselves into a bed meant for one. And it was there, during those moments, that Ryuuji could allow himself to forget about everything. His fears, his insecurities, his doubts. There, covered by blankets and with only those four walls as their witnesses, it was just the two of them, and it was enough.
They stayed like that for a bit more, joking and laughing quietly, as it was quite late in the night already, and most of the other guys would have already been asleep. When they both decided they were tired enough to fall asleep, Hiroto turned off the bedside lamp, leaving them both in the dark, except for the subtle light coming from outside the window.
“Hiroto?” Ryuuji whispered, even lower than before.
“Mm?” There was just enough light for Ryuuji to be able to make out the outline of his friend’s face, though it was quite difficult to clearly make out his features.
“I… I wanted to thank you for choosing to take care of me. I realized I never actually said it today.” He catched a small movement where Hiroto’s lips would be and he was quite sure his friend was smiling. The older placed a hand on Midorikawa’s nape, tapping their foreheads together for a moment, before letting go altogether.
“You don’t need to thank me. I would do it again and I will, if you’ll ever need it.” Hiroto then took a hold of the other’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to reinforce his statement. But this time, he didn’t move back, their hands now clasped together between their bodies as they drifted off to sleep.
…
"Achoo!" Hiroto blew his nose for the umpteenth time that day, even if it seemed intent on remaining stuffy, no matter how much he felt like he was about to blow his brain out of his nose at that point.
“I told you you would get sick if you’d kept on staying near me all the time.” Ryuuji had just entered his room, a cup of tea in one and an empty glass with a pill inside in the other.
“Excuse me if I was trying to help you. Are you really going to scold me for that? The disrespe-” He was interrupted by a coughing fit, his complaint completely losing all its power.
“Stop grumbling and take your medicine, you whiny boy.” He put down the cup for later, now taking out the pill in his hand and filling the glass with water from a bottle Hiroto had on his desk, before going back to the bed his friend was currently sitting on.
Hiroto hastily grabbed both the glass and his med, swallowing it down in one big gulp, before crossing his arms on his chest and glaring at his friend.
“Don’t call me that.”
