Chapter Text
Six years. Six years is a little eternity. Six years is the blink of an eye. Six years is not how long they promised to love each other. Six years is not forever.
"What'll it be, honey?"
"Uh," he barely managed to choke anything out, "strongest you have, no ice."
"Okay," the bartender raised her eyebrows, "I think I've got some moonshine that's pretty potent...rough day?"
"Rough year."
"Who was she?"
He scoffed. Everything. Nothing. Love of his damn life. "She was...something."
She slid his drink across the counter and grimaced. Lucas raised the glass to his lips and allowed as much into his mouth as he could. It burned the whole way through his chest. He wanted to drink to forget tonight. He wanted to drink to forget the past six years. Riley was everything. He chose her. He chose her. He chose her, and then lost her, slowly, over five years. He can't say he didn't see tonight coming. She'd been extra involved in school lately. She hadn't been at the apartment much. She didn't kiss him hello anymore, just goodbye, and even that was fleeting as she made her way to class. They hadn't had sex in weeks. She spent two consecutive Saturday nights at Maya's, without him. He could feel it coming, like the way crisp fall air subtly creeps into August breezes.
He polished off the last of his glass and paid his tab. He kicked in an extra five for the bartender. The cool air chapped his face in seconds. January in New York was brutal. He rounded the corner and, on a whim, entered his longtime favorite liquor store. He purchased a few bottles of whiskey, and Riley's favorite wine, just in case she came home. Even thinking about her left a bitter taste in his mouth. She was never a graceful human being, but the way she left was particularly clumsy. She left a note, and next month's rent check. She only took the personal items she needed day-to-day. He knew she was probably at Maya's, and he thought about going over there. He thought about calling her.
The keys to his apartment nearly stung him when he pulled them from his pocket. His apartment. His apartment. For two years, it had been their apartment. They moved in together shortly after graduation. It was close to NYU, so Riley could walk to class. They had two bedrooms, and he lost count of how many friends stayed in the extra room. Maya, several times, when she was fighting with Josh. Maya and Josh once, when Josh's apartment was being fumigated. Zay stayed for a couple weeks when his parents were splitting up. Farkle stayed after he and Isadora called it quits a year ago. Their apartment was always the hub. It was where everyone would go when they needed other people, when they needed Riley. Her wisdom was far beyond her years. She was a superb caretaker, just like her mother. She read people like they were books, and always seemed to know just what someone needed. Damn her. She was beautiful, she was beautiful, she was beautiful.
By the time he thought to look at the clock, it was 2:15am, and he had downed almost an entire bottle of whiskey. Fuck. He wasn't even tired. He put the cap back on the bottle and wandered to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and then chased four prescription sleeping pills with whiskey. Undoubtedly, a poor choice, but he knew he couldn't wake up without her tomorrow sober.
---
The chill in the air almost choked her. The weight on her chest almost crushed her. She couldn't explain it, but somehow her chest was heavy and light at the same time. Like a bird first learning to fly, she knew she was free but she was still mildly afraid she would die. Her hands shook as she fumbled for her keys. They dropped to the floor.
"Damn it," she whispered as she knelt down.
The porch light came on and the door opened.
"Riley?"
"Is Maya here tonight?"
"No, she's studying at school, she has a final. Are you okay? It's like the middle of the night." Shawn wiped sleep from his eyes.
"Yeah, no, I'm great. I, uh, you know what, Uncle Shawn? Thanks. I totally forgot we were supposed to study tonight." Lie. Riley couldn't bear to tell him the truth, because Shawn, like herself, cared too much. He worked a full time job, and had to get up early, and if Riley talked to him now, they would talk all night, and she would hate herself even more.
"Riles, you have a suitcase, are you su-"
"Yep. I'm staying with a friend at school for a few days. Thanks. Sleep good, sorry for waking you." Another lie. She turned before Shawn could respond. She hailed an Uber to NYU, assuming Maya was staying with Josh. Navigating her way through campus with a suitcase was something she'd only done once before. She, Lucas, and Maya had spent a weekend here just before their freshman year to tour the campus. She swallowed hard, remembering how great that first night was. They got sucked into a frat party. Maya left with Josh after forty five minutes. She and Lucas stayed at the party and got drunk together for the first time. When they left the party drunk together, they had sex for the first time. Despite tonight's events and the end of their relationship, that night with Lucas was her favorite one ever. She remembered the way they almost didn't make it to their guest dorm. She hazily remembered leaving the party, but she definitely remembered the two-block car ride back to campus. They completely embarrassed themselves in front of the cab driver, making out in the back seat, her hands up Lucas's shirt and his on her ass. She remembered that in the elevator ride to the fourth floor Lucas whispered "fuck" exactly five times. She remembered everything: their clothes being taken off before the door was even closed, the way his hands felt exploring her body for the first time, the way it all felt. By the time she was back down to earth, she was at the steps of Josh's building, which was just behind the main campus.
Josh answered the door, groggy and half-dressed in a pair of boxers that were on backwards.
"Riley? You okay? Sorry I'm totally not dressed, I was-"
"It's fine, you don't have to explain, I can come to the conclusions on my own," Riley winced playfully. Josh blushed.
Maya, hearing Riley's voice, emerged from the bedroom in nothing but Josh's tee shirt. Riley didn't need to say anything. Maya looked at her best friend, the suitcase, her eyes, the smuggled bottle of wine, shit.
"Oh my God, Riley." Maya somehow crossed the room in two strides and before Riley could move, Maya's arms were around her.
"Are you okay? Oh, my God."
"I'm okay," Lie, "I'm seriously fine," lie again, "I'm free."
Riley's voice broke, "I'm free."