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Great, another verbal altercation between the Winchester brothers. Castiel thought to himself as he stood, invisible, in the corner of the typical, run-down motel room Sam and Dean often frequented.
“Dean, would you just listen to me for one second?” Sam said in distress as Dean paced impatiently around the room, beer in hand.
“What more could you possibly have to say? You’ve been sippin’ and tippin’ the demon kool-aid, literally, behind my back for God knows how long! I thought we fought against demons, not alongside them!” Dean snapped, staring unblinkingly at Sam.
Castiel could feel the tension in the room as Sam endured yet another lecture on how suspicious and untrustworthy he had become. Although Cas could understand Dean’s concern for his brother, he was confronting Sam about it all wrong. Over the few months Cas has been with the brothers, he had noticed the extreme contrast in their personalities. Dean worked through things internally, if he even addressed the issue at all. Even getting him to acknowledge a problem was like trying to have a serious conversation with Gabriel. Sam, however, was the complete opposite. He needed support, compassion, and understanding to work through anything that was troubling him. Above all, Sam needed a friend.
Sam ran his hands through his hair before taking a breath, “I already told you, I’m not going to turn into some cold-hearted demon! I’m not like the monsters we hunt! I’m just trying to save people!”
“We saved people before demons were even in the picture,” Dean paused, “I’ve been sharing the air with you for way too long. I’m going out,” he said, throwing on his jacket and heading towards the door.
“Wait, Dean, can we please just talk this throu-” Cut off by the slamming of the door, Sam sat defeated on the corner on the bed, head in hands.
Castiel knew at this moment which of the brothers he should be worried about. His orders were to look after Dean and make sure he’s safe. However, seeing Sam overwhelmed by his problems and on the verge of tears once again pulled at his vessel’s heartstrings. Cas knew he had to stay, he had to help Sam Winchester.
In a flutter of wings he showed himself in front of the motel doorway. Sam’s eyes met his, wide and watery.
“Oh, hey Cas,” Sam said, standing up unsteadily.
“You look horrible,” Castiel said bluntly, attempting to hide the fact that he had heard the whole confrontation.
“Uh, yeah, I just- Dean… you know,” Sam stuttered, staring at the ground with a half-smile.
Cas stared directly at Sam, head slightly cocked to the right, waiting for the softhearted Winchester to once again make eye contact. He knew Sam needed to talk through his emotions; he just couldn’t bring himself to start the conversation. He was always slightly confused by Sam’s nature. The boy with demon blood should be stoic, unsympathetic, and be ready to do whatever needs to be done without mercy or concern. He was destined to be Lucifer’s vessel, after all. But Sam was different. Dean always told Cas that Sam was like a girl, but Cas never really understood that comparison. All Cas could conclude for certain, was that Sam was shockingly similar to the stereotypical angels people on Earth believed in.
Finally, Sam looked up at Cas, sighing heavily, “Dean thinks I’m going to turn into something evil…” Sam started, taking a seat at the small table by the window, “He can’t understand that I’m doing this to help people. Before my powers, we killed the people demons were possessing. I’m stronger now, and I’m more useful. At first, I didn’t know what was happening; I’d try to talk to Dean or Bobby, but they would just shrug it off. And now that I’m actually figuring things out and trying to make them work for the better, and they make me feel like I’m some sort of loose canon hopped up on demon blood!” Sam took a breath, picking up a nearby pen and turning it in his hands, “I’m never going to end up like a demon. I’m not like them and I’d certainly never give myself up to Lucifer,” Sam paused, tears once again gracing his eyes. “I just… I feel like…” Sam’s voice trailed off.
“You feel like a monster,” Cas said, sitting at the chair across from him.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Sam replied, fiddling with the motel pen in his hands.
Cas, glancing at the pen rolling around in Sam’s hands, responded after a slight pause, “You know, being on Earth is really difficult.”
“What do you mean?” Sam said looking up, abandoning the pen.
Cas sighed, “When I first met Dean, I did not know how to speak with him. I was not aware that you humans could not understand the language that the angels share. Your mannerisms are strange and half the things I do, Dean claims to be inappropriate for the given situation,” Castiel’s eyes met Sam’s, “Being in this vessel is not easy either. I would rather be in my true form; I’d rather stretch my wings than use my energy to hide them, but you humans would mistake me for a monster.” Sam smiled shyly at that, averting his gaze to the scenery outside. “Believe it or not, we are quite alike, Sam Winchester. I also have to deal with Dean’s confusion and ignorance on the difference between angels and demons and humans. I have seen many things humans have done that are just as bad as things demons have done. If your brother claims you are turning half-demon, then I must be turning half-human.”
Sam leaned forward, “Do you really feel out of place here, Cas?”
The legitimate concern in Sam’s eyes as he stared into Castiel’s was alarming. This wasn’t supposed to be about Cas, but it was in Sam’s nature to be selfless.
“It is… not my ideal environment,” Cas said, leaning back. They sat in silence for a few moments, watching the passerbys on the street outside.
“Can I see them?” Sam blurted out, “Your wings?”
Cas knew that Sam needed this. He needed to feel like he wasn’t the only supernatural being in a family full of humans.
“If you insist,” Cas said, standing up as he unfolded his large, ebony wings and allowed them to manifest in front of Sam.
“Castiel!” Sam said, his eyes lighting up as if he were watching a firework display, “Your wings are incredible!”
Sam’s fascination with angels has always fascinated Cas, and Sam’s dramatic gasp couldn’t help but make him chuckle. Sam stood up at once and began circling Cas, to take in the full celestial image. Cas could feel Sam lightly brushing up against his wings, lacing his fingers in and out of the separations between the feathers.
“Wow, I guess I’m really not the only freak in the family,” Sam said, beaming across from the angel. Cas couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Sam had regarded him as another member of the Winchester family. “If only I had a pair of wings.”
“Oh, Sam,” Castiel said, grasping Sam’s hands in his own, “I know I’m nothing close to a guardian angel, and I do not always understand some of the things you say or do, but I will always listen to you, and I will always come whenever you call,” Cas looked down at their entwined hands before meeting Sam’s eyes.
“I will be your pair of wings.”
Seeing Sam’s smile in response signaled to Cas that his job was done; and as Dean barreled through the motel room door, Castiel vanished in a gentle flutter of feathers.