Chapter Text
The girl behind the camera jumped onto the edge of a stair well, peering down at the cascading steps. She points the camera down as her head tilts, the view holding a small, constant tremor that came with her hands. It seemed that where she was at, it only went down a floor. Maybe two, max. She side stepped slightly, her right foot teetering off the edge of the railing wall.
"I did not know this place had a basement." The woman said, voice as steady as her hands. "Well, maybe two? Depends on if the stairs are just long or they break onto multiple floors." With a shake of the camera, she had hopped off the edge and continued her venture down the stairs. Vague dialogue was sputtered as she took steps, but most of it seemed to be cut out, chunks missing every so often in the video being watched.
After a painstakingly amount of time, they reached the end of the stairs. The girl let out a sigh of relief, a rustle of noise being heard from behind the camera; it was likely just her shaking her head. The camera panned around what was visible in the dark room, an audible sigh from behind it.
The girl took what was meant to be the last step on the stairs. It ended up being the second last, and her foot caught. The girl behind the screen sputtered, falling forward with a sharp gasp. The camera jumps from her hands, landing a few feet away. It spins in rough circles before landing, facing towards the girl that was once behind it.
The girl was face flat on the ground, letting out a loud groan in a mix of pain and annoyance. Black and light blonde hair pooled around her, and she scrambled to sit up on her knees. Almost desperately, their hands shot up to shove their hair from their face, tucking strands behind their ears. Her head shot up, looking for the camera before her eyes landed on it.
The young adult scrambled over to the recorder, mumbling curses under their breath. Their hand shot out, covering the lense. The screen went black. The only thing you could hear was her muttering.
"Fuck. God, if this broke. If I lost all my photage.." She ranted, before the screen cut to the classic, glitchy screen beep, with her channel logo in a circle in the middle.
The video shot back to her in her small studio apartment. You could see their twin bed decorated in red behind them, seemingly hastily made before they started recording. A small bandage was on her cheek, and one was on her forehead, likely from the earlier shown crash.
"Hey, guys." She began, a nervous smile on her face. They waved awkwardly at the camera. "Sorry about that. I know that adventure was cut shorter than my typical ones but well.. kinda fell. But, I swear, I'll go back to that place. After I cut recording I kinda just left. Again, sorry, but I twisted my ankle on the fall, somehow? But it's been killin' me."
She sighed, leaning on the desk with her elbow, head plopping onto her palm. "I promise I'll go back, and that'll be my next video. I gotta go though, I've got work in like.. an hour. Just wanted to finish this. Bye!"
The video flicked back to the classic black screen. Suddenly the image was minimized, like someone was pulling it out of full screen. With a distant click, the page scrolled down, dropping to a comment section, where text started bubbling up on the Add a comment section.
'Great video again :) maybe start bringing a small first aid with u on these? u fall a lot lol'
The view cut to black. Sharp, neon eyes filled the blank path.
Jax— no. Felix shot awake, breathing heavily. His back felt damp, and he could feel his shirt sticking to him out of sweat. Palms raised to press harshly against his eyelids, colorful stars popping from behind them as consequence. Even though they've been gone for over a month, he could feel the phantom touch of soft purple ears pressing flat against the top of his head. His limbs shook with leftover adrenaline even with the dream being so lackluster in action. But the girl.. she screamed familiarity. Part of him tried to pass it off as the obvious. He knew that recorder, he'd watched all of her videos. Though deep down he knew it was more, that he recognized that tone of voice, the way it shakes and how the pitch would shift almost every other word. But there were enough traits to keep him hoisted into the pit of denial; the pitch was a touch too low, and she obviously didn't look the part of one he once knew.
He swung his legs off over the edge of his couch, feet slipping into ratty old purple slippers he had snagged at a thrift not long after getting out of.. He shivered. Not the time. He dropped his arms back to his sides, blinking his eyes open slowly. The TV in front of him was on, stuck on the shitty 'Are you still watching?' screen from Netflix. He ignored how that's the 5th time he's woken up to that screen in just this week(and it's only Thursday evening), and ignores how the only way he can sleep now is with noise. (Ignore how he got used to the voices of the other circus acts. ignores how a certain jester's voice taunts him and to just sleep he needs to drown it out with shitty sit-coms.) His legs trembled as he stood, and he shook his head with a small groan. His hair hit against his eyes, and he had to shove it out his view just to see. He should get it cut soon, maybe he'd look into a dye service, too. He hates how purple calls to him, hates how the stupid purple rabbit avatar became his norm, and he especially hates how looking at his body no longer feels right after so long in that place. He starts the small walk over to his bedroom, collapsing into the chair stationed at the desk shoved in the corner. He tries not to think of it, but the thoughts crawl into his mind like the Hungry Caterpillar to food.
Jax Felix was in the circus for what felt like it was.. years. He was 21 when he first joined, and his birthday had been in a week. His stupid, idiotic, foolish version of an origin story was simple. In a desperate attempt to make himself feel better about how his parents had blocked him off only months earlier, the boy had gone to a local garage sale to check it out. There, he had found a battered up VR Headset. He had assumed it was probably near nonfunctioning, but he was willing to fix it up. Plus it was only around 100 bucks for a model that typically rested around 350-500 dollars. Looking back on it, he obviously wishes he had left that shit alone. It would have been better for him, maybe not for whoever did buy it, but he would have been okay. Or, well, okay-er than he is now. The headset had worked well for something that seemed old, and it obviously quite wasn't, as it had sent him to the digital hell of the circus.
It wasn't bad at first. Kinger wasn't as crazy, Ragatha less of a stuck up, positive asshole. Then there were the others but they didn't last long. Then Ribbit joined. Originally she was the best. The frog understood him, and they were friends, which is more than he could have said about the rest of them. Then Kaufmo and she had taken on a more.. cynical approach. But it was fine, they were all still close. They still got him.
But then Ribbit abstracted. Gangle came along and he had spiraled. He was ashamed looking back on it, he was an ass. They all knew it. Sometimes he was shocked they didn't ditch him, would have deserved it. But something in him had.. snapped when Ribbit left, and suddenly someone had to take on that cynical approach. Kaufmo went next and god had that hurt and it all sucked. But that was when Pomni had shown up. Was he selfish to claim he was glad she joined? The place was hell yes, but she made it.. kind of bareable. He hated how she had broken him down so shortly. But he couldn't deny how she was a big part of how they got out.
They had gotten out almost 4 months ago. After the cast had booked it out the exit as soon as it appeared, he doesn't know what happened to them. He only remembered his own come back.
He slammed onto the floor with his full body, back hitting his bed. The headset was torn off his face, thrown into a corner of his room. The goggles cracked and shattered upon impact. The boy was breathing heavily, patting down his body and looking around in shock. (Later he had gone back and hit it again with an old metal baseball bat. He was not making that mistake again.)
He was alarmed to find out that not even a year had passed with him gone, and trust when he says he checked multiple times. It was just under the point of 3 months. It felt like years. Felt like he would never get out. He had missed his own birthday. Sure, he thought he had missed multiple but.. it hurt more to actually know that he missed one. Especially one as big as 21, regardless of if he had 'drank' in the circus. It was all digital, it didn't count to him. Felix was lucky that at the time he was in between jobs, though, busy focusing on university. He would have gotten fired from so many uncalled absences— it was a stroke of luck that all of his classes were online, so attendance didn't matter. It did cause a lot of work he needed to go through quickly, though, and it was a happy chance that his Professors for the current semester are easy on due dates. He wondered what happened to the others. What happened to Pomni? She had a job, a real one. Then again, if it was only a few months for him, he surely doubts it was long for her. But he still wonders.
Felix dropped his head on his desk with a loud groan, back arching as he had to bend just for his forehead to meet the wood. His hands shook as he blindly reached at his laptop, clawing the cracked screen open. He propped his chin up on the desk to look at the screen as he instinctively tapped in the password. He cringed as his back began a subtle ache at the position, and he immediately straightened up. He knew his body wasn't truly there, but he could still feel the tell tale signs of phantom pains or touches that came with his mind being trapped in a state that felt so real for what felt like so long.
Pulling up YouTube, his fingers automatically traced his mouse to the 'Subscriptions' category, looking to find his past favourite poster. She hadn't uploaded anything since he came back, in fact her last post was one that came out a few weeks after he got kicked to a digital plane, and she'd posted a few more videos in the time he was gone. There was a small post in the community tab that said she was going to live stream an adventure to an abandoned apartment building on a date set 3 days before he came back. He checked where VODs would be, just to see nothing. She might have gotten busy. He reasoned. He chose to shove the possibility of how that timeline might have lined up with when Pomni had joined. It couldn't have been possible.
He let out a small sigh as he shifted back into the videos tab and out of the live stream VODs. There have been about 6 videos since he was gone, funnily enough, one was posted likely hours after he had put on the headset. He started to watch the ones he had missed, from oldest to newest. It felt odd only watching them now, having been months since the publication. It also felt far too awkward to comment on older videos, so he watched without written commentary, as much as he disliked the idea. She, as odd as it was with her content of exploring old, abandoned places, long became his comfort YouTuber. He can't deny that now the comfort has amplified, since her voice reminded him of something someone that he hates to admit he misses.
Watching the videos felt like jumping into a crystal clear pool that's been sitting in the sun all day after being stuck at a shitty 9-5. They easily slipped him into a state of relaxation, the simple occasional commentary from the girl behind the recording kept him focused on the content, regardless of how he usually lacked interest in this type of media. With her it was different, it was frankly always different, oddly.
By the time he got to the last video she had posted, the boy was multitasking. A notification had popped up during the previous video, reminding him of a project he had foolishly put off. Now, he was forced to deal with the consequences of his previous actions. He was half heartedly listening to the content, occasionally glancing up at the screen or skipping back a few seconds if he seemed to notice something. She was oddly more talkative in this one.
"You know, I've actually been watching my notifications for this stupid channel." The girl laughed, flipping the camera to face her as she walked. "It's been a while since I got a certain commenter. God, what was his user!?" She squeeked, shoving the camera onto a nearby desk in the abandoned office. She scrambled, taking a few steps backwards to still have her face visible in the feed while taking out her phone to check on the username. "Oh! Fixitfelix!" She laughed, head cocking to the side while shoving her phone back in her back pockets. She waved awkwardly at the screen, moving back towards it and crouching down to be in line with the lens.
Felix's head snapped up from looking down at a paper. His eyes widened with shock, his lips slightly parting like his jaw was almost dropped. That was his youtube handle. Honestly, he didn't expect her to pay attention to that. Much less notice he was gone. Sure, he had commented on.. basically all her videos. But he still didn't think she would care much, if at all.
"If you're out there still, Felix.." She continued with a small, quiet laugh. "I really hope you're okay. Your comments were always really useful! It would be nice to see you in chat again. Anyways.."
And that was it. The woman stood back up and continued exploring the mossy building. It wasn't much, barely even a true, honest to god acknowledgement. But it was enough to have Felix's head spinning. His pencil was dropped to his desk, and his hand slammed against the space bar on his laptop to pause the video. He propped his elbows up onto the desk, dropping his head into his palms. A curse left his lips as he dejectedly looked back up and scrolled down to the comment section.
'heyyy. its me lol. ive been good, thx for ur concern. just busy ig. u ok? havent posted in a while:)'
He clicked enter, the comment being submitted into the void that is YouTube logs. He sighs, going back up to the video to press play again. He needs to finish this project.