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Ilya watches as Shane and David Hollander sit in silence after Yuna left the kitchen. She didn’t seem mad, he assumes she probably just needs a minute after all the information they have shared in the last hour.
He has to press his mouth into a thin line once he notices how alike Shane and his father are. Both of them sitting awkwardly, avoiding eye contact and trying to find what to say next. Their eyes are so different, and yet they both convey the same expression, a mix of “I don’t want to be here” and “I want you to know that this is important to me”.
Ilya is already trying to think what to say to break the silence when Shane beats him to it,
“I think I should… mom. Uh, it’s kinda cold outside, and she forgot her…” Shane stands up awkwardly, “I’m just gonna go check how she’s doing.” There’s guilt in Shane’s eyes, and Ilya’s heart feels like someone is trying to rip it from his chest. He never wants Shane to feel bad about being himself.
This is going to be fine, he thinks to himself. The Hollanders have been nice so far. Everyone is just overwhelmed, that’s all.
He hears the soft click of the main door being closed once Shane leaves the cottage, and now Ilya is left facing David Hollander. Suddenly, all the stupid topics in the world to start small talk have left his brain. What is he supposed to say to the father of the man he loves? The man who raised Shane, and who also caught them making out not even two hours ago?
He wishes he had more practice interacting with normal families. Surprisingly, it’s David who speaks first.
“I should cook something,” he says with a soft smile,
“What?”
David empties what remains in his glass and smiles at Ilya, “Hockey isn’t the only thing those two have in common. Both of them need some comfort food and their favorite drink after a stressful day.” he stands up,
“This is good to know, Shane sometimes stresses a lot,” Ilya finishes his drink as well, “can I help?”
Ilya has no recollection of his father ever smiling at him, at least not with true warmth in his smile, but the way David Hollander grins makes him wonder if this is the way parents are supposed to be with their kids.
“Of course… let’s make my grandma’s pasta, I think we have everything we need.”
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It’s weird how this feels like something that’s happened a thousand times and not like what it really is: Ilya’s first time hanging out with Shane’s dad. Both of them cooking together while David shares some things about his family.
He learns that, unlike Shane, Yuna prefers to drink mineral water or a glass of rosé if the day was really stressful. Their fridge is stocked with cans of ginger ale, mineral water, and Diet Coke; he wonders if next time he visits, they’ll add his favorite drinks too.
“When he was around 5, Shane went through a stage where he would only eat like five different things. My grandma’s pasta was one of those. Nuggets, mac and cheese, hot dogs, strawberries, and this spaghetti. We were so worried, but he really hated everything else… After a while, he started eating more stuff, although you probably know he can be very specific about his diet. Anyways, my grandma used to say ‘don’t be sad, here, have some pasta’, it was like a family joke… but it became a thing, it’s like something we cook to cheer us up.”
Ilya listens carefully as he dices the onions David gave him a minute ago. He’s always wanted to know more about the things that make Shane his Shane; it is like a secret need he’s tried to keep in the back of his mind for years. The little glimpses of Shane’s house he caught whenever he had the time to visit. Knowing he drives a stupid, boring car, seeing inside the cottage, Shane’s safe place… he gets to see all of that openly now, and he values every single detail he learns.
There’s a special box inside his heart in which he saves things like these. And now he adds this special pasta that David Hollander cooks to cheer his son up.
“Maybe I can learn and cook it for him sometimes, yes?” Ilya wonders if he’s overstepping. He analyses David’s face, but he remains relaxed as he pours the pasta into the boiling water. “We don’t uh… we don’t see each other a lot. But I’d like to cook for Shane. Make him pasta and bring him ginger ale when he’s stressed.”
David blinks a couple of times, just like Shane, Ilya can tell that sometimes it takes him a couple of seconds to process what people are telling him.
“Y-yeah, of course! I’ll write it down for you, okay? This is actually so sweet from you,” David places a hand on Ilya’s shoulder, and the Russian is suddenly invaded by a weird sensation in his eyes.
He wonders if he’s about to cry over a conversation about pasta with David Hollander.
“I’m glad Shane has someone who makes him happy. That’s all I want for him, you know? to be happy,”
“Yes,” Ilya smiles, “this is what I want too. I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy with him.”
The sound of the door opening interrupts their conversation. Shane follows his mom into the dining room, and both of them look like they have been crying, but Shane also looks lighter, like he has finally let go of something he’d been carrying for a while.
This has been a stressful day, but Ilya feels like it’s going to change something in Shane for the better. They still have plenty of things to talk about with the Hollanders, which is scary but at the same time makes Ilya feel like they’re not alone in this… of course they’ve never been alone, per se, they’ve always had each other, however complicated and weird their relationship had been in the past, but now, now they have the support of Shane’s parents. One less thing to be scared about, one more thing to make this feel real.
“I need some wine,” Yuna announces as she walks into the kitchen.
Ilya winks at David and moves to the fridge to grab a ginger ale for Shane.
“Here,” Ilya joins Shane in the dining room and hands him the drink. Shane gives him an adoring smile.
“Thanks,”
“Are you okay?”
Shane nods and takes a sip from his drink, “I see you were cooking with my dad, big day for both of us, I guess.”
David stirs something in the stove, and Yuna places a new bottle of rosé on the counter. The domesticity of it all makes Ilya feel all warm inside.
“Yes, I’m having fun.” Ilya smirks.
“Oh… and here I was thinking you might find this experience boring,” Shane teases him.
“No. I think you’re the only boring one in this family.”
Shane rolls his eyes, but he can’t hide the smile that Ilya’s comment brings to his face.
“I think we should tell them about our plans. About the foundation… about Ottawa,” Shane holds Ilya’s hand, and Ilya wants to never let go. He wants to hold Shane and ask him if they can stay here forever, tell him they should quit everything, and have a peaceful life next to the lake. But he knows he can’t, it’s just his brain not knowing how to deal with all these emotions, so instead, he presses a soft kiss to Shane’s cheek.
“Yes, maybe they can help?” Shane nods and then rests his head against Ilya’s shoulder.
“Food’s almost ready, guys. Help me set the table, please,” David’s voice comes from the kitchen.
“I’ll go,” Ilya kisses Shane’s hair.
“You just want to make a good first impression,” Shane pouts before letting go of Ilya’s hand.
“Your dad caught us making out and saw me grab your ass, I don’t think I can make a good first impression… but maybe a good second one, yes?” he winks as he stands up.
“Oh, fuck, I had forgotten about that,” Ilya chuckles before moving to the kitchen.
Later, they have lunch together, they share with Yuna and David their plans about the foundation, about Ottawa, and being together in secret. It’s not a perfect plan, and they still don’t know if they’ll ever be able to come out publicly, but having the support of Shane’s parents makes a big difference.
And as Ilya helps his boyfriend’s dad clean the kitchen, he allows himself to believe that everything is going to be fine.