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There was always something wrong with Sunnydale. It wasn’t anything Kaiden could ever put her finger on, but it was always there in the background. The way no one stayed on the streets after sunset, or if they did, it was never alone. Inexplicable things just occurred, but you moved on with your life.
Over the course of her schooling, Kaiden has had well over fifty teachers. Not through incompetence or changing jobs but simply through the fact that they either disappear or die. After her third grade teacher, Mrs Robinson turned up dismembered on school grounds, Kaiden stopped getting attached to them.
Instead it was easier to befriend her peers. Her twin brother, Xander, was an obvious choice for a playmate. They learned to navigate the world together, first on trembling legs then at full tilt. When they met Willow in kindergarten, the shy girl blended into them like she was always there. It wasn’t till fourth grade that she and Xander split apart – him to Jesse McNally and her to Cordelia Chase. That really only lasted till high school, when Cordelia became obsessed with popularity and “being correct” rather than just having fun. Kaiden left her to the high school politics and fake niceties and retreated back into the safety of Xander and Willow.
And there she stayed. It wasn’t fun or exciting, not the way her friendship with Cordelia was, but it was stable and good. It was easy to fall back into what they expected of her. Kaiden was no longer the girl who experimented in the kitchen or pierced her ears via a needle at herr first sleepover. Instead she stuck to the simple recipes like chocolate chip cookies and just painted her nails a light pink when she slept over at Willow’s.
It was boring but it was safe. Kaiden didn’t have to ask herself what the fluttering in her stomach was every time Cordy put on her lip gloss. She could smile and laugh at Xander and Jesse’s jokes – even though they weren’t funny – without any sort of guilt. And it was fine. Really it was. Everything had to be fine because the alternative was accepting that something was different. About Sunnydale and about her.
And then Buffy Summers came.
And with her was the knowledge of a world beneath the one she had known. Not just beneath but co-existing – however fragile that peace is. Buffy Summers brings vampires and demons and monsters. But Kaiden remains locked in the safe bubble of Xander and Willow. And it is safe. Despite the near weekly threat of death and dismemberment, she can still be Kai – the girl who likes baking for her friends and doesn’t move outside her comfort zone.
Buffy is Cordy if her edges were softer, sanded down by unspeakable horrors. Kaiden can see it in her eyes. But Buffy is still an outsider to Sunnydale. It doesn’t fit on her the way it does on Cordelia. Kaiden doesn’t dwell on that fact for too long. Looking in a mirror is always painful.
Once Buffy is firmly in their group – and she both does and doesn’t replace Jesse – Kaiden find that she’s safe in the way the others are. Kaiden can be this safe version with her. And Buffy doesn’t question it. Why would she?
But Faith does.