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The library bustled below, families coming and going with rowdy children stacking books into their parents arms. An older woman pushed a cart, neatly placing books back into their proper locations on the shelfs. Stressed students milled about, visiting the adjoining cafe, really anything but actually studying.
Nox sat perched amongst the dust bunnies atop a far shelf near the airvent leading to their nook. He had been trying to get out more as Violet suggested. Spending time in the library proper was going to help them just as much as staying inside would, that is to say not at all.
He sighed, pushing dust particles into a little pile atop the swirling wood grain. What did she even get out of this, just watching from above, it made him feel so small, made him truly understand that he’d never belong, not with the keys, and not with the humans either. He was stuck as an outsider looking in, relegated to pushing his face against the window of their world.
He sighed, uncurling his legs and letting his shoulders thump against the fake plant. Maybe he should just go back in, cut his losses. He moved to stand,
“I just don’t understand” Nox heard a man’s voice whispering nearby. He peeked over the edge of the shelf, spotting two people down in the astronomy section, shrouded by towering shelves.
“What do you mean? What’s not to understand?” The woman huffed, she crossed her arms, a clear air of impatience creeping into her voice.
The man tensed his shoulders, “I want to fix this, isn’t there anything I can do?”
“Can’t you even tell me what I did wrong? What did I do?” The man pleaded, he seemed to be on the verge of tears.
“Everything!” The woman suddenly raised her voice, unfurling her arms to gesture wildly. “You did everything wrong!”
The man flinched at her sudden escalation, he made his voice even quieter in response, “I– I thought we were fine though, I thought we were happy?”
“You think I could be happy with someone like you?” the woman hissed.
Nox recoiled, something about the way she said that, it felt, a little familiar? Not even like he’d ever heard it before, but like something he’d be unconsciously preparing to hear.
“Wh- what’s wrong with me?” The man choked out.
The woman clenched her knuckles, “You’re a freak! I can’t be seen out in public with you, everyone just stares! What do you want me to do, live the rest of my life in solitude?” She gave a deep sigh as the man simply stifled a sob.
“Look, we’re done,” she spat, “I can’t deal with this anymore,” she gestured to him as a whole, before turning to stomp away.
The man stood there in shock, he let his back thud against the white brick wall, letting himself slide down to sit amongst the books.
Nox watched on in horror. He scooted backwards, hand snapped over his mouth to avoid making a sound he’d regret. Was that what was waiting for him? When Chase found out about who he really was, surely that was his future, cast out and disowned as a freak, someone completely unlovable. Chase wanted to be a celebrity, there was no way in hell he’d be with someone that couldn’t be seen in public.
Air, suddenly Nox felt air beneath his knee as it slipped off the edge of the shelf. He jutted his hand forward, clamoring for any semblance of grip as his hands slid along the dusty surface, being pulled downward along with the rest of him.
He landed amongst a pile of books with a thud, sealing his mouth with his hand once more.
“Who’s there?” The man sniffled, reeling his head around towards the sound.
Nox froze, he shuffled slightly, “H-hey, man that sounded brutal,” he projected, trying to make his voice sound louder than it was.
The man rested his head against the bookshelf, “Oh, you heard all that?” he sighed.
“No, well, yes but not on purpose,” Nox stammered, “ I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.” He picked himself up, brushing the dust away.
“It’s alright,” the man chuckled weakly, “I guess I just couldn’t be good enough for her.”
“Don’t say that!” Nox nearly shouted, startling himself with the force of his statement, “She wasn’t good enough for you.” What was he doing? Number one, this is super dangerous, if the man saw him, he’d be toast. Number two, what gave him the right to be comforting this man with advice he himself couldn’t stomach the thought of?
“It’s alright, you don’t have to lie to me,” the man somehow slumped even further down, “I know what I am.”
Nox’s heart shattered, he hadn’t even really seen this guy’s face, yet somehow he knew that he was a decent man. Had she really broken him so much that he was willing to pour his heart out to a total stranger that he couldn’t even see? “Who is she to say?” He asked, “Why does she get to determine your worth?”
The man perked up a bit in confusion, “What do you mean?”
“I just mean that,” Nox took a deep breath, “It’s just that everyone out there deserves happiness. Don’t let her decide that you don’t.” His hand shook against the books, stop talking Nox, his stomach twisted, the longer he spoke, the more dangerous this was.
The man sat silently for a moment, “But you don’t even know me,” he mused, “how do you know that I deserve it.”
Nox felt something bubbling up in him, anger? No that didn’t seem right, he wasn’t angry at the man, rather angry at the world for failing him. “Listen man, you can either sit there moping around for forever, or you can pick yourself up, forget her, and go out there and just be happy. She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.”
The man laughed, an actual genuine laugh this time instead of the broken one from before, “You sound like my therapist.”
“Well, she has her job for a reason,” Nox laughed along with the man. This was so weird. He was conversing with a human in the real world. Not in a book, in actual real life.
“Thank’s Buddy,” The man tilted his head towards the ceiling, finally releasing the tension in his shoulders.
Nox thought he was going to perish on the spot. He felt his vision swirl slightly, only managing a, “Yeah man, no problem.”
Nox watched as the man stood on the other side of the bookshelf, please don’t look over here. He tucked himself inside the stack of books sitting on the floor on his side of the shelf.
“...thanks,” the man smiled, “for talking me off the ledge,” he peeked through the books over to Nox’s side, “Huh? Where did he go?”
Nox held his breath, staring up towards the man as he pushed a few books out of the way to try and catch a glimpse of whoever had been consoling him mere moments ago, “Is anyone here?”
Nox clamped his hand down even tighter over his mouth, rapid breaths pelting his lungs.
“Ok, well, thank you… library ghost?” The man drawled, drying his tears with his sleeve as he shuffled away.
Nox finally allowed himself to breathe. That was too close. Stupid, stupid! Why did he even say anything? He lay amongst the books, staring up towards the ceiling as an unbidden warmth crept through his chest.
Why? He WANTED to feel frustrated, to berate himself for allowing such a lapse in judgement, but instead he felt. Peaceful? Thankful? Pride in the fact that he was actually able to help someone. Able to make a positive impact for once instead of mucking things up as usual.
He crawled back out from his book shelter, staring up at the vent at the top of the bookshelf.
Fuck.
How was he going to get back up there? Nox hopped up, grasping onto the edge of the lowest shelf and heaving his body up. He stood once more and glanced up to the next shelf. The overhang was too much. Nox grasped the spine of a particularly thick book, pulling it out of its spot and laid it flat, giving himself a boost to the next shelf. He continued this pattern 6 more times until he was finally able to return to his perch atop the bookshelf.
Nox looked out across the library once more, he spotted the man nursing a coffee at the cafe, looking out the window to take in the bright green leaves sprawling across the library garden. Somehow after everything, the man was smiling.
Nox stuffed the rising feeling back down, don’t. Don’t get used to this. He pried the vent cover open, slipping inside before jamming it closed again.
As he walked back, he could only pray that Chase wouldn’t react that way when he finally found out. Chase had already proven that he would wait for him, proven that he would go through just about anything to help Buddy. Now he just had to hope that Chase would do the same for Nox.