Work Text:
“Ruka…”
The body on the ground beneath you looks more like a mannequin than a real person.
In the months you’ve known Ruka, you don’t think you’ve ever seen her sit still for thirty consecutive seconds. Even in class, she’s always bouncing her leg or or playing with her pencil or nodding along to a song playing in her head.
Seeing her body so still, so devoid of energy…it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like Ruka.
“Can you hear me, Ruka?! Say something!”
You grab her shoulder, hoping to see at least a small twitch from her in response.
No luck.
You bring your ear to her chest. The only heartbeat you hear is your own, echoing like a drum in your skull.
“Shit…her pulse is…”
Bile rises to your throat at the sight of her motionless torso.
“And she’s…not breathing!”
Your emergency response training immediately kicks in, and you begin performing chest compressions.
Do it to the beat of ‘Another One Bites the Dust,’ you remember Ruka telling you during your CPR training. It’s 110 BPM, so it’s perfect.
You found the tip darkly amusing at the time, but it’s a lot less funny now that someone you know — someone you can’t imagine living without — is at risk of ‘biting the dust’ for real.
If she hasn’t already, that is.
“Ruka, I’m begging you, open your eyes!”
You transfer your breath to her mouth — once, twice…ten times…twenty times. Eventually, you lose count.
You’re not sure whether you’ve been doing this for minutes or hours. Time is no longer real to you; the only things that exist are the Queen song playing on an endless loop in your brain and Ruka’s far-too-cold body.
You feel a tap on your shoulder. You ignore it and continue working.
“The rescue squad is here,” Tsukasa informs you. “You should probably leave the rest to them.”
“Oh.” You look behind you to see a pair of women approaching with a stretcher. “That’s good. They’ll be of more help than me.”
You’re not particularly eager to step away from Ruka, but knowing she’ll have access to medical equipment is comforting.
Tsukasa shakes her head.
“I doubt there’s anything they can do at this point. She hasn’t been breathing for the past ten minutes. Four to six is the limit for most people.”
You turn to the rescue squad members loading Ruka onto the stretcher, praying that they’ll contradict what Tsukasa just said — that they’ll tell you there’s some small, one-in-a-million chance your friend is still alive.
The looks on their faces tell you all you need to know.
You empty your stomach onto the dirt beneath you.
You awaken to bedsheets drenched with sweat.
You give your eyes a few seconds to adjust to the dark and promptly begin your post-nightmare routine, stepping out of bed as quietly as possible and taking a quick survey of the bunks surrounding yours.
All of Squad 31-A is present — including Ruka Kayamori.
Feeling some tension leave your shoulders at the sight of your squadmate’s chest rising and falling, you sneak out the door and head outside.
This dream has plagued you more than a dozen times now. You were hoping repeat exposure would help desensitize you to it, but this time didn’t feel any less brutal than the first time. You’re not normally one to be bothered by nightmares, but this one always feels so vivid, so real — almost like you’re briefly visiting an alternate reality where your efforts to save Ruka really did fail.
Your legs move on autopilot to your favorite bench. You’ve learned over the past few weeks that fresh air is the only thing that can help you fall back asleep on nights like this. Sitting outside for a bit serves as a sort of reset — it tricks your body into thinking a new day has passed once you reenter your dorm.
A few minutes after sitting down, you hear footsteps approach you.
“Hey hot stuff, you come here often?”
You look up at Ruka’s face, painted bright white by the moonlight. It bears too strong of a resemblance to the paleness you saw in your dream.
You scoot over so there’s enough space for her to sit next to you.
“You couldn’t sleep either?” you ask.
She shakes her head as she joins you on the bench.
“I got up to pee and noticed you weren’t in bed. Thought I might find you here. You okay?”
“Just a bad dream,” you tell her. “I’m fine.”
Ruka doesn’t look convinced.
“You wanna talk about it?” she asks.
You sigh.
“I don’t know. Maybe? I’m not sure how much good it’d do.”
You take in the sight of your companion — eyes still not fully open, hair sticking up at odd angles, the hood of her sweatshirt turned inside-out. She looks so disheveled. So real.
“How do I know you’re really here, Ruka?” you ask her. “That you didn’t die back there?”
Ruka tilts her head cutely, like a confused puppy.
“You’re talking to me right now, aren’t you?”
“Am I? For all I know, the ‘you’ I’m talking to could just be some sort of grief-induced hallucination.”
“Hm…” Ruka takes a moment to ponder that, stroking her chin.
“I’ve got it!” She eventually declares. “Get out your mePad.”
“My mePad?”
“Yep!” Ruka nods. “Hallucinations can’t use RINNE, right? If I text you, that’ll prove that I’m real.”
Technically speaking, you absolutely could hallucinate words on a screen. But if Ruka texts you, that’s physical evidence you can show to another person. Unless everyone else who looks at your mePad happens to be sharing the same hallucination as you — which is highly unlikely — that would be pretty solid proof that Ruka is real.
“I suppose that makes sense,” you concur, pulling your mePad out of your pocket.
“All right, then! Texting you now.”
Your mePad beeps, and a message lights up your screen:
Yukkie is a fine piece of ass.
You feel the corners of your mouth turn upward against your will.
“I should have expected a message like that, coming from you.”
Ruka grins.
“Hey, you could read it, right?”
“Yes, yes, it worked. You’re clearly not a hallucination.”
”Hah! Success!” Ruka pumps her fist.
She reaches over to place her hand on top of yours.
“I’m here, Yukkie. For real.” She gives your hand a light squeeze. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
You smile at her and squeeze back.
“As if I’d ever want to.”
A mischievous glint lights up Ruka’s eyes.
“Yeah, I guess a person who wanted to get rid of me wouldn’t have given me mouth-to-mouth.”
Blood rushes to your face.
“It was CPR!” you assert. “I would have done it for anyone whose life was on the line!”
Ruka lets out an exaggerated gasp.
“Wow, Yukkie, did our first kiss really mean that little to you? Ruka-chan shock!”
You sigh and stand up.
“On that note, I’ll be going back to bed. Good night.”
“Aw, Yukkie, wait for me!” Ruka gets up and starts following behind you. “I’m sorry for teasing you. You’re just so cute when you’re embarrassed! I couldn’t help myself!”
You feel your face grow even redder.
“You’re going to need to walk faster than that if you want to keep up with me,” you tell her.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
After your late-night chat with Ruka, you never end up having that nightmare again. It seems that the RINNE trick worked, and the part of your brain that didn’t fully believe Ruka was alive has been subdued.
You do, however, have another recurring dream for the next several nights.
This one involves your lips meeting Ruka’s in an entirely different context.