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The boat sped away, leaving the island behind in its wake. Rokkenjima, the prison that had held her, her mother and her grandmother was fading into the distance second by second. It was far from the first time Sei had left it. Years of going to school alongside Jessica made the boat trip feel mundane and boring. But those were all brief escapes, distractions from the reality of things; that she was trapped. There was an eventual return to Rokkenjima each time she left, a knowledge that she was only finding temporary respite.
Today was different. Gohda sat by her side, the two of them having coordinated to take time off together. No one brought up the timing of it. Shannon and Kanon both hadn't taken time off... ever, aside from sick leave. The animosity between Gohda and the two of them - or, rather, one - was well known. Not even the most shameless of gossips among the mansion staff would dare suggest that the two wanted to leave the island at the same time.
Genji would be able to piece it together, she knew. Perhaps Kumasawa would as well. Neither of them had offered Sei the same out that Gohda had, though. No, none of those that had known her true parentage had once seemed to think that Sei might not want to be an Ushiromiya, that she might not want to be the Head of the family or affiliated with any of them in any way. Even in death, Kinzo's orders were being followed to the letter.
Now, as she watched that accursed island shrink into the distance, it wasn't a resigned calm that blanketed her. Sei was a bundle of raw nerves, wound up so tight that she couldn't tell if she was feeling joy or dread. Every moment that ticked past felt like sandpaper rubbing against a bare nerve, the roar of the boat engine salt in open wounds. It didn't feel real, not really. Some part of her kept expecting to snap awake in the servant's quarters, the entire thing a dream.
Seriously, in what world was Gohda an actually kind of alright guy? Why would he take Sei to see his family? It was ludicrous. The Sei of a few months ago - still called Sayo at the time - would've laughed at the very notion of Gohda being reasonable, let alone kind. She would've been derisive and dismissive, calling the mere concept insanity. Such a thing so strongly contradicted her understanding of the man that it was unfathomable to her. Yet, here they were, bound for the mainland as they sat side-by-side.
Sei fought to keep her face neutral, but on the inside, she was as jumpy as a feral animal. That part of her wouldn't settle down until she knew for certain that she'd never have to step foot on Rokkenjima again. The cage door was parted, open, but it could still be slammed shut in Sei's face if she wasn't careful. In the same way a caged bird forgot how to fly, Sei had no idea how she'd make things work on her own. But then again, she wasn't alone, now was she?
"We'll need to handle the legal papers first and foremost," Gohda rambled. "It should take roughly a few hours, then we can spend the night at a hotel. I already booked us two rooms in a higher-rated hotel, so that's taken care of. The next day will be traveling out to my mother's home, which shouldn't be too long if we catch an early train." He rattled off their plans, talking faster than usual. Sei heard the words, but they didn't fully sink in. Maybe he was just speaking to make himself feel better.
She tried to listen, she really did. Sei nodded at the appropriate intervals, tearing her eyes away from Rokkenjima to meet Gohda's gaze every so often. She hummed when necessary and repeated his words back to herself over and over again in her head, desperately trying to parse them. Paperwork to fill out, to legally change her name. Spending the night in a hotel room. Taking an early train the next morning to see Gohda's family.
"Tamaki will have prying questions. I'm not sure she's capable of keeping herself from snooping through other people's business, so I apologize in advance. She truly means no harm," Gohda continued. "My nephew, Akinobu, will be easier to handle, I believe. He just started college in the spring, and it's taken up a good deal of his time, so I'm hopeful he'll be too distracted by his studies to overstep. He can get overeager, though."
The words all blended together the moment they reached Sei's ears, becoming a meaningless droning. It only served to make everything feel further away, like the fuzziness before a dream ended. There was a ringing in Sei's ears that drowned even that out, like the grating cries of the summer cicada, and she drew in a sharp breath. Gohda didn't react to the noise. Maybe he hadn't heard it. Or maybe she hadn't made any noise at all. Her hand shot out, grasping roughly at something warm.
"I'm sure he'd love to share his experiences with you, if you-" Gohda's voice came to an abrupt stop. He couldn't seem to muster any words, mouth floundering. Sei didn't let go, even with a blush spreading across her face and her muscles wound tight. The ringing had stopped with that one motion. She was practically crushing the back of Gohda's hand with her own, fingers clamped down like a vice grip. She needed something real, something that wasn't Rokkenjima in the distance and open ocean and the loud grumble of the boat engine.
As the seconds went on, however, Sei became tempted to take her hand back. Did he hate it? Was Gohda disgusted at being touched by such an impure and foul creature such as herself? Cursed blood ran through her veins, her entire existence a colossal mistake, a sin so high and unforgivable that it ate Sei alive every moment of every day. That sin felt like it was burning her, cooking her from the inside out, as though her blood had turned to lava in her veins. Did Gohda feel it, too? Did she make him feel it?
Right as she was about to pull her hand away, something came to rest on top of it. Another hand, palms calloused from years of long work hours in a kitchen. Sei's whole body froze. He... reached out to her? Gohda wasn't... repulsed? Her fingers tightened against her will. She never wanted to let go. Night after night, Sei dreamed of the Ushiromiya family's faces - her family's faces - after she told them the truth. Each time, they were horrified and disgusted. Sei was a freak of nature. She never should've been born. An inbred bastard. She knew that better than anyone else, but they would surely see it as well.
And yet, Gohda placed his hand over hers.
"If you only asked," he carried on, as though he'd never stopped talking in the first place. "I understand that you're technically behind in your studies, but if you wanted to continue your education, Akinobu would be the one to talk to about it." A weight slowly lifted from Sei's chest, her ribcage squeezing around her heart a little more loosely. "I don't have much knowledge on the subject, myself, having gone to culinary school after graduating high school, otherwise I'd talk to you about college myself."
As Gohda went on about his family and their quirks, Sei finally found the strength to look away from Rokkenjima entirely. The warmth of his hands felt like a comforting blanket, filled to the brim with all the gentleness she'd never been given the chance to know. Genji and Kumasawa could only fill in the gaps so much, maintaining appearances and all over the years. She exhaled a deep breath. Whatever it was they were doing, no matter what the future held, she and Gohda would move toward it together. He wouldn't let the door to the cage close on her again.