Work Text:
there is something licking at me.
its warm, but not quite? too warm. like its cold. stinging, like alcohol. on a wound, down the throat. God, i could go for a drink.
no, not licking. too dry. not wet at all. and—and not warm. hot.
hot.
hot.
i think to open my eyes and see, and then i do, and then i remember why i had them closed.
hot. hot. hot. i am the wicked witch if the west and i am melting. it is not water. hot. hot. i am a witch burnt at the stake. and for what crime?
what? what? hard to think. so hot. like an iron cutting me open to the bone. and then there must be something licking me. because it is just warm and it is wet. and then it reaches my mouth, and i taste salt, and i know i am crying. and i know i am on fire.
i am burning.
I wake up in a sweat. and Roman is beside me, and he is warm, but suddenly far too warm, and I am out of the bed, and into his bathroom. leaning against the door, in the dark. the dark is better. so much better. Roman's lights are yellow-ish, see. too much. too much. why? why? I thought I was getting better. so close. and then I look up and I see it.
a candle. a stupid, stupid candle. Roman has so many. he never lights them when I'm in here, but I can't look at them. I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. and I cant look away. the red light from the leds and fucking lava lamp in Roman's room slip under the door like the stupid Hell House thomas went to when he was 15 and it glints off the rim of the candle like- like—
and then there is sick on the floor, and I still can't look away, can't hear the squeak of the bed as Roman gets up, can't hear anything but the pounding of my heart, and then I am up, up, I don't remember deciding to get up, but I am up, and then I am going to the stupid thing, and then it is in my hand.
it's cold. it's cold and smooth and the inside is melted down, the wick black. it's red.
and it's on the floor.
Janus or Damion (cant remember, cant remember) throw a bottle of wine at my head. he is fifteen. is it my head? dont know. its virgilius’ maybe. cant remember. but the sound of glass breaking. and then yelling, and its so real, Janus or Damion or Janus yelling my name and then there is sobbing so loud i cant tell where its coming from and i am on his floor again, curled up, but then my name keeps being called and there is- there is no sleeve being rolled up or- huh?
oh.
i am sitting next to a pile of glass in roman’s bathroom, a foot or so away from my own vomit, and Roman is calling for me through the door, my name and then a more worried- “Anx-Virgil! If you don't open the door, I'm gonna… u- um… ah, please, just answer me!” and I can remember now.
janus was here. no clue what time it is, but janus was fucking here. when I finally got away. hes following me like a- like he always does. God. fuck.
fucking dinner. Patton had some weird moments with him, because of course the snake had to pull some shit, and he was here for dinner. i went to Roman’s room to talk shit, even if he is dumb for falling for his tricks like Patton is now, even though I've been warning them this whole time, but at least Roman knows now. at least there was someone. and then he kept being here, and Roman went down to yell, and we talked for a bit more, and then we must've… fallen asleep. and now-
“Virgil, if you don't answer, I'm coming in!” I exhale. inhale. exhale. inhale.
okay.
and then I get up, and I leave the bathroom.
and I don't tell him what happened, and he doesn't ask. and I don't know how to tell him thank you, but I think he knows that I want to.