Work Text:
The atmosphere in Priestella was thick—it was season finale atmosphere, not Subaru almost falls in a bath atmosphere.
Subaru, Emilia, Julius, and Anastasia wearing her fox scarf (judging everyone) sat at a table talking about Very Serious Matters.
Julius, predictably, was dressed as if giving a TED talk on Knightly Class.
Emilia tried her hardest to follow along.
And Subaru—oh Subaru.
"Subaru," Emilia started softly, "are you confident in your preparation for this fight? We need all the advantages we can have."
Subaru nodded seriously. "Don't be worried about me, Emilia-chan. I was prepared. I even have some information; Forbidding information."
Everyone stared at him.
Julius raised a brow. "Well then, might I ask what sort of information will help us?"
Subaru breathed deeply, like he was about to reveal the latest iPhone.
And—
fwap.
He took out something from his coat.
A dark leather book.
THE gospel.
Radiating cursed energy.
"Definitely an OSHA violation" kind of cursed energy.
Everyone:"…"
Emilia cocked her head. "Subaru…What is that?"
Subaru threw it on the table.
It broke the table for some reason not the book.
"Boom!" Subaru declared with pride. "BOOM! Cliffhanger!"
Julius actually pulled back.
The Julius.
Mr. "No Visible Reaction."
Anastasia's scarf snapped like someone had dumped a bucket of water on a gremlin. "Where the heck did ya find THAT?!"
Subaru grinned the grin of a man who really shouldn't be grinning. "Oh, this little gem? I had it lying around somewhere."
"WHERE?! IN YOUR JACKET?!" Emilia spluttered. "Subaru! Why do you even need to carry that kind of thing in your jacket?!"
"It's a multi-use pocket," Subaru explained. "It could hold snacks, magic, evil artifacts, or whatever else you might need."
Julius just stared at him as if watching a criminal act unfold before his eyes.
"Barusu. There is no way you can just pull out a Gospel of the Witch Cult as if you were handing someone a menu!"
"Wanna make a wager?" Subaru flipped through it casually. "Look, it seems today's special is 'Impending Doom à la Cultist.'"
Emilia yelped. "Subaru! You can't even READ it!"
"Oh, come on, Emi-tan. It's not like it's going to—"
The pages started glowing.
It became dark.
The whispers started.
A low voice whispered,"he really just opened it—"
Subaru: "…"
Everyone else: "…"
Gospel:BWWOOOOOM!
Subaru shut the book immediately.
"Well then!" he exclaimed in a very high-pitched voice. "Well! To note for myself: do NOT open that. Got it! Haha! Onward!"
Julius rubbed his temples. "Why…why are you like this?"
Subaru just shrugged. "Listen, when life gives you a prophetic curse book, you don't question it. You make it your accessory."
Emilia grabbed his shoulders. "Subaru. For me. Please. Do not turn a prophetic curse book into an accessory!"
Subaru sighed. "Alright alright. I will put it down."
And he slid it back into his jacket.
Where it definitely should not be kept.
Julius gaped. "Why…WHY do you even have room for it?!"
Subaru grinned. "A magician never tells all of his secrets."
"You're not a magician."
"I'm one today."