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That day had started like any other.
Rook had received word from the Veil Jumpers about suspect Venatori activity in the Arlathan forest, and she’d decided to take a look. Her choice of companions had been obvious.
First, Bellara, because she knew the forest like no other and could guide the party without them getting lost. Then, Lucanis, because not only he was an expert in killing Venatori, but he was the one Rook trusted more to have close in a fight—and his presence always made her feel safer and more confident.
When she told them both over breakfast, while sipping the amazing coffee Lucanis had made for them all, both her friends accepted the assignment.
“Good,” Rook said. “We’re leaving in an hour.”
And, a little less than one hour later, she found Lucanis waiting for her already in the Eluvian room. Rook frowned: she’d blurted out her feelings for the Antivan Crow to Bellara and Taash days ago, after a couple of beers too many, and since then both of them were suspiciously late when Rook organized a mission with Lucanis.
The man looked at her with a smile that sent her heart on a rampage. “Rook. It looks like Bellara is late.”
She couldn’t help but smile back.
“She probably found some ancient elven stuff she wants to take a look at before leaving.”
Lucanis nodded.
Rook had no intention of wasting any of the time her friend was granting her, and so she looked for a conversation topic.
“Yesterday’s dinner was amazing,” she said.
“Thank you. I wish we had some Antivan wine, it goes really well with meat—and also with the mushrooms I used to replace it for Emmrich.”
Rook smiled. She loved his cooking, and she enjoyed listening to him talking about Antivan recipes.
“Next time I’ll go to Minrathous, I’ll pass by my family’s estate and grab a few bottles of my father’s reserve,” she promised. “I think Tevinter wine and Antivan food is a very good match.”
That seemed to spark Lucanis’s curiosity. “Do you have an estate?”
She nodded. “My father purchased it a few years before Ventus fell to the Antaam. You can see the sea from the north-side windows.”
“Sounds like a nice place.”
Rook pondered for a moment if what she was about to say was too bold, but she decided to risk it. “If you want, I can show it to you.”
For a moment, she saw his eyes widen in surprise, and she feared she'd just screwed up—
His face relaxed in one of the easy smiles he addressed her. “That would be nice.”
Her heart almost stopped.
Lucanis had just accepted to come to see her home. Alone with her.
Rook shook herself out of it and was about to ask him when he was ready to come over and see her home, but in that moment Bellara finally arrived.
“I’m sorry, I was looking for my gauntlet because I didn’t remember where I left it—well I’m here now, we can leave.”
Rook shot her a look that meant she knew the real reason why Bellara had very conveniently arrived late, but she and Lucanis had already started talking about the latest issue of one of the serials they were fans of and she didn’t look at her.
They all crossed the Eluvian and let the Caretaker guide them through the Crossroads until they reached Arlathan. Then, Bellara navigated them through the forest, following the directions of her fellow Veil Jumpers.
Rook motioned them all to be silent and they hid. They observed the Venatori camp and counted nine of them.
She elaborated a quick strategy. She’d been with her companions on enough quests to know exactly their strengths and weaknesses.
“Bellara, you attack the ones on the outer side of the camp,” she said.
“Consider it done.”
“Lucanis, you take out the ones close to the tent.”
The assassin’s eyes shone purple and Rook felt that light disturbance in the Fade when Spite emerged from Lucanis’s body.
“We’re looking forward to kill Blood Mages.”
Rook grinned. “Let’s go then.”
With the formation they’d just decided, they all stormed the Venatori camp. On Rook’s right, Bellara’s Fade Bolts found their marks with incredible precision, while at her left, Lucanis launched himself on the Blood Mages helped by Spite’s wings.
She drew her mage knife and her sphere to rain lightning down on the Venatori. Her magic killed them, and the ones who weren’t finished by lightning found their death by blade.
She engaged in combat with a Blood Mage, avoiding her attacks and sending lightning strikes to kill her, but she realized too late that someone was out of the corner of her vision.
“No! Rook!”
The voice was a mix of Lucanis’s and Spite’s, and the next moment, the assassin was on her left. Rook turned to see the Ventatori’s blade slash through the assassin’s chest.
Lucanis fell.
Rook yelled his name, but a sudden pain on the back of her head stopped her, and the world faded into endless black.
***
Rook slowly woke up and the first thing her eyes focused on were Bellara and Taash sitting next to her bed—no, not her bed. It was one of the beds of the infirmary, Rook slowly realized.
She had no time to think because her friends immediately started speaking.
“You’re awake! Mythal’enaste, we were starting to fear—”
“Thank fuck you made it instead.”
“I mean, we’re happy you’re alright. We’ll inform the others soon.”
Rook nodded, taking in the rest of the infirmary as she sat up. She immediately noticed something odd: besides her, the only other person occupying a bed was Varric, who was sleeping.
That realization immediately gave her chills.
“Lucanis? Where is he?”
Her friends didn’t even need to answer. Their look gave away the truth more than their words would.
It felt like sinking in a kind of pain she’d ever only felt once, when her father had died many years ago.
No. It couldn’t be.
Rook refused to accept it.
Not Lucanis.
The pain in her chest hurt like a physical wound, her throat closed as if an invisible hand was preventing her from breathing.
Lucanis had to be alive, waiting for them all in the kitchen or reading one of his serials in the library, or discussing with Davrin about the best ways to kill darkspawn…
She swallowed on a dry throat and forced the words out. “How did he—?”
Rook couldn’t say that last word. Her whole body refused to associate dead and Lucanis.
“The blade was poisoned,” Taash explained. “He didn’t make it.”
Months ago, when she stopped Solas’s ritual and, under Varric’s advice, had decided to put together a team, Rook had always taken in account that not everyone may survive their battle against the gods.
But…
Not against a group of Venatori, enemies they faced almost daily. Not like that.
Not Lucanis.
The gravity of what had happened risked to tear her down. Blood was ringing in her ears, making it difficult to listen to what Taash and Bellara were saying.
She wasn’t ready for this. Lucanis couldn’t be dead. She hadn’t even told him how she felt about him, and she’d just invited him in Minrathous and that was a kind of a date, right?
Rook forced herself to take a deep breath. Then another and another.
When she calmed down enough that her ears weren’t ringing anymore and she could breathe more easily, she asked, “Can I see him? I’d like to bid him my last goodbye.”
Taash and Bellara exchanged a weird look, then the elf spoke.
“Rook, you have been out for five days. The Crows had already held a funeral in Treviso—I’m so sorry,” she added, seeing Rook’s expression at that.
She wasn’t sure how she felt. Empty. Bitter.
“Can I be alone for a moment?”
Both her friends bolted up and left the room.
Only then the weight of the situation came crashing down on Rook. Lucanis was gone because he tried to protect her, and she hadn’t even be able to say goodbye one last time.
It was all her fault.
Rook started crying and sobbing. She wasn’t just grieving what she lost, but what she’d never have: she would never invite Lucanis in her house, she would never tell him about her feelings, she would never kiss him or get the chance to call him amatus…
Rook cried until her throat was dry and her head started aching. Then she let herself slid down the mattress and fall asleep.
***
When she finally went to the kitchen, pushed by her stomach hurting with hunger, Rook almost had a heart attack.
Lucanis was there, preparing coffee.
She didn’t dare getting close. She had to be hallucinating.
“Lucanis?” she called, hesitantly.
He turned and smiled. It was that smile, the one that warmed his brown eyes and made her feel like her heart was trying to escape her ribcage. “Rook.”
“How is this even possible—Taash—they told me about the poison—there had been a funeral in Treviso.”
Rook wasn’t even sure if her rambling made any sense at all, but Lucanis smiled at her. It was incredible how that simple gesture had the power to calm her down and made her feel better.
“There has been a misunderstanding. I was sent to Treviso because Viago is the most expert person I know about poisons,” he explained. “He made an antidote, and I came back here as soon as I could.”
Rook was so relieved she almost started crying again. She ran to hug him, holding Lucanis for dear life. She rested her head on his shoulders, as his arms circled her waist, and enjoyed his smell of coffee and cinnamon.
“There’s only one thing I need to ask you,” Lucanis said, his mouth against her hair.
“Anything. Lucanis, you can ask me anything.”
His hold on her was stronger, and he whispered in her ear, “Please, Rook, wake up.”
***
Rook woke up on her couch. She didn’t even remember how she’d arrived in her room, but she guessed it was the consequence of the hit in the head. She wondered how long she would have to put up with those side effects.
But, most importantly, reality fell down on her. It had all been a dream.
Lucanis was dead.
The hope that had blossomed in her chest slowly died, poisoned by facts.
She had lost the man she was in love with, and nothing could change that.
Rook spent the whole day accepting that painful reality, and her friends respectfully gave her some space to process her feelings on her own. Dealing with Lucanis’s loss was even worse now that she’d tasted the dream that he may be alive, and it was incredibly difficult to tell her own body to tell the difference.
The worst part was when Rook wondered if Lucanis felt for her what she felt for him. Sometimes, he seemed to; other times, she thought she was just projecting her own feelings on him.
She skipped dinner that night, but at some point she couldn’t ignore her rumbling stomach anymore. She went to the kitchen.
The Lighthouse was surrounded by the eternal twilight of the Fade, but they all could tell roughly if it was supposed to be day or night—now, the tiredness of Rook’s whole body told her it was supposed to be the wee hours of the night.
She wasn’t surprised to hear noises coming from Bellara’s workshop or to see the lights on from Neve’s office, but she didn’t want to talk with either. She walked in the kitchen, where she found out Bellara had left a plate aside for her.
Grateful, despite the food being now cold, Rook ate it all as fast as she could. It was unnatural to be in the kitchen and not having Lucanis around. The thought that he would be awake, too, if he was alive, cut her like a stab in her chest.
In the eerie silence of the kitchen, Rook quietly washed the dishes she used and walked in the pantry out of habit.
He wasn’t there.
(What had she even expected?)
Rook sighed as she walked towards the bed and lay on it. The sheets still had the faint smell she associated to Lucanis in the Lighthouse, that mix of coffee and cinnamon, because when they went out on missions he only smelled of the blood of their enemies, and Rook would have given anything even to get just another glance of his grin after he killed blood mages—
She suddenly got up. It had been a bad idea coming here, and now Rook’s mind was betraying her.
She needed to walk.
Rook left the pantry in a haste, ready to go back to her room, but she saw someone standing at the edge of the Fade.
Her mind was playing tricks on her. She knew that man couldn’t be Lucanis.
And yet, he was there, his long locks falling on his shoulders, his back straight and his shoulders squared.
Rook walked towards him, and he turned around. He was handsome.
“You’re dead,” she whispered.
He gave her one of his smiles. “It’s complicated.”
What kind of answer was that?
“I had a dream already,” she said. “You were alive, but that was just a fantasy. You’re gone—”
Her voice broke, and he was quick in taking her hands. The touch felt somehow more intense than usual, and Rook tried to memorize how his fingers were calloused, because he’d been wielding rapiers and daggers since a very young age.
“This is real,” he said, looking at her straight in the eyes. “And I can prove it.”
“How?”
Rook hated the feeling of hope, but she couldn’t stop it. She wanted Lucanis to be alive, and if he was going to prove he was—even better.
“If you go in the pantry and lift the mattress of my bed, you’ll find a silver dagger with the hilt shaped like a crow spreading its wings and my initials craved on the blade,” he explained. “Caterina had it made for my eighteenth birthday.”
Rook was confused as to how this would prove anything, but she nodded. She held his hands tighter.
“I will check.”
He smiled and Rook thought she would do anything to see his smile at her like that again.
“There is also something important you have to do.”
“What?”
His eyes turned to pleading. “Please, Rook, wake up.”
A sudden cold—
“No—”
***
Rook woke up. She’d fallen asleep on Lucanis’s bed in the pantry.
“Kaffas,” she muttered.
Her mind had tricked her again into believing that Lucanis was alive. Rook had no time to turn all her frustration against herself because she remembered the assassin’s words.
What if—
With hear heart pounding in her ears, Rook climbed down the bed and lifted the mattress. To her surprise, she found on the bed frame a dagger.
She took it with shaking hands and looked at it closely. The handle was covered with leather for a better grip, but the hilt seemed in silver and it had the shape of a crow with its wings spread.
She removed it from its sheath, with her hands shaking slightly, and saw that yes—that was definitely silver. Under the hilt, there were carved two letters.
L. D.
Her heart couldn’t contain that emotion. Lucanis somehow had found a way to communicate with her, which meant he wasn’t dead.
Rook clung on hope like it was the only thing keeping her alive. She could reach Lucanis somehow, but she had never studied necromancy—her magic had always felt more akin to lightning, and she’d also learned some healing basics.
She needed Emmrich’s help for sure, and of everyone else who wanted to lend her a hand.
Rook went back in her room with the dagger hidden under her Shadow Dragon’s mage armor. Then, she waited patiently for breakfast when she knew everyone else would be there.
Her friends seemed surprised to see her, but they looked relieved to see her.
“Welcome back,” Davrin said with a smile.
She reciprocated his smile, and looked at everyone. Rook took a deep breath: she knew she would look insane to all of them, but she also knew she was right.
“Lucanis is not dead. Not totally, at least.”
Everyone shared concerned glances.
The exact reaction she’d predicted.
“What do you mean by that?” Neve finally asked.
Rook put the dagger on the table. “This is my evidence.”
Silence followed her statement. Her friends all looked like they were wondering who’d dare breaking it, and eventually Harding took the burden.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m following you.”
Rook took a deep breath. She was annoyed already, but she understood their point of view, so she kept her tone even and practical, like when she explained the details for their next quest.
“Lucanis appeared to me in a dream and told me where to find this. How would I have know it, if it wasn’t him reaching out to me?”
Everyone turned to Emmrich, who looked like he was measuring the words to say. Then, he cautiously asked, “Is it possible that Lucanis told you where this dagger was before he passed?”
She’d known it would have been hard to get them to believe her, but Rook couldn’t stop the frustration.
“No! I had no idea that this dagger existed in the first place!”
Her words came out louder and harsher than she’d meant, and Rook could feel the change of atmosphere at the table.
She could feel everyone’s gaze as they were deeply concerned for her sanity. She could read it in their eyes that they were wondering if this was another side effect of the hit she’d taken to her head last week.
Rook clenched her fists.
It wasn’t fair to any of them; she could even see it if she thought about it rationally, but she was ready to snap at the first person who dared even suggesting she was going insane.
Rook turned around at the sound of a chair being dragged on the floor, and she saw that Emmrich had just stood up.
“Maybe we should take a walk.”
That defused the tension.
Rook followed him outside, and she asked him immediately, “Don’t you think that Lucanis’s spirit is locked here in the Fade and he is reaching out so I can bring him back?”
The older man shook his head.
“Rook, I understand you’re grieving. It must not be easy to suffer such losses in so little time, but I can tell you he moved on.”
Rook stopped dead in her tracks. “Moved on? What do you mean?”
Emmrich looked at her with such kindness that it made her regret her outburst from earlier.
“Well… not even my course in applied metaphysics is able to answer that question. No one really knows what is there on the other side.”
Rook let out a long sigh. “Do you think I’m going insane?”
“Oh, no. I think you’re grieving and you’re still struggling to accept Lucanis’s fate. No one can blame you for wanting your beloved back to you.”
She stared at Emmrich. Had Bellara or Taash told him, or were her feelings for the Antivan Crow this obvious?
Rook was about to change the subject, but another thought came across her mind.
“What about Spite?”
Emmrich blinked. “What do you mean?”
“What happened to him? If he’s a spirit, he should be back to the Fade—”
He gently interrupted her by putting a hand on her arm.
“Rook, I fear you are mistaken if you think about the two of them as two completely separate entities,” Emmrich gently interrupted her. “Spite and Lucanis didn’t just share a body, they shared emotions, hopes and dreams—their essence was more entangled than we can imagine. If Lucanis moved on, so has Spite.”
Rook knew she shouldn’t doubt the opinion of an expert necromancer—a man who was a professor in the Necropolis. The man she had chosen precisely because he was the person who knew the most about the Fade and spirits in Northern Thedas.
But his answer didn’t satisfy her.
She knew she wasn’t wrong, and that Lucanis was trying to reach her somehow. She would prove it by herself, even if Emmrich didn’t believe it was possible.
Rook would find Lucanis, take him back and show everyone that she wasn’t just wishful thinking, but that he had been there the whole time—just somewhere out of reach.
“Thank you, Emmrich. It was an enlightening talk,” she said.
He didn’t look like he was completely persuaded by her words, but he didn’t say anything. Rook took her leave and went back to her room, where she started looking for all the books and scrolls she had about magic theory and the Fade.
She had her meals either after or before the rest of the Veilguard, because the idea of suffering their pitiful gaze was unbearable.
For a few nights, she had dreamless sleeps, but Rook knew that Lucanis would soon reach out again. He had to want to be rescued, after all. Otherwise, why would he have appeared in her dreams twice already?
One afternoon, she took a heavy tome about magic theory into the infirmary and she told Varric about her theory that Lucanis wasn’t totally dead. The dwarf listened to her carefully, and eventually said, “I won’t pretend I understand how any of this shit works, kid. But I know that if anyone can find the man you love, that’s you.”
It felt incredibly validating to have Varric’s faith on her plan. The dwarf had been the closest she’d had to a father figure since hers had been long dead, and Rook treasured his support more than she was ready to admit.
“Thank you, Varric. It means the world to me.”
Varric gave her one of those smiles that reminded her so much of her own father. “Go and bring him back, then.”
That same night, finally Rook had another dream. She knew it: after all, what were dreams if not the unconscious walking into the Fade?
She saw the Lighthouse, but this time her dream showed her Lucanis in the library. She walked to him and he welcomed her with his usual warm smiles. “Rook, you’re here.”
“I know what’s going on,” she said. “Your spirit has been trapped here in the Fade and you’re reaching to me through dreams.”
Lucanis lowered his head. “Yes, I’ve been trying to come back. But I need your help.”
Her heart did a back flip.
She had been right all the time. Having Lucanis back wasn’t just her strong desire, it was a real possibility.
The most rational part of her brain nagged her about something.
Why would Lucanis reach her instead of the most expert necromancer in Northern Thedas?
Rook chased that thought away.
Emmrich didn’t feel what she felt for Lucanis, she told herself. Maybe her feelings made the connection easier for his spirit, and he felt more comfortable asking her for help.
Yes, that made sense.
She pushed back all her insecurities and said, “Okay, tell me what I must do.”
He walked towards her and cupped her face in his hands. The contact made Rook feel her cheeks warmer as she enjoyed the feeling of his calloused hands on her cheeks.
He locked his eyes in hers, that brown that always made her feel like their mission to kill two literal gods was less impossible.
“There is something very important you must do to see me again.”
“I’m ready for anything.”
His eyes turned sad. “Please, wake up.”
Panic clawed her stomach. “No, Lucanis, you must tell me what to do, please don’t—”
***
“—go!”
Rook jolted up with her arm stretched out as if to grab Lucanis’s shoulder.
She took a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart and lower down her arm, and to lay down on the couch.
Kaffas.
She hadn’t gotten the information she needed, but she could try again. She would wait for Lucanis to come into her dreams again and—
And what? He hadn’t shown himself for a few nights, who knew when he would reach her out again next time.
No, Rook had to find a way to get to him. She would need to study even more theoretical magic to find a way to reach Lucanis. Satisfied with her plan, Rook tried to fall asleep again, but sleep wouldn’t come.
At some point, tired of trying to sleep, she got up and went to the kitchen. That morning she had breakfast by herself, and by lunch time she made sure to go at least one hour before the others.
Rook found out she miscalculated the time when she met Taash and Bellara sitting at the table.
Venhedis. She didn’t want to meet anyone.
“What’s up?” Taash asked.
Rook forced herself to smile. “All good.” Then, for the sake of conversation, she added, “Where are the others?”
“Emmrich had something urgent to do in the Necropolis, Neve was contacted for one of her cases, Davrin took Assan to Arlathan to meet his siblings, and Lace had to meet the Inquisitor to update her on how things are here in the North,” Bellara explained.
Rook nodded.
It was amazing news. She could act on her plan without everyone else around her telling her what or what not to do.
“I hope they will be back soon,” she lied.
Now she just needed a way to also get Bellara and Taash out of the Lighthouse, but she couldn’t just send the two of them out for a mission.
“Come with me and Bellara to the Hilt.”
Rook shot Taash a weird look. “Do you think I need alcohol to feel better?”
“Or a fight,” they added.
“Let’s just try to stick to a beer,” Bellara countered.
Looking at her closest friends, Rook couldn’t find a way to decline their invitation.
“I’ll see you in an hour.”
She got ready quickly and used the rest of the time to study her magic tomes. There had to be a way to find Lucanis from this side of the Fade.
One hour later, sitting in the tavern where the Lords of Fortune went to drink, Rook realized this was her chance. She needed to find an excuse to ditch her friends and come back to the Lighthouse, where she would try to reach Lucanis’s spirit.
How, that was another matter she would deal with later.
A pint of beer was placed in front of her, and Rook looked at Taash. “First round’s on me.”
“Thank you,” she told them. Bellara, sitting to her left with a beer, also thanked Taash.
Any other day, Rook would have made an elaborate, long and unserious cheers, but not today. She wasn’t feeling like it.
“To us,” Bellara said, lifting her glass.
Rook made their glasses touch, echoing dimly her words. She took a long sip of beer.
Bellara and Taash involved her in a conversation about their latest missions, and Rook was even close to smile. Only when the first glass was empty and they were all placed another in front of them, her friends changed topics.
They exchanged a look and a nod, and Bellara said, “We understand how Lucanis’s loss affected you, but we’re concerned for you. You should accept that he is now gone.”
Rook froze.
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I understand you,” Taash replied. “If anything happened to Lace, I would never stop for anything. But whatever you’re doing is unhealthy.”
Rook stared at them.
Taash, the most impulsive person she knew, was giving her lessons about healthy coping.
“What the fuck—”
Suddenly everything clicked. Everyone, except for her closest friends, had accidentally found a good reason to leave the Lighthouse that day.
It was no coincidence.
Rook felt incredibly stupid for not realizing it sooner, and that only added to the frustration at the realization of what was actually going on.
“This is a fucking intervention.”
Taash and Bellara immediately looked guilty. At least that, Rook thought.
“We are worried,” Bellara finally admitted. “You’ve been acting weird all week.”
Rook felt a tiny shred of guilt. She realized how she must have looked the last few days, hiding herself from her friends and chasing the hope to bring back the man she’d lost. But she had to bring Lucanis back, and that would always be her first priority.
She would never apologize for trying her best to bring him back to her.
“I’m alright,” Rook said, but it sounded fake even to her own ears.
Her friends, indeed, didn’t believe her.
How could they, when she didn’t believe herself?
Rook had no choice but to play along with them.
“I promise I won’t let this all consume me,” she said. “Let’s order another beer.”
Rook kept ordering beers, but was careful to not drink. She needed to be as sober and sharp as possible. She made a show of taking the glasses to her lips, but she switched her beers with empty glasses from other Lords of Fortune to make her friends believe she was drinking as much as they were.
At some point, Isabela arrived and Rook saw her opening. She asked her about the Champion of Kirkwall, and, as she expected, her friends immediately lost interest in that. In any other circumstance, Rook would have tormented Isabela with her questions and listened carefully to every little anecdote about her childhood hero.
But now, she only saw the chance to go back to the Lighthouse and try take Lucanis back. She took advantage of her friends’ distraction, and Rook sneaked out of the Hilt to reach the Eluvian.
Her travel through the Crossroads was the excuse to think about how to do it. Rook had found nothing in her magic theory books, and—
Who cares. She was a mage. Even if she wasn’t a necromancer, she’d find the way to look for a spirit.
Once back in the Lighthouse, Rook took Lucanis’s dagger, then sunk it in the middle of the outside area in front of the kitchen and started summoning her magic. She had no idea of what she was doing, but, as thunder and lightning cracked all around her, Rook only focused her thoughts on Lucanis.
Having something of his should help her, after all, spirits were attracted to the memories of the time they were alive.
“Rook.”
A whisper so low it could be confused with the rattling wind and the thunder.
Her heart fluttered. She was doing this somehow.
“Come to me,” she begged the spirit. “Lucanis, please, I’ve been trying to reach you with everything I can.”
Lucanis’s voice spoke again, but this time it sounded broken, as if he was very close to crying—if he wasn’t already.
“Rook… I beg you, come back to me.”
Weird—
“What do you mean?”
She concentrated more and more magic, and the Lighthouse itself wavered.
“I’m sorry, Rook. It’s my fault, I couldn’t protect you.”
Hearing that broke Rook. His voice was full of regret, and he didn’t have to be. He’d died to protect her, if anyone had to bear the burden of guilt it was her.
“No, Lucanis, you protected me. I’ve been distracted, and you paid the price.”
Her words did nothing to lessen the storm all around her, but still she could hear Lucanis’s voice.
“If you can hear me, Rook, please give me a sign.”
“I can hear you!” she screamed into the darkness. “Lucanis, I hear you!”
The surroundings around her collapsed on themselves and she was falling into the endless void.
“We all want you to come back to us.”
It was dark, Rook wasn’t even sure where she was or if she was alive at all.
“I don’t know how!” she shouted.
Lucanis spoke again, but this time he felt closer. More real, somehow.
“Rook… please wake up.”
***
Rook opened her eyes, her lids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. Her head was throbbing with pain, and her throat was dry.
She needed a few moments focus on the ceiling, which wasn’t the one of her room. It was still a familiar place, but the ache in her head made it impossible to concentrate.
Someone was holding her hands. This person’s were calloused, as if they had used weapons since a very young age. She slowly turned to the side, holding them tighter, and found out that Lucanis was sitting next to her bed. His dark brown eyes widened in seeing her, and he exclaimed, “Maker! You’re awake!”
Rook slowly sat, with Lucanis’s help, and she realized she was in the infirmary of the Lighthouse—Varric was sleeping a few beds away. He gave her a glass of water that had been on the bedside table and helped her drink.
She drank it eagerly, feeling it soothe her dry throat, but in her haste she spilled some on herself.
“What happened?” she asked, her voice rasp. Speaking caused some throat ache. “You died from the poison on the Venatori’s blade.”
He chuckled, as he passed her an elfroot potion. Rook knocked it down in one go, and she knew it would need a few minutes to take effect, but she was starting already to feel her headache ease and some sliver of energy come back.
“They wish. The blade was poisoned, but Viago taught me to always have common antidotes with me all the time. You, however—”
His voice broke. Rook took his hand, even though her arms felt much heavier than usual. He delicately held her, as if he was scared of hurting her accidentally.
“Your head injury was pretty serious. We didn’t know if you’d wake up.”
His eyes flared purple, and Rook felt that tiny disturbance in the Fade when Spite took over. “We’re both happy you’re alive, Rook.”
Her heart made a back flip as Lucanis’s eyes came back normal.
“I’ve been so scared, I thought—”
Rook tightened the grip on his hand, now that she was strong enough to do it. “I’m alive. How long have I been out?”
“Two weeks.”
“Venhedis,” she cursed. Then, she asked, “Where is everyone?”
“Sleeping. It’s been a very rough couple of weeks for all of us.”
She looked at him, unsure if she should—ah, to hell with it.
“You’re here, though.”
His eyes locked into hers and she saw a honesty she rarely found in people. “Emmrich said that maybe hearing a familiar voice could help you wake up.”
Her heart was racing. Lucanis had taken care of her for two weeks.
He’d kept talking to her in hopes she came back, and he didn’t even know that his voice had reached her and guided her back to consciousness.
She didn’t want to waste any more time, not now that she’d just recovered from an event that had almost killed her.
Rook got closer to him. He leaned over, his face less than four inches from hers—
She was suddenly aware she hadn’t had a bath in two weeks. And, apparently, she had sweat while she was unconscious. A lot.
“Maybe I should pay a visit to the bathing room,” she said.
Lucanis leaned back on his chair. “Of course. The elfroot potion should have made effect.”
He was right. Rook still didn’t feel as good as she would be on a normal day, but her headache had subsided to a bearable pain and she felt enough energy to leave the infirmary bed. When she got up, her legs started shaking slightly because they hadn’t taken on her weight for a while, but thanks to the healing potion she knew she wasn’t going to fall.
She realized that Lucanis had been there, ready to catch her if she fell, only when he took a step back now that she was stable.
Rook’s stomach clenched at the thought—
No, it was literally roaring.
She hadn’t eaten in two weeks, Rook was reminded by her own body.
“I’m going to the kitchen,” Lucanis said. “When you finish your bath, you’ll find some paella waiting for you.”
She couldn’t help but smile. He was an amazing man and she was lucky to have fallen for him.
“Thank you.”
She didn’t know how much of her gratitude those two words could enclose, but he seemed to understand it regardless. Lucanis nodded at her and made her way.
They both left the infirmary, but when they went downstairs, before he left the main building to go to the kitchen, she stopped Lucanis.
“It helped,” Rook said. “Hearing your voice. I—I don’t know if I could have found my way back if you hadn’t talked to me the whole time.”
He smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”
Lucanis left, and Rook went downstairs. Her priorities, at the moment, were washing herself and getting something in her stomach, but after those needs were taken care of, she would talk to Lucanis.
Even if it had all been a weird hallucination, the idea of losing Lucanis before she told him her feelings had been a real pain. She would never allow herself to live any of those regrets in the real worlds.
They also had unfinished business, like their missed kiss and an invitation to the Mercar’s estate, that Rook wanted to fix now that they were both alive to do it.
She wouldn’t waste any chance.