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Lukas’s hands twitched, and he shuddered as he pulled them closer into himself. His jacket was torn - truly a feat on the Witherstorm’s part considering it was fucking leather- letting the biting, cold air in through the large rip down his right. He tucked his hands under his arms, muttering to himself about hypothermia.
“Finished!” Soren yelled, tossing the flint and steel behind him with his typical, unearned bravado. Lukas rolled his eyes, but shuffled towards the fire nonetheless, only to stop short in his tracks. Axel, Olivia, and Petra had moved faster than him - not particularly malicious, they were just cold after all - and had crowded round the fire, blocking him off from it’s heat and light. On the other side; Magnus, Soren and Gabriel. He couldn’t justify shoving his way into the heat, not when both Petra and Gabriel needed it more than him, and the other four didn’t seem to like him anyway.
The only person who seemed to like him in this group was… missing.
Wait.
Lukas swerved his head around, looking for the familiar dark curls, or the pig that usually was never far behind, but neither were to be found. There was, however, a familiar set of armor laid out on the ground, gold accents and red rubies glinting in the brief firelight it got from its dark corner. No helmet though.
He turned around fully, and sighed inwardly to himself.
Jesse was sat on the edge of the cliff, broad shoulders hunched forward and Reuben leaning against him. He could only just see the final piece of the armour in Jesse’s lap, his hands gripping it so hard they shook.
He looked behind him at the fire, then back out towards Jesse.
Fuck, it was even colder outside. The heat of the fire, though limited, had at least been there when he was in the cave. Now, the full force of the frigid night struck him, and his teeth chattered as he approached the shorter person. He steeled himself, trying to hold it in as he sat next to them on the cliff, but he couldn’t stop the shiver that crept up his spine when he made contact with the cold, wet grass.
In a weird way though, he didn’t mind. Jesse made it worth it.
“You know,” Jesse said as Lukas sat down, “I didn’t even know her.”
“What?”
“Ellegard.” He looked up at Lukas, eyes bright red and lips trembling in a fragile smile. Lukas’s heart ached and he quickly forgot about his freezing hands and now wet trousers.
“Oh,” he breathed.
“I just…” they continued, looking back down at the helmet. “I went with Axel because… I thought if I left you two alone, he’d make you leave.”
Lukas stopped at that, and his heart fluttered. That was… kind. Really kind.
“I never really met Ellegard,” they continued, not noticing that the red on Lukas’s nose wasn’t only from the cold now. “I wanted to- but she was Olivia’s hero; I didn’t want to take any of it away from her, y’know?” They stopped, inhaling shakily and looking up to the sky before continuing. “But she gave me her amour and then…” They stopped, and choked.
Lukas looked back down at the helmet as Jesse looked away. Memories of the last 24 hours flitted before his eyes, and his stomach churned. He looked at Jesse’s arms, and back up to their face, where they carefully looked at anything but him.
Their arms and hands were bandaged excessively.
Ellegard’s armour hadn’t contained gloves (to allow better dexterity to work with redstone), and Jesse hadn’t been able to pull the forearm protectors over him, seeing as he was much wider built than the original owner; hell, the chestplate itself had barely fit to begin with.
From the ground, Lukas had watched Jesse frantically build the f-bomb in the tractor beam, then let it go. They had watched it float for a moment, and Lukas’s heart quicked- why weren’t they trying to get away? It went off within seconds, and - almost only by instinct - their arms had gone up to cover their face.
The explosion destroyed where the armour had left them exposed. Skin torn off violently, melted and disfigured in the flames as Jesse was blown backwards, sent slamming into the ground feet away from Lukas.
He remembered that moment, and he thought of Petra. Of the fear he’d felt only weeks ago, watching as she was just as helpless as Jesse in that moment. The paralysing fear, stopping him from helping.
And this time, he overcame it.
He’d ran to Jesse, screaming for help, and people came. Olivia, Soren- he wasn’t sure. He felt sick to his stomach at the sight of them unconscious, their arms… oh creators.
The rest was a blur. Gabriel, the Witherstorm, Jesse unconscious. Axel carrying their body, limp and almost lifeless. The horse nearly knocking him off as Petra clung onto him with weak hands, the world quite literally falling apart around him as they fled for their lives.
Olivia bandaged Jesse up, and within hours they were back on their feet, smiling.
They were always smiling.
But when Lukas pulled himself from his own mind and looked back up at them, they weren’t smiling.
“Why…” Lukas started, clearing his throat and looking down at his own, freezing hands. “When you built the f-bomb you didn’t… try to get away.”
“I was… I was floating, Lukas. That’s all.”
Lukas looked back up at them, uncertain and eyes a little desperate. He knew he wasn’t like Axel or Oliva, or fuck- even Petra. He was some random guy Jesse had only properly met like a fortnight ago. There’s no reason Jesse should open up to him, but still. He hoped. They looked back at Lukas, and then away again, that same weak smile appearing.
“I was scared, Lukas.” They admitted. “I knew the armour didn’t fit right, and I was so sure that the f-bomb would work, but I wouldn’t get away in time. I was… I was scared of this.” They looked down at their arms. “I was scared that I would end up with this exact issue. I lived but at what cost?”
“So you would just let yourself die?!”
“No-! Yes- I… I don’t know!”
Jesse wasn’t smiling anymore.
They weren’t tall, Lukas was a solid three or four inches taller, but they had always been… big. Muscular, broad, on the chubbier side- all true, yes, but they were really just a big personality. Big opinions, big voice; unapologetically them.
But now… he had never seen them look so small.
“I would’ve been a hero.” They whispered. A confession; a selfish, desperate and afraid confession. “Not… a local loser, or the freak with the pig. Everyone was going to be saved; alive, Ellegard would’ve been alive and I wouldn’t have to live with… with this!” Jesse’s voice raised as they spoke, more and more distraught and almost angry. They gestured to their arms, and looked at Lukas with pleading eyes.
“Not you though,” Lukas countered. “You wouldn’t have been… alive.”
Jesse stopped short, eyes distant.
“I…” Jesse let out a short sob, and looked at the helmet again. Reuben made a sympathetic noise, and leaned into his owner.
“I would’ve missed you.” It was a statement. It was a fact. Lukas knew, without a doubt, if Jesse had died in that moment; he would have missed them.
“...I would’ve missed you too.”
“You would’ve been dead, idiot.”
“You can miss people from the afterlife!”
The two chuckled at the brief, lighthearted moment.
Lukas’s body decided to betray him, and he shivered violently as the cold hit him again.
“You okay?” Jesse squinted, concerned.
“I’m so fucking cold,” Lukas sighed.
“Take my suspenders off.”
Lukas sat up so fast he nearly slipped off the edge of the cliff to his death below. And what an embarrassing death that would’ve been; ‘RIP Lukas: he was too gay for this world.’
“What?!” He yelped, his cheeks an even brighter red than they were before.
“My suspenders,” Jesse repeated. The same earnest and genuine light Lukas was used to had returned to their eyes, and the knot in Lukas’s stomach lessened slightly. “My shirt’s closer to a jumper than a t-shirt, and I have a vest on underneath it. I don’t think I can really… manoeuvre my suspenders, right now,” he held up his bandaged arms, “but if you take them off and take my shirt, you could wear it over your own.”
“Jesse, that’s insane, I’m not-”
“I really insist-”
“No, you- you can’t literally give me the shirt off your back-”
“It’s more like a jumper-”
“Jesse.” Lukas’s tone was final.
“Lukas, please.” Jesse’s smile shook a bit. “I need… I need a win.”
“You don’t need…” Lukas looked at them sadly. “You don’t need to make yourself useful, Jesse.”
“Maybe not,” Jesse sighed, “but you’re cold, and I’ve got so much adrenaline rushing through me right now I don’t need the layers.”
Lukas hesitated. He was so damn cold… but he didn’t want to feed into Jesse’s self-sacrificing complex. He looked at them, unsure of his next move, but the shock of ice that went through him and left him trembling even harder decided for him.
Undressing Jesse… unlocked something in him he didn’t want to think about. He was careful with them, not wanting to add to their already intense pain. But if anyone asked, his shaking hands were only from the cold, and not because of his racing heart at the intimate motions he paced through, pulling the shirt off him gently. He wasn’t enjoying this; he wasn’t, like, attracted to Jesse. No, never.
Jesse stood up, and told him something about going back to the fire, taking Reuben with them, but Lukas didn’t really hear it. He was distracted by the new item he’d acquired.
It wasn’t overly romantic- it stunk of blood and sweat and mud, but nevertheless it was soft and warm, and - most importantly - it was Jesse’s. His heart fluttered as he wrapped his arms around himself and pulled his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them gently.
He didn’t keep track of how long he was out there, his head swept up in little moments of intimacy between them, letting himself run away with the fairies and fantasies of Jesse and what maybe, just maybe, could be. After the Witherstorm. And therapy. He thought about how a hug from Jesse might feel, with his strong arms and earnest nature he had to imagine it would make anyone feel so safe and loved. He thought about what it would be like to hang out, just them, to share hobbies and interests and time. He wondered what music Jesse liked, or what hobbies they had- finding himself more eager to learn, and falling deeper and deeper into daydreams of dark curls, strong arms and genuine, eager smiles.
He assured himself, again, that surely it doesn’t mean anything. It’s usual to be curious and excited about a new friend.
When he went back in, most of the group had gone to sleep. Jesse was close to the fire, curled up on their side and peacefully asleep for probably the first time since this all started. It wasn’t hard to see how exhausted they were, physically and mentally, and after getting literally blown up, it was no surprise to see his body give out and succumb to a deep sleep.
Lukas joined the group on the floor, laying down with his head near Jesse’s and staring dead at the ceiling. The sound of the other person breathing was enough for his heart to do cartwheels around his ribcage.
He couldn’t imagine how Jesse could have the thought, even for a moment, they would be better off dead. He felt sick at even the thought. How could they not see how loved they are?
Loved…
Love?
…
Oh.
Oh, he was so fucked.