Chapter Text
His pillow was warm, he shifted his head up to see Cub asleep and then Scar remembered.
He remembered Grian calling him and quietly telling him they were over. Scar then called Cub sobbing, gut wrenching sobs. It didn’t help he was having a bad day with his body either.
He also remembered Cub holding him while he begged it to be a dream. He hadn’t dated a lot, only having hookups when he needed it. He dated a handful of people, When he laid eyes on Grian at the Halloween Festival the town threw yearly— He wanted him. He remembered walking over ignoring the thought in the back of his head ‘He won’t date someone with limited spoons or a hybrid.’
But Grian did date him.
A curse and a blessing.
A blessing disguised as a curse or a curse disguised as a blessing. Scar couldnt pick, couldnt tell.
He remembered holding Grian while he had a PSTD attack from Sam. He remembered helping Grian preen his wings.
He remembered Grian.
He always was going to.
He loves him. Not past tense.
Scar sighed sitting up and grabbing his cane off the floor from where he threw it in desperate rage.
In the panic attacks Grian had, He would beg Scar to leave him, Beg Scar to believe him when he said he was flawed, when he said he was cursed. Scar never did. He would never.
This time was different. Grian meant it this time…
He didn’t believe Grian was cursed. He still didn’t.
Maybe Scar was cursed.
Scar stood up glancing down at Cub who was asleep, he knew his neck was gonna hurt, it was in a pretty awkward position.
He made his way to the kitchen reaching up in the cabinet grabbing pain killers, already going to get them out for Cubs neck when he woke up.
He opened the bottle, He got the pills from his doctor and had to many, He didn’t use them as much as he got. He was pretty sure they just filled the bottle up weekly.
That’s a small town for you.
He paused in getting out two for Cub.
‘PLEASE CONTACT POSION CONTROL IF OVERDOSE’
The bottle said, Scar stared at it for a good moment. Sitting down the two pills and grabbing a glass of water shakily. Pouring a handful of pills on his hands and throwing them in his mouth. Multiple tears going down his cheeks. He took so many pills for his body. He could do a handful easily.
He grabbed the glass of water taking a big sip and swallowing the handful before going for an another, and another. At one point he started sobbing. At one point he lost count, until the bottle was empty.
“Scar what are you doing.”
Scar heard from behind him. Vision already blurry from tears and pills.
He saw Cub, eyes flicker down to the bottle before filling with panic and rushing to Scar knocking stuff off the counter.
Cub was screaming words.
Scar couldn’t hear.
He just stared at the bright gem on Cubs neck.
Cub grabbed his face waving his hand before Scars vision started going black and he slowly drifted off.
He awoke to the smell of sterile.. hospital smell. Scar was far too used to it. His mouth tasted like rock, something disgusting, he groaned tilting his hand to the side to see two figures.
He didn’t remember much. Just falling asleep with Cub crying because- oh.
“SCAR!” He heard his mothers voice before getting his face grabbed and his mother pressing a shaky kiss to his forehead crying again as Scar wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could. That wasn’t very tight. He was still a bit weak because of what happened and his body spoons were running out.
“Soon you’ll get better..” She whispered. “Soon baby soon…”
Scsr just quietly buried his face in her chest starting to sob along with his mother.
“Im gonna kill that bird next time I see him…”
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5 YEARS LATER
………………………
Scar was now 29. He moved a couple towns over with Cub. He wanted to go alone but he knew Cub was still worried since Scars incident. Cub let him have his own apartment but made sure they were in the same complex, same floor.
The apartment Scar had was two bedroom, one bath. One bedroom for himself and the other for Jellie (And his office for the university.).
Speaking of university… he got a job!! Put his degree to use and became an architectural teacher. It paid enough, and for once since Grian left, Scar was happy.
Well..
Not right now.
He was sitting on the couch scrolling through instagram on a burner account stalking Grians posts. To see him so happy.
He threw his phone on the ground, not hard, but enough to thump against the carpet.
He sighed curling up with the blanket and closing his eyes.
It had been five years and Scar was still hung on Grian. Wondering if his nightmares ever cured, Wondering.
Scar thought about that word a lot these days-
His front door opened as Cub walked in with a bag of takeout, “SCAR!” He called out as he walked to Scars kitchen.
Scar just groaned dramatically, throwing an arm over his eyes, “What?”
“I brought you food.” Cub said sitting it on the counter stretching his arms over his head and taking his jacket off putting it on the back of the chair.
Scar sighed and sat up. He hadn’t ate dinner so it worked out. He grabbed his cane and stood up leaving his phone on the floor—
The bag of food was from The Fairy Fort.
A restaurant the two only got on special occasions.
“YOU GOT THE PROMOTION???” Scar exclaimed with a grin going as fast as he could to the kitchen with his cane.
Cub smiled and nodded, “I even got extra.” He added proudly, dramatically putting a hand over his chest. A trait that carried from the two brothers, dramatics. Of course that never compared to the opposites of Cub being a more laidback and calmer guy then Scars more energetic and extra self.
“Im so proud of you cubby!!” Scar said excitedly pulling the other vex into a hug, he could already see the glowing of the beating gem that was hooked around his neck, under Cubs shirt, and knew his own was doing the same.
“Thank you, Scar..” Cub mumbled hugging him back tightly.
Scar smiled softer and pulled back walking beside Cub and already opening the plastic bag, “So what all did you get?? Please tell me you got some of the croissants!— Oh Cub if you didn’t I might smack you.”
“Of course I did Scar. I know better than to forget them.” Cub said remembering when he forgot them one time and Scar didn’t talk to for a week. He wasn’t mad at Cub but was just being dramatic.
“You’re the best cubby.”
“I know.”
A meow broke down at Scars feet as he smiled feeling a fur baby weave between his legs, “There she is! I knew she’d come out soon to see her favorite person ever.” He said with a dramatic sigh leaning down and picking up Jellie.
Jellie immediately started squirming once seeing Cub. She got out of Scars arms and ran across the counter, over their food, and to Cub who picked her up and held her to his chest as she purred up a storm.
Scar merely glared, “I feed, house, and love you. And look at this!! This is so mean. Jellie I might cry.” He said sadly, adding a dramatic sniffle and clutching his chest with his free hand.
Cub just smirked, “Oh my sweet baby.” He cooed at Jellie who merely just closed her eyes in content as she got chin scratches.
A while later they were both sitting on the couch (with Jellie only staying beside or on Cub dispite Scars heartbreak.) both eating take out and watching TV.
The movie ended. They both had long finished eating and were sitting in silence, “So hows this week been?” Cub asked turning his head of look at Scar who was half asleep.
“It was fine.”
“Scar.”
“What?”
Cub stared at him with narrowed eyes until Scar sighed looking away from him, “It was good. good thoughts.”
Cub nodded and let out a quiet sigh of relief, “Good… I know you don’t like telling me this stuff— but I worry. Ever since I walked in and you were—“ Cub cut himself off going quiet.
Scar stared at Cub with a furrowed brow, he knew Cub worried. He hated it. Knowing it was his fault his brother worried him to death- it hurt more than anything.
“I want you to be okay.” Cub admitted quietly, “I hate the idea of you hurting and not being able to tell me— Scar just— just know you can tell me..”
“I always do..” Scar whispered sitting up and bringing Cub into a hug.
Cub hugged back tightly, fingers gripping Scars shirt as he started sobbing into his shoulder.
It wasn’t common for Cub to break down. When he did, Scar held him tightly and half the time cried with him until one of them made a joke and they laughed then fell asleep beside each other.
Scar wouldnt trade those moments for the world.
(Words he used to think about an avian.)
________________________________________
Scar sat on the couch holding Jellie in his lap as he started a movie. It was day off from the university so what better way to spend it then a movie night with his cat!
Jellie purred, eyes closed in content as Scar scratched under his chin. She owned the house and Scar was just a parasite living there that gave her attention, in her eyes.
Scar snickered picking her up and cooing at her pressing kisses to her face as the ads started on the tv—
Then his phone started ringing.
Scar groaned sitting Jellie back down on his lap, Cub always called him at night checking up on him— until he saw the number.
Cub had made him block Grian knowing Scar would try to call him again… but Scar couldn’t, wouldn’t forget Grians number.
He stared at the phone as it rang in his hand. He sighed and answered it putting it to his ear, free hand rubbing Jellies head to attempt to ground him for this phone call.
“Hello?” He said into the phone leaning his head back and closed his eyes.
“S-Scar…” Grian whispered into the phone, it sounded like he had been crying or still was.
Scar immediately froze sitting up as Jellie ran off his lap at her owners new distress, “Grian? Whats wrong?”
“Sam- Sam’s out…” He whispered shakily.
Time stopped.
Sam was Grians ex that killed Taurtis, and attempted to kill Grian he went to jail a while ago. Scar remembered when he had to hold Grian through nightmares reassuring him that Sam wasn’t coming to get him again.
Scar was up at once, grabbing his keys and slipping on his shoes, “Is he there?”
“No…”
“Im coming now.”
Scar immediately grabbed his coat opening the front door to his apartment not bothering to lock it as he left going down the steps of the apartment complex. He didn’t grab his cane knowing he had a spare on the car if he needed it, “Stay on the phone with me, please.”
Scar practically ran across the parking lot, getting to his car shushing the bird on the phone with him.
He started his car pulling out the apartment complex, “Im coming right now, You’re okay.”
After about a hour of driving to the small town he tried so desperately to escape, he reached Grians house. He pulled in, not bothering to turn his car off as he got out running up the steps and opening the door and putting his phone in his pocket, “GRIAN?” He called out runnning up the steps, his legs were killing him, flares of pain shooting up from his knees to his back, he ignored it. He had bigger problems.
Grian was sitting in the bathroom curled in on himself with his wings tightly around him as Scar practically ran in there letting out a breath as he saw Grian.
“Gri..” he whispered sitting down beside him as Grian scooted closer and rested his head against his chest, “..’m sorry..” he murmured as Scar sighed.
The feeling of Grians head on his chest after so many years, after so many years of pain- it was a bittersweet feeling. The sound of his voice after so many years- same thing but worse.
“Do you want to come back to my place?” He whispered wrapping an arm around him, not trusting himself to have the mental strength for two.
Grian nodded quietly reaching up and wiping his eyes looking up at Scar.
Scar shakily stood up reaching down and helping Grian stand up and helping him to Scars car.
The drive back to Scars apartment was silent besides the radio that was on, breaking the awkward silence as the man on the radio went on about something before playing a song.
Scar glanched over at Grian, sighing as he saw him asleep against the car door.
He parked in his usual spot that they had reserved for him because of his wheelchair and a smaller walk. He was thankful for it on most days.
He got out, not wanting to wake up Grian, he opened the passenger door and picked Grian up. Grian only sleepily chittered shifting in his arms and moving to hide his face in his neck and wrap his wings around the two of them.
It burned.
Like a teenager stealing alcohol from their parents stash and trying to chug it to be cool, only to choke and feel their throat burn.
Scar couldn’t breathe the entire walk to his apartment.
He longed for this, to hold Grian again, and now that he was- he didn’t want it anymore. Every point of contact felt like there was going to be a third degree burn there once Scar put him down.
He reached his apartment door sighing as he opened it, he never locked it on his way out.
He walked into the apartment kicking the door closed behind him. Jellie ran up to his feet meowing as Scar sighed once more. He walked to the couch laying Grian down prying himself away from him.
He couldn’t sleep beside Grian. The burns would blister.
The avian chittered and his eyebrows furrowed as he nuzzled into the couch taking in Scars faded scent.
Scar grabbed the blanket off the back the of the couch putting it over Grian and tucking him in.
That hurt so bad. He wanted to crawl away and hide, hide away from Grian, hide away from himself.
The last time he did that was years ago. YEARS.
He remembered getting up to go to work and Grian chittering and making pitiful bird noises trying to find Scar in his sleep, instinct wanting mate-
Mate.
That’s a funny word, funny meaning. Grians instinct marking Scar as his mate. He loved it. When Grian would chitter. Grian always got embarrassed, but Scar loved hearing it. loved hearing him laugh, loved seeing him smile.
but that was past tense because that was the past.
A part of him still longed, still wished, he had Grian. A part of him was happy he got to hold Grian, Got to talk, Got to touch, Got to hear him.
Scar remembered going to Cub about getting Grian a promise gem, getting it and giving it to Grian.
A promise gem was a tradition that vexes did with their partner or important person. The stone would shine just as the relationship. If feelings faded, so did the stone. If love strengthened, so did the stone.
Scar had one from Cub. He got it when he was 8 and Cub was only 12. He tears up every time he thinks about it.
//////
The first time he got to hold his baby brother he cried. Not out of joy, of excitement.
Of hurt.
His baby brother already had so many scars and he just was born!
He remembered being so excited about getting a sibling, and that night when he went to bed he swore on whatever, whoever, was above the clouds that he would protect him.
They said it was vex markings but what kind of big brother was he if he can’t protect him? Cub made a show of lightening up his eyes when his father tried to take Scar back.
He wanted to protect what was left of him, from everyone.
So what did he do?
He went to mother for a promise gem. She did all the gem work for the woodland vexes, besides a few others that helped. She was more than happy to make Cub one.
As soon as he got them he ran through the woodlands over to where Scar was.
8 year old Scar was sitting on the grass playing with wood blocks while his father watched him and worked on a carving in his hand.
Cub sat down beside him, “Scar look!” He said excitedly holding out the two necklaces with the gems, “I got ma to make us some!”
Scars eyes lit up as he gasped grabbing it, “Really!!?” He exclaimed happily, He quickly put it on gasping as he watched the gem glow.
“Yeah!! Now I can always make sure you’re okay!” Cub said putting his own necklace on with a grin.
Scar jumped into Cub, tackling him into a hug, “Thank you thank you thank you!!!” He said excitedly, before pulling back and holiding the gem while Cub did the same.
“I promise to protect you forever!” Cub vowed determined how eyes slightly glowing.
“Me too! And I promise to always be there for you!” Scar vowed, eyes doing the same.
Cub glanced over seeing his father slightly tearing up as he listened and carved with the piece of wood he had.)
Scar sighed, walking down the hall to his room opening the door and closing it behind him and letting out another, shaky sigh.
He slipped his shirt off, (“Scar put your clothes back on!” He remembered hearing Grian say while giggling as they stumbled through Grians old apartment, grins working against each other.) walking to his dresser and changing into sweatpants. He doubted he was gonna sleep tonight but oh well.
He crawled into bed curling up beside Jellie and attempting to drift off only to be haunted by dreams of the bird he had grown so used to all those years ago.
Haunted.
He begged whatever god up there.
To stop it.
Stop the dreams
You couldn’t call them dreams.
They were nightmares.
Nightmares which one could not escape, couldnt hide from. All he wanted was to crawl into his father’s arms and sob.
deaths a curse that people disgusted as a blessing.
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Last Kiss by Taylor Swift
“You told me, you loved me, so why did you go away?”
/////
“So I’ll watch your life in pictures, Like I used to watch you sleep.
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breath.
And I’ll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are.
Hope it’s nice where you are…
And I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wished you had stayed.
You can plan in the weather and time.
But I never planned on you changing you mind.”
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