Chapter Text
Bang!
Jennifer closed the door of her trailer with more force than necessary. Tears welled up in her eyes after she had failed another take. This was the first day of Season 6 shooting, and it was supposed to be a wonderful day. She could finally see her friends after three months of hiatus, so it was going to be great, right? But here she was, being a troublemaker and fucking up the shooting process. She excused herself and asked for a break before further embrassing herself in front of her co-workers.
Sitting up on her knees in her couch, her awful memories of last season were floating up onto the surface. Last summer she spent so much time researching the tales of dark swan, planning to surprise every viewer with her interpretation of the new Dark One. Nevertheless, her hard work wasn't appreciated by her bosses, and the ratings even dropped to a new low during her arc. Maybe my time as actress is over. Maybe I should focus on directing only. She rested her forehead on her arm, weeping silently.
Knock Knock!
She heard the knocking on her door, but she didn’t have the heart to answer. She was hoping whoever it was would give up soon and leave her alone.
Knock Knock Knock!
Fuck. Apparently it was not happening. The knocking sound went on and the knocker was obviously becoming impatient. Quickly wiping her tears away, Jennifer heaved a sigh and prepared herself for the unknown. After a few seconds or more, she put on a tough face, finally walked to the door and unlocked it.
Of course it was Lana. The brunette was still in her mayor costume, looking worried and concerned. Feeling guilty of her own dismiss, Jennifer stepped back mutely and let her coworker come in.
Silence.
Lana hadn't made a sound since she set foot in the trailer. She parted her lips, willing to spill words, but closed them again after a moment of consideration. She didn’t know the right words to comfort her friend. It was instinct that brought her here, and her brain needed a few clock ticks to catch up.
“Hmm...do you want anything? Coffee?” It was Jennifer who broke the uncomfortable silence.
“No.” Lana declined politly. She took a deep breath before she continued, “I just want to make sure you’re fine. It happens to everyone of us.”
Said by someone who rarely fucks up, Jen thought. “Look, I’m fine.” She tried to put on a weak smile. “And I’m sorry for upsetting the shooting schedule. Give me a minute and I will come back to the shoot.”
“It’s okay if you want to take more than a few minutes you know. We understand.” Lana suggested, assuming it was the best not to push the blonde back to set immediately.
“Maybe the rest of them, but not you,” Jennifer retorted. It was true. Everyone knew Lana nailed almost every take perfectly. Hell, even the fans knew after they watched the bloopers from last season, in which Lana was the only lead that didn’t have any retake in it.
Lana frowned at the comment. “What do you mean?”
“It’s a compliment. I guess you’ve noticed most of our retakes are never a result of your fault. Seriously, how can you always be so patient when the rest of us ruin a scene so often?”
Lana wasn’t feeling fully comfortable now that she became the subject of topic, but at the same time she was relieved to see that Jennifer seemed to be feeling better. “Don’t demean yourself, dear! And you know fame didn’t hit me until this show, so I take my job very seriously.” She could sense a glare shooting at her. “Not saying you’re not serious, of course. But I had such a rough road before I got here.”
“And now it’s my turn.” She sighed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Jennifer toyed with the idea for a few seconds, thinking if it was wise to share her worries and concerns with her co-worker. She had spent more than a decade in the TV industry, so she knew how dangerous it could be if your colleague held a grip of tabloid material, something that could bring damage to your career. But something about Lana made her feel different, made her believe this woman would never mean her any harm. Seeing the sincerity in her big brown eyes, she nodded.
So she told her about her frustration of the poor reception of Dark Swan, the degradation of her character, and most of all, the fear of her fans leaving her. “Swan Queen fans love you, and those Captain Swan ones adore Colin. They don’t give a shit about me,” Jen whimpered. She just confessed her insecurity to the woman, things that she had never told another soul. Tears fell from her eyes again when she talked about her biggest fear. This time she didn’t bother to wipe them away, merely shutting her eyes to close herself off from the outer world.
But then she felt Lana plopped down on the couch next to her. The Latina locked her in a tight hug, smoothing her back gently.
“Don’t say that. You know it’s not true.” She was heartbroken to see Jennifer feeling so worthless. She never thought under the usual strong appearance, the woman in her arms was drowning in worries.
Never feeling more safe than this moment, Jennifer did not hold back anymore. She leaned in and cried on Lana’s shoulder. All her pains and fears were smoothed away with every touch from Lana.
Noticing the sobbing was finally dying down, Lana cupped Jen’s cheeks in her hands, wiping her tears with her thumbs. She waited until the green eyes meet brown. “Never ever think you are not good enough. Fuck those who said you are not. And the bad review? Let’s be honest, we are all aware it’s more due to bad writing than your performance.”
Jennifer couldn’t help but chuckled softly. “Don’t say it out so loud! I still want to work with you.”
“And most importantly, I know the fans love you,” Lana reassured. “They always ask about you in the conventions!”
“Maybe I should go to more conventions then?” Jen sighed. In the past years she only went to those she was required to. Perhaps it was time to change.
“Whatever you feel comfortable. I know you feel uneasy at big events.” Lana paused and then went on with a quiet voice. “Just don’t forget you are loved,” she added before planting a chaste kiss on Jen’s forehead.
Jen’s face turned crimson instantly, but Lana seemed oblivious to the reaction brought by her unmindful kiss. Thank god for the poor lighting in trailer. “Hmm...thank you, for listening. It means a lot to me,” she said with a shy smile. “Er, I guess they are waiting for you to shoot the next scene. I’ll go clean myself up and join you guys soon.”
Lana smiled in return before she left. “See you later then!”
Waving goodbye, she sent her co-worker out. The trailer returned to silence after the departure of the Latina. But no. Not really. The beating of her heart was echoing in Jennifer’s head.
What was this feeling?