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Sitting with the open fire, beneath the open sky wasn’t nothing new to you. It wasn’t unusual. What was unusual, was the men sitting next to you. The sounds of wood cracking in the fire, the leaves rubbing into each other in the tree crowns could be heard all around you. Your eyes were set at looking into the bottle you shared with this man.
There was a thick silence between the two of you. You crossed trails with many people, but your luck had faded, since you crossed with him in the most unexpected way. Or maybe it was more than expected – being a bounty hunter, you have to count onto bumping into competition.
But Arthur was far more than that.
Bringing bottle to your lips, letting the cheap whiskey burn down your throat, making a face of disgust at the cheap liquor, handing it back to it's owner. He done the same, only difference was, keeping his face still. Because he always did it like that. There wasn't much that would make him be open about his emotions, about his mood nor his thoughts. Only God could knew what he was thinking.
“I did miss you,” Arthur spoke up quietly, staring down into the glass, almost pretending you weren't even present with him. Like you would only be the fragment of his imagination. Like he always do, when he is feeling too much alone
“Still do. You…You meant a lot to me.” To him, admitting such strong words. It only meant a disaster. Yes, he could go months and months without ever thinking of you, buried deep within his own walls he created for himself. But when he sees you, when you won't give him any glance back. He feels like he cannot breath, cannot sleep for countless days.
Fire crackles in front of you. He cannot help it, but he feels like a young man hopelessly in love once again.
"I didn't Arthur" you replied to him with a near whisper, staring into the fire and leaning into the log behind you. Sighing. "…you miss the affection, not me."
He looks almost offended, taking a quick swig from the bottle before answering you.
“Is that what you think?” Arthur spoke darkly to himself, shaking his head. Almost like not believing a word you said. “I thought I was clear when I said that I miss you.” He added, turning his head in your direction. Empathizing the sentence.
You looked up from the ground, holding his gaze. The neutral look in your face, trying to play all, whatever this was, cool. Because what other choice you had. This sudden open talk from his side. Transparency he never gave you when you begged for it then.
"…you made it clear when you said I was a distraction back then"
He scoffed at your words.
“You took what I said outta context.” Arthur spoke, eyes drifting away from you. Fire flames being easier to look at than you.
You thought that he was trying to ease it out. To make a joke, but he didn't.
He meant it.
And that set you on fire more than it should. "…out of context?"
Looking at him in bit more than disbelief. "It was you who ended things. I wanted to be called your partner, but that was too real for you" Letting a breath aways at the end of that sentence. Arthur only continued avoiding your eyes, his face stern, nothing to read in it.
“It was a complicated situation at the time. You know that I…That I…“ He sighs with frustration, scratching at his neck, because he was lost at words. Once again.
You shook your head slightly, discussing with yourself if you had energy getting into this shit again. To talk about something that was long gone under the ground. Letting your head go back, hair against the bark from the dead wood. Looking at the sky above both of you.
"…you were scared because of how it ended up with her…I know" You whispered after a while. The undertone was so sharp and almost venomous – since that woman (plus Arthur) couldn't let go of the past.
That gets his attention. He looks at you, his eyes narrowing. It was a sensitive subject. One he didn’t wish to speak about. Not now. Not ever.
“You don’t understand. She was-” Arthur sighs, stopping himself from finishing the sentence, because that would only made more damage than what he did already. He clenches his jaw tight, looking back towards the fire. “She” was a memory that still haunted him, and you knew that as well. More than anyone else in his damned life.
"She was everything to you. And I was just to fill up the gap she left, so you wouldn't feel so lonely. I understood that Arthur" you muttered quietly, your voice being more than over with the topic, over being about her. "I understood that very well" you then added, letting your head sway slowly to the side, to look at him.
He was stunned for a moment by you, the words cutting deep. Arthur finally meets your gaze, his eyes full of anger and sorrow.
“You weren’t a ‘gap.’ That’s not how I viewed you.” He looks down, clenching his jaw. “If you thought you were just filling up space, you don’t know me at all.” He huffed, shook his own head.
How could you say that to him? Arthur thought to himself. Looking back at the fire, his expression hardening.
"You didn’t gave me anything to hold onto" you answered back.
“I gave you all that I could! I was scared, okay? I was scared that I was gonna lose you too.” He spit the words out harshly.
You took a deep breath in, embracing yourself. "...Arthur" hummed softly, because nothing else would help. He turns back to look at you, eyes full of emotions. He’s angry, he’s frustrated, but he’s also afraid and hurt.
“What?” He only snaps back at you. Not giving you much to work with, other just his usual closed off himself.
Still having head on the log. Looking at him. Looking to him. "…I am not angry at you...not now" you said calmy.
Arthur looks at you as you say that, his expression...more than confused.
“You’re not mad at me for the way I treated you?” He seems surprised by your words. He didn’t expect you to be like this.
"I was angry. I was very upset and unhappy. And half of the bounties I handled in that period felt it." You spoke, slightly groan as you rose your head up. Straightening your neck slowly, so it wouldn't hurt too much.
"…But as time went by. I understood that by that behavior, it wouldn’t do me much. Of course, I could be A bitch, but, I chose not to. I needed to learn how to move on."
He didn’t say anything for a moment. Letting the words sink in. Then, his expression turned slowly sour.
“You moved on?” He asked almost softly, quietly, as if being offended by the thought of you moving on without him. Because how could you move on, when he was still in the past. While he was still haunted by your eyes, by your touch in the darkest nights. While he craved you more than he admitted to himself.
"…you didn’t?" You honestly asked him, slight confusion written on your face. Because you were more than sure, that he was far long gone with you. Another ghost of the past clinging to his existence.
He shakes his head, his gaze fixed on the fire. The flames reflecting in his light blue eyes.
“I tried.” He begun, then paused for a moment before continuing. “But I couldn’t…I can’t.” He looks up, his gaze piercing yours. “Even after all this time. I still care for you.”
"…it's been three years Arthur" you whispered back to him. Walking on the thin ice. Thinner than the strain of your hair. And he just looks at you, his expression solemn.
To you, and probably to him. All sounds died. Nothing had your attention besides the two of you. You had his and he has yours.
“I know it’s been years. Don’t you think I’m aware of how much time has passed? I still think about you every day. It doesn’t matter if we’re years apart. You’re still the one I love-”
"Don't" you snapped at him silently, warning him "…don't say those cruel words to me"
He glares down at you. “They’re true. I still do, no matter how much of a prick I was to you.”
You shook your head, getting up. A bit tiredly, getting up from the ground, not caring to brush off your pants.
"You can’t say those words anymore to me. Arthur you left me, not the other way around. And now? After all this time. All the effort I put into to not crave you. You just appear back in my life and tell me you still feel for me?" Pointing your hands to your chest, the disbelief more than evident in your face. You were so angry at him, The unfairness of the situation he created "...then you are even more cruel as I remember"
Arthur stood up at that, his defensive on, towering over you as he speaks, not because he wanted, it was just a habit. He always wanted to overshadow anyone and everyone. There was no one who would– who could any pressure on him.
Just you.
“I was cruel to you, I know that! But I was a coward. I was scared to love you the way you deserved!”
"No Arthur! I loved you. I gave you everything I had and in return I received you pushing me away!" You screamed back at him. Pouring all of your heart out. He wanted to speak his mind? You let him listen to your sense.
You could see how Arthur clenched his fists from the building up tension. Even the fire seem to died down a bit.
"I know that! I’m not gonna make any damn excuses for the way I acted!" He paused for a moment, trying to control his emotions somehow. Something he never knew how. "You were the only person I loved since her. Loving you scared the life out of me!"
You would love to act surprised by his confession. But deep down, hell, not even that deep, you already knew that.
Staying silent for a moment. The anger that held your face, slowly turned to more hopeless. Because what was there to do? Arthur ran a hand through his hair, sighing with frustration – mostly at himself.
“I was an idiot. I had something good and I let it go. I know I made a mistake.” He looked at you, his eyes full of regret. A deep damn regret. Thing that Arthur Morgan never liked to say out loud. Then, he continued.
“But even if it’s too late, I still had to tell you that.”
He muttered, his posture being so stiff and yet so eager to flee the place.
"…oh Arthur"
You whispered, feeling your heart breaking once again at his words. They held the truth and reasoning he denied for so long. And you damn knew you were doing a mistake. For him, and for you. But you did placed your hand on his cheek. He leaned into your touch, his eyes never leaving your face. A part of him that was scared you were going to turn and leave him alone. After all those years, it felt like a dream to feel your touch again.
"Please..." He whispered, his voice shaking. "Please, don't pull away."
"…I was never the one pulling away" you whispered back to him. Your voice so soft as the sun that would kiss your skin in the middle of the August.
Arthur places a hand on top of yours, keeping your palm against his cheek. It was his way of agreeing with you. He was silent for a moment, guilt and regret written all over his face.
"I was a fool. I was blind to what I had. I made a mistake and I'll regret it for the rest of my life." he whispered. His eyes were jumping from yours, to your lips, to your face. You could see from his behavior that he wasn't sure with himself. That being this open was so hard for him. But he did it, just because of you. Because he wanted to be better for you.
Arthur spent many nights regretting of what he didn't do. So, when he had this opportunity he asked for so many nights, he will not waste it.
And you? You were hesitant. Should you tell him? Could you bare getting yourself into the same water once again? Will your heart let you? Your sanity? Was he worth the heartbreak. before you could think of more "no's", you had your answer.
You could lie to yourself however you wanted, coursing at yourself at any given weak moment when your heart yearned for him. And he was there in front of you. But was it honest?
"You still are a fool for hoping" you whispered, your fingers tracing his cheek. "...but I may be the same one."
Arthur's brows rose at your words. He had hoped, prayed even, that you still harbored at least some feelings for him. He reached up, placing his other hand on top of yours, cradling your hand against his cheek.
"You still sweet on me?" He asked, his voice above whisper. Eyes set on you.
"I don't have an answer for that. But if you asked me, to go with you at the end of the world, to go and help you across the continent….I fear I would be so foolish, so naive to do so" you hummed. Stomach shrinking into barley a size of penny.
Arthur's heart leaps at your words. He can't believe your words. He would rather believe the dinosaurs were real that your headstrong-self confessing.
"Even after everything I did?" He takes a step closer, his hand still cradling yours against his cheek.
"Why? Why would you still follow me, after I broke your heart?"
"Because I am doomed aren’t I?" You said in low tone. Eyes sinking into his, like there was no other thing to look at.
"You're not doomed. You're just a fool, woman." he almost jest at you.
"…I fear that we are lost cause Arthur" you hummed, he didn't changed a bit. A fewer wrinkles at his forehead came, but besides that, he was still your Arthur. Then, you opened your mouth again. "If…If I gave you the chance-"
He looks at you, his gaze intense and hopeful. He knows what you're offering, and he knows what it means. His voice being hard and harsh, no place for yielding back.
"I'd take it. I'd take whatever chance you give me. Because if there's even a slim opportunity that I can make it up to you, it's a chance I'd take."
You looked at him. Like really looked at him "…you cannot hurt me like that ever again"
Arthur shakes his head, his eyes never leaving yours. Like they could.
"I won't. I promise you, I won't hurt you again." He reaches out, gently taking hold of your wrist and giving it a slight tug, pulling you closer to him. Your bodies touching.
"I won't take your love for granted. I know how rare and precious it is. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure I don't lose it again."
His hand intertwines with yours, his grip tight as if he was afraid you'd pull away.
"Don't you dare to break my heart again" you whispered, your thumb tendering his upper hand as they held onto each others.
He nodded hard, the weight of your words cutting deep into his heart. His expression softens as he looks into your eyes, gently massaging your hand with his thumb.
"I won't. I won't break your heart. I'm not the same fool I was before. I've learned my lesson, and I know what I'm losing if I mess up." He brings your hand up to his lips, gently placing a kiss on your knuckles.
At that move, you could feel your knees almost giving up. The slight bend at the joints.
"…okay"
He pulls your hand closer, bringing you in to stand, chest to chest with him.
"Okay?" He asked, his voice deep and low. He was trying to not get his hopes to high. "Just okay?"
You gently placed your other hand to his cheek. The stubble being more than present, then bringing your head closer to mine. Lips to lips. He allowed you to bring his head closer to yours, his breath hitching as your lips gently touched his. He didn't move for a moment, just feeling the warmth of your body against his. Then, his arms encircled your waist, pulling you in closer, his lips moving against yours in a slow, tender kiss.