Chapter Text
The Sully family all grieved in their own way.
Whether it was Neytiri’s prayers and reminders of Neteyam scattered through the Marui, keeping his scent nearby in the woven floors. Kiri crafting new accessories mirroring the ones Neteyam used to adorn. Jake keeping busy and hunting for the family, or Tuk trying to be around everyone in the family cause she felt everyone's sadness. The loss of Neteyam left a deep scar in their once team like family. However no one took it as hard as Lo’ak, the youngest son and the most reckless. Everyone but Tuk had known a life without Neteyam, however for Lo’ak his older brother was one of the most essential factors of his life. Like a twin they had always been attached by the hip, when Lo’ak went somewhere Neteyam was close behind and when Neteyam hunted Lo’ak watched in adoration.
Maybe if they weren't so close Neteyam would still be alive, they would've never gone together to save Spider and the perfect son of the Sullies would still be around, bringing them together. But he wasn't, in one cursed night Lo’ak had lost his best friend, brother and confidant. Before Neteyam’s death Lo’ak had been lonely but now all he had was Tsireya and Payakan. Neytiri too absorbed in her own grief, Tuk being a child, Him and Kiri not being as close as him and Neteyam and the slight disappointment Lo’ak would see in Jake’s eyes with every second of eye contact. Lo’ak was truly alone now.
Lo’ak sits in a small cave near the Metkayina clan carving some spear poles. The cave had become his getaway to escape the tense atmosphere in the Marui. His hands methodically strip away layers of wood slimming the pole down, every slice becoming more aggressive. Earlier that day Jake had sent him to get some fish however while spearing the fish Jake had come to the water saying he would do it himself, dissatisfied with the time Lo’ak was taking. But what could he expect? I mean he never lets him go hunting himself and now he expects a quick and efficient spearing job?
Snap!
The once slim spear pole was snapped in two, a harsh dip where it had broken. With a grunt Lo’ak threw it to the side wondering how he managed to fuck up every menial task. If it was Neteyam maybe he would've already been done with two poles but no, he was stuck being the lesser son Lo’ak. However before he can spiral into his thoughts any further he feels something warm drip down his arm. Looking down he sees that he gripped the blade of his dagger too hard causing a cut to form across his palm. He curses to himself however while wiping away the blood and wincing from the sting of the cut he noticed the unusual silence his mind had. Almost like clarity, if he had to be honest with himself the pain combined with the mental silence was almost satisfying. Hesitantly he picked the dagger up again positioning it across his forearm and with one swift swipe a small cut appeared revealing white layers of the skin that quickly pooled with blood. It's a habit he used to have since he was 13 however he had stopped but now the craving for harm had come back full swing.
A couple days had passed and this “hobby” had become a ritual for Lo’ak, His left arm now adorning a leather cuff that was normally used as an accessory but for Lo’ak's case it hid a wrapped bandage to protect the numerous scabbed lines on his skin. And tonight would’ve been like any other, with Lo’ak sneaking off in the night to his cave with a dagger and a fresh cloth wrap but as Lo’ak tip-toed out of his hammock and onto the shore a deep voice from behind him spoke up.
“And where do you think you're sneaking off to?”
Shit
Lo’ak recognised his fathers voice easily and turned around to see him sitting on the sand.
“Nothing sir i was just going for a swim”
He responded quickly. Jake looked him up and down before nodding.
“Do you have your comms”
Lo’ak nodded the black communication device around his neck.
“Come back soon and don't get into any trouble”
Lo’ak nodded again and without another word he walked into the water and swam in the direction of his personal escape. His father was surprisingly calm in response to Lo’ak sneaking out at night but then again Jake might've been disappointed but not surprised by his slightly reckless nature. The cold and monotone interaction served as a stark reminder of just how strained him and his fathers relationship had gotten. Finally after reaching the shore of his cave Lo’ak started his nightly ritual, the pain washing away his cluttered mind with every cut. Methodically he cleans and wraps it again before tucking the dagger back into his loin cloth and starting his swim back through the cold water that felt like heaven on his wrist. He makes it back to the shore and shakes himself off before slowly walking back into the Marui. He lies down in his hammock and with a couple tosses and turns he falls asleep without much trouble thanks to his new vice.
The next day was the same as any other for Lo’ak, eat breakfast together, do some chores around the clan, hunt fish, talk to Tsireya and her brothers, eat lunch and then occupy yourself until dinner then go to the cave and then to sleep. However, half way through the day while Lo’ak was cleaning the marui up Jake walked in and announced to the family that a meeting had been called tonight to determine the fate of Payakan by the clan. Hearing Payakan's name Lo’ak’s heart dropped, he knows that Payakan is considered a killer by the other Tulkun but while Payakan had killed humans he had saved so many people. He quickly finishes his chores before swimming out into the crystalline waters and calling out to Payakan. Before long the Tulkuns familiar trill filled the waters and Lo’ak dived down to see his soul brother swimming under him. Without a beat Lo’ak grabbed onto his large fin gliding in the water alongside Payakan.
“Brother, they told me there's a meeting about you tonight?”
Payakan trills in response a language Lo’ak understands fluently at the point
“I will be outcast cause i killed”
Lo’ak shakes his head with wide eyes.
“They can't do that though! You saved us i would be dead without you”
A low somber hum fills the waters.
“It doesn't matter, I still went against the Tulkun ways. However i do not regret it”
“It's not fair! You need to tell them that”
Lo’ak exclaims hating the injustice his soul brother is facing.
“We both know that wont work, i must go now, ill see you tonight”
Lo’ak nods and rubs the Tulkuns back before letting go and swimming to the surface. He lets the cold water envelop him for a minute before beginning his swim back to the Metkayina but he's interrupted by a voice calling his name. He turns back to see Tsireya on her Ilu.
“Lo’ak! What are you up to?”
Her voice is saccharine and seldom bitter. Sometimes Lo’ak wonders what he did to deserve such a bright presence in his life but he shakes the thoughts away.
“I was with Payakan.”
Tsireya's face twists into a sympathetic frown, making Lo'ak's stomach churn.
“Hopefully tonight the elders won't be too harsh..”
Wordlessly she extends her hand to Lo’ak and he holds it and pulls himself up onto her Ilu.
“You want to see one of my favourite places?”
Lo’ak laughs in return, a genuine warm laugh.
“How could I say no?”
And with that Tsireya's smile impossibly widens before she rides the Ilu to a small reef alcove. On the way there Lo’aks stomach dropped as the Ilu rode closer and closer to his cave but to his relief stopped a good length away and dipped under the water. Under the water was a small sandy clearing surrounded by colourful coral and small fish schools. Lo’ak flashes a grin at Tsireya as they sit down in the clearing while observing the nature around them. In the sand Lo’ak finds a pale turquoise and beige seashell that he dusts off before giving it to Tsireya.
“It matches you”
He signs with a smirk to which Tsireya laughs holding the seashell close to her
They spend a while together just relaxing in silence, enjoying each other's company before they decide to head back as the sun slowly sets. They ride the Ilu close to the shore before Tsireya pets her and they jump off, heading towards the main Marui that the clan is built around. Most of the clan is already there so Lo’ak and Tsireya head to the front and sit next to their respective families. Soon the Tulkun elders appear from the water and Ronal and Tonowari bow before standing up to greet them. The meeting commences as Tonowari translates what the Tulkun matriarch says.
“The Tulkun Payakan has gone against our ways and killed, due to this he will be outcast”
Lo’ak grits his teeth and looks to the side to see Tsireya staring at him in concern. Payakan then replies.
“If that is what you want then i will accept it, you will all never hear my song again”
Tonowari translates and before his hand movements can even finish Payakan swims away. Unable to stay silent any longer, Lo'ak gets up.
“This isn't fair! Payakan might've killed but he did it to help us!”
Tonowari replies with sympathy in his eyes.
“It does not matter this still goes against the ways of the Tulkun”
Lo’ak does not take that for an answer and continues to preach for Payakan and Tonowari looks to Jake and Jake nods before grabbing Lo’ak’s arm, pulling him away from everyone.
“Sir they can't outcast Payakan, the humans will kill him!”
Jake harshly pulls Lo’ak’s arm so he's standing in front of him.
“Lo’ak you cannot pull that stunt in front of everyone, we are guests here!”
Jake yells back.
“Who else is supposed to defend Payakan? Why couldn't you say anything! You just didnt want to say anything cause you wanted him gone don't you?”
Lo’ak accused, his voice angry and bitter as he yells.
“You know what yea maybe i do, maybe if you hadn’t gone after that fucking Tulkun your brother would still-”
Jake cuts himself off with a sharp inhale as he shakes his head but it's too late. Lo’ak stands there frozen. Did his own father really blame him for his brother's death?
“That.. That wasn't my fault! That wasn't my fault!”
Lo’ak cries out pushing his father away when he tries to get closer. Lo’ak turns and runs away and with no other choice Jake grunts before returning to the meeting knowing he fucked up. Lo’ak runs to the family's Marui and into the weapon, grabbing a gun, maybe he wasn't overthinking it, maybe it really was his fault. He goes underwater swimming out of sight to a relatively far away sand island.
The meeting concluded shortly after and Jake, Neytiri, Kiri, Tuk and Spider return to their Marui and Jake's blood runs colder when he realises Lo’ak isn't here. Using his comms he tries to contact him only to see the device left on Lo’ak’s hammock. He curses inwardly and Neytiri approaches him.
“Ma' Jake, where is Lo’ak?”
Jake sighs and explains their small fight to Neytiri and now knowing the situation she sets her anger towards Jake aside for the meantime while they try to think of where Lo’ak could be.
“Let’s give it 30 minutes. He might just be getting some alone time.”
He says loud enough for everyone in the Marui to hear, Kiri however gets up.
“Im gonna go ask Tsireya if she’s seen him”
Jake nods and grabs Lo’ak’s comms, handing them to her.
“If you find anything, tell us.”
She nods before walking to the sand where Tsireya was sitting watching the waves. After confirming that they both had no clue where Lo’ak was they grew worried together before deciding to search together.
Lo’ak sat on top of the dune of sane kneeling wiping the occasional tear from his face before inhaling and placing the gun under his chin with his finger on the trigger. Maybe this was for the better? His finger ebbed closer and closer to pushing down but he heard quick footsteps and threw the gun to the side only to see Tsireya and Kiri run to him. They quickly kneel on the sand as well checking for any injury but to their relief he was uninjured.
“Stay in this life brother, we need you.”
Lo’ak half heartedly nods before Kiri presses the button on her comms, turning the mic on.
“We found him”
Back at the Marui, Neytiri and Jake get the message and Neytiri immediately relaxes.
“Where was he? What happened?”
Jake said into the comms. Back at the dune Tsireya and Lo’ak had gotten up and started walking back while Kiri lagged behind.
“Dad he was… I think he was trying to..”
She cuts herself off, unable to say it and Neytiri grows increasingly worried.
“My daughter, what did Lo’ak try to do?”
She says her voice is wavering. Kiri takes a deep breath in steadying herself before answering back into the mic.
“He had a gun and he had it pointed at… himself”
For a moment time stopped for Neytiri, Jake and Spider who happened to overhear it. Spider quickly walked away pacing outside trying to reason with what he just heard. He had already lost one brother and now his other tried to take his life?
Neytiri sat down on her and Jake hammock, her hands over her heart as she let out a wail of shock. Jake stands still running his hand over his face. Was this his fault? His son could have died tonight and his last words to him would've been blaming him for Neteyam’s death. Maybe if he bothered to be there for his son after his brother died this wouldn't have happened but it was too late food regrets right now and instead he walked over to his wife watching her shaking and distraught form.
“Baby its gonna be okay”
She doesn't answer and instead takes deep breaths in and out. He sits on the hammock next to her, rubbing her back and comforting her. Before long Lo’ak and Kiri walk into the Marui, Kiri dragging the gun behind her.
As they walk into the Marui Neytiri and Jake's eyes shoot to Lo’ak. ‘Is Dad really worried or is he just disappointed in what I've become compared to Neteyam?’ Lo’ak can’t help but wonder. His eyes flick to Neytiri as guilt fills his body as she looks up at him with those wide and broken eyes. She immediately gets up and in a couple strides hugs Lo’ak, her hand on the back of his head pushing it further into her shoulder.
“My son, why didn't you tell us?”
Her distraught voice hurts the already hurting son further.
“Im sorry mom”
He replies, too tired to defend himself. After Neytiri breaks away from the hug Jake walks up to Lo’ak putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him to an empty Marui where they could talk privately. This is the first time this has ever happened leaving Lo’ak confused and slightly dreading whatever is next. Jake sits down on a hammock and gestures for Lo’ak to sit across from him and his son complies.
“How long has this been going on?”
Lo’ak’s eyes widened.
“Huh what do you mean?”
Jake rephrases his question.
“Ive seen this in humans I used to work with, I know this doesn't come out of the blue. How long have you felt like this”
Lo’ak swallows his saliva before replying.
“Since I was 13”
Those simple words break Jake's resolve. 2 whole years of his own son doubting whether he deserves life and Jake simply had not noticed.
“You’ve dealt with this alone for 2 years?”
To which Lo’ak nods and Jake sighs, running a hand over his face.
“Lo’ak im so sorry, i’m your father and i didn’t notice anything for 2 whole years.”
“Dad its fine-”
“No Lo’ak this is not fine..”
Jake's gaze flicks down, noticing the leather wrap on Lo’ak’s arm. Jake knew people in his human life who would self harm and seeing a sign his own son might be doing the same kills him slightly.
“Lo’ak show me your wrists.”
The boy's eyes widen as his father catches on to his self destructive tendency quickly. With no other choice however Lo’ak unravels the leather and the bandage underneath to reveal a series of scabbed over cuts on top of healed scars littering his blue bioluminescent skin. Jake inhales sharply his eyebrows knitting together at the sight of his own son feeling such self hatred he would hurt himself. Without another word Jake pulls Lo’ak into a tight hug and after a moment's hesitation Lo’ak wraps his arms around his fathers back.
“I see you my son, i always will”
Jake doesn’t know what he is gonna do to help his son but they will figure it out together, as a family.