Work Text:
It had been a surprise to many to see Frank step inside the ED that morning, but perhaps more so to Robby who hadn't seen his name on the list of residents who were working on Christmas day. He had stared at Frank at the nursing station grabbing his RedBull—truly a bad habit he would most likely never give up—when he had arrived after him. Frank had noticed—of course he would, how could he not—but he had decided to pretend this was a normal occurrence and not something he was doing for the first time since he had started his residency. Furthermore, he had no intention to talking to Robby. They still hadn't truly talked since he had come back from rehab only a week earlier.
They had been working side by side, it had been awkward at best, but Frank hadn't found the strength to talk to Robby yet and it seemed that Robby had no intention to be the one to start the conversation about had happened the day of PittFest. At least he wasn't stuck in triage anymore, so he focused on that even if he knew it might only be temporary. He might be a senior resident, but his work was under scrutiny from Robby when they had overlapping shifts like today.
"I didn't think you'd be working today," Dana mentioned, dragging him back to reality.
"Oh, you know, I gotta make up for the time I wasn't there," he replied with a smile he hoped sincere enough.
The look she gave him above her glasses told him that she didn't believe a single word he had just said, but an all too familiar voice prevented it from answering.
"Doctor Langdon, you're with me today."
"Understood, Rob— Doctor Robby."
The use of titles still felt off, it hadn't been only Robby since they had met with the board to decide the conditions of his return to work. It made sense, he hadn't visited Frank or even called him a single time when Frank had been in rehab. The new coldness and distance was deserve, Frank knew it, but it was still hard to accept.
At least today Frank had a chance to prove Robby that he could work on his own again, that he truly was sober and able to handle the job of a senior resident. He doubted that it would be so easy, but one could dream. He certainly wanted to.
Like a well-behaved dog, Frank had followed Robby around all day, even staying a few hours longer when patients from a large road accident came pouring in. He had pushed himself to prove himself, yet Robby had called him Doctor Langdon all day long, even when they hadn't been around patients.
Frank quickly changed to try to forget that today had been another failure to get Robby to at least believe in him again. From his best resident he had become a problem to keep a close eye on.
At least the day was over, but now came the time to head back to his apartment. Alone.
Frank crossed the doors of the ED and stopped for a second to sigh at the thought of spending Christmas on his own. Another failure.
The ring on his left hand felt heavy on his finger and he removed it before shoving it in his pocket. His marriage was over, they had separated amicably and they were still friends, but Frank hadn't found the strength to admit it. He was supposed to be the prodigal son, the man who went to rehab and therapy to learn to cope with his demons. The one who had done the work. And he had been allowed back. He was back to his dream job.
"Frank?"
The voice startled him and he turned around to see Robby heading towards him.
"I thought you'd have rushed home to celebrate with your family."
Fuck.
Frank attempted to give him a smile, but the exhaustion of the day turned it into some sort of wince instead.
"Abby and the kids are celebrating with her parents."
"Aren't you joining them?"
He hesitated for a second, but there was no point in lying.
"No."
Robby frowned as he observed him, trying to read him. And then he said the one thing Frank had hoped he wouldn't. Not yet at least.
"Where's your ring?"
Only the sound of the city answered as Frank stared into space, avoiding his gaze.
"Frank?"
"We're separated," he finally admitted in a breath, quickly hiding his hand in his pocket.
"I'm sorry."
"Robby, please don't try to pretend to care about me, not tonight. I tried to avoid thinking about what today is all day, about what I'm missing. I stayed longer so I wouldn't have to sit in my apartment alone for too long. So please, can we have this conversation another day? I know we need to talk, but not tonight. Please."
Frank couldn't decipher the look that Robby was giving him, but for the first time since he had come back, he didn't care about what Robby was thinking of him.
"I don't celebrate, but you could spend the evening with me. At least you wouldn't be alone."
The words made sense, but it didn't make sense to Frank why Robby would tell him that. Why he would offer something so nice when they hadn't spent time alone or talked properly for months.
"What?"
"I'm alone, you're alone, we could spend the rest of the evening together."
It made no sense for Robby to offer something like that after everything, but Frank was too tired to try to understand why the sudden change in his behavior.
"Alright," he finally answered without looking at Robby and holding his backpack's strap tighter. "Lead the way, I guess."
Frank had seen Robby's place before, a nice and cozy townhouse, but it felt like stepping inside a stranger's home when he closed the door behind them. A stranger who offered him a place to stay for Christmas.
After taking off his coat and shoes, he followed Robby in the living room when he was surprised to find a decorated Christmas tree that even had lights, making it look oddly magical.
"You have a tree? I thought you didn't celebrate?"
"I don't, but it's nice. Adds something cozy during winter times I suppose." Robby shrugged before continuing. "Please sit down, make yourself at home, you know the deal. Not your first time here."
"And yet it feels like it," Frank answered without thinking.
If the comment stung Robby, he hid it well with a warm smile.
"Anything you want to drink? I have wine if you'd like."
"A tea would be nice, thanks."
Robby disappeared in the kitchen for a few minutes, leaving the time for Frank to sit down on the couch with his back straight as if he was a kid at friend's house and he was meeting their parents for the first time.
"Here you go," Robby said as he set down two mugs filled with hot tea on the coffee table.
"Thank you."
"I didn't know you drank tea."
Robby sat down next to him on the couch.
"I don't drink alcohol and it seems too late for coffee."
"You're better than me."
The silence that fell between them felt heavy, filled with unsaid things. Eventually it was Frank who broke it first.
"Robby, I—"
"No, I'm sorry. You were obviously struggling and I didn't notice."
"You had your own things to think about and you still risked your career for me. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry for stealing from a patient. I'm sorry for not having been honest about struggling."
"I forgive you, Frank. I have forgiven you a long time ago."
Frank's shoulders dropped and he had to avoid looking at Robby, knowing he would notice his tears. Abby had forgiven him, but hearing those words from Robby hit differently.
"I thought you hated me. You didn't text or call when I was in rehab and when I came back… I know I fucked up and I deserve to be kept under close supervision, but the way you looked at me…"
"What if I told you not everything is about you?"
"Have you been going to therapy?"
"Maybe."
Frank let out a chuckle, but kept avoiding Robby's gaze.
"I failed you as your attending and as your mentor, but also as your friend. And I'm sorry for that."
"I thought you didn't have any friends."
Robby let out a sigh, but still smiled. The ice between them was melting—slowly for sure—but it was still melting.
"Truth is I've felt guilty the entire time, I still feel guilty now because I care about you. I've always cared about you. Probably more than an attending should."
"Robby, you don't have to take the blame. I should have talked to you."
"You didn't feel comfortable enough to do it though, did you?"
Frank shook his head no as an answer.
The conversation was interrupted by Frank's phone vibrating and he checked the message he had just received to see a picture of his kids opening presents. Abby hadn't forgotten.
Frank couldn't help but smile even though the sadness followed only a second later. He was quick to dry the tears before showing the picture to Robby who smiled softly.
"I'm truly sorry you couldn't spend Christmas with your kids."
"Abby asked me, but I told her it was best if I worked this year. I don't think I could have been able to pretend to be fine."
"That's understandable, but I'm still sorry. You two seemed so happy together and since you were still wearing your ring earlier I thought…"
"I don't want to explain to everyone why I'm not wearing my ring or why I was gone. I wish you hadn't found out."
"So you could spend your evening depressed and alone?"
Frank sighed and moved to hug his knees, making himself as small as possible on Robby's couch.
"I'm sorry if I said something hurtful," Robby said in a breath before deciding against his better judgment to get closer to Frank and pull him in a hug.
There was a second of hesitation before Frank leaned into the hug, allowing himself to accept the comfort and warmth of Robby's arms and body against his. He would lie if he said that he hadn't wished for this to happen months if not years ago.
Robby kissed the top of Frank's head before resting his chin there, gently rubbing his back. They had never let themselves be this close before, so vulnerable in a way. It made sense though, why would an attending hug his resident like this, but they have always been more than just their jobs even if neither of them had ever dared to admit it.
Eventually Frank raised his head to look at Robby, their faces only a few inches apart from each other. It would only take—
His train of thoughts was cut short by Robby lips pressing against his own. Once past the shock, Frank kissed him back, softly at first, but he was quick to deepen the kiss. He knew he was needy, desperate even perhaps. What he didn't expect was Robby being as desperate as him, holding Frank's face with both hands as if scared Frank would disappear if he were to let go.
Frank was the one to break the kiss to breathe and looked at Robby in a mix of love and confusion. Never in all the time they had known each other had he expected him to like him more than a friend. He had even said that he didn't have any friends.
"Robby—"
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I just… fuck…" Robby sighed and rested his forehead against Frank's. "After you left, it felt like a part of me was missing. And I was trying to lie to myself that it wasn't more than just feeling guilty about how we parted in the ambulance bay, but there was more. It has been more for a while, but you're married and it wasn't professional of me and—"
"You're rambling, that's unlike you."
There was a small smile on Frank's lips as Robby looked at him surprised.
"Robby, listen to me, please." Frank untangled him to gently stroke Robby's cheek with a hand, feeling the beard under his fingers. "My marriage had been teetering for a while. We would have separated whether or not I went to rehab. Abby and I still love each other, but as friends. We care about each other, but she has known my heart had started to belong to someone else for some time now."
"Does it?" There was hope in Robby's voice, not something Frank has often heard.
"Fuck, Robby, do I really have to say it when you're the one who kissed me?"
Frank could tell him how he felt, how he had felt for months, how Robby's absence from his life had been so horribly painful, how he had wished to be held when it had been hard, how he had hoped for good job or anything positive from him. He could tell him all of those things, but they were stuck in his throat and silence fell between them again.
He was certain this was it, that Robby would send him home and that he would have to sit with his feelings alone in his bed, trying to sleep when he should have been celebrating with Abby and the kids or even just stayed the evening here. But then—
"Ya tebya lyublyu."
The words were a whisper, like a secret shared between them. It wasn't the same as what his grandmother had used to tell Frank when he had been a child, but it was just close enough for him to understand.
"I love you too," Frank answered before kissing Robby again.
It was soft, sweet, loving. A kiss to allow them to say everything they could not put into words, not yet at least.
"I didn't know you spoke Russian," Robby mentioned as he pulled away to look at him, eyebrows slightly raised in surprise.
"I don't speak it, only understand most of it. It's a long story for another day."
"Please tell it to me another day then?"
"Pinky promise," Frank replied with a smile.
There was so much Robby didn't know about him, so many secrets he had kept from everyone, but perhaps he could tell him. Perhaps now he could trust him with the darker parts of himself and his past.
Frank felt Robby's lips on his cheek and he came back to the present moment, facing the man he had been in love with for longer than he would ever like to admit.
"Stay for the night? I can make us some food and we could watch some dumb romantic Christmas movie."
"I would love to," he answered, placing his free hand over Robby's that was still on his cheek, not feeling the absence of the ring on his ring finger.
The dim light of the morning woke Frank up and it took him a few seconds to remember where he was. He could feel Robby's warm body curled around him, one hand still holding Frank's like it had when they had fell asleep the previous evening. He was safe, he was warm, he was loved.
Frank did his best to turn around to snuggle up against Robby's chest without waking him, but when he thought he had managed, strong arms pulled him even closer.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up."
Robby answered with a groan before moving his head to kiss Frank's lips.
"Good morning to you too," he eventually mumbled.
"So… you were my Christmas present?" Frank asked with a loving smile.
"I'll be your everyday present."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Frank. So much."
Frank nuzzled Robby's neck, leaving a soft kiss on the skin. Perhaps this could become their new normal. Frank sure damn hoped it could.