Chapter Text
12 AM - 1 AM
I can’t sleep, and it’s 12:14. I should’ve expected this. Just a few hours ago we were told Itadori was to be executed, and he hasn’t even flinched at the news. Yaga-sensei was the one to tell us, and if I’m being honest I refused to believe it. Him parting from this world only 24 hours from now? Itadori accepting death so easily would’ve been wrong. It should’ve been wrong, but it isn’t. He’s content with dying, content because he claims not to have any regrets after meeting both me and Kugisaki. And maybe it makes me happy to know that, maybe.
The air conditioner won’t stop buzzing, and my heart won’t stop pounding. I have to see him, I can’t bear it any longer. I have to see him again, even if it’s for the entire 24 hours, I can’t live knowing I didn’t savor my last few moments with him. And because of that, I think I’m wrong. I should’ve spent time with him even before the announcement, and I realize now how hurt he must’ve been when I myself considered giving up.
A rustle of the sheets, the creaking of the floors and the click from the door. The hallway is dark, a soft shimmer of moonlight spilling through the windows. My clothes are bathed in the light; the mix of black and blue-ish light emits a tender teal. I see a sparkle on the floor, a small wet drop shining from the reflection of the light. Have I been crying? Does it really matter if he sees me like this?
I step towards Itadori’s dorm room on my left and knock gently at the door, once, twice, and by the third, I planned to leave until it drew open.
“Fushiguro?”
I look up at him, Itadori’s pink hair ruffled from sleep and his pajamas a comfortable mess atop his body. A pink t-shirt that matches his hair with white shorts that fall just below his knees. His eyes tired and red-rimmed from seemingly crying, part of me wishes I could’ve been there to comfort him.
His eyes were soft with concern, but I almost couldn’t see it with how lightheaded I felt. I’m so close to collapsing that a part of me hopes I do, because if I collapse, maybe he’ll catch me, maybe he’ll hold me tight and never let go.
“You okay? You look like you’ve been crying. It’s pretty late, you should be sleeping.”
My head falls on his shoulder, whether it’s on purpose or not, I can’t tell. My arms wrap loosely around his waist and my tears fall freely, dampening his neck and the shoulder of his clothing in a silent mess.
“I’m fine…” I whisper, my voice ragged and choked. “Just… let me have this…”
Itadori hesitated; he knew what this was about, of course he did, so he sighed and gave in, holding me close. Because that’s what a good friend would do, right?
I could feel his calloused fingers dragging through my hair to calm me, something that reminded me of Gojo. He comforts me like Gojo did when I was a kid, no matter how much I whined and kicked, he knew I needed it. But this was different. I wasn’t whining or kicking, I was giving in because I was given a warning, unlike last time, and part of me still feels guilty for that. Being comforted like this feels wrong. I feel like I’m taking advantage of him but I can’t bring myself to be honest with him.
His shirt was light with his scent, something I hoped to cling to before he could be taken from me. There’s a part of me that aches, a part of me that yearns for something more intimate. I want him to whisper my name and hold my hand, I want him to kiss my head and tell me that he loves me.
“Do you wanna come in for a while?” He asked after moments of my silent sobs, snapping me out of my daze and settling my gaze back on his eyes.
A simple nod gets me through the door and past the mess of discarded clothes on the floor. I sit sideways on the bed and lean against the wall by its side. Itadori opened a lamp by his bedside and went to grab some drinks from the mini fridge. It was as if I were hanging out in his room like any other day.
He acts as if this were just another sleepover together. But today, Kugisaki isn’t here. She cried so hard she passed out, so we had to carry her to her dorm. Today we’re alone, and today the sleepover is only between us. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want this since I first fell for him. And I know I’d only regret it if I didn’t tell him before his death, I can wait though, just a while longer.
“Here, I got you this black coffee in a soda can. I saw it in a store a while back and thought you’d like to try it.” Itadori handed the can to me, a grin etched onto his cheeks. “I know you’ll probably want to stay up tonight, and I don’t mind joining you as well, so might as well have some caffeine to keep you up, right?”
“Yeah, I would prefer staying up tonight. Thanks…” I could barely hear my voice past the ringing in my ears; it seemed the only thing that made it stop was whenever Itadori spoke to me. “You’re not sleeping either?”
Itadori paused for a few moments. “It’s my last day, I’d rather savor it.” He opened his cream-soda with a soft click, taking the edge to his lips and sipping. After a few huge gulps, he tossed the can into a nearby dustbin, the clinks of aluminum against metal filling the unusually quiet room. Itadori picked up two controllers wirelessly connected to the console and plopped down on the bed by my side, crossing his legs. His shorts drove up his knees at the movement and brushed against my own.
A soft pink tainted my cheeks; it was stupid, really. Me, blushing over my knee touching another? I always wished moments like these could go further and I still do, I still crave more but know what I want more is for him to at least stay. I’d be fine with being just friends if it meant getting to see him every day. In another world, we’d be at a normal high school, complaining about math and science, then confessing under the pretty cherry blossom trees that bloomed every spring.
I looked down at the controller in my hands, and it had little doodles of Gojo on it. Yuji’s controller had some references to Human Earth Worm. The one on the table by the TV — meant for Kugisaki — was pink with flowers decorating its handles. They were all given to us as gifts on some random day by Gojo; his doodles on my controller seemed to mean a lot more ever since then. Everything I look at holds another story, and realizing how many more things I’d hold precious to me after Itadori leaves only burns and cuts deeper than it was ever meant to.
“Oi! Fushiguro!” I snap out of my daze for the second time already. I can’t seem to focus on one direct thing at once. “C’mon, bro, you’ve been daydreaming for like a whole minute! Seriously, are you okay? If you wanna take a break, that’s fine.”
“No, I’ll stay. It wouldn’t be fair to you if I leave you today.” I look up at my right, where he sits by my side, his brown eyes glow under the golden light of the lamp. I look back towards the screen, picking a random character and starting the game with him. “Cool the burgers right this time, there’s a time limit, y’know, and Kugisaki isn’t here to carry your ass through this. You can cook well in real life, but you keep messing up in-game.”
Itadori laughed in response, his grin stretching wider, and my gaze almost felt forced to soften at his childish expression. Someone like him should never even be considered a candidate for execution. He has a kind soul, and not being able to see that — just because he was a vessel — is only wrong on the higher-ups’ end. “I will! I will! I’ll try harder for you, Fushiguro!” He expressed in his usual loud tone, something I seemed to miss today, and I almost saw a blush creep in at another caress of our knees. It could’ve just been my imagination or the odd lighting of his lamp, but I want to imagine he did blush for me, that he was just as affected as I was by all of this. And for a moment I felt at ease, as if all thoughts of an execution were never there to begin with, drowned out in his brown eyes that shimmer with a shade of gold in them.
I leaned my head back against the wall and peeked at my phone for the time, the screen illuminating my close surroundings in a soft hue. It’s 12:26 now.
I check again after around three games with him, 12:43. I feel anxious and Itadori seemed close to just taking my phone due to how much I checked it repeatedly. It felt like a countdown and I’m likely making him panic myself just by doing this. His movements stuttered when trying to snatch my phone away because my head leaned on his shoulder. I’m not sure what I was thinking exactly in that moment but my head felt heavy, though I might be making excuses to touch him. His shirt was as soft as ever, his scent clinging to it the way I wanted to cling to him.
Itadori stayed silent and started another game instead, the music playing lightly in the back. He didn’t protest the action so I stayed despite it feeling wrong. I needed reassurance but didn’t know if I could ask for it. I quickly pushed the thought away. It’s his last day. If I do anything, I should at the very least have his permission. “Can I stay on your shoulder?”
“Yeah, stay however long you’d like, Fushiguro.” Itadori’s voice spoke in a gentle, soothing tone, straying from his usual energetic one.
I nuzzle in on his shoulder and click to continue playing with him on the console. I’d be happy to stay this way forever. To stay by his side, on his shoulder, for years to pass. I also pulled the blanket on top of our legs up to our waists, helping us sink further into the comfort of his bed.
I open my coffee can, finally after stalling so long. Yuji closed the console and got up to put his controllers back on the shelves next to Kugisaki’s controller.
It’s 12:59 AM.