Chapter Text
“Welcome to the Interastral Peace Broadcast. Good evening everyone.”
“Good evening.”
“Welcome to a new episode of Interastral Peace Broadcast. We are here to bring you the latest news from across the galaxy.”
Caelus tuned out the familiar voices of the IPC newscasters as they began their show. He had more important things to deal with, currently. Like figuring out where he left his phone. It had to have been somewhere around here, right?
“Let’s take a look at the details.”
“In the Asdana star system, there has been a recent resurgence of a disease previously thought to be extinct.”
He stilled for a moment.
Asdana?
… Weren’t they there just recently?
Ever since Phainon had boarded the Astral Express, Caelus had made it his goal to show him as many different places as he could—after all, it would all be new to him. And after everything that had happened, Phainon really deserved a vacation.
And really, for that, what better place than Penacony?
… Though, it looks like their trip might have been at a bad time.
“It appears to be a form of memoria sickness that feeds off of strong feelings of affection, and can cause adverse effects on the emotional and physical states of those affected, leading to heightened emotions and physical manifestations that vary depending on the person. Most notably, a common symptom across all cases is development of unnatural flora within the body.”
“That being said, reports indicate that the disease is rather selective when it comes to its spread. Most individuals will find themselves entirely unharmed.”
“Memokeepers from the Garden of Recollection have been contacted in efforts to resolve this matter. The IPC, as always, sincerely wishes for the swift recovery of those affected.”
… Maybe they got lucky, and no one on the Express got infected by it. At the very least, everyone seems to be doing fine?
After all, the reporters did say that most people wouldn't be affected by it.
A few feet away, there was a sudden noise, breaking Caelus from his thoughts.
There it was.
Half-formed concerns faded from his mind as he picked up his phone and checked his notifications.
“Phainon. Sorry about that. Thanks for waiting.”
“Partner, welcome back! It really wasn't any time at all. Did you find your teleslate?”
“Mhm. It was just in the parlor car. Are we good to watch now?”
“Yeah, I was just waiting for you to get back.”
Recently, on days that were particularly free, Caelus and Phainon had taken to holding mini movie nights in Caelus's room.
Phainon had been curious about movies and films ever since Caelus first mentioned them, all the way back in Amphoreus. And now that Phainon was on the Express, they had various opportunities to satisfy that curiosity.
Caelus turned the room lights off before setting the movie to play on his computer's monitor, and then sat down beside Phainon on the bed.
As the opening sequence played, Phainon leaned the bowl of popcorn they'd made over to Caelus's side.
“Popcorn?”
“Yeah, thanks.” He accepted the offer and popped a few pieces into his mouth. “By the way, how do you like it? Is it better than last time?”
“It's good! Though, I might like the one from before more.”
Caelus took a mental note of Phainon's preference. So he likes his popcorn sweet, huh?
… To be honest, that was part of why he had suggested these movie nights. Since Phainon was experiencing so many new things, Caelus wanted to figure out what he liked best.
It wasn’t like the time they had spent together in Amphoreus was an insignificant amount. It was pretty long, all things considered. By far the longest stop Caelus had made since boarding the Astral Express. He’d witnessed Phainon, the Chrysos Heir, the Deliverer, the Prisoner of Flames, and even the simple farmer’s son.
He knew a lot about Phainon and his life. He knew Phainon well, as another person.
But there was something insistent and everpresent within Caelus, a strange feeling he couldn’t quite understand.
He wanted to know more about Phainon.
He wanted to know it all, and engrave every detail and memory onto his heart.
Maybe it wasn’t normal. Maybe part of it was a result of all of the painful lengths of their shared story that he’d lived through. Maybe this feeling towards Phainon was some weird… attachment, born from fear of loss.
He didn’t know.
But it was what he wanted.
Colorful light shone from the monitor, reflecting their colors onto the two of them, as the frame captured the two leads.
The movie this time was a sweet, lighthearted romantic comedy that mixed fantastical elements with a mundane, everyday setting.
Caelus glanced over at Phainon to gauge his reaction. He seemed to be enjoying himself, so far.
He looked back at the screen.
Usually, romance wasn't really his preferred genre. And if he did watch or read it, he tended to prefer something with more drama.
But this was nice.
It was simple and low-stakes. Easy to watch.
Caelus laughed a little in his heart.
The male lead kinda reminded him of Phainon, actually.
He looked back at Phainon. It was nice seeing all the changes in his expression.
By all means, the movie wasn't bad at all. Caelus liked it, even.
That being said…
He thought it was more fun to watch Phainon.
The movie continued on and ended like that, with Caelus’s attention being split half and half between looking at the movie itself and looking at Phainon.
Well. That was fine. These nights were more for Phainon’s sake than his own.
“What did you think?”
“I liked it! It was really sweet. Though—”
“—You'd prefer something a little more exciting, right?” Caelus gave a snap of his fingers as he spoke. “It's the same for me.”
Phainon smiled, bright as the sun itself.
“It's like we're in sync.”
“Isn't it?”
Caelus took a sip of his drink before speaking again.
“You know, Phainon, the male lead actually kinda reminds me of you.”
“Huh? Really?”
“Yeah. He's tall, handsome, and looks cool. But his personality is super cute. Though, you're more like fire than ice.”
A slight flush rose on Phainon's face. It was a bit difficult to see in the dark, but it was enough for Caelus.
“Cute…? Me? You really think so?”
“Yeah. I'd never lie to you.”
Caelus pondered for a moment.
“Actually, are you the type that doesn't like being called cute?”
“No, I don't mind it at all, but… It's hard to believe, if I had to say.”
“Really.”
Caelus held out his hand, held horizontally, palm facing up, as if he was waiting for something.
“Hey, Phainon. Give me your hand?”
“Hm? Sure.”
Phainon obediently placed his hand on Caelus’s.
Caelus smoothly twisted his hand to grab Phainon's, interlocking their fingers.
“See? That was cute of you.”
He didn't elaborate any further, but surely this much was enough?
If it was almost anyone else, that would be when they would give Caelus a look of bewilderment. But Phainon always understood him pretty well.
“You're cute,” Caelus said, as if it was one of the most basic facts of the universe.
Well, to him, it was.
In a life as busy and complicated as his, this was a refreshingly simple and straightforward matter.
Caelus lightly swung their intertwined hands side to side in a slightly playful manner. Phainon wordlessly allowed it, indulging his sudden impulses as he usually does.
Ah, Phainon was making a really cute expression.
What could possibly be hard to believe?
“Phainon,” Caelus called out.
“... Partner,” Phainon replied in a small voice.
“Do you believe me yet?”
“Yes, I do, it’s enough already, so…”
Caelus gave Phainon’s hand a quick and gentle squeeze, and smiled in satisfaction.
“Heh.”
Phainon’s face seemed to redden further. Maybe he was embarrassed. If he thought it was hard to believe, maybe he never really got called cute before. Weird. If Caelus had met Phainon earlier, he’d have said it every day.
Well, if Phainon was fine with it, anyways.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed about it.”
Caelus fell backwards onto the bed, dragging Phainon along with him.
They laid facing each other, only inches apart, fingers still intertwined.
His expression really was the cutest.
Phainon averted his eyes.
“—You’re… really so unfair sometimes, partner.”
“Huh? Really? How?”
“You not understanding is part of it, you know,” Phainon said with a hint of… bitterness?
Why was that?
“Then just tell me.”
Phainon smiled, more affectionate than anything else.
“If anything, I think you’re the cute one here.”
A slight feeling of frustration burned in Caelus’s heart.
“I also am, but—”
He brought his free hand up to cup Phainon’s face, angling him to meet Caelus’s sharp gaze straight on.
“—You’re avoiding the question.”
A small sound of surprise escaped from Phainon.
Caelus leaned in.
“Partner?”
“Tell me.”
The rosy color of Phainon’s blush was clear against his pale skin.
… Wasn’t it a bit too much? Was he feeling alright?
“Phai—”
Suddenly, Phainon’s body twisted to the opposite side as coughs racked his body.
Caelus sat up, still with surprise as his mind raced a mile a minute.
What should he do? Was Phainon sick? Was he going to be okay? When did—
He gingerly put a hand on Phainon’s back, in some sort of attempt to comfort him.
Caelus had never been sick, he didn’t know what to—he should call one of the others, so—
—A sweet scent filled the air.
Clutched in Phainon’s hand, and scattered across the sheets, were flower petals, almost seeming to shimmer in a rich gold.
The number only increased with Phainon’s coughs.
A cold feeling of realization washed over Caelus’s being.
Ah. This was like…
What those IPC reporters were talking about before, wasn’t it?
“Is it Castorice.”
“No, we’re just friends.”
“Is it Mydei.”
“No, I respect him deeply, but it’s not like that.”
“Hyacine?”
“Again, no…”
“Hmm…” Caelus put a hand to his chin as he hummed in thought, eyes closed to further give the image of focus.
Despite the unfortunate, and mortifying, situation, a part of Phainon still had it in him to think of Caelus as cute.
“Ah.”
Caelus’s eyes suddenly opened as he put his hands together in a gesture of realization.
“Wait. I’ve got it. You don’t need to say any more. I understand now.”
“You—do…?”
“Yes. As your dear friend and partner, this is something I really should have figured out sooner. How could I have not? All the signs were pointing towards it. Now that I think about it, it’s so obvious.”
With every word Caelus spoke, the sense of dread within Phainon built up further and further. Now, he would really, really love to believe that, despite everything he’s said and done, he was a bit better at keeping his feelings for Caelus hidden. Even if everyone already knows, and he knows that they do.
(It’s very sweet of them all, but it’s more than a little embarrassing whenever they wish him well with Caelus.)
But maybe Caelus doesn’t know! Maybe he doesn’t! After all, Caelus seemed to be a bit… unconcerned, in a way, when it comes to matters of romance. A trait of his that has caused Phainon to go through the entire spectrum of human emotion on various occasions.
Phainon gave a helpless sort of laugh. The taste of flower petals lingered at the back of his throat.
“Haha… Is. Is that so?”
“Yes.”
Caelus’s voice was deeply serious when he spoke. On one hand, very handsome. On the other hand, Phainon’s anxiety was at its peak.
Golden eyes raised to meet Phainon’s azure as Caelus’s face formed a slight expression of concern. Those subtle expressions of his were also a wonderful charm point.
“It’s Dan Heng, isn’t it? That sinful man.”
Phainon didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry.
Cyrene would never let him live this down.
“... What makes you think that, partner?”
“You’re always bringing him up. All the time. Even when it’s just the two of us talking, you’re always like ‘You and me, partner! Oh, and Dan Heng!’”
Did he really do that? And as often as Caelus claimed? Really? No way, right?
… Right?
Part of him wanted to ask one of the others if it was true, but he also didn’t want to have to explain the entire extremely embarrassing situation that caused the question.
Phainon was broken out of his thoughts by a firm hand on his shoulder. Caelus was staring at him straight on, with a serious look in his eyes that almost seemed to sparkle.
“Don't worry about a single thing, Phainon. Everything's going to work out. I'll help you.”
“—You will?”
“Just leave it to me. As Dan Heng's best friend, I'd say that I'm best suited for a situation like this.”
Caelus spoke with so much confidence that Phainon almost believed him, if only the entire premise of his statement wasn't incorrect.
He should tell Caelus that he was wrong. It would be the right thing to do. It would save Caelus from fruitless effort.
—But then a new problem arose.
If he were to tell Caelus that his conjecture was wrong, it would reopen the avenue of discussion: if not Dan Heng, who was it that Phainon held a flame for?
Any dishonest conclusion would render his initial correction meaningless.
However, to tell the truth would be putting Caelus in an impossible situation.
He knew that his feelings were heavy. He knew that Caelus, given his insensitivity to romance, would not—could not—feel the same.
And that would have been fine! And, in the first place, Phainon never needed Caelus to feel the same. It wasn’t like Phainon held these feelings expecting to be rewarded for them. It was more than enough for him to just be able to exist by Caelus’s side as his partner.
So, to put him on the spot like that, all but outright saying you'll be responsible for my death if you don't love me?
Phainon didn't want to place such a burden on Caelus's shoulders. He didn't want Caelus to feel responsible—or, even worse, guilty—for his condition.
Caelus was a nice guy. He really was. He’s kind, and more considerate than people tend to give him credit for. Such basic facts couldn’t be hidden by unconventional behavior. Or, at least, that was what Phainon thought.
Caelus’s care was like a poison, both sugary and painful in equal measure. Phainon knew that drinking it up could only hurt him, but…
It was difficult.
It made him feel like a man that's never known the sweetness of water. Every single drop was simultaneously too much and not enough.
There was a greedy, greedy part of his heart that wanted more. More of Caelus's attention, his affection, his gaze, his touch, his time, his smile…
Phainon knew that he shouldn't ask for too much. And he didn't. Really. But if it was given freely, then… was it okay?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe he was in the wrong for even having these desires towards his hero.
Maybe that's why he was being punished for it.
So why did everything have to go wrong?
He swallowed that bitter taste of unease and flora back down his throat.
“... No, I appreciate the offer, but it’s fine. Isn’t there any other way?”
“It’s okay, partner! We really—don’t have to do this. Really.”
Caelus’s hand, colder and smaller than his own, was holding onto his in a firm clasp.
“But we don’t know until we try.”
“It’s really fine. I mean it.”
Amber eyes fixed him with a reproachful glare.
“Why are you so okay with all of this?”
“... It’s because I really don’t mind. They said that there was another way to deal with it, right?”
“... You want to give up, just like that?”
“Haha... I just don’t want to burden… him, with these feelings of mine.”
The hand holding Phainon’s tightened its grip, causing him to look up in surprise and see Caelus’s expression of anger as it wilted.
“But I want you to be happy, Phainon.”
His voice was impossibly soft, filled with so much concern, and it was all for Phainon’s sake.
“I…”
Whatever words he planned to speak died as they reached his throat.
“... Even… Even if we do, there’s no way it’ll work out. There’s no way that he—feels the same.”
“That can change. Like I said, there’s no way to know unless we at least make an attempt. And who knows, maybe even bland Dannie has a romantic bone in his body. Don’t tell him I said that.”
A bit ironic, coming from Caelus.
Caelus let out a sigh.
“Phainon. I know it's your choice in the end. They're your feelings, after all. But I just want you to think about it a little more, at least. It's not fair that you have to give up on possibilities for your own happiness for the sake of others.”
He looked into Phainon's eyes with a simple, straightforward gaze. As if the words he spoke were the most natural thing in the world. Phainon was always captivated by those eyes of Caelus's, as gold as the wheat fields of Aedes Elysiae and as sharp as Dawnmaker's edge.
“... I really don't mean to bring the mood down. But you've been through so much already, through those thirty million lifetimes… Now that everything's over, like I said, I just want you to be able to live freely and happily.”
Caelus's grip loosened just a little bit.
“I can't say that I hate your selflessness. I'm someone who benefits from it, after all. But I would be more than happy to call you my ‘best partner’ even if you were a bit more selfish.”
A thumb rubbed circles onto Phainon's hand, comforting and slow.
“I guess you can consider it as being for my sake, in a way.”
The expression on his face was unreadable, even more so than his usual indifferent look.
But even so, it was still clear that he meant every single word he said.
Earnestly.
Sincerely.
Genuinely.
Just as he always is.
Phainon didn’t know how to feel.
It was sweet. He should be happy. The person he loves told him, in no uncertain words, that he cares deeply for him. That he would still care about him even if he was a little more flawed.
What more could he possibly want?
Really.
He doesn’t need anything more than this.
And when it came to Caelus…
Caelus was not someone who ‘needed’ anything. Every single possibility was already checked off. All of his basic needs were amply met, and he lived a fulfilling life that never got dull alongside companions that loved him dearly, treating him like family. He had the freedom to go anywhere. To do anything. To be anyone. It was all just a matter of his own choice.
There were many things he wanted, but nothing he needed. Desires all wrapped up in an airy mirth, and then popping like soda bubbles. From those desires, others were free to interpret his character as they pleased, but Caelus will always be Caelus.
Caelus, who had both many things and nothing at all.
He had everything, yet lacked a past. Lacked the vital memory which forms the ‘self.’ Like Phainon, born to be an empty shell. Unlike Phainon, stripped of everything that was his, lacking even the knowledge of what it is he had lost.
There was no need for him to seriously ask for anything because there lies that vital lack of necessity. The only thing he could ‘need’ was that which could not be returned.
And yet, Caelus stood there before Phainon, seriously asking for him to be happy. Framing it in a way completely free of humor, while he tried to make it as painless for Phainon as possible.
A statement of ‘want’ stained with the sentiment of ‘need.’
Every single aspect conveyed just how much this meant to Caelus.
‘I want you to be happy’ was such a simple phrase that carried emotions deeper than words could convey.
So, naturally, Phainon’s heart ached with a sort of sorrow at Caelus's request.
After all, he felt the exact same way.
Step one. All plans have to start somewhere, and all plans are built off on having the sufficient information to carry them out. Or something like that. Caelus usually wasn't the plans guy.
Currently, he was hanging out in Dan Heng's room, scouting out for any usable information while under the pretext of helping him with the data bank. He'd been reporting back on things he's seen on their missions that Dan Heng wasn't there for, helping with organization, stuff like that.
It had been going on for a while in a normal enough manner. Maybe Dan Heng's guard was lowered enough by now for Caelus to get into his real motive for being there.
Well. No use beating around the bush. Probably.
Caelus, while inspecting a file in hand, broke the companionable near-silence between the two of them with some casual-sounding words.
“Hey, Dan Heng. What’s your type?”
If anything, Caelus was great at being straightforward.
“... My type? Why do you want to know?”
Dan Heng looked at Caelus in suspicion, without a doubt already catching on to the fact that he was up to something. A fairly common occurrence, really.
Caelus set his file down on a stack to his left, and continued organizing.
“I was reading some Amphorean poems the other day and got curious.” Which wasn’t untrue. He had, in fact, been doing some reading for reference purposes.
Dan Heng shot him a look that, most likely, meant something like what does that have to do with me?
Caelus pretended to not notice it.
Thankfully, he was still kind enough to answer.
“... I don’t have a type.”
“Really? Not even a little bit?”
“Yes. Not even a little bit.”
“What about tall, or strong, or maybe short-haired?”
Dan Heng turned to fully face Caelus with a look of wariness, diverting his attention away from the data bank.
“What are you trying to say, genuinely.”
“Oh, well. You know.” Caelus said vaguely, holding onto a light and casual tone.
“I don't.”
Caelus started improvising.
“Well. Love is a common theme in stories and stuff, right?”
“Right.”
“But I don't really know anything about that. Because of the whole amnesia thing. Yeah?”
Which wasn't untrue, really. Being effectively alive for less than three years (with those years being spent incredibly busily) would do that to someone.
“... That makes sense.”
“So I only really ever hear about it in those stories. Somehow, even though it's a pretty common thing, I don't think I come across it very often in real life.”
“So you wanted to try learning more about it?”
“Yeah. And I thought it would feel more… concrete? If I asked people I already know.”
Briefly, the thought of making a forum post about the situation came to mind, causing Caelus a small bit of amusement, even if what was happening wasn't ideal.
“Still, why ask me? About something like—love.” Dan Heng spoke in a careful tone.
“We're friends, aren't we? Isn’t it normal to be able to talk about it?”
Well. That's what people say, at least.
“We are, but… Wouldn't it be better to ask March about this sort of thing?”
“Are you saying that because she's a woman.” Caelus looked over at Dan Heng and shook his head in mock disappointment. “Not very feminist of you, Dan Heng.”
“You—You know that's not what I meant,” Dan Heng said, tone tinted with a slight hint of indignation.
“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to get you. But she left to visit the Luofu just earlier, so I'm asking you first.”
Dan Heng sighed.
“I understand. I'm not the person to talk to about these sorts of topics, though. As things are, I'm not interested in a romantic relationship of any sort.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Dan Heng shot Caelus a look.
“Why are you so surprised? It's not like you're much different. Right?”
“I guess.”
A beat passed between them.
“You know, Caelus. Why don't you try asking Phainon instead,” Dan Heng said with some resignation.
“I did.”
“Is that so.”
“Yeah.”
“Did it help?”
“Uh. He also doesn't have much experience in it.”
Caelus was glad for his face's natural lack of expression.
“Really.”
Dan Heng spoke like he knew something that Caelus didn't. He let out another sigh, and then turned back to the data bank.
“Well, if that's all you wanted, could you hand over that green book to your right before you leave?”
Whoops. Looks like Dan Heng saw right through him.
“Got it.”
Caelus did as requested, and just as he was about to walk through the doorway, Dan Heng spoke up.
“One last thing. You should ask Phainon about it again. Be more insistent if you have to.” Dan Heng paused. “Please don't tell me how it goes, though.”
“Alright?”
Caelus agreed, but he honestly just felt confused at Dan Heng's words. He already knew about Phainon's situation. There wasn't much else to know.
So what did he mean by that?
“Hey, Phainon. Why do you like him?”
Phainon dropped the book he was reading, but, luckily, Caelus caught it before it could hit the floor. He gave it a quick glance over (oh, it was one of the ones he’d picked up from Belobog) before handing it back to Phainon, who accepted it with a complicated look on his face.
“... Why do I like him?”
“Yeah. Why do you like him?” Caelus repeated.
Phainon had a troubled expression as he thought it over.
“... It's a bit difficult to really list everything, but, for some… He’s kind, courageous, his straightforward nature is charming, he’s considerate of others in his own way, he has a surprisingly cute side despite his impassive demeanor, there was everything in Amphoreus…”
A faint blush rose on Phainon’s cheeks.
“... And he’s handsome.”
Even to someone like Caelus, Phainon’s expression could only be described as ‘someone in love.’
“Hmm. I guess I can see that. You really like him, don’t you?”
“... I do.”
Caelus gave a cheeky smile, and pointed a finger towards himself.
“I’m the most handsome, though, right?”
Phainon laughed.
“Of course.”
Phainon had an affectionate expression on his face, soft and warm. A sudden impulse arose in Caelus.
“Phainon.”
“Yeah?”
“Can I pet you?”
“Huh? Okay.” Surprise colored Phainon’s tone, but it quickly melted into acceptance as he, with consideration, leaned down to make it easier for Caelus to reach.
Hands rifled through Phainon’s hair with a sense of eagerness.
“Are you enjoying yourself, partner?”
Phainon seemed happy. It was cute.
“Yeah. You’re all soft and fluffy. It’s awesome. I could do this forever and never get tired of it.”
“Haha… Is that so?”
“Mhm.”
Caelus’s hands lowered to cradle Phainon’s face. His pale skin had a rosy tint to it. Was he embarrassed to be treated like this by a guy both shorter and (probably?) younger than him, or something?
Though, he never seemed to mind it before. Did he maybe have a fever? It would make sense, it could be a part of his illness.
He brought Phainon’s face closer for inspection. Phainon let out a short sound of surprise.
“Partner?”
“Are you feeling alright?”
“I—I’m fine.”
“You sure? You’re looking kinda red, it might be part of your—”
Suddenly, Phainon broke from Caelus’s hold, sharply turning his head to the side.
A horrible sound tore through the air as Phainon coughed violently, clutching at his chest in pain.
With each cough, golden petals escaped from his mouth, and his free hand moved to try and catch them before they could fall.
Somewhere in the back of Caelus’s mind, a part of him took note of the faintly sweet scent in a detached manner, as if he was simply a bystander.
—That’s not right.
He patted Phainon’s back soothingly until the attack subsided, and then went to get some water and tissues for him.
“Here.”
“... Thank you.”
Phainon looked paler than usual as he downed the glass of water.
“You should go wash your face. I’ll clean this up.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to, I can—”
“It’s really fine. I can handle this much.”
He made a lighthearted shooing gesture as he spoke.
“Ah… Well, if you insist. Thank you.”
You don’t need to thank me so much, Caelus thought as the bathroom door automatically closed behind Phainon.
He brought his attention back to the mess at hand, reaching down to pick a few pieces up before pausing.
Caelus stared down at the petals in his hand, vivid gold against black gloves.
He briefly wondered what kind of flowers they were. What was growing in Phainon’s chest, causing him so much pain?
Maybe he should ask Ruan Mei. She would probably know. Or maybe Anaxa. It might be a type of flower native to Amphoreus, after all.
… Yellow, huh.
“I guess it suits him, in a way.” He said absentmindedly.
“Partner?”
Phainon’s call rang out through the room, accompanied by the mechanical sound of the bathroom door’s opening and closing.
“Mm.”
His voice sounded a bit rough. It would be weird if it didn’t. Caelus couldn’t imagine how it must feel to be coughing these things up. Does it hurt? It probably also tastes bad, right?
“Is there something wrong? What are you—” Phainon’s words abruptly died as a noise of surprise escaped him in their stead.
It’s bitter.
A frantic grip on his arm snapped Caelus from his slight daze.
“You—Don’t eat it! What if it’s poisonous?!”
“You haven’t been poisoned so far, though,” Caelus said plainly. “I wanted to see what it was like.”
“Even still, you… What if you also got sick?”
His voice was half worried, half exasperated.
The taste of flowers lingered in Caelus’s mouth as he spoke.
“I’ll be fine. They said that it only affects people in love, and I don’t like anyone like that.”
Phainon made an expression that Caelus couldn’t quite place.
“... Even so, it still worries me. I appreciate all that you’ve done for me, but I don’t want you to come to harm because of it. That’s the one thing I can’t accept.”
The touch on his arm turned soft as Phainon regained his composure, simply resting where it lay.
Caelus brought his other hand up to hold Phainon’s in reassurance. Phainon's hands were warm, much warmer than his own. He wondered how he hadn't noticed until now.
“Like I said, nothing will happen to me. And I promise I won’t do it again.”
Caelus paused for a moment.
“It tasted bad, anyways.”
“Well, it’s a flower, after all.” Phainon laughed. “... But, really, please don’t do that again.”
“I already said I wouldn't. It was super bitter.”
A note of humor entered Phainon's voice.
“... Which do you prefer, the flowers or redsoil feed?”
“Maybe redsoil feed? If I keep trying it, I might be able to understand Dromy one day.”
The clear sound of Phainon's laughter filled the room. Caelus found himself savoring its sweetness.
There was an uncomfortable feeling in Caelus’s heart.
A sense of anxiety?
There hasn’t been any meaningful progress on Phainon’s situation. Dan Heng was just too hard of a nut to crack. Maybe he really didn’t have a romantic bone in his body. After all, who wouldn’t want to date someone like Phainon?
Phainon’s condition hasn’t worsened too much yet, but Caelus didn’t want to let it get to that point in the first place. If Phainon can be cured and happy, then that would be for the best. And Caelus was willing to keep trying to get that vision realized as soon as he could.
After all, if what they said came to pass, Phainon would…
It’s better not to dwell on that. It won’t happen because Caelus won’t let it happen. Simple as that.
And even so, Phainon was willing to take the other option. As a last resort. Because it won’t be necessary. Because they’ll succeed, and Phainon will have his feelings returned by Dan Heng. Hopefully.
The unpleasant feeling in Caelus’s chest intensified.
… Was it selfish of him to insist on this path, when so far all it’s done is prolong Phainon’s suffering?
He didn’t know.
…
… Seriously, did it have to be Dan Heng? It would be easier if it was someone else, wouldn’t it?
His throat felt tight with an emotion that he couldn’t name.
The more he thought about it, the weirder he felt.
Why was that?
Caelus walked a few circles around his room, as if the action would rid himself of the entanglement in his chest and cotton blocking his throat.
After a few more rounds, he came to a stop in front of Puffball, and wordlessly started playing with it. His eyes gazed on at the Warp Trotter in deep contemplation as he patted its head, before opening his mouth to speak.
“What do you think I should do, Puffball?”
Puffball, being a Warp Trotter, could only make a few oink sounds in response.
“Hmm. Maybe…”
The Trotter's ‘words’ meant nothing, the same as how Caelus's response meant nothing.
With one last pat to Puffball’s head, he turned around and walked over to have a replay of almost the exact same interaction, but this time with Trash Cake.
Neither animal could provide the right answer to the situation, nor to Caelus's mysterious and steadily increasing feeling of unease.
…
Maybe relaxing and taking a break would help. It’s been stressful recently, with everything that’s been going on. Maybe he could go and take a bath. Amphoreans are big on that sort of thing for a reason, right? Or something. Yeah. Right. Exactly. He’s literally always saying this.
(March 7th’s exasperated voice came to mind, saying, what are you even talking about? In his head, an imaginary Dan Heng leveled him with an unimpressed look.)
Or, at least, it’s a better course of action than just endlessly pacing around his room.
He gave Trash Cake’s paws a squeeze before heading into the bathroom. As he caught his visage in the mirror, he held up a quick peace sign, a gesture his reflection returned with a matching straight face.
As the bathtub filled up, Caelus closed his eyes and picked a bath soak at random, hoping vaguely at the back of his mind that whatever he chose wouldn’t boil him alive.
… Rose-scented, huh.
A lot of flowers in his life, recently.
Well. Whatever.
He ignored the discomfort that was once more rising in his heart as he undressed and stepped into the now-filled bathtub.
The subtle sweetness of roses filled the air as he sank into the water. The warmth was nice, and brought a sense of soothing that he probably needed.
Warmth was usually associated with comfort, wasn’t it?
At the back of his mind, the impression of azure eyes lingered like a spring breeze. And then it dispersed.
(Like petals to the wind? That would be a tasteless comparison, wouldn't it?)
Caelus let out a slight hum. His temperature naturally ran cold. The water felt nice. Outside the window, stars glittered and gleamed. He submerged himself in the bath.
For just a moment, it was like the rest of the world had faded away. Ceased to exist. Or maybe none of it was ever real.
A fantastical story penned by a passionate author, perhaps?
These meaningless thoughts that flowed through Caelus's head brought him a feeling of calm.
He'd managed to clear away the unpleasantness from before with a detached sense of dullness.
Not wanting to test his lung capacity too much, he emerged from the water and wiped the wetness from his face.
Maybe he was supposed to feel differently.
His gaze lowered to the golden mark embedded into his chest. Undeniable proof of his origins.
If he was a normal human, would he feel differently?
He poked at the mark halfheartedly, and any sensation that should have been there was missing. Like there was nothing there at all.
His hand fell back to his side.
Was he a human? Or was he a Stellaron?
How much did it even matter, in the end?
There wasn’t anyone that could give him an answer. If anything, they would tell him that it was something that he needed to find himself.
Absently, he picked up a rose petal floating on the water.
The memory of yellow petals came to mind, bringing Caelus back to the world.
… What could they even do?
There had to be more options that they just haven’t tried yet. And one of them had to work. Caelus just needed to think of it.
If this were like one of Castorice’s romance novels, or something like that, maybe he could lock Phainon and Dan Heng in a closet and hope for the best. Proximity and alone time were supposed to help when it came to romance, right?
Not that Caelus would know anything about that.
If he were someone like Aglaea, or Cyrene, or maybe March 7th, he might be better informed. Be more helpful. He’d never considered his lack of experience or interest when it came to romance to be an issue before this, but the current situation had him wishing and wishing that he knew at least something.
Instead, all he could do was reference cheap love story tropes.
Maybe he could get Trinnon to prophesize a future where Phainon and Dan Heng are destined to be together.
A false prophecy wouldn’t really mean anything, or do anything, though.
Maybe he could take a fatal blow in battle, and on his last breath say that his final wish is for Dan Heng to fall in love with Phainon.
Just kidding. That wouldn’t work. It’d just make everyone sad. And he enjoys being alive, anyways.
… Was the closet idea really the best he had?
Hmm.
Step one. He locks Phainon in a storage closet.
Step two. He locks Dan Heng in that same storage closet.
Step three. Caelus isn’t sure what happens here.
Step four. Love?
He realized that he didn't actually have much of an idea on how it was supposed to work.
If this was a romance novel…
It would be a bit awkward at first, but before long they would get to talking. About how to get out, and maybe lightly complaining about Caelus himself for putting them in that situation. But that one-on-one conversation would be important, as it’s something that the two of them usually don’t get.
Caelus realized then that it was likely because he was usually also there with them. Whoops.
Anyways. They would talk, and maybe during a lull in the conversation Dan Heng would take notice of how handsome Phainon looks under the low light. Phainon would have a slightly troubled look on his face, but still be smiling gently regardless. It would be kinda lethal, wouldn’t it? And in such close proximity, too.
Maybe that sort of attraction would be enough to melt Dan Heng’s sense of coldness.
Phainon was a nice guy. Really, way too nice. Since Phainon was likely the type to prefer to hide his feelings so he doesn’t impose anything on the other person, Dan Heng would probably have to take the initiative. The distance between the two of them would gradually lessen, and, before they knew it, they would be only inches away from each other. Their eyes would meet, drawing closer, hands brushing against each other, and…
And…
Caelus wasn’t sure if he liked this plan anymore.
A wave of something like disgust washed over him. Despite the warm water surrounding him, he felt unbearably cold.
Why?
Why?
Why was that?
What was wrong?
It would be a good thing, wouldn't it?
It would mean they accomplished their goal, right?
So why couldn’t he be happy for his friend, for his dear partner?
That intolerable feeling in his chest that he thought he’d tamed returned at full force.
It was painful. It was disgusting. It was humiliating. It was trying to rob him of even his breath. Poisonous thorns grew rampant, encircling both his heart and esophagus in an agonizing grip. His hands desperately grasped at his neck in an instinctive attempt to liberate himself from the feeling. His mouth opened and closed, but not a single sound escaped him.
There was something that wanted to tear its way out of his chest. Sharp sensations were attempting to rip through his flesh, shatter his ribcage, and finally be able to witness the world outside. It wanted to be allowed to exist, to be known. Caelus just wished that it would stop entirely. He didn’t know what would happen if it were to achieve its goal, and he didn’t want to know.
Still, it continued its rampage unbidden. Its direction changed to up, sensing that out was an endeavor too difficult at the moment. A violent cough escaped him, and then another, into a full fit. The water around him splashed against him like waves crashing onto shore, disturbed by his sharp movements.
Something solid slipped from his throat. He could taste a slight sweetness, with a hint of something metallic on his tongue. From his open mouth, it fell into the tub with a plip of the water.
Floating on the water’s surface, small blue petals contrasted the deep red of the roses.
The Caelus reflected in the water wore a terrible expression.
Coughing, chest pains, heightened emotions, abnormal presence of flora in the body. A familiar set of symptoms.
So he was in love.
So that’s what it was.
This is what he had been missing out on, all this time.
It was awful.
It was terrible.
He wished that he could have never found out.