Work Text:
"Alright, you two, listen up!" Junko commanded Mondo and Himiko to listen. She had a white apron on her front and a pink washcloth tied around her head. "We promised Teruteru a night off, so we need to get this right!"
She pointed Mondo towards the vegetables and the cutting board, and Himiko towards the bottles of liquid ingredients and canisters of spices. "We're going to make the greatest meal in Hope’s Peak Manor!"
"Don't count on it," huffed Mondo. "Last time I checked, you kicked the Ultimate Cook out of the kitchen."
"Come on," insisted Junko, "you know that little sausage roll works so hard trying to feed us all. He deserves a break every once in a while!"
"Nyehh..." Himiko mixed together soy sauce, vegetable oil, and onion spice to make a broth. "This is like making potions. But for dinner."
"See, I told you this would be fun!" Junko turned towards the meat and began smacking it with a tenderizer. "Now let's get cracking!"
Within an hour, the dinner table was set with sizzling pork, roasted peppers and corn, and soft, steaming rice stewed in delicious broth. Junko firmly sat Teruteru at the head of the table. "Presto! A tasty meal for everyone!"
"Well, I'll be double dog danged," said Teruteru, surprised at the plate before him. "Ya did it, Enoshima! Here I thought you didn't know how to make nothin' but instant puddin'!"
"These peppers are cooked perfectly!" Kiyotaka declared. "And so is the corn! My compliments to the chef!"
"They can't be that good." Mondo rolled his eyes.
"You made this?" Kiyotaka asked. "Then consider my praise doubled!"
Aoi cut through her pork, which slid apart as slick as ice, and practically melted in her mouth, a savoury delight. "Whooooaaa..." She was nearly drooling. "This is awesome."
"It really is!" Kaede agreed, topping her rice with extra soy sauce. "I never know Junko-chan was such a wonderful cook!"
Breaking News: Grocery Store Recall
A local grocery store in Kibougamine, Japan has ordered a recall on various meat and vegetable products due to an unexpected chemical leak in the building. Customers are urged to throw these products away or return them to the store for a refund. Consumption of contaminated food products can result in serious illness.
"Which one of these looks better?" Junko was comparing different shades in her eyeshadow kit while fixing up her face in the bathroom mirror. "Cherry, or geranium?"
"Cherry," suggested Sayaka, brushing her hair. "It matches your manicure perfectly."
Junko filled in her eyelids with cherry red eyeshadow, while Sayaka pulled the last tangles free from her sleek hair. As she put the brush down, she suddenly gagged. Junko turned over. "What was that?"
Sayaka hiccupped again. "Oh god." She dropped to her knees on the gray tile floor and gripped the toilet seat as she threw up.
"Ooh, yuck," muttered Junko nonchalantly. "You okay?"
"Obviously not." Sayaka swayed her head, feeling disoriented.
Junko got a news notificiation on her phone. "Shit, that's why," she huffed. "Chemical leak at the grocery store where we shop. We're all screwed."
Sayaka turned with a spark of fire in her tired, angry eyes. "Nice job."
"Don't mention it." Junko pushed Sayaka aside. "Now move." As Sayaka flopped and sprawled out over the floor, Junko took her place poised over the bowl.
"Gonta home!" Gonta swung the front door to the manor open, having returned from his entomologist's expedition. "Where everyone go?"
"On the floor, probably..." Kaede staggered out from the hallway, gripping the edge of the wall. "Half the food in the house turned out to be contaminated. We all had a big helping of poison for dinner."
"Poison? Oh no!" Gonta picked Kaede up off the floor. "What can Gonta do? Gonta make better!"
"Just take me to bed." Kaede flumped over.
"No problem!" Gonta followed the pattern of doors to Kaede's room. He set her down on top of her pink bass clef sheets. "Better?"
"Better." Kaede wiped sweat from her brow and sunk into her bed.
"Gonta will help everyone get better!" Gonta declared. "Gonta stronger than poison! And Gonta gentleman! Gentleman make excellent doctor!"
"Take me to bed toooo..." Himiko whined from the hallway, lying flat on the floor.
"Of course!" Gonta lifted Himiko like a very noodley princess. "Gonta find Himiko's room now!"
In the living room, more students were lying on the floor or across sofas, in pain. "I never want to eat again..." Aoi lay face-down on the longest sofa by the window.
"It's like having your body get taken over by slimy demons who hate you..." Ibuki complained. She then got quite a fright as the soft plush underneath her rumbled. She shot straight up and shrieked. "Ibuki's pillow is alive! And it's angry!"
"You're lying on top of me, you fool," scolded Byakuya, patting his forehead with a white handkerchief.
"Oh," said Ibuki.
Byakuya heaved a heavy sigh as he leaned back against the armrest. "Don't you be so gwumpy," insisted Ibuki, flopping back over and squishing her face against the boy. "You know how much Ibuki loves you and your pudgy belly..."
"Should'a known it was too good to be true!" Teruteru burst into the room, flushed and shaky. "Owada, Enoshima...'soon as I get mah buns under control, yer both gettin' a good hidin', I tell you what!"
"Dewu!" Miyu, who had only eaten rice and therefore did not have food poisoning, crawled up behind the boy and tugged on the strings of his apron.
"Miyu is right," said Gonta, scooping Teruteru up. "Teruteru need to rest. Getting angry make Teruteru feel worse."
Teruteru scowled, but relented and nuzzled in close to Gonta. "Oh, fine..."
"That boy's a real charmer," snarked Byakuya as Gonta disappeared from the doorway. "He could have said he would wait for his stomach to settle, but no, he had to go and involve his rear end."
"He's not classy at all!" Ibuki exclaimed. "Not like you..."
"Please stop," said Byakuya. "I will not be held responsible if you give Toko an aneurysm."
Miyu, left behind in the hallway, crawled into the open living room and pulled herself upwards on the sofa. She reached out and tugged on Aoi's ponytail. Aoi lifted her head. "Oh, no, it is not playtime," she said. "Come here." She sat up properly and picked Miyu up into her lap.
"Keep the infant over there," directed Byakuya. "I don't have the energy to deal with her."
Miyu looked over to Byakuya on the other couch. "Aaah, Baka!" She waved her sticky hands around.
Byakuya sighed, irritated. "I should have asked Gonta to escort me to bed..."