Chapter Text
Lo'ak had never felt greater pain then when he felt his older brothers breath stutter to a halt beneath his trembling hands.
His chest heaved from the storm of emotions raging within, his heart beating so rapidly he felt it would burst out of his chest, he was never going to see his big brother again and it's all his fault...
He was snapped out of his thoughts by a sharp shove to his shoulder - muffled voices began to cut through the static encasing his mind, stopping him from spiralling further into his suffocating thoughts.
"Lo'ak!" A deep familiar voice called out to him in a badly concealed fury. "Where the hell are your sisters?" his breath cut sharp in his throat - where are his sisters..? He didn't know - how could he not know? He began to Panic, his hands started to shake, his eyes blurring.
" They're on the ship!' Tsireya called out to Jake," They’re at the moon pool-I can bring you to them!" Spider looks towards him, Jake grips his rifle tighter, turning towards Neytiri with a sharp look and a loud war cry, she was mounting her ikran and heading towards The demon ship. Jake turns to Lo’ak, avoiding his eyes. “Stay with your brother.”
“Dad, I want to go with you.” Lo’ak begs- like a desperate child clinging to the hope his father will finally see him. Jake’s face hardens, “You’ve done enough.” He turns towards his Skimwing, “No, Dad-” He’s cut off as his dad calls out to Spider- his preferred son - as they mount his Skimwing and follow Neytiri towards the ship.
Lo’aks heart falters in his chest, his lungs constricting, turning to Tsireya he watches her face crumple with anguish at the body in front of her. She looks up at Lo’ak with a broken expression. “It’s all my fault..”
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Lo’ak shot up in bed, clutching his worn necklace - Neteyams - his heart thumping against his ribs. Silent tears streamed down his face, his lower lip trembling with the force of emotions suffocating him, stopping him from crying out. ‘Neteyam..how could I let this happen to you? Why wasn’t I faster- I could have saved you if I hadn't been so immature.’ He slowly sits up, turning towards the rest of his peaceful family, wiping his tears he slowly stands and walks towards the opening of their marui. The slowly rising sun hits his face casting light shadows across his tight features, settling in a light glare against his sensitive eyes.
Hearing a slight shuffle behind him he turns and meets the eyes of his father, his ears pin back against his head, his nerves causing a slight shiver throughout his body. His eyes turn downcast, “Lo’ak. What are you doing up so early boy?” If possible his ears pin back further at his father’s sharp voice. “I just thought I’d go out early to retrieve some food from the main market. For Mom..” He lies effortlessly, it slipping from his mouth before he could even validate it in his own mind. His father’s scowl softens slightly before returning to the cold frown that Lo’ak is so very used to.
Lo’ak quickly tugged the band out of his braids, allowing them to fall around his face, beads knocking into his shoulders. His father’s eyes lingered on him for a moment something passing across his eyes, something filled with an emotion Lo’ak couldn’t quite understand - something foreign. Shrugging his shoulders Lo’ak made his way down to the market, having to actually get fresh fish to ensure his father didn’t become suspicious. Walking down to the villages centre Lo’aks eyes wandered down to the sand, hearing laughter he looked towards the source, the sight stopping him in his tracks.
It was a boy- around his age- with his father, playing around with their spears enjoying each others company. His heart stuttered in his chest, lungs constricting beneath his ribs. The sound of waves began to fade from his ears becoming a muffled static, flooding his senses. He turns on his heels and practically sprints to the market nearly bumping into several Metkayina on his way. Picking out a couple slices of fresh fish and fruit in his basket, he turns to the Na’vi running the stall and smiles although it’s strained. Making his way back to his hut, he spots Tsireya and Aonung throwing fishing nets into the mid tide of early morning.
Turning back towards his marui he slowly drags his feet into the main area, his family already up and chattering softly. Noticing his return the conversations stop, five faces turn towards him, feeling caged by their stares he lifts the basket in his arm higher. “Uhm, mother. I went to the market early to get some of the fresher fish and fruit for you.” His head ducks slightly, avoiding the hard stare coming from her. “Thank you Lo’ak, put it over there and I will begin making breakfast.” He shuffles towards the raised shelf against the back wall, placing the full basket on the ledge. The chatter slowly begins once more feeling more forced than anything.
He turns to leave the hut, not before casting a longing glance towards his family and how happy they seem without his presence. Sighing to himself he turns back towards the front flap. Walking slowly towards the further side of the beach, he sinks into the waves and begins swimming towards the formation of rocks that are very familiar to him. Seeing Payakan will always soothe the ache in his heart, nowadays he feels as though it’s the only thing that can bring him peace, but not that he deserves it..