Chapter Text
If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart all my pictures of you
Mike knows it’s his fault.
It was his observations that lead to the discovery that Will Byers has powers, and sure he loved to be right, the powers are innate and Will is a fucking sorcerer. Sure, those same powers had saved his life mere hours ago, saved Mrs. Byers, Lucas, Robin and Murray but maybe Mike should have left it at that.
After all, Will was unconscious after doing god-knows-what in the hive mind to weaken Vecna, giving Max a chance of escaping.
But this plan had a cost too high if it led to Will Byers being unconscious, vulnerable in a way Mike Wheeler could not help, in a way that he couldn’t protect his mind or spirit.
Mrs. Byers was still pleading for her son to wake up. Mike tried to push away the familiarity of the pleas, after all it wasn't the first time that any of them pleaded with a supernatural being for her son to return safe and sound.
“Maybe he would feel more comfortable on the sofa,” Robin started to say, looking at Mrs Byers softly with remains of guilt on her expression, “I know Steve does… he is always sleeping there when we do late night shows for Rockin’ Robin here at the WSQK and I swear that’s the most picky guy I know and it’s always hard to wake him in the morning cause he sleeps like a rock,” Robin rolls her eyes with laughter in her smile directed at Steve that isn’t even there to defend himself, “I swear there was this one time that I had to-”
“That’d be a great idea,” Lucas cuts in, already knowing that when Robin starts getting off topic there is no stopping her, “Here, Mrs Byers, I will carry his feet, you can hold him by his back, Mike-”, Lucas stares at him taking him out of his trance, “make sure to stabilize his head, he was thrown by a strong force, I think he has a concussion.”
“On it”, Mikes says, as he helps Mrs. Byers lift Will’s body but his thoughts are already spiraling.
Why didn’t he think of that first? Usually he would be the one to ensure Will’s comfort first but instead here he was worrying about losing him again.
Fuck, Mike couldn’t even bring himself to hold Will’s hand, denying his best friend any sense of comfort, all because he was afraid of being too revealing.He had let that fear control him when he arrived in California, and back in the summer of ‘85, he couldn’t let those feelings dictate his actions not when Will was in danger, not when his stupid actions had almost pushed Will away before.
“Hey man, you okay?” Lucas whispers gently near his left ear, as they both stare at Will’s unconscious body sleeping soundly in the green sofa, “You have been suspiciously quiet and I know you always take those things the hardest when Will gets hurt, but you know it’s not your fault, right?”
“I know,” Mike exhales, Lucas warm and steady presence offers him ground when all logic seems to have forsaken him in the bottomless pit of his fears, “I just-” Mikes looks to Lucas expression, the boy in turn makes sure to appear inviting and ready to listen, “I just feel like I keep losing him, you know?”
There, Mike the brave said it, finally letting go of one of the secrets that he guards as if they were a noble’s honour, relief washes over him even without hearing Lucas next words.
“I think we all feel this way, man,” Lucas say smiling at him, not condescending as Mike expected but in understanding, “sure, to a lesser degree, but you have always taken care of us Mike, and you have always cared for Will differently, since we were kids, heck, you would kick the rocks in the playground when we were six if Will bruised his knee that day, and you would look at the earth as if it was to blame for Will’s tears” he giggles at Mike feeling nostalgic, especially when Mike protests in embarrassed denials “You always protect us, from simple day to day events to bullies, even before all this upside down bullshit, so no wonder you are scared of losing Will, he is your best friend,” Lucas bumps his shoulder when Mike rolls his eyes, “he is your best friend, don’t give me that crap that ‘you are my best friend too’... I guess what I’m trying to say is Will is special to you and it’s okay being afraid of losing that - hell, I’m afraid of losing Max every hour of the day - but you can’t let that fear control you, you have to do something about it and then every step of the way starts being easier”
Mike feels his heart stop and his stomach drop, he freezes. Lucas comparing his own experience with Max, telling him that his connection with Will is different, special… Lucas can’t know, can he?
All this time he thought his heart was his best kept secret, locked and forgotten like a drawer full of letters and unsuccessful phone calls, all destined towards one person. But, peharps, maybe all this time his heart was a transparent diamond hidden behind mountains of coal, only to be found and interpreted by those who knew him best.
“What are you talking about? Will is my best friend, you know that.” deflection. That’s what Mike choses, lie lie lie until Lucas forget what it is that he found that shouldn't be there in the first place, “We are best friends, we care about each other, there’s nothing wrong with that”
“Of course there isn’t,” Lucas grumbles, cause what’s a conversation between them without any misunderstandings?, “But you know that’s not what I mean,” Lucas says, voice firms, and a steady hand of support on Mike's shoulder, “You don’t have to admit anything though, just know that when you’re ready I’m here to listen if you need to get things off your chest. I just wanted to reassure you that feeling guilty and trying to control everything isn’t the way to keep Will safe next to you, your actions are”
Mike feels the tears burn in the back of his eyeball, but he isn’t gonna cry, he isn’t. He doesn’t need to voice anything into the world, at least not yet.
“Thank you, Lucas.” Mike tries to keep his voice from trembling, “You know I’m here for you as well if you need to talk about Max, right?”
“I know.” Lucas smiles and then realizes something that fills his face with excitement, “Did you see Will telling Max to run?? What was that? She's out there somewhere in Vecna’s mind! Alive, like I knew she would be, I never doubted, not for a single second. Now all we have to do is give her some light and a way for her to find us again, through her song."
They talk excitedly about theories, always making sure to keep their voices down and guarding Will’s body. The paladin and the ranger as it was meant to be.
For a few moments Mike doesn’t worry and feels content with his most loyal friend
Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'Cause boys don't cry
Mrs. Byers and Robin arrive 30 minutes later carrying an air mattress, sleeping bags and some fluffy pillows and blankets. Fall is starting to turn into winter, so the warmth is appreciated. Mrs Byers seems to be in a slightly better mood just like Mike, accepting that until El comes back there’s nothing they can do besides waiting for Will to wake up on his own. Both deciding to keep vigil during the night, despite the protests of Robin and Lucas that the four of them should take turns.
Around 3 am - when Mike is starting to doze off - Will wakes up in a cold sweat.
“Will!” both of them exclaim. Joyce goes immediately for the hug, Mike presses the boy's hand.
“Are you alright, baby? I was so worried about you? Does anything hurt? We thought you might have a concussion. Do you need anything, honey?”
“Mom,” Will says weakly voice rough, carrying the relief of a boy that was glad to wake up from an extremely real nightmare, “Please, please give me some space, I need to breathe a little and there’s something I need to talk with you… all of you, about, but first I want to gather my thoughts”
“Of course,” Mrs. Byers says giving him some space but still caressing his cheek, “I’m gonna prepare you a quick snack, you must be exhausted and then a warm bath, what do you say?” she kisses his forehead before going to the small pantry of the WSQK.
Will nods his head weakly and Mike sees the moment Will’s eye found his.
“You watch him for me, would you Mike? I think Robin and Lucas deserve all the rest they can get, tomorrow will be a long day” she says looking at him before leaving them alone. Her eyes are far too caring and trusting. Not knowing how Mike feels, Not knowing that he’s the reason that Will gets called all those awful names.
“Hi", Will says whispering, as if anyone would be bothered if woken by him
“Hi”, Mike says softly “Guess next time we need to cast shield, huh? so he can’t turn your spell against you”
Will smiles and roll his eyes as if saying I can’t believe you are bringing D&D into this situation right now, but who am I kidding, of course you are.
“I don’t think that would work,” Will says smiling sadly, “I think we need our mage, we need El, she’s so much better at this than me”
Mike hears the frustration in his voice and in that moment he knows he can’t let Will think like that.
“But El has had those powers her whole life, and she trained with NINA and then with Hopper for 18 months, of course she has more practice, but Will I don’t think you realize how amazing it is that you could kill three demogorgons and invade Vecna’s mind when you discovered that you had those powers for less than a day”
“I don’t think we have 18 months, Mike, nevermind 16 years,” Will says sadly, “ But thanks for the vote of confidence, I still want to help…it’s just complicated cause I can feel him in my mind as well”
Mike tries to change the subject, noticing that Will was getting increasingly more nervous.
“Hey, in the end we didn’t have time to talk, what was the epiphany that made you realize you had powers?”
“Oh,” Will blushes sighly, opening a small smile, passing his fingers through his hair, “Robin and I talked and something she said was eye opening for me and then… when you and mom were attacked I thought about her words and about all those people I love since I was a kid…” Mike could be wrong but he has the impression that Will was looking directly at him, “Those people I care about and I couldn’t let Vecna or the world take this pure love from me, this love for myself, for the kid that I was and this love that I nurture for the people that shape me, you know, Mom, Jonathan…you”
Mike has to have heard this wrong. There was no way. He was totally taking this wrong.
“I’m glad that you feel comfortable with me,” Mike confesses, “We are living in the same house, but I feel like you are so far away...” Mike rests his head near Will’s hand on the sofa, giving him the opportunity to play with his curls, like he used to do when they were kids and needed something to ease his anxiety.
“And after Lenora, I know I promised we would be a team again, and honestly I don’t even know what’s wrong with me that I keep isolating myself from you, from the party and from El but I’m trying, you have to know that,” Mike continues and lets the words flow out of him, it must be the tiredness that keeps making him open his pandora’s box today, “But you will always have me, I’m always gonna be your best friend.”
Will smiles, even if somewhat pained, Mike doesn’t know what he said wrong this time. Crap, he keeps fucking up.
“Thanks, Mike. That’s very sweet of you”, he says, pressing the hand that Mike was still holding.
Mrs Byers arrives calling for Will,
Mike immediately lets go of his hand. Face white as a sheet.
Mrs Byers just smiles at him, like always
God, what’s wrong with him?
Mike throws the rest of his body in his sleeping bag, feeling the need to hide his face in the sheets and then maybe his heart would stop beating so loud.
When Will comes back, Mike is already deep asleep.
Pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy
You were the one that they'd talk about around town
as they put you down
And as hard as they would try,
they'd hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them, just to your soul
In the morning, Lucas flicks him on the back of his neck.
“I told you to wake me up if something happens, idiot,” Lucas has an exasperated expression on his face, almost as if he’s talking to a kindergartener, “Will waking up after being unconscious for hours is more than just something.”
“Sorry”, Mike mumbles, not sorry at all actually, Lucas got to rest and Mike got to talk with Will for a little while, that counts as a good action in his books.
Lucas sights, practically knowing what Mike is thinking, perks of being friends their whole lives, he guesses.
“Come to the pantry, you missed your military breakfast but I saved you some cereal bars and a glass of orange juice, because unlike you I think about my friends,” Lucas says, in a tone that indicates that he’s clearly joking, Mike rolls his eyes keeping up with their banter “We were waiting for you. Will wants to tell us something, he said it was important”
Oh shit, he almost forgot about that.
Mike carries his “breakfast” to the resting room, where Will, Mrs. Byers and Robin are already waiting for them.
Mrs Byers is sitting besides Will in the green sofa, massaging circles in his hand in a soothing manner, she smiles at Mike when she sees him and mouths him a good morning. Lucas sits in the old armchair that rests on the opposite side of the sofa, he has a clear view of the Byers and positions himself in a way that indicates that he’s ready to listen whenever Will decides to share his experiences. Robin is standing near the window, Mike doesn't know for how long or even why considering there is still space left on the sofa, she fidgets with a pen and taps her foot anxiously. She’s the last to notice him, but when she does, she smiles — in a way that oddly enough reminds him of Nancy — and nods at the free space in the sofa, with no subtlety at all.
“Sorry to keep everyone waiting,” Mike says not looking at any of them, heading for the sofa as quickly as he can without seeming embarrassed, “I didn’t mean to oversleep”
“It’s alright, sweetie” Mrs Byers says “You stayed awake with me almost all night, besides all your worries about your little sister being missing and your family, you must be exhausted. I shouldn’t have let you keep me company last night, that was selfish of me.”
“Not at all” Mike says softly but firmly “I wanted to stay with Will as well.”
Crap, he was trying so hard not to think about his mom, hurt in the hospital, heavily sedated due to all the wounds caused by the demogorgon. And not to think about his dad that still hasn’t shown any clear signs of recovery. And not to think about Holly lost and stuck with that monster just like Will all those years ago.
God, Holly is still so small, Will was so small. They were all so young when all of this hell started.
His thoughts are cut once again by Will.
“Glad to know you all care about me so much,” Will says, but unlike Mrs. Byers, Mike notices the sassiness in his words, “but I asked all of you to gather here this morning because I have to tell you about what I witnessed and experienced in Vecna’s mind, I think I know what his next steps is.” he says looking at every single one of them in the eyes, his expression serious and perturbed, his hands shaking despite his mom’s soothing gestures.
“Go on Will, We’ll be ready for anything”, Robin says. Mike doesn’t know when or how Will and Robin became so close, after all, Robin is annoying, even if a bit less annoying than Steve, but Will definitely needs more people in his corner, so Mike is not complaining.
He just wishes Will trusted in him to confide his worries as well.
“When I accessed Vecna’s mind.. I saw myself, Vecna, choking Max, he was holding her by the neck. I think we were in the Wheeler’s house but I’m not sure, I just know I used all my energy to break his leg and to let Max go,” Will says looking at his palms as if he doesn’t recognize them, his eyes looking at something far away, that none of them can see, “Holly was there, I told them to run b-but…but than he found me-”
Will starts messing with the collar of his shirt, almost like it’s suffocating him, the tip of his finger touching his neck as if someone had placed their hands on him.
Mike can feel his blood boil. What did Vecna do??
“It’s alright, baby,” Mrs Byers says, “Tell us at your own pace you were so brave out there.”, They all nod in support agreeing with her words.
Will drinks the glass of water that Lucas offers him. After a small pause he continues:
“It’s alright, mom. I have to say this now or we won’t have time to act,” he closes his eyes focusing only on his words, “When he found me, he expelled me from his mind, taking my spirit to the upside down, or at least a version of it. He made me remember all that happened during my week in the upside down,” He stares at his mom, “I swear I didn’t notice I forgot so much stuff, I would have told you guys if I remembered, I swear it.”
“Nothing about this situation is your fault Will” Mike says before Mrs. Byers can offer her comfort, making the boy look at him “Hell, even if you forgot on purpose I think we wouldn’t blame you. I know I wish I could erase that week from my memory.”
Mike looks at Lucas and Robin daring them to disagree with his words. No information was worth victimizing again someone that had already gone through so much.
“It doesn’t matter” Will says, voice hurt “the truth is I met Vecna when I was in the upside downl. I remember now. I was hiding in Castle Byers waiting for mom to rescue me when the demogorgons found me. I tried to scare them away with dad’s gun, it had worked before, but this time it persisted and I had to run for my life. I think I passed out but when I woke up Vecna had me…” Mrs. Byers hugs him from the side, apparently already knowing what Will was trying to say, “... after Vecna made me remember this he told me it was always his plan to use me as a spy and that I was gonna work for him for one last time. I tried to fight it, I tried not to think about her” he says, staring at Lucas trying to make him understand “He invaded my memories to find her room in the hospital. Lucas I’m so so sorry, I don’t even think that was the end of it”, his composure ends as his sobs start to break. Mrs. Byers hugs him and is soon joined by Mike, Lucas and Robin.
It was a lot to process. To think Vecna was behind Will’s possession by the Mind Flayer during all this time. To think that monster had hurt Will in ways that he couldn't even verbalize. It made Mike want to fight the world, Dr. Brenner and every scientist and person from the government that created this fucking nightmare
“Will, you saved her, you saved Max, and thanks to you now I have confirmation that she is alive and kicking Vecna's ass" Lucas smiles at him tears falling down his face, "and at least now we know what his next step is.. Robin, can you drive me to the hospital?” Lucas says when he lets go of the hug, looking at Will and Robin with a newly found energy.
In starlit nights, I saw you
So cruelly you kissed me
Your lips, a magic world
Your sky, all hung with jewels
.
In the end Mike and Joyce decide to stay with Will, while Robin and Lucas drive as fast as they can to the hospital with a solid plan of playing Kate Bush and hoping that’s enough to give Max a fighting chance of waking up.
Joyce stays part of the morning by Will’s side but eventually she falls asleep on the couch, all the adrenaline of the previous day catching up to her.
Mike follows Will to the studio, wanting to give Mrs. Byers some sense of privacy. On the way there, Mikes takes a small bundle from his backpack… replaying his conversation with Lucas on his head.
He has to show Will that he cares, right? And to start doing that he has to be brave for a second and take action.
“I still can’t believe Robin gets to be around records all day… I think this would be Jonathan’s dream job, getting to listen to music all day long. I just don’t know if he has the charisma to be a radio host”, Will says while playing with the Vinyls, his eyes passing through the covers as if he’s looking for something specific.
Mike snorts, trying to imagine Jonathan Byers as a radio host. As much as he appreciates the older boy’s company, he knew that being social and charismatic weren’t one of his remarkable characteristics, even if he had a bleeding heart and warm eyes to those he cared about like Will and, as much as Mike hated to admit, Nancy.
He just hoped they were okay wherever they were in that godforsaken place, but, if they were together Mike knew Jonathan wouldn’t let anything hurt his sister.
“Yeah”, Mike says with a nostalgic smile “Though I don’t know if The Clash or Ian Curtis would be appreciated in a stupid town like Hawkins… Heck most don’t even like Bowie and he’s… you know, Bowie.”
That’s why Mike couldn’t wait for this war and for High School to end, he never thought Hawkins had any importance in the world, but the more he grows up the more he realizes that they, Will, El and the Party, are too bright for small Hawkins.
“God, The Clash,” Will says taking one of their vinyls out of the shelf “I wonder if they will ever known that one of their songs saved my life when I was a little kid” he points at the Should I Stay Or Should I Go lyrics written inside the sleeve of the record, “It’s a shame I will never be able to listen to any of their songs again, just hearing Mick Jones voice already makes me sick.”
Mike smiled at him, “Well I can’t be mad at them, they saved someone very important to me.” Will snorts putting the record back in its place.
“But if you don’t mind me asking, Will, if not The Clash, what’s your new favorite song?” Mike says toying with the bundle in his sweater“ You know, in case we need to use it so Vecna won’t spy on you.”
“Ah, I don’t know,” Will says with sincerity,“ I love The Cure but there isn’t an specific song that calls to me… not like Running up that Hill was for Max”
Aha! Mike thinks, here it is the perfect opportunity.
“Well, maybe I can help you find your very own Kate Bush?” Mike says finally showing Will the gift that he was hiding under his sweater “I was gonna bring this to California to give it to you as a birthday gift but I decided to tweak it a little the day before and I forgot it at home,” Mike avoids Wills eyes like the plague, not wanting to learn what he will find in there, “and I know I could have given it to you at any moment since coming back to Hawkins but it seemed something so small… so unimportant, considering everything that’s going on…but those songs always make me think about you and I kept upgrading it through the years so if your song is anywhere… it’s in there.”
“Mike I would have loved any gift from you, you know that. I was more upset at the fact that you, and everyone else, had forgotten my birthday,” Will said not wanting to restart an old argument between them. Choosing to unwrap the gift instead
"For Will x", read the tape with Mike’s calligraphy, it seemed well cared for even if it was a long overdue gift.
“Well, we are already in the studio and we haven’t had any updates from Robin or Lucas,” Will says looking at him with a grin, “Any chance you wanna listen with me?”
Mike felt his face burn and could only hope that Will didn’t notice.
No, Mike couldn't listen to the tape with Will, not when this tape revealed everything he felt for Will to see, clear as water.
“Ahh, actually I think it might be better to experience this on your own,” woah great excuse Wheeler pretty sure there’s nothing suspicious about it, a voice that sounds in an uncanny way like Max Mayfield said in his head, “I’m going downstairs to see if Mrs. Byers needs anything”.
Mike sprint to the exit not waiting for the answer.
When downstairs Mike sees a surprising sight through the curtains.
“Joyce,” he says, waking up Mrs. Byers “Did anyone call the funeral home?”
Something happens and I'm head over heels
I never find out until I'm head over heels
Something happens and I'm head over heels
Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart
Don't, don't, don't throw it away