Work Text:
"They need you."
When Neteyam woke up, those three words came to him again and again. His lungs were burning as cold water surrounded him from all sides. He kicked his feet, instincts screaming at him to take a breath of air before he passes out. The moment his head breaches the waters, he gulps in the fresh air. He kicked and flailed as he tried to keep himself from going underwater once again, but his limbs didn't want to cooperate.
He was so tired.
He looked around, trying to familiarize himself with where he was. It was dark, the only things lighting up the waters being the stars in the sky and the yellow plants at the bottom of the sea. When he caught sight of land and what looked like Awa'atlu behind the island, he began swimming. He couldn't swim very fast, but it was better than nothing. When he got closer, he could see an outline of someone walking across the sand. He would recognize that outline anywhere. Lo'ak was walking erratically, making Neteyam's heart squeeze with anxiety.
Was he okay? Did something happen to their family? Was Lo'ak hurt?
"They need you."
Lo'ak sat down, taking something off his back. He was almost there, just a little bit closer.
Then Lo'ak put a gun under his chin.
_____________________
It was his fault. His big brother was dead because of him.
Lo'ak knew deep down that it had been his fault since he felt Neteyam's heart stop beating under his hands. Had he not disobeyed orders, Neteyam never would have been on the ship to begin with, and he would still have his big brother with him.
"He's my brother!" "Oh, he is your brother?, No, I am your brother!"
Lo'ak would never forget the hurt on Neteyam's face from that fight. How could he have even hinted at the fact that Neteyam wasn't his brother? Lo'ak let his brother die, thinking he didn't love him. Dad was right. Had he just listened from the beginning, none of this would have happened.
As he walked over the sandbank, gun strapped to his back, he knew what he needed to do. This world will be a better place without him burdening those he loves. They might not love him after everything that has happened, but damn if he didn't love them with everything that he is. A love that ran so deep, it hurt.
A love that ran so deep, he would do anything to lift a wight off of their shoulders, evenif that weight was him.
His heart was pounding, his legs giving out when he got away from Awa'atlu and onto a more secluded area of the beach. He was cold all over, shivering even though the night air was warm around him. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts, though he could not make out a single one of them. This is what needs to be done. He could finally let his family grieve the son they loved, without having to be burdened by the presence of the one they don't.
Lo'ak was quick to turn off the safety on the gun, not thinking twice before putting the nozzle under his chin. Tears were streaming down his face, sobs he did not allow to come forth, heaving his chest. Would Neteyam want to see him after this? Would he be waiting at the gates of Eywa?
"Lo'ak!" He didn't have time to react before the weapon he was holding was ripped away from his hands, flying into the water before he could even blink. "What were you thinking?!"
Then there were hands on his face, brushing away the hot tears.
"Lo'ak, answer me!" In front of him was Neteyam, with tears running down his face as well. His eyes were wide, looking panicked.
"Neteyam?" It was all he could manage, looking at his dead brother in shock.
"What were you thinking? Why would you do that?" Neteyam looked devastated, however, no matter how hard he tried, Lo'ak couldn't seem to get any comprehensible words out.
"Am I dead?" It was the only thing he could manage, chinking out the three measly words. He had to be, right? Neteyam was here after all.
"No, Skxawng. Why would you try something like that?" Neteyam answered, before bringing Lo'ak into his arms. "What happened, baby bro?"
Then Lo'ak broke. Sobs started to heave from his chest as he wailed into his brother's arms. He wrapped his arms around Neteyam, tightening his hold to what must have been suffocating, but Neteyam didn't seem to care. He only held Lo'ak tighter, one hand holding the back of his head as the other ran up and down his back in a calming manner. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Lo'ak knew that this had to be a dream. Neteyam was dead, this was too good to be true.
He didn't deserve this.
"Lo'ak, what happened?" Neteyam asked, his voice calmer than before.
"It's all my fault! I'm so sorry!" That was all Lo'ak managed between his sobs.
"What is your fault? You have to talk to me, baby bro." Neteyam didn't raise his voice when he answered, soothing Lo'ak somewhat.
"You died because of me." At the answer, Lo'ak was jerked back a bit, forced to look up at his brother.
"I have told you this before, and I will say to you again. My death was NOT your fault. The war happened because of the Sky People, and the deaths occurred because of them. We both did what was needed to save Spider. I would not change anything as long as that means you left that ship safely." Neteyam was firm, not letting Lo'ak talk between his words. Then he pulled Lo'ak back into the embrace. "You did not shoot me, Lo'ak. My death was not your fault. It never will be, no matter how hard you try to convince me otherwise."
The brothers sat there, the oldest soothing the youngest.
It took a while for Lo'ak to calm down. His head was fuzzy from all the sobbing, his lungs not being able to draw good enough breaths through the tears. Even after his sobs had died down and tears dried, he didn't pull away from the warm body of his brother. He was still shivering and clutching Netayam with all his might. He was scared that the moment he let go, the older would disappear.
"How are you here?" Lo'ak whispered after what felt like hours, but was likely not more than one.
"I do not know. I woke up in the water not long ago, a voice telling me that someone needed me." Neteyam answered. "It seems that they were right."
Lo'ak flinched slightly at the answer, guilt churning in his stomach.
"I'm sorry you had to see that." Lo'ak tried to pull away, but Neteyam didn't let up his protective hold around him.
"What happened that brought you to this decision, Lo'ak?" He didn't know whether he should answer honestly. Would Neteyam blame him for his death as well after learning that their dad did?
"It never will be, no matter how hard you try to convince me otherwise."
No, he couldn't handle this by himself any longer. He knew that, He knew that their father's unfair treatment towards him wasn't okay, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he deserved it. He could only hope that Neteyam would be on his side, even after learning the truth.
"There was a meeting about Payakan. They are sending him away. I confronted dad about never standing up for me, leading to a fight where he told me it was my fault that you died. Had I not disobeyed orders, had I only listened for once, none of this would have happened." His voice sounded dead even to his own ears. "I thought that our family would be better off if they could grieve the son they lost, without the son they are left to be burdened with."
The silence that followed was heavy, weighing down on Lo'ak like a full-grown Tulkun. Had he made a mistake?
"He said what." The hiss that came from his brother was something Lo'ak had never heard before. He jerked his head up to look at his brother and was surprised by the anger so clearly shining in his eyes. Neteyam was never one to get visibly angry, always the calm and collected of the four siblings. It wasn't like Lo'ak had never seen him frustrated, but he'd never seen his brother radiate anger like this.
The next thing he knew, Neteyam was standing and stalking towards the village. Lo'ak was quick to follow, stumbling over the uneven ground in his hurry.
"Bro, wait! It's not that big of a deal!" Lo'ak tried to reason, hoping to calm down the older Na'vi. When Neteyam only walked faster, he knew that the sentence had done the opposite.
This isn't good.