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In some weird, twisted way, misery loves Sanji's company.
He'd been cleaning dishes after a large meal, watching the soap swirl down down the drain, when he realizes something that put his entire way of being in jeapordy. It was something so terrifyingly detrimental to his own wellbeing that he couldn't even put it together. It drove Sanji nearly insane, thinking about this sudden change.
He couldn't even begin to tell you when he noticed it, or how he even felt at the beginning of it, but once he caught on to the fact that he'd been looking a little too closely at someone he shouldn't, it felt like a record scratch in his brain.
He'd developed a little bit of a crush on the swordsman, it seemed.
When that happened, Sanji couldn't even tell you. It's Zoro, we're talking about here. That's moss for brains, an unceremoniously ungraceful oaf with a sword. And now, an person of Sanji's desire, apparently. He started internalizing the small things that Zoro did, finding joy in seeing him do those things; Zoro laughed with his whole body. He trained for hours with those katanas of his until sweat beaded on his brow and he was totally exhausted. He made it a habit to never truly relax and take care of himself, even to the chagrin of their reindeer doctor, and to go and try to die for the crew multiple times. He was rugged and scarred and lived for banter between the two of them.
He also once got so embarrasingly drunk after learning about what happened on Whole Cake Island that he pulled Sanji in tight and kissed the back of Sanji's hand, sputtering out an apology for not being there when Sanji needed him, followed by awkward silence for ten more minutes after one rainy afternoon on an island they'd never been to before. Sanji, rightfully, so freaked out about it so hard once they got back on the Sunny that he shut himself in the galley pantry just to calm down about it.
Zoro was the guy who changed everything about Sanji's world and Sanji let him without hesitation. Sanji let Zoro pull his somewhat stable wants and desires from right under his feet and replace them with something new, something he'd never felt before. Sanji let Zoro shake everything up to the point where he wasn't sure if anything could go back to the way it was and it felt exciting but at the same time, it was scary.
He was nervous and doubted everything. He doubted everything about how he felt when he first worked through whatever complicated feelings he'd been feeling. He'd pushed just about everyone away who even thought something could be potentially going on, resigning himself to long nights in the galley trying to scrub the They bickered and bantered, sure, but Sanji softened his blows. They didn't come from a place of rivalry, rather a place of jest—it was the same, but different. Sanji had always thought he was immune to change. He didn't think he had it in him to change from anything he'd ever known and it took a moss ball with a katana or three to change him. It took a moss ball with a katana and a bad attitude to change his position on love and romance and that terrified him just like any other change. Change had always frightened him because change always meant something would turn out for the worst. The last time somethng truly changed for Sanji, the last time he'd truly been visible and seen and content with his life, he'd been forced to leave the very crew that brought about that change in a last ditch attempt to save them from being killed. He didn't think he had it in him to lose another family, lose his true family, so he was brought back to the place he hated as a sacrifical lamb for the slaughter. He didn't deserve a happy end.
At least, that's what Sanji thought before.
