Chapter Text
“Reg, you alright in there?”
Regulus stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying not to cry so he could finish his makeup, but his hand wouldn't stop shaking and he couldn't keep his eyes dry long enough.
Regulus opened the bathroom door and Pandora gave him a sad smile.
“You look lovely, Reg.” He huffed at her. “You don't need eye makeup to look beautiful!”
“Dora, I don't want to look beautiful, I want to look-”
“Hot?” Lily chimed in, popping up next to Pandora.
“No!” Regulus’ eyes went wide. “I don't want to draw attention to my presence in any way!”
“Babe, you're totally hot. Eye makeup or not.” Lily added, as she dropped her chin onto Pandora's shoulder and snaked her hands around her waist. “Besides, you know he'll spot you whatever you wear.”
“You're right,” Regulus conceded. “So, I just won't go. Thanks Lil!”
Regulus tried to brush past them both to run to his room, but they followed him so quickly, he had no chance of locking them out.
“Not a chance, Black!” Lily had her arms crossed and was glaring at him. “Breakup or no breakup, you have to go! You promised Sirius you would.”
“Sirius will understand!” Regulus whined, knowing full well his brother would not understand, nor forgive him, if he missed their bands first night of their first, sold out tour.
The looks he was getting from Pandora and Lily said exactly what he was thinking.
“Please, don't make me go.” He whispered, as he sat on the edge of his bed.
Both girls came and sat next to him and each took one of his hands, Lily throwing an arm around his shoulder too.
“How am I supposed to face him?” Regulus asked, still keeping his voice low.
“We'll be there the whole time, Reg, promise.” Pandora soothed.
“And we can run interference with Potter,” Lily said. “But you can't miss out on Sirius’ big moment. That would be a massive dick move.”
45 minutes later, after more reassurances of support and some stellar eye liner work on behalf of Pandora, the three of them were in a taxi heading to the arena.
Once they arrived, they were shown to their VIP box Sirius had hooked them up with.
The room wasn't huge, but it had its own bar and some chairs and tables. It had a sliding door that led to a balcony in the main arena for when the band came on. It was big enough to hold their entire friendship group though, which was good. It had been a while since Regulus had been in a room with all of them at once.
The only downside was that they were just off centre of the stage. Close enough that the band would be able to see them.
The support act came and went, some local artist the band had chosen, who had had an alright voice. The voice announcer gave them a 15 minute warning before The Marauders would be on stage.
Regulus was starting to feel nauseous.
He hadn't seen his brother yet. Lily had text the group chat when they had arrived, but the band had been busy and couldn't come meet them. They promised to meet up after the show. Regulus was shown the messages, having left the group chat 9 months ago when he and James had split up.
Minutes before the band was due to come on, two men walked into the room and Barty came running over to him.
“Fuck, Reg!” He whispered excitedly. “Did you just see who walked in?!” Regulus hadn't seen Barty this excited in a while.
“Some guys?”
“Some guys! Some guys! My dearest, Reggie, that's Noah Sebastian and Nicholas Ruffilo from Bad Omens!”
Regulus had heard of the band, though he hadn't recognised the men.
“What are they doing here?” Regulus asked.
“They're mates with the band.” Marlene answered, having wandered over to say hello. “They met at some awards event a few months ago and they hit it off. I heard Potter managed to get them to agree to letting him perform one of their songs in tonight's set. How cool is that?”
Marlene threw the comment out, not knowing the impact it was going to have on Regulus, but Barty knew.
Regulus knew of Bad Omens because James and after their breakup, Regulus had played one of James’ favourite songs on repeat, to torment himself. Barty had had to hold an intervention with Pandora and Lily to stop him listening to it anymore.
“Shit, Reggie, you don't think-” Barty began.
Suddenly, Regulus was being dragged out onto the balcony as the lights went down and the room was filled with screaming.
Soft chords started and from out of the dark, James Potter's voice rang out across the room.
As James got to the bridge, the lights on the stage started coming on and as James reached the chorus, he looked up and locked eyes with Regulus.
*
*9 months earlier*
Regulus sat at the kitchen table for hours not moving, just staring. At some point it got dark and Regulus still didn't move.
“Baby?” James’ happy voice rang through the flat. “You home?”
Regulus still couldn't move. He was screaming at himself to get up, but he couldn't make his voice work.
“Jesus, Reg!” James shouted as he switched the kitchen light on and saw Regulus just sitting there. “What are you doing sitting in the dark?” James chuckled.
James came over and moved to kiss Regulus and that's when Regulus remembered how to move.
He moved violently away, putting the table between the two men.
“Reg?” James said slowly. Fear and confusion laced his voice.
“I found the box.” Regulus croaked.
James tilted his head, still looking confused. “What box, love?”
“The black one, in the sock drawer.”
James sucked in a deep breath, but didn't say anything.
“Why do you have that?” Regulus asked, his voice trembling.
“Well, why do you think?” James gave him a crooked smile as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“James, don't do that.” Regulus shook his head.
James took a step towards him. “Baby, I love you, I know you're it for me and so, yeah, I went out and bought a ring.”
“Don't say that.” Regulus’ voice was so quiet, he could barely hear himself.
James stopped moving towards him.
“Don't say what?” James’ voice was cracking.
“That you love me.” Regulus was softly crying.
“But I do and I know you love me too.” James sounded so sure.
“No,” Regulus mumbled.
“What?” Regulus looked up and saw the pain suddenly breaking out across James’ faces.
“I don't-you can't-” Regulus was struggling to find the words. He swallowed against the hard lump in his throat. “I need to go.” He whispered over the first sob cracking in his chest.
Regulus pulled his keys out of his pocket and held them in his hand, staring down at the large shiny gold J keyring his house keys were on.
“Reggie, please talk to me. What the hell is happening?” James was looking at him with wild eyes.
“This was never going to work, you know that. Not long term. Not really.”
“Baby, please.” James was crying and it was hurting Regulus’ heart more and more the longer he waited.
“James, I'm so sorry. I promise, this is for the best.” Regulus turned and started to walk away. “You deserve better.”
“Better than what?!” James ran around the table to try and stop Regulus from leaving. “Baby, I don't understand.” Regulus couldn't look at him. “I thought we were good? I thought we were happy?”
James croaked out his pleas and his hands twitched like he wanted to grab Regulus. The tears were streaming down his face.
The act only convinced Regulus more how much he didn't deserve this man. Even when his heart was breaking, James was giving Regulus what he needed. Space to breathe. James hadn't been given consent to hold Regulus, so he wouldn't.
Regulus stepped up into James’ space and took his hands. He folded his keys into James’ hand. “I'm so sorry, Jamie.”
Regulus walked down the hallway and as the front door closed behind him, he heard James’ broken wail.
*
*Present Day*
Regulus couldn’t hear the words that James was singing, he didn’t need to hear them, he knew exactly what the words were.
He wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He was staring at James and James was still watching him.
People in the crowd were starting to look in his direction, as were the other members of his friendship group around him.
It was overwhelming and yet, he couldn’t move.
The night that Regulus left was playing on a terrifying loop in his brain and he wanted it to stop.
A hand slipped into his. “Reg?” He heard Lilly’s voice in his ear. “Are you okay?”
Regulus’ knew his mouth was moving, but he couldn’t be sure if he was trying to answer, or if he was singing along with James.
“You can be all I got, what’s the difference?
You and me and a lot of bad decisions
All I know, all I know
Is bad, bad decisions.
The song ended, the crowd went wild and James finally looked away. The band smiled and waved at the crowd.
Sirius pulled the mic towards him. “LONDONNNNNN!” More screaming. “Have we got one hell of a show for you this evening, so thanks for coming out! We have a couple of new songs, old songs and even a couple of covers for you, so we hope you enjoy! Remember to tag us in any posts so we can inflate our egos!”
The crowd were losing their minds and Regulus looked around in awe. Sirius carried on speaking for a bit before introducing their next song.
The band started playing one of their more popular songs and the group around Regulus went as wild as the rest of the arena.
Now that James was not staring directly at him, he was able to breathe again and really appreciate the scale of what his brother and his friends had been able to achieve.
Two songs later and Regulus was finding himself starting to relax a little bit and actually enjoy the concert. Or at least, he had been.
The band finished their song and the stage went black as all the lights went out.
There was a very pregnant pause and then…
“I’m not afraid
Of the war you’ve come to wage against my sins
I’m not okay
But I can try my best to just pretend…”
James was standing at the microphone as the drum kicked in and the lights started coming back up.
At the start of the second verse, James looked back up at Regulus.
“I know the pain
That you hide behind the smile on your face
And not a day
Goes by where I don’t think I feel the same.”
Regulus was gone. He couldn’t take it any longer, he knew he should never have come in the first place.
As he ran back through the VIP room, Lily came after him.
“Reg, wait, please!”
Regulus stopped at the door and turned around. “Please, just tell Sirius I tried. I really did want to stay for him, but…I can’t, I just can’t.” Regulus’ voice broke and Lily gave him a very sad look.
*
Regulus was sitting in the American style diner down the road from his flat, trying to hide his tears from the nosey waitress.
Regulus, Lily and Pandora had been coming here at least twice a week since it opened a few months ago.
The girls loved the cherry pie and Regulus was currently obsessed with their minestrone soup. A bowl of which was currently sat in front of him. He was slowly stirring the spoon in the soup when a voice behind him made him jump and drop it, splashing himself slightly.
“What, no bread?”