Work Text:
Sit down beside me
and stay a while
Let our hurts do their part
- Patrick Watson
Edwina was disappointed that Gehrman Sparrow never returned to the Golden Dawn to discuss history. Though she had invited him earnestly, he was a strict man who often didn't show his emotions and remained distant. Still, he had at his own risk come to help her within Groselle's Travels and find a way to escape.
Together, they had fought the ice dragon, alongside Groselle the one-eyed giant of the Giant King’s Court, Mobet the fourth epoch Loenese knight, Siatas the second epoch elf, and her own crewmember “Mr. 1000 pounds” Danitz.
Edwina had of course reported many of her findings from the accidental expedition into Groselle’s Travels to the Church of Knowledge, who had originally sent her the book-like artifact to study. Given that the simple trigger of blood to enter Groselle’s Travel had not been disclosed to her, she had her suspicions the Church had wanted to test Gehrman Sparrow, who she had previously sent many updates on.
This test could be considered successful.
The result was Edwina had gained a very positive impression of the pirate hunter with a crazy reputation, and had openly extended the friendship of the Golden Dawn.
The Fool…
Edwina paused on the doorstep of her captain’s cabin, her hand caressing the wooden frame. She sighed abruptly, though her countenance remained taciturn. Her thoughts ran quickly, dartingly.
Gehrman Sparrow follows the Fool, and the Fool is perhaps an ancient god rising again in this era. The Fool is antagonistic to the Aurora Order. Our Church is also very interested in information about Him and the Tarot Club…
I personally witnessed the Fool’s influence in Gehrman Sparrow’s methodical approach and confidence in entering Groselle’s Travels. Somehow, he used Danitz to report back before entering.
I will keep pursuing this knowledge, and unraveling it. There also may be more secrets of history within.
Wouldn't it be fun to discuss it with Gehrman Sparrow more, discovering secrets and hints one by one? If I could speak to him directly again? I also miss the times where I used a spell to talk through Danitz in the night and ask questions from afar in an exchange. It was like a puzzle…
I thought we had also become closer after discussing many things. It is rare on the seas to find someone similar to me, and with similar interests.
Yet, it seems this man will never return on his own. Perhaps it is true—it’s rumored on the seas that he has no friends or family. Even as someone who is likely Faceless, this ironclad rumor can only be accomplished deliberately. Like me, he may also be someone who has a distance between himself and the world, and is often only interested in intellectual pursuits or hands-on work.
With a brief wry smile on her face, Captain Edwina of the Golden Dawn, dressed plainly in whites and browns, stepped through the door to begin today’s lessons for the crew and review their homework.
She only needed to gently beat up on or two unruly subordinates who had turned in slop for their papers.
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.
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“Danitz. Are you contacting Gehrman Sparrow?”
Edwina, with icy blue eyes, watched her subordinate from the door, who immediately panicked, coughed, blushed, and then slammed all of his papers messily into his bunk.
I taught him better than this… Edwina’s expression became disapproving.
“I, uh, uh, I—”
“What did he request of you?”
Danitz’ smile became forced. “It's actually Anderson Hood. We're planning on going to the Southern Continent.”
The Southern Continent… Edwina thought over this for a long time, then nodded.
“Go.”
Danitz nodded eagerly, and then a little fearfully, stumbling over himself. Edwina watched him with an inexplicable expression, then abruptly return to her Captain’s cabin.
She rubbed her forehead, and then poured herself some aged wine pillaged from one of their exploits. It had been a raid on a pirate town, keeping the forces on the Sonia Sea balanced and in check. The flavor was nothing to write about, but nevertheless, at night, she would journal her thoughts and experiences before burning them for safekeeping.
My subordinate has been poached…
However, since it is a Blessed of the Fool, this is an acceptable sacrifice.
After all, the purpose of keeping a crew on the seas is to spread knowledge and gather information. This can be worthwhile and satisfying to me, but sometimes I feel this crew too often directs odd gazes at me. They were all pirates, after all, with a spirit for women and adventure.
She pursed her lips.
I don't understand them…
They should focus on their homework more. They should be more like Danitz, who invests in houses to prepare for the future. At least, he has taken this aspect of his studies seriously.
Danitz can be careless, but he will aid Gehrman Sparrow well.
Again, her thoughts had recently returned to this man. Personally speaking, she liked his taciturn expressions and his use of little words that conveyed much—rather than brusqueness, this habit showed a thoughtfulness and consideration of what the other person already knew. Each move and word was calculated, deliberate, and often packed with information.
Many of her crew would do well to take a similar approach.
Yes, she admired that about Gehrman Sparrow. Though he wore a mask, oftentimes silences and what was not said spoke louder than words. The absence told her much about him—it was only someone who cared deeply about others that would also so carefully isolate himself.
She was very intrigued by this taciturn adventurer.
Her fingers twitched over a pen.
Should I contact his messenger… I know the ritual incantation from Danitz' use in the cabins already…
What shall I say? There is no new significant information on the Seas that I would have a reason to share…
Perhaps, a discussion of history? There are after all many implications of Groselle’s Travels, and I have suggestions and advice for how to explore it more. After all, as the reward for helping me escape, he took the artifact, with the consent of the Church. This is also one of the reasons I suspect the Church has a friendly attitude and wants to forge a relationship with the Fool. Groselle's Travels must be a high sequence artifact.
Then, surely it would make sense for me to also extend my invitation again. I simply can't say too much that is sensitive in a letter, however, even if the means of transportation are secure.
Edwina eventually let her fingers drop and sighed once more.
No. There it is no business reason.
Perhaps, it is just that I am a little lonely.
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A letter arrived for her through Danitz, long after he had sojourned back from the Southern Continent.
It was a letter that asked for a Reader’s blood.
Edwina pursued her lips, and resisted the temptation to ask questions. After conducting several experiments, erasing any mystical connections, she put her blood in a tube and sent it back with Danitz.
Blood of certain pathways can be useful for certain mysticological studies, special seals, or certain spells. After all, the blood of a Beyonder contains special properties much like mystical creatures, having been transformed by digesting each potion, and can influence the nature of other Beyonder-created materials or qualities. Specifically, the Reader pathway can be used for deconstruction, copying, or analysis. It is most likely for the creation or deconstructing of an existing spell.
This is a reasonable use for Gehrman Sparrow.
As a past Detective and student of the currents of history and mysticology, making guesses and systemtically constraining all the possible reasons behind this request was not difficult.
However, in a fit of impishness, she included a small note in the end:
‘Your payment can be visiting the Golden Dawn at a convenient time for you. There is nothing else required.’
As the adventurer had gained the power of a Traveler artifact—verified through his frequent terrorization of random pirate isles—and could likely divine her spiritual coordinates, visiting should be a trivial matter for him. She did not feel the need to include this instruction for someone who could already very well surmise this on his own.
Now, it had already been many months since she had adventured with Gehrman Sparrow. His deliberate distance, combined with the news of him traveling with Admiral Catteleya of the Future to the Sea of Ruins was, in a way, irking.
My offer of friendship was sincere. Taking such a deliberate distance, and only requesting something when needed through Danitz… Does everything need to be this impersonal?
Of course, I will send him my blood, because I have already received much help from him! With his recent efforts and requests in sponsoring the mixed-blood children and natives’ education, and improving the state of infrastructure on the Sea, our values are also not unaligned.
She sipped at the tall water glass on her desk, while leaning back in a simplistic chair.
The reports of his appearances and the other Chuches asking questions often leaves a chaotic impression these days.
What is Gehrman Sparrow doing? He is no longer on the Seas, but occasionally re-appears with a big splash. The Church of Storms has become very interested in him, and the Church of Evernight has also recently begun queries.
Are these movements due to the motives of the Fool? I believe there are also traces of him investigating the human trafficking cases out at sea, though I can't be sure. We also have not been able to discern the full causes and hand behind this, so the forces in control of this must be powerful.
There also has been an odd silence from higher ups in my own Church on this topic. It is often recently cautioned that some knowledge is dangerous to spread or know. This can be a political method of covering information, or a truth. It is unfortunately difficult to discern without knowing the contested information to begin with, so I can only peer at the edges and suggestions hidden within the actions of others.
Many prophecies and skills of other pathways indicate this repeatedly: Turbulence in the world is coming.
Her thoughtful expression eventually eased.
Her foot tapping hiddenly in her boot stopped. This was a motion she often secretly made while in deep thought, or when she was agitated.
Today, she would conduct a surprise test on her crew, regarding the nature of knowing versus not knowing, and the various dangers of the Beyonder world. When discussing this, it was important to not emphasize against curiosity, but rather to not blindly approach experimentation without clear goals or assessing the risks and scope first and foremost.
She would also include a practical element to the test this time. This both kept the Golden Dawn in check, and would improve their education.
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.
.
A reply letter finally came, given by the nervous Danitz, who looked caught between two great forces:
‘Sure.’
Edwina raised her eyebrows at the short reply.
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.
Gehrman Sparrow was taciturn as ever when he arrived on the Golden Dawn. He wore his golden-rimmed spectacles, a gentlemanly black top hat, and his Beyonder gun visible under his long coat, as if to send a subtle message or warning.
However, his atmosphere was slightly different compared to months before—he was both more tense, and more relaxed. His expression was less controlled as his brown eyes roved the deck of the Golden Dawn with familiarity, and the tension in his back was not as suppressed.
Edwina assessed this calmly, and suppressed a smile that naturally arose.
Danitz was no longer aboard, so another crewmember had fetched her from the cabin after his arrival.
“Gehrman Sparrow,” she greeted calmly at the deck.
“Captain Edwina,” he replied, equally stoic. However, he slightly bowed as well, as in his polite image, maintaining the idea of a gentleman who could also draw his gun to shoot crazily at a moment's notice.
Edwina nodded, then turned to walk to her Captain’s cabin to talk more comfortably. Evidently, her crewmates did not enjoy Gerhman Sparrow’s presence very much—they were all glaring at him rather murderously. The reasons behind this were rather trivial and silly. However, they were pirates…
She fought off a sigh.
Maybe I will increase their homework again.
As the two both familiarly sat in at the desk in her cabin, she poured them both a drink. This time, it was an older and finer wine from an older raid. She didn't drink often, but knew enough about the types to gauge their quality, and sometimes her curiosity about spirits would cause her to seek them to settle her often-overly active mind.
Especially in times of doubt, when captainship or the pressures of the Church, or a lack of leads on a significant squabble at Sea proved overbearing or worrying.
Gehrman Sparrow did not sip the drink, but looked at her expectantly. Still and business-like.
She laughed wryly, sipping her own cup. This gesture caused his eyes to shift, more expressive than before.
Confusion? A shift in his expectation, or perception of me? She read the clues, and answered pre-emptively,
“I don't have any business for you, Gehrman. As I said, the payment is only to visit.”
“You seem more tired,” he noted.
“You too,” she responded immediately.
His eyebrows furrowed briefly.
“Have you been well since the last time?” she asked. “The rumors state you have been very busy. At least you are not fighting dragons.”
He chuckled. “No.”
“You seem more expressive. Is it related to the acting of a Faceless?”
She revealed her guesses and knowledge openly. Of course, after he had traveled to the Sea of Ruins, she now suspected Gehrman Sparrow was already a Sequence 5 Marrionetist of the Seer pathway, rising in sequence at a meteoric pace.
However, her intention was not to pry, but to chat.
“I was recently told to lift my mask a little.”
After Edwina took some effort to prompt the conversation, they talked naturally then about the time in Groselle's Travels. Then, about recent discoveries or artifacts that had passed through the Golden Dawn’s hands, as well as dangerous incidents they had resolved at sea. At first, Gehrman Sparrow was perched with a quiet and intense interest, staring at her, and responding with his own observations or comments, and some minor experiences, but over time, he seemed to lean into the conversation more and sink into the chair.
“Yes. In Backlund, I upset the Church of Storms recently…
“The historic nation of Evernight… The nonexistence of the burial rituals might actually be due to…”
“Mobet and Siatas… Their fragments seem to be living happily. We explored the sea of subconsciousness held within Groselle’s Travels recently…”
Perhaps, there was too much information that was too packed full of valuable mysticism knowledge, that should not be traded lightly; however, this also seemed to be Gehrman Sparrow’s main experiences in life. As a result, Edwina also did not hold back, and discussed various ancient ruins on the Sea. Some were terrifying, with red blood spilling out from a fountain endlessly; this could be related to the Devil pathway, for example. There were also rumors of a Revival Island, which the Church often cautioned the members away from; whether it was related to other rumors or an old expedition of Roselle was unknown. One island with an unexpected asymmetrical architecture held clues to an unexpected colonization or outreach effort of the Solomon Empire in the Fourth Epoch, but had evidently been destroyed with traces of a high-ranking member of the Hunter pathway…
They discussed freely, but also within limits.
Finally, Gehrman Sparrow also sipped at the wine, and the conversation grew smoother, and he spoke more.
Then, both abruptly and calmly, they both drew silent.
Gehrman Sparrow stood, and tipped his hat.
“Captain Edwina. It has been a pleasure.”
His tone held traces of a genuine warmth. Perhaps, there was also a feeling of underlying regret and withdrawal. These signs buried in facial expressions were no longer covered completely as they had been long before.
Edwina, too, felt some regret that this time was already coming to a close. However, they had already talked for hours, and night was drawing to a close outside.
Sometimes, her crew had attempted contrivances to knock at her door over this time; however, some structured spells she had copied had filtered their intents and urgencies and blocked them. This was often a common privacy measure for her on the Golden Dawn, with a crew that was prone to antics and bickering.
Sometimes, she even suspected they wanted revenge on her for all the homework she assigned them.
“It has been a pleasure as well,” she replied. “You should come visit again.”
He nodded, then stood still.
The sight somehow felt somewhat awkward to Edwina. As a former Detective, she observed him and his spirit state sharply, and then felt amused.
I understand now. I see it, this part of you.
“I sometimes feel that we are really similar,” Edwina said, with again a rare and wry chuckle. She stood up. She still felt a slight warmth in her gut from the alcohol, though this did not make her any more reckless—rather, she was in a relaxed and comfortable state. “Of course, you can leave anytime with your Traveler artifact. But Gehrman, I would prefer it if you did not feel forced to be so abrupt. I enjoy your company.”
The result and changes of his spirit state were unexpected. Rather than resulting in a calming affirmation, a hidden turbulence increased before subsiding into a blue calm.
Her speaking more than usual and with earnestness had produced the opposite effect of her intentions.
This was a strange puzzle.
Gehrman Sparrow began to bow politely, raising one hand. “Then, until next time—”
“Wait one moment.”
Edwina stepped forward, and grabbed his raised arm. She abruptly studied the human-skinned glove, but averted her eyes to meet Gehman’s brown and sharp eyes with a personal sincerity.
“Gehrman. Even if this is not your real name, I want you to know that you have my friendship.”
He smiled.
“Then, until next time, Captain Edwina.”
The crazy adventurer vanished.
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Afterwards, Captain Edwina of the Golden Dawn sat in her cabin for some time, slowly finishing her wine.
Did I push too much? How perplexing.
She closed her eyes finally, leaning back in her chair.
What she had seen was loneliness.
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.
.
Sometimes, it puzzled her, why human emotions were so. It often seemed simple to solve: if two lonely people met, they could solve the problem of one another, canceling out the original issue with mutual company. In this way, the world should naturally balance out, and there would be no issue.
However, in practice, the world was not so simple.
One person's loneliness would not always fit against another’s. Like jigsaw puzzles, one person would not always match with another, and attempting to force a fit would only cause abrasion. And in other cases, even if the jigsaw puzzles matched in some respects, the multifaceted gem-like souls of humans could turn, and become mismatched once more. Other times, the souls and personalities acted more like clay, and could mold to each other over time, but the willingness to mold must be there. Yet other times, the soul could be too pliant, and mold too easily, lacking resistance and shape of its own, making any connection impermanent.
And yet other times, there could be a glass barrier wall around the soul, making it so that the jigsaw puzzles never had a chance to even try to match, could not connect, could not resonate with the souls of others. Whether this barrier existed innately, or was created by the person as a defense, it existed. And all souls except that of a newborn babe had this barrier to some extent, and to some distance, to cover up some facets of their heart.
This is what Edwina had realized about people, and about herself. Along with unraveling the theoretical nature of the world around her—often trying to read it like a book or deduce it criticizingly in the manner of discovering history—she also had many questions relating to the nature of people and relationships. Though her loyalty was to the Church and to the knowledge that had taught her much, there was of course much to learn in life about people, her own wants and desires, and her own direction and guideposts in life.
After all, a rational and self-consistent set of rules and observations could guide her understanding of the world and provide a toolbox to work with. But the basis of her values and priorities that this rational rulebase rested upon, could only come from her deeper sensibilities as a human being.
This meant that her understanding and navigation of the world also deeply depended also on her intuition, feelings, and understanding of herself. From this, she could form and determine her most important priorities.
For a long time, this priority had been following the Church and spreading knowledge to others so that they could live better lives—to quell some of the wild of the sea, while also living its exciting dangerous—to uncover a vivid spirit of exploration that often drew her lips into a sharp secret grin and excited her spirit and mind.
Learning and uncovering something new could be a terribly exciting thing, like pulling the dark stage curtain away and uncovering the inner workings of the world. And there could be a thrill to uncovering the lies of grand beings, and tracing the criticisms and hypocrisies of those big figures of the past! Weaving a story of all these humans, their wills colliding with the nature of the world, and understanding the history and fabric of the stormy seas, the high cathedrals, and the broken ruins! gave her a feeling of being able to peer more deeply and see more than what was seen.
Her vision then extended past what was immediately in front of her.
This was what it meant to be a Reader.
She also felt she could sometimes see the future, seeing the patterns of old weave again anew. Emperor Roselle had once said, “Humans do not learn from history, except that humans do not learn from history.” This idea did not deter Edwina, but rather encouraged her; if history would always repeat, then she could find the roots of truth by studying the past, and then in this way verify her conclusions and guesses. Current forces would always have motives to disguise the present and also disguise their past; however, the actions of what was and wasn't, would always reveal a secret unraveling of truth.
This was a feeling that Edwina loved, and sought to spread. Thus, she was very well aligned with the Church of Knowledge, had gained access to certain secrets within the church, had promoted relatively quickly, and finally gained the freedoms of the seas by her own choice.
Even if her guesses of the world could sometimes be wrong, this could also be a joy in improving her learning and understanding—unless there were severe consequences for making an erroneous judgment. However, severe errors became less and less common as she gained experience and witnessed more.
Yes, this was Edwina's life, and this was what she most valued and treasured.
However, she was also a human, and humans always have many facets and edges to themselves.
While she longed for knowledge and the hunt of it, she also longed for company. However, her inner barrier was sharp and strong, made of glass—allowing her to see outside and make connections, but nothing often truly touched her. Likewise, sometimes an odd person who truly looked would be able to see inside her through the barrier, like Anderson Hood, but would also not be able to act upon it. The edges of their jigsaw puzzles would rarely ever match, in any case.
But in Gehrman Sparrow, she saw all of those things. She saw a kindred spirit, who also always carried a barrier which was sometimes opaque and other times transparent. When she could peer through it, she could also guess at how their jigsaw edges did in fact match. And even the superficial glass barriers managed to contact pleasantly in easy chatter without difficulty. She wanted to learn more about him.
She also felt that he could peer through her as well, like that Anderson Hood but with less sharp intention, and often wondered what he saw.
These kinds of giddy thoughts more common to someone younger than her ran through her mind.
After all, it was natural to wonder what someone you admired thought of you.
These types of thoughts also increased after Gehrman Sparrow came to visit again, then again once more.
Edwina found herself talking more, and rambling on, sharing her views of the world. As she also in return heard some of his views implicitly expressed, and his deep observations of people or habitual analysis he often kept hidden, she find herself admiring and liking him more. She felt that her initial impressions of him were correct, the more his mask slowly faded and he grew more relaxed, sitting at the desk of her Captain's cabin as they chatted like it had become an expected habit or routine.
She felt that her friendship was returned, and her worries and private annoyances eased.
On his fourth visit, then, Gehrman Sparrow said soberly, “I am about to attempt something dangerous. I may not come back.”
Edwina was quiet for a long time.
“Is it related to why you had asked for my blood?”
His eyebrows slightly raised.
“It has not been long since then,” she explained calmly.
He nodded.
“Yes.”
They both then sat in a companionable silence. This time, she had prepared a refreshing fruit juice for them both, which was often rare to acquire on long sea journeys, and he had seemed to enjoy it with relish.
He continued sipping at the bright orange drink with pulp, and she at hers, until they both had finished.
“I am glad you came to visit, even if you must have been very busy with preparations,” Edwina said seriously, setting her glass down with a clink. “Please let me know if I can assist you.”
The corners of his lips twitched into a smile.
“You already have. The blood, remember?”
Edwina nodded.
“Then, if the Church of Knowledge can also assist you,” she broached somberly. “I believe the Church has a friendly disposition to you and the Fool. You may be able to reduce the risks in this way with an alliance or trade.”
Moments ticked past in silence.
“The Churches very likely will not assist me in this matter.”
Edwina connected her earlier thoughts, and frowned without reserve.
Is it really the matter related to the powerful forces behind the human trafficking? The Fool also intervened in an earlier case or branch of this, with the ‘Bandit Hero Black Emperor’ with Capim of Backlund… If it is this, he may be correct. The Church has even been hesitant to provide me with assistance in the investigations.
“Then again, let me offer my personal assistance.”
Gehrman Sparrow sighed quietly, then looked at her, lips still curved strikingly. His angular face did not appear so cold even on the surface, now. The expression both held reserve and an open show of friendliness and regret.
The crew above on deck had certainly never seen such an expression from Gehrman Sparrow. He looked human. Edwina could not think of another way to describe it in that moment.
“The preparations are already in place.”
“I see.”
After this, they didn't speak anymore of this topic, and instead returned to other sparse tacit chatter and updates.
Edwina then watched his gentlemanly figure stand up and vanish into the darkness and quiet of the cabin once more.
She also sighed, and stood up, facing the porticilar window of the Golden Dawn, seeing the dark eddies of the sea swirl and turn.
After this, Gehrman Sparrow disappeared for many months, and it was impossible to contact him by messenger.
She was only able to obtain some sparse news that he was alive, but in a difficult situation, through Danitz.
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When he came back, he was different again.
This time, the effect had deepened: he was both more reserved, and also more open, laughing more often, though sometimes with a buried desperation. Rather than appearing as Gehrman Sparrow, he sometimes appeared as a nondescript figure with a red scarf he called ‘Miracle Magician Merlin Hermes’.
He regaled her with tales of the stoic and barren Forgotten Land of the Gods, acting very differently when wearing the face of a different persona, more boisterous. As Merlin Hermes, he often laughed and smiled too much, chatting endlessly like he couldn't stop, about the taste of food, the stories of people and homes he had performed miracles for while traveling, the secrets of the gods he could not speak about and odd hints of history, the Dark Angel Sasrir, the new City of Silver that was being established on the Rorstred Archipelago…
Edwina could no longer guess his sequence.
This meant that he was most certainly at least a demigod of the Seer pathway, and perhaps higher. After all, she did not have access to the information past Sequence 4.
He is more erratic, almost crazy in truth, rather than just in name. He is lonely. There is a person in the Forgotten Land of the Gods that had deeply influenced him, scared him, and perhaps even traumatized him. He does not discuss him or mention his name.
Edwina found herself speaking less.
Many meetings came and went like this, and then Merlin Hermes also became quieter and more thoughtful again.
The ritual of drinking juice and eating snacks each time continued. Sometimes, he would also bring odd snacks and share them without a word, and then they would chat over history again, without saying anything else. Edwina learned too many hints and secrets of ancient great beings too easily, but did not remark on them, nor report them.
Months passed.
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.
When Merlin Hermes and Gehrman Sparrow both disappeared again, this time with forewarning, Edwina stepped onto the island of Utopia.
The place was a real place, but gave her an uncanny feeling.
The Golden Dawn left and came quickly.
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Someone new appeared one day, in her Captain’s cabin. It was a man with a deep outline, brown eyes, and a scholarly and almost thin frame. He appeared completely like an ordinary Loenese man, but his manner of arrival was anything but, appearing with both suddenness and familiarity.
His ordinariness was actually the most odd thing.
Despite being startled, Captain Edwina’s expression was stoic, and she observed the newcomer who did not speak.
“Gehrman Sparrow,” she finally guessed calmly.
The man smiled bitterly.
“My name, it's actually…”
He paused.
“It's actually Zhou Mingrui.”
What an odd name. I can't immediately determine its etimology… It is also difficult to pronounce.
However, Edwina was a master of languages, having studying phonetics and the resulting positions of the tongue in the mouth, production of air from the throat, the influence of the nasal cavity on sounds, as well as the use of the gutteral, and thus was able to quickly mentally transpose the sounds onto a phonetic map. With some care and initial difficulty, she then repeated perfectly,
“Zhou Mingrui.”
He smiled.
The smile was like an innocent, heartfelt, open, and sentimental smile. The thought struck Edwina that, after seeing Merlin Hermes so many times, it was difficult to believe that Gehrman Sparrow had ever had such a dense and unbroachable barrier.
Is he losing control?
However, there were no signs of this. In fact, his spiritual aura appeared too utterly ordinary and human, with no abnormalities. This meant he had reached a sequence where he could contain it perfectly. Perhaps, he had even avoided her making a large mistake if Edwina had accidentally peered at his mythical creature form.
Instead, she asked him directly, and his open smile fell as he took a seat.
“No, I am not losing control,” he said directly. “However, I am making efforts to maintain my humanity and sense of identity. I hope this is not an imposition.”
“Is this your true identity?” Edwina asked, somewhat wearily.
Looking around, she realized there was an odd barrier like a dark curtain. When she studied it, it felt like an impenetrable yet tricky barrier, as if it concealed only certain actions or an aspect of reality, but not the entire reality in totality. Perhaps, it is a special effect of the high sequence Seer pathway. He is hiding his own presence, so he can both visit and discuss things more freely? Though he spoke much at first as Merlin Hermes, his visits were always brief, and he was always thorough in doing anti-divination… I also was extremely cautious as a result, as all High-Sequence Beyonders can have terrifying enemies…
Having a true friend can be quite difficult when they rise in Sequence.
“Perhaps, in a sense. I am also Klein Moretti…”
He trailed off. Edwina’s eyes which were like ice gazed at him for a long time.
In this form that was not as intimidating and striking as Gehrman Sparrow, and not as colorful and boisterous as Merlin Hermes, she saw no difference. His inner spirit and personhood appeared the same—complex, fragmented, yet unified by a strong sense of self and determination, as well as a loneliness and care for the world and others.
The reason why he is here again, with such a sudden introduction after a long absence…
She pinched her eyebrows together, allowing her weariness to show as she rubbed her forehead.
“Gehrman Sparrow,” she said finally, “I am not your therapist.”
He looked embarrassed.
The outer form of this person, with his lips twitching so and face slightly reddening, was actually somewhat endearing. Edwina decided she didn't mind his current form.
“I have contacts that could provide you some treatment,” she continued steadily. “Your state has definitely become increasingly unstable. You definitely require more professional treatment. I also assume maintaining your identity and acts as a human being are very important as well; however, I do not know many High-Sequence beyonders. Yet, the fact that you are already one is highly concerning…”
Not long ago, he was definitely only a Sequence 6 Faceless or Sequence 5 Marrionetist when they had first met. No, in Groselle's Travels, he must have been a Marrionettist already.
The time that had passed since then was definitely less than two years.
This defied common sense and logic, meaning that there was another force behind Gehrman Sparrow’s rapid rise.
This force was of course related to the Fool, and rumors of the Tarot Club’s growing influence in the world.
Gehrman Sparrow as Zhou Mingrui closed his eyes briefly, and said, “Edwina, thank you for your concern. This is actually not why I am here today. I am just visiting. Yes, I already have a psychologist. I am just visiting.”
He emphasized this in a certain way that was particular to his new persona, but also contained traces of his outer impressions when doing a habitual analysis as Gehrman Sparrow, or when he repeated old stories or hints as Merlin Hermes as if to highlight them teasingly. Edwina found her lips twitching, in a habit that had been passed on to her from spending time with this man and chatting familiarly over many occasions.
“Alright,” she conceded. “I apologize, then. And I am glad to hear you are already undergoing treatment.”
Without speaking further, she pulled out a glass of a red-purple pulpy fruit juice and set it aside for both of them. He was sure to enjoy a new flavor, and she wondered if he would reveal the same consistent expressions as Gehrman Sparrow and Merlin Hermes as before, or if there would be something new. At the same time, she also pulled out some snacks from port she had prepared recently, such as a new exotic steak-flavored mushroom, an avacado snack in tartar that was almost just ripe for the occasion, and a common white fish with a side of nutritious wheat bread.
However, he had an unusual reaction at seeing the mushroom, and so privately amused, Edwina calmly put it away.
They then dined together and chatted.
There again were updates on their lives, as well as odd relics discovered like a book that set rules, and Edwina to her curiosity and consternation discovered the truth behind Utopia.
It wasn't actually that dangerous. I could have explored it…
She sighed at an opportunity missed due to overcaution. Of course, it was always better to err on this side in the mystical world, in order to live a longer life.
“You seem to have discovered many secrets, to the point that you have become a secret of your own,” she joked. “I am afraid to ask what Sequence you have become on the Seer pathway.”
Yes, this is a knowledge that is better not to know.
“Sequence 1.”
She paused in her eating.
She closed her eyes.
Sequence One…
“You must trust me very much,” she said finally, pulling her knife again forward, and taking another bite of the white fish.
“Yes.”
“Or perhaps, you are not afraid to put my life at risk by knowing too much.”
“There was a time long ago, when you offered your assistance,” he said quietly. “I had hoped that would still apply.”
His voice was somewhat lilted without a closed question at the end—this suggested an extra promise, or offer. She inferred that he was offering to reverse this intention and disguise all traces of him having come here—or perhaps even this knowledge he had given her, if she requested it.
It feels abhorrent to me to unlearn something…
Moreover, it's true that I extended this request to a friend.
“Of course it still applies,” she replied in an equally quiet tone. Honestly, she continued, “I only feel that I see your death already when you tell me your sequence, whether it is the loss of your humanity, or your life.”
After dining, they put away the dishes into her cabin’s cabinets with familiarity, below where the stacks of books sat neatly shelved and well-maintained. Their shoulders brushed.
Normally, they would usually sit in their chairs after this, and discuss and keep chatting like it was a ritual. This time, however, Edwina brought the Gehrman Sparrow who called himself Zhou Mingrui, and looked very scholarly, like a recent college graduate, to sit beside her by the bed. She did not have a couch, as she disliked excess weight or volume on her ship, so this was the best option to convey what she wanted to convey.
The mysterious but human man with many faces had stiffened, only carefully glancing at her, and at how she had held his forearm and led him.
“Edwina, I…”
Removing her hand, she instead lifted her arm to wrap around his shoulder. She held his torso securely there by her armpit.
The embrace was a little stiff and awkward, as Edwina was unused to things such as this, except in that sweet time as a child before she had become an orphan under the Church of Knowledge. However, his warmth still felt like a human, and she enjoyed the warm and the awkward knobs of his shoulders that gave him a sense of history, and his clean suit that bore both signs of wear and careful maintenance.
This is part of his history.
She didn't speak for a long time, only closing her eyes, and leaning into him. Though she had done this with the intention of reminding him of his humanness, in this moment, she also felt the humanness of herself, and her trust of a friend, and reciprocal moments of sharing, chatting, trying things, and experiencing all those conversations, values, hopes, and risky knowledge together. Though she now sometimes felt dwarfed by everything he had uncovered and now knew, she still felt this was the same man and same kindred spirit she had adventurered together with in icy lands, and over the seas.
The same taciturn soul that observed, while harboring a kind spirit.
That spirit who often wished to fulfill the wishes of others, and yet at the same time, would not hesitate to impose the harsh lessons of reality in smaller doses upon others.
She had read all of the reports about his actions as Merlin Hermes, and also the times before.
Gradually, she felt his unfamiliar body relax into hers. She heard and felt his breathing ease, and they leaned into each other. His weight from the right stabilized hers from the left.
Her heart eased, unraveling the weariness of many years out at sea, and countless difficulties, logistics, and dangers that must be surmounted.
“I want to understand you.”
She had spoken out loud without hesitation, losing the barrier between her thoughts and her mouth. In a moment of regret, she wondered if it was the wrong time to say it. She opened her eyes in the darkening cabin, the sunset reddening the port window in the distance, and glanced at his face. She read his expressions, which were relaxed, bemused, and also embarassed.
After her words, however, his body had pulled somewhat upright.
His lips moved, as if he were searching for words to say.
Finally, he said,
“Edwina, I… I can't enter a relationship.”
The words were completely unexpected, outside of her projections and imaginations.
She hadn't predicted this statement at all.
She laughed.
It was a laugh of freedom, joy, bewilderment, and perplexity. The laughter was suddenly so freeing from the somberness and weariness that she couldn't stop—she didn't know if she had ever laughed this hard before in her memory.
His embarrassment deepened, his cheeks grew redder, and his frame somewhat shrunk, and she couldn't help but laugh more.
The great Gehrman Sparrow!
What a shy man!
Ha ha ha, is this really that funny?
Her laughter abruptly shrunk, and she peered at him seriously.
“I apologize. I shouldn't have laughed.”
His mutter was so low she barely caught it. “Social death…”
This statement, its sudden presence has many resulting implications—
“I only didn't expect it,” Edwina said. “I see many pirates and others obsessed with romance or sex, and led around by it, and so it's not often on my mind, except in studying other people and their motivations. I see now my actions were ambiguous, especially for the Loenese Kingdom, which your current features and the features of Gehrman Sparrow are from. I apologize.”
The distance of their shoulders on the small bed had already greatly increased. She missed that moment of comfort and warmth already. Now complicated human matters had appeared instead, which were difficult to cut through with clear communication, as the source values and feelings themselves were difficult to define and reconcile.
Captain Edwina pursued her lips, and her eyebrows pinched together.
How do I resolve this issue?
At least my initial goal was met. This is really, a really embarassing human moment for him, reminding him of himself. He's so embarrassed that I think I did something wrong… I have the feeling of making a big mistake.
Do I consider him as more than a friend?
Edwina was puzzled over this, and found herself with a new lack of understanding in herself, or rather, in the definitions of others. She loved her crew as often as she was exasperated with them, and she loved the Gehrman Sparrow of many names who often came to visit and chat. She enjoyed speaking with him, and cared deeply about both his outcome and history. Spending time with him also filled her with various joys, sometimes private amusements, and new observations and learnings.
As she was thinking, Gehrman Sparrow, or Zhou Mingrui, was not passive. He inched away subtly continuously, until he was standing and again appeared more composed. His expression was like that as if it had never happened.
Edwina blinked up at him, and found herself at a loss for words.
He also seemed to be at a loss for words.
Both of them could be very talkative, and also not talkative at all in their communications. Around factual matters, they could rave and ramble on. About personal matters, they had often relied on succint updates or short words to convey their state in previous conversations—except when he was initially acting as Merlin Hermes.
In this sense, Edwina had the abrupt realization that she did not know how to express her doubts, confusions, and regrets at all in this moment, because there was no way to appropriately do so that relied on a tacit understanding and short words.
Eventually, the scholarly-looking Zhou Mingrui cleared his throat, bowing briefly.
“I—I will come to visit again.”
He abruptly disappeared, not even raising his right hand as was the previous departure custom.
Edwina stared at the spot in which he stood.
After a long time, a refreshing laughter again emerged from her throat, and her eyes were creased with fondness.
Then, until next time.
She drank the glass of red-purple juice until the end, savoring the flavor.
.
.
.
However, the next time he appeared, he seemed very sleepy and tired.
He appeared as Zhou Mingrui again with the scholarly frame. He smiled at her dimly, and with sincerity, many emotions conveyed within his brown eyes.
Edwina, who had prepared the sweet and savory snacks as usual, was left as a loss when Zhou Mingrui did not immediately reach out to them. At the same time, she felt she understood what was happening.
Fate would always exact a price for what was bestowed.
It came too soon.
His rise in sequence had always been too fast.
“It is the last time,” he said, unusually heavily.
“I see.”
She closed her eyes, and sighed deeply.
I wanted to still know you more.
“I will miss you, Gehrman Sparrow—Zhou Mingrui. It is a rare thing for me, to have a true friend in this world. I enjoyed the conversations with you.”
She spoke plainly and seriously.
He nodded.
He stared at her, as if unable to move.
Edwina had thought over the last encounter many times, decrypting it and understanding the hidden movements of the heart that had led to it. As such, she felt she understood some of the feelings that Zhou Mingrui currently expressed without words.
“Is this a goodbye, then?” she murmurred wryly. Her eyes creased as she looked at him. “Or maybe not a final goodbye. Perhaps, you will be different again when we next meet.
“But perhaps you don't know it yet. You have already changed many times, but you are still you. You are still the you I met, and who I befriended and love.
“Even if I cannot read your fate, I hope you will survive it, as you—Zhou Mingrui, Klein Moretti, Gehrman Sparrow, and Merlin Hermes. There is an expression of the deeper you in all of them.”
Edwina touched the tired hands and pulled the body towards her. His hands were rough and textured, showing the history of an ambidextrous scholar—both his index fingers held callouses from holding pens. He let her tug him, and again, he sat beside her on the small plain bed, as she felt the stinging heavy pain at her chest, like prickling glass shards.
“This is the payment for all the risk of all the things I know and have guessed,” she said quietly and seriously. “You must promise to visit me again on the Golden Dawn.”
Outside, it was already long past night. Earlier that day, the skies had shaken and changed, the stars and moon shining too brightly, and a brief fog had covered the entire world. At that time, Edwina had misstepped and almost called her entire crew curly-haired baboons before barely stopping herself, feeling strangely off-kilter and foolish for a moment.
Danitz had also sent an odd telegram, whose contents had been accidentally scrambled by the post office. There had been many such odd instances and embarrassing reports.
The world had changed. Now sunrise barely peeked through that port window that had accompanied her for many years.
A great change in fate had occured.
Zhou Mingrui smiled, a private smile.
“Yes.”
It is a promise.
One day, he will come visit again, and we will talk again, even if things may be different once more. For a High-Sequence being, such a promise is not trivial.
It is not impossible. Not impossible, she emphasized, remembering his inner habit, smiling too.
“How long can you stay?”
“Not long.”
“Then, sit down here beside me.”
And stay awhile, if you can.
In companionship, she leaned her shoulder against him again, and eeriely felt like he was a solid, unshakeable pillar of strength that could also vanish at any moment. He was beyond a human’s understanding—then, at the same time, he was just human, and very tired, his knobby and thin shoulder brushing hers as well, resting more of his weight and worries upon her, sharing them.
His figure sunk, and his eyes closed, breathing out slowly. He looked very tired, and his inner spirit and feelings were open and unguarded, whether from trust or weariness or combination of both.
Raising a hand cautiously, Edwina carded his black hair, feeling him relax further.
The tensions in her heart eased, and also remained taut. Her hopes and memories raised, and the sorrows spoke and changed, whispering new stories and histories.
This moment would soon pass, but she also wished it would stretch on longer.
After this moment passed, it would enter into the stream of history, only studiable, not toucheable.
His breath huffed slowly in and out. This was the Gehrman Sparrow of many names and faces that she knew, who inside was still always the same.
“Wake up soon,” she said quietly.
I want to talk with you more.
Eventually, his figure vanished, and she held cold air.
He was gone.
.
.
.
After a long pause, Captain Edwina of the Golden Dawn stood from her bed, and drank and ate the fruit juice and snacks she had prepared on her desk. She slowly drank and ate until the plates and two glasses were all emptied.
Her gaze then drifted into the familiar porthole window, seeing bright orange and sea-blue hues.
The sun had risen into a new day.
.
.
.
Sit down beside me
and stay awhile
Let our hurts do their parts
With wine and words
to meet the hours
so the day never starts
…
Sit down beside me
and stay awhile
‘Tll we're old and gray
‘Til we got nothing left to say
…
Sit down beside me and stay awhile
‘Til the night runs away
‘Til the morning rises and we part our ways
‘Til the end of our days.
- Patrick Watson