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They started arguing again. They could hear it through the walls. They couldn’t discern what exactly they were saying, but they knew it was about them. It was so loud that even Solar, who was passed out next to them, visibly reacted to it. Though he luckily didn’t wake up.
It took a bit longer of listening to figure out who was in the argument. Earth, she was still hesitant about Nexus. She didn’t forgive them for what they did, which is understandable. But she seems to be more-so meditating as usual. The two who were really starting to get loud were Lunar and Sun. Sun barely raised his voice if ever, in an angry way that is,,, but he and Lunar had been at this for who knows how long. Nexus didn’t bother keeping track.
They knew this was their fault, entirely. I mean, after how much of a jerk they were? And threatening the family in the past? They wonder why anyone would have put up with them. They glanced over to Solar again. Eye bags from the lack of sleep he was getting. I mean, the bastard hardly slept in general, but it was alot less now than usual. He’s been so stressed about Nexus’ state, mentally and physically. He’s been running himself ragged making sure they’re okay, making sure they’re safe where he can find them. Sun’s been doing that aswell, trying desperately to prove to Nexus that he cares about them. It makes them feel so guilty.
After what they put Solar through. Breaking his heart, stalking him, kidnapping him, and on and on. They feel so. So guilty and horrible. They just sit here and get coddled, not by choice, but still. They feel useless again. They can barely walk, if at all. They hate this. They feel like a burden to everyone. It’s a miracle anyone tolerates them. It might just be Stockholm syndrome for Solar. And Sun? Guilt, and his need to please people. Everyone else just pities their horrible state. It feels so degrading.
They can’t do this anymore, they can’t be here anymore. Being a burden, useless, worthless, pitied, all of the above. They very quietly start moving off the bed, as to not wake up Solar. They take their crutch, because as much as they don’t want to admit, they can’t exactly walk that far without some form of support. Which sucks by the way. They go towards the window. They can’t sneak through the living room because the three, or I guess two, are in there, still loudly arguing. They’ll probably wake up Solar, Moon, Molten, or the kids if they keep going at it like that.
They try to open the window as quietly and quickly as possible, painfully slowly making their way out. Trying to not make noise while also not hurting themselves and having to deal with that embarrassing scenario. They continue on, making their way around the house to the front, so they can walk away far enough to figure out how to get where they want to go.
[I don’t feel like explaining how they got there, either boat uber or funny teleportation pick your posionnn]
Home. They’re what they used to call home again. The island, they really liked this place. They wanted a home that Sun would like, but now. This place reminds them of some things they don’t like thinking about. Their breakdowns, the hallucinations, Solar’s,,,, but despite that. It’s familiar. Something to cling onto. A piece of them that they used to hate, but now is desperately clinging onto. They started missing being happy, even with their fucked up circumstances of being a replacement. Atleast they were something.
They made their way towards the dock. It’s around the area where he and Sun had made a promise to eachother. Not like that really means anything, anymore. Walking down the stairs very carefully, and making their way to the edge. They weren’t planning on jump off,,,they think? They weren’t really sure what they were gonna do. But it didn’t matter right now.
They sat down on the edge, putting the crutch to the side. They stared at the water, watching the small ripples go by. They looked to the sky, a full moon at this time of night. It was beautiful, something that Nexus wishes they were. Wished they could feel again. Why can’t they just be better? Why can’t they feel good again? Feeling good as their own person? What even are they at this point?? They look down at their hands, the yellow mittens Earth made for them, that covered the horrible claws they bared.
They held their broken and beaten head in their horrible hands, and tears fell from their face. The cries turning to sobs very quickly. The tears dampening their mittens, they curled into themselves. Not enough to fall over though. They kept asking themselves why this? Why them? Why anything? Why do they even exist? Why are they even alive? Why did they get punished for existing ever since the moment they woke up? Why?
Just. Why.