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Dustin’s hands felt sweaty as he walked up the incline towards Eddie’s grave.
He hadn’t been here in a while.
Since the defeat of the mind flayer, it had felt like a betrayal the way that his grief shifted. He’d been torn up with confusion and guilt that it meant he didn’t miss Eddie since he wasn’t fighting through a daily weight on his chest.
Although he’d come and told Eddie everything that had happened in the final battle, and that justice had been served. Dustin’s visits had gotten less frequent as his shame grew.
How could he live and experience joy when Eddie couldn’t?
He’d hated himself for that.
It hadn’t been until he’d had the opportunity to talk with Nancy that the gnawing guilt building within him had been dampened. She’d pulled him aside and they’d talked.
About Barb, about Eddie, and about guilt and grief.
Dustin understood it more now.
Grief wouldn’t go away. Not ever, not really.
Sometimes that thought brought him sorrow, he knew it made his mom sad that he was grieving, and sometimes he wished he could have been an easier kid to deal with. It had been hard on her.
But mostly, the thought brought him comfort.
To know that he’d never get over Eddie, meant he didn’t have to hold as tightly to the sorrow and the horror of Eddie’s loss. It could just be. Dustin could experience joy and laughter but that didn’t mean that he was forgetting.
That didn’t mean that Eddie was any less missed.
Knowing that helped.
It also helped that he wasn’t afraid anymore, so much of his anger had been because he was afraid of losing more people he loved.
Things weren’t perfect now, but he felt more at peace.
No longer being under occupation had also helped his creativity to return. The withdrawal of the military had felt like the final straw and freed him from the anger and defensiveness he’d held for so long - and now he felt lighter since he finally understood that his grief changing wasn’t a bad thing.
This knowledge had changed how he thought about his upcoming graduation. And instead of the mediocre speech Principal Higgins had encouraged him towards, Dustin had come up with a plan to honour Eddie.
To honour him in a ceremony that Eddie never gotten to experience while he was alive (and Principal Higgins had made it clear that despite Eddie’s name being cleared, he wouldn’t approve a posthumous diploma).
Eddie had never had the chance to leave high school, but Dustin had to. So, he wanted to make sure that Eddie could come with him. That Dustin could carry the joyful memories of Eddie into the future and not leave his memory locked to a shitty high school.
Dustin crouched in front of the grave and placed a hand on Eddie’s gravestone.
It was warm from the afternoon sun.
Dustin’s head bowed and basked in the warmth radiating from the stone.
It was comforting.
A tear rolled down Dustin’s cheek, and he didn’t wipe it away. It grounded him.
Dustin let out a shuddering sigh.
Time past, Dustin waited for his emotions to fade, he wasn’t in a rush. He could wait.
A gentle breeze brushed across Dustin’s face, cooling the tear trail on his skin.
Dustin looked at the gravestone and felt the last remnants of his guilt slip away.
“So,” Dustin settled back, making himself comfortable. “I have a plan to piss off the establishment, Principal Higgins in particular, and I need you to help me brainstorm how we can make it even more chaotic, you up to the challenge?”
The grave was silent, but Dustin didn’t let that bother him. Eddie appreciated a good monologue as much as Dustin did.
Dustin launched into his plans.
He was confident that he’d be able to deliver a speech that would make Eddie proud, but what kind of tribute would it be without giving Eddie a chance to weigh in?
The afternoon passed in comfortable conversation and the fact that Dustin was the only one speaking didn’t make the moment any less meaningful.
Dustin’s grief and sorrow intermingled with his excitement.
His heart was full.
This was the last step, and then they would be free.
They were finally free.
...
~ Omake ~
*Tweet, Tweet*
Dustin glanced at the starling perched on the gravestone and his eyes widened, “oh shit good point, I’ve got to remember to flip him the bird. Thanks man, I knew it was missing something.”