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After a few days in Rivendell, Fili was sure of two things. One, he hated elvish food. It was all too green, too raw and too crunchy, and he would have given anything for a piece of meat. Two, elves were bloody weird. He couldn’t really say that they were the cruel creatures his uncle had painted them to be. After all, they had opened their home to a group of dwarves without a second thought, and they treated them like honored guests – although he supposed they could have made an effort with the food.
But they were strange.
They were always smiling, and sometimes he was sure he and his companions were being mocked – for example, when they had trouble using the elves' gigantic furniture – but most of the time, they were just smiling a secret smile that was driving Fili crazy.
He did not trust them, and it reinforced the uneasy feeling he got whenever one of them passed in front of him, a small smile forming on their too-thin-lips. And they had no beard !
They were all weird. Every single one of them. But one was even weirder than the rest.
Fili didn’t remember his name, but he could remember his face perfectly. That wasn’t too difficult, because this particular elf always seemed to appear before him anywhere he went.
At first, he had thought it was just a coincidence. He had been at the library, and just a few minutes after he had entered the room, this elf appeared at the door, looked straight at him and smiled.
Fili had not returned the smile, but the elf did not seem to take it personally, exiting the library as quietly and quickly as he had entered in the first place. Fili had found it odd but forgot about the incident pretty quickly.
The second time had been during dinner. Some elves were always going around the table, refilling plates with greens and pints with ale. After two or three meals, Fili had noticed that the same elves were always taking care of this task. Yet, one night as his glass of elvish wine had been begging to be refilled, none of these elves came to him. Instead, this particular elf – Landir or something like that – had taken the jug of wine right out of his kin's hands, and came to serve Fili himself.
Again, he had smiled at Fili. And yet again, Fili had not returned his smile, feeling that somehow he was being mocked but could not understand the joke.
The third time, he finally understood that it was not a coincidence. He had just finished bathing when the elf came to the hot spring, smiling when he spotted the dwarf dressing himself.
This time, Fili understood that this smile was not like the usual elvish smiles – it was an open smile, almost shy and most of all, sincere. He wondered why he had not seen it before, and felt a bit ashamed of himself. Perhaps the elf had only wanted to show him a bit a hospitality.
He had no time to feel any more guilty as suddenly the Elf had approached him and spoke.
“You should go out in the sun, Master Dwarf. It's a beautiful day” he said, smiling sweetly at Fili.
“Um, thank you but no thank you. I don't really like the sun”. Fili almost felt bad when the elf's face fell slightly.
“Oh, that's a shame. You know, I'm sure you could benefit from a bit of sun. It makes things grow.”
Fili couldn't believe his ears. The elves had been nothing but gracious hosts so far, and to think one of them would insult the heir of Durin in such a way...
He prepared the most scathing retort he could think of, but when he looked up, the elf had already left.
Bloody elf...
Fili looked outside, and saw the sunlight play gently against the golden leaves in the garden. It was a beautiful day, really. The colors were magnificent, and he was almost tempted to go outside and maybe try to sketch the garden, but there was no way he would go outside now .
Instead, he went to the library, and offered a nasty look to every elf who had the bad idea to approach him that afternoon.
***
He saw the elf again at dinner. The insufferable creature had the nerve to smile at him, and Fili had to refrain from going at the elf's throat in front of the whole table.
He glared at him, though. A bit too much, apparently, as even his Uncle Thorin tapped his shoulder and asked him to be a bit more discreet in his “hatred of elves”.
He lowered his head, trying to forget the insult, and was thinking that nothing worse could happen when the elf approached him with an enormous plate of vegetables in his hands.
“Master Dwarf ? I've selected these vegetables for you. They're the best Rivendell has to offer, and this particular selection of greens is perfect for growth and vigor.”
For one second, Fili just stared at the elf, not believing he had been insulted a second time.
Then, anger overtook him, and he rose from the bench, took the elf by his robe and looked at him straight in the eyes.
Strangely, the elf seemed quite pleased with this turn of event.
“You ! How dare you insult me, twice, in such a fashion ?! You kin have better manners than you do, Elf, and I'm sure your Lord would not be pleased to hear of your behavior.
-I don't understand, the elf replied gently.
-You understand me perfectly, Elf. Growth, really ? Is that the best insult you could come up with ? You know, for an elf there's absolutely no merit in being taller than a dwarf.”
Then, the elf laughed.
“Oh, Master Dwarf. I was not mocking you. I was merely talking about hair growth, and suggesting ways to help you care about your... magnificent beard.”
Fili opened his mouth, trying to force a retort - any retort – out of it, but he found that he could not utter a single one. Instead, he stood there gaping like a fish out of the water. For a moment, he wondered if he was being insulted again. But then, the elf did something unimaginable – he blushed - and there was no room for doubt anymore : this elf was really trying to be nice to him.
“Mhh, hum, uh... Well. Thank you for your concern. I didn't think elves could appreciate the beauty of facial hair, but thank you.
-You're welcome, Master Dwarf. And I'll have you know that I can appreciate facial hair as much as any other type of hair a body has to offer.”
And there it was again, the bloody smile... That, combined with the blush, and Fili found himself blushing in concert. Were this coming from anybody else he would have thought he was being courted. But this was coming from an Elf, and the weirdest one at that, and it was probably just a twisted way to express his elfish sympathy.
“Hum, oh, good for you”, he mumbled, unsure about how this conversation was supposed to continue – if it was to continue at all.
The Elf bowed gently, but made no move to leave Fili's personal space. He looked like he was still waiting for an answer, and Fili was not going to let the Elves think that Durin's heir had no conversation skills.
He cleared his throat, then continued, trying to look more at ease than he was.
“If you like them so much, I can only recommend that you take a look at Master Bombur's beard. His braids are very complex, and I think it would please you greatly to admire them.”
The elf's smile grew wider at that and he laughed quietly.
“I think I have seen enough beauty for one day, Master Dwarf. But I'll think about it. In the meantime, please accept this plate of vegetables. You would do me an honor.”
He bowed again. Fili bowed in return, and accepted the plate. The elf left.
The whole company was looking at him strangely.
“What ?!”, he said to Kili, who was laughing under his breath.
“I'm only doing this to be gracious towards our hosts”, he continued, shoving a bunch of spinach leaves in his mouth. Instantly, the taste made him cringe, and Kili's laughter doubled.
“Ahh, brother, you've got yourself an admirer !
-Don't be daft. He's probably just jealous because he can't grow a beard, replied Fili, still trying to swallow his mouthful of spinach.
-That, or he wants you to tickle him with your beard”.
Fili sighed, and ignored Kili for the rest of the meal, concentrating on the difficult task of eating all his greens.
**
The next day was even more surprising – and troubling. He was out in the sun, for once – it was a really beautiful day, and in his defense, every other dwarf was also outdoors, enjoying the many beauties of Rivendell - except Thorin who was still grumbling in his chambers about 'not trusting elves' and 'wanting to get out of there'.
Kili was practicing his archery with the sons of Elrond, and Fili was dutifully watching him, a smile on his lips.
Everything was good, and he could almost have forgotten that they had not gone on this journey to have fun – if only for a minute.
It seemed that nothing could have dampened his mood.
Then, the “weird elf” - as he had nicknamed him in his mind – approached the trio of archers, his own bow firmly in his hand. He was greeted by the others – Fili learned that his real name was Lindir, and not Lindar – and they took turns at shooting a small target hanging from a tree, far away.
He was quite proud that Kili stood his ground against them – they even congratulated him by bowing deeply to him at the end of the training. However, he felt a tad uneasy that Lindir had smiled at him every time he touched the target.
Things got even weirder when the elf quickly joined him on the bench he was sitting on.
“Master Dwarf”, he said pleasantly as he bowed to Fili. “I see that you have taken my advice. I'm sure the sun will do you good.” He paused, then added “I have something for you.”
Fili was confused. Now the elf was giving him gifts ? Surely there was a limit to his hospitality and politeness – and weirdness, a part of his mind supplied in a small voice.
Lindir took a small vial of what seemed to be oil out of the folds of his long robes and handed it to Fili, who had no choice but to accept – after all, it was rude to refuse a gift.
“Thank you”, he said with a small bow.
“This is a mix of the best nourishing and healing oils in Rivendell. You can apply it on your beard, and anywhere else you so desire...”
His voice trailed a bit, and Fili raised his eyebrows.
“Its moisturizing properties will make your beard shiny and strong. You can even apply it on your face, to make sure that your fair skin is not damaged by the sun. That would be a pity.”
Fili snorted. “Master Elf, you must know that we dwarves are sturdier than rocks. Our body can withstand the most strenuous weather and a little bit of sun doesn't scare me at all !”
The elf laughed, and his eyes seemed to laugh along with him. “Oh, I'm sure you are as sturdy as a rock... But you know, sometimes a little bit of oil makes all the difference.”
And he winked.
Fili just stared at him, dumbfounded. What was that about ? Surely he wasn't suggesting...? No, he couldn't be. Elves didn't court dwarves, after all. That was unheard of.
So, the only explanation was that he was not only the weirdest elf out there, but also the creepiest.
Still, Fili had accepted his gift, and decided it would be an insult not to make use of it. So, he uncapped the small vial, but just as he was about to pour some on his palm, the elf took his hand to stop him.
“Allow me”, he said before pouring oil on his own palm and gently applying it on Fili's beard, hair, and face.
Fili felt his face grow hot, but stood as still as he could under the elf's ministrations. The hands on his face were soft and warm, which was a surprise – a good surprise, for he had always thought that the elves were as cold of body as they were of heart. Then again, this elf was different from the others, so it shouldn't have been a surprise.
The whole ordeal must not have lasted more than a few seconds, but to Fili it felt like hours – he knew that the elf was not courting him, but still his touch felt like a lover's touch against his skin, and he felt his whole face grow hot once again.
The elf's cheeks had taken a rosy tint, and Fili was glad to see he was not the only one feeling uncomfortable. Surely, the elf would understand the weirdness of his actions now, and refrain from further embarrassment.
“There, all done”, Lindir said finally. He withdrew his hands, and Fili released a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. But then, the elf gasped, and Fili's breathing stopped once more.
“Oh my ! I almost forgot your lips.”
The elf took a bit more of the oil, and smeared it delicately on Fili's lips.
“You can also lick it, the elf said with a grin. It's very practical...”
'Practical for what ?!', Fili almost screamed. No, the elf was decidedly blind to the embarrassment he was causing. There was no other explanation.
“There you go, Master Dwarf. You are ready for your sunbath. May it serve you and your beard well.
-Thank you...
-You're welcome. Everybody says that I have quite the green thumb ; I hope my skills work on dwarves too.”
What, he was comparing him to a plant, now ?! … Fili sighed but decided to enjoy the sun instead of overthinking the elf's irrational behavior.
***
However, other the next hours Fili found himself thinking about the elf and wondering when his next embarrassment would come, and which form it would take.
Worse, he found himself thinking about what elves did for courting, and how this particular elf could not see how his actions might be interpreted by any other normal being.
Even worse, he caught himself thinking that he would not mind if the elf was indeed courting him... And of course, once this idea crossed his mind, it proved impossible to make it go away. He spent the few hours before supper thinking about warm hands, a warm smile and beautiful dark hair, ashamed of himself for thinking about their host – and an elf, at that – in this way.
At supper, Kili approached him with a big smile on his face – a smile that he knew meant trouble , although it was usually directed at others and not his own brother.
Fili sighed, not realizing that this gave the perfect opening to his brother.
“Sighing after your One, brother ?
-... I'm not sure I even want to know what you're talking about, Fili replied evenly.
-Your One... your pretty little elf. What is going on with you two, anyway ?
-N-nothing is going on, you silly dolt !”
Kili pointed a finger at him accusingly.
“But you want something to be going on, right ? To be honest, I'm surprised that it hasn't already, what with the way he's always mooning over you like a maiden”.
Fili felt himself blushing uncontrollably. In retrospect, it seemed stupid to have thought that no one else would have noticed the elf's behaviur. Still...
“Don't talk about him like that ! He's not mooning, he's just being a gracious host.”
Kili gave him a look that said 'Really, brother ?' in big bold letters.
“Whatever you say”. He shrugged, then continued. “Oh, look, he's coming this way. To keep on 'graciously hosting', no doubt... Have fun, brother !”
With that, he left, bowing to Lindir as he passed him.
“Greetings, Master Dwarf”, Lindir said as he bowed.
“Master Elf”. Fili bowed back.
“Please call me Lindir. No need for any more formalities between us.”
...and there it was. Mode embarrassed : on.
“Oh. Then, call me Fili.
-I have to say, your mustache is particularly shiny tonight. The sun and oil worked, just like I said.”
...Really, what was he supposed to answer to that ?
“Yes, you were right”, admitted Fili. Since the elf looked like he was waiting for a more substantial answer, he tried to think of something clever to add.
“Were you trying to prove that you knew how to take care of a dwarf ?”
As soon as the words left his mouth Fili knew this was not the clever retort he had been searching for. Oh well...
“If I were, would you say you're convinced by my knowledge ?” asked the elf sweetly.
Fili blushed once again. He was starting to think that the elf was embarrassing him on purpose, and he was not going to make it easy for him anymore.
“Not yet, maybe you should try harder. ”
There. That was the witty retort he had been searching for. And that seemed to shut up the elf quite nicely. And – bonus point – it even made him blush slightly.
'Two can play at that game, Elfling', he thought smugly.
“You should know I'm not one to back down from a challenge.” With that, the elf approached Fili and placed one hand gently on his cheek.
“I think I mussed you hair a bit yesterday, when I applied the oil, he said, caressing Fili's beard distractingly.”
Fili forgot how to breathe. He just stood there, nodding at the words coming from the elf's mouth.
“I know a lot about braids.”
Fili nodded again, unable to say anything as another hand crept on his head and removed all the beads from his hair.
“I could show you what I know, if you'd like...”
The elf sat behind Fili, his hands never leaving his hair. His long legs found themselves on each side of the bench they were on, trapping Fili in between.
Then, he started to massage Fili's scalp firmly, drawing a gasp from him that turned immediately into a moan.
“I'll take that as a yes.”
Fili felt his heart hammering in his chest. The massage was turning him into jelly – although, if he was being completely honest, it didn't turn all of him into jelly – and when he felt the nimble fingers of the elf delicately braiding his hair, he lost it, and moaned unashamedly.
Bloody elf ! As if everything he had done so far had not been embarrassing enough... Did he really not know that hair braiding was the most intimate act of courtship anyone could engage in with a dwarf ?
'And you're letting him do it', accused a small voice in his head. Worse part was, he wasn't even ashamed anymore. And if the elf did not know that what he was doing was way more than hair braiding, well, that wasn't his problem, and it wasn't going to stop him from enjoying himself.
Fili felt Lindir laugh quietly behind him. He acutely felt even the smallest of his breaths against his ear, and the feeling made him shiver, pressing him a bit more against the elf's chest.
Fili moaned again, and he felt strangely accomplished when Lindir's breathing hitched as he heard it.
The elf's lips touched the shell of his ear, so delicately that he wondered for a moment if he had not imagined it. Then, the braids were done, the touch stopped and he was left a quivering mess against Lindir's solid chest.
“At last, you're letting yourself go. I was wondering what it would take to do the job.”
Fili's eyes – which he had not noticed had closed during the braiding – opened quickly at that, and he turned on the bench to face the elf.
“...what ?!”
Lindir laughed.
“What are you so surprised about ? … I thought I was being quite obvious in my affections. Surely, the hair braiding was more than enough to clear any doubts.
-Y-you know the meaning of hair braiding ?”
Fili felt himself flush. He had been so naive to think that the elf, being more than a thousand years old, was more innocent than himself.
“You thought I didn't know and you let me do it ?... That's not very gentlemanly...but I don't mind, I got what I wanted.
-And what's that?
-I've been wanting to make you lose control since I first laid eyes on you... I had a feeling that touching your beautiful hair would do it, in the end.”
Fili smiled, suddenly feeling playful.
“...You call that losing control ? You should see what I'm like when I let people touch the other hairs on my body.”
Lindir chuckled.
“I've still got some of that oil left, if there are some particular hair you're referring to”, he said in a whisper before closing the distance between their lips and claiming Fili's mouth in a kiss that made the dwarf forget the silly idea he had that elves were prude and innocent.