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Arisu was still getting used to living with Chishiya.
Living with him hadn’t been part of the plan. It started innocently enough. Too many late nights with Arisu sitting at Chishiya’s kitchen table, drinks and snacks spread between them while he complained about his family. After one argument that ended with Arisu standing on the sidewalk at two in the morning and nowhere to go, he called him.
Chishiya just sighed and said, “The guest room is empty. Stop being stupid.”
He crashed there for the night but when Chishiya suggested that he could just move in, Arisu tried to refuse. Living with the person you had a hopeless, deeply inconvenient crush on felt like a fast track to emotional ruin. But after one more night of being told everything he was doing wrong just by existing, he decided it had to be better than this. Maybe the crush would fade. People always said that living with your friends ruined things.
It didn’t.
Living with Chishiya wasn’t anything like he’d imagined. Yes, Chishiya was still an asshole, but sharing space meant Arisu got to see parts of him no one else did. Softer edges. The rare times when he was unguarded.
He saw Chishiya in the mornings, hair defying gravity, shuffling into the kitchen to make tea in that mug. The morning tea mug. And God help anyone in his path if he wasn’t able to use that specific mug.
He saw Chishiya late at night, words reduced to tired one syllable answers where he would kick off his shoes, crash on the couch and then slowly lean onto Arisu before falling asleep.
The crush didn’t fade. It got worse.
Chishiya is the first one to bring up New Year’s. It was an offhand comment while he looked through the mail. “I’ll be late on the thirty first. Too many people called out, and they need someone to be there for emergencies.”
“Oh, That’s fine.” Arisu says a little too quickly.
Chishiya glances at him unimpressed “You weren’t planning on doing anything were you?”
Arisu shrugged, looking away and picking anxiously at the fuzz on the blanket in his lap. “Not really… I mean… It’s just a day…”
“Exactly,” Chishiya says, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch. “An arbitrary deadline people assign meaning to so they can feel productive about the passage of time.” He pauses then adds, “Staying up for it is stupid.”
Arisu laughed at the conviction in his voice. “You don’t have to sound so offended by it.”
Chishiya smirks at him. “But it offends me.”
They agree to not stay up. No countdown, no champagne, no dramatic resolution whispered to each other at midnight. Chishiya will come home from his shift exhausted, and Arisu will probably have fallen asleep on the couch. Arisu is only a touch disappointed, but the conversation felt so domestic that it eased the hurt.
Then Kuina found out.
She shows up at the door two days later with bags of groceries and grin that meant trouble. When they explained their plans, well lack of plans, she was horrified.
“What do you mean?” She demands. “You’re just not going to do anything?”
“Yes.” Chishiya says. “It’s called being responsible.”
“No. It’s called depressing,” She insists. Arisu watches in horror as Kuina’s face went from exasperation to pleading. It was never a good sign. “I mean look at this place. The view? This is the perfect spot to celebrate and you are really going to deprive us? Let me throw a party.”
“No.” Chishiya says flatly.
“We could keep it small…” She continues.
“No.”
“Just a few people.”
“No, Kuina.”
“Just some people from the support group.”
“I said no.”
“Absolutely no Beach idiots” She adds holding up her hands.
Chishiya pauses and Arisu watches the moment he gives in.
“You’ll clean,” He says slowly.
“Obviously”
“No one is allowed in the bedrooms or my office.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“It ends at midnight.”
“Deal.”
Arisu opens his mouth to protest. To say that this had all escalated to quickly. That he didn’t agree to help host. But Kuina is laughing and playfully swatting him on the shoulder saying “Don’t worry Arisu. It’ll be fun.”
Chishiya laughs, “Sure. Fun.”
Kuina is already putting the party supplies in the kitchen.
Kuina’s definition of small is generous at best. The apartment feels fuller than it ever has. Voices overlap, laughter bounces off of the walls. The music isn’t too loud but it’s constant and he can feel it in his skull. Someone has opened the balcony despite the cold and occasionally a gust of wind hits him and he shivers.
Arisu sits on the couch with a drink in his hand. He doesn’t remember how many he's had at this point. Around him everyone seems to be paired off. An and Kuina stand together near a window, so wrapped up in each other that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to exist for them. A couple from the support group, whose names he can’t remember are together on the far end of the couch knees pressed together laughing softly at jokes only they will understand. Niragi keeps drifting back to Karube’s side, smile more genuine than usual.
He’s being stupid. He knows that. It doesn’t matter, but everywhere he looks people are choosing each other. Sharing space without thinking twice. And the only person he wants to be here isn’t. He takes a long drink.
“Hey,” Usagi says gently, appearing next to him. She looks at the glass and then back to his face. She smiles with unmasked concern. “I think that’s enough for you.”
“I’m fine.” Arisu says automatically.
“You’re not.” She says kindly, taking the glass away before he can protest. “And that’s okay. Water?”
Arisu sighs and then nods. It's easier than arguing. She presses a cold bottle into his hand and then squeezes gently before walking away. Arisu watches her go and feels grateful, but something, someone, is still missing and he feels incomplete. The music keeps playing. People laugh. Someone starts talking about the countdown even though it’s not close to midnight. The apartment no longer feels like home.
He doesn’t remember deciding to leave the party.
One moment he’s on the couch, the music buzzing around him, and the next he’s closing the guest room door behind him, leaning his forehead against the wood.
He blinks and his phone is in his hand, his conversation with Chishiya pulled up.
He stares at the last message until the word blur. He decides to message him. He’s not going to do anything stupid. He’s just going to send something normal. He types a message. Deletes it. Types a new one.
The clock creeps closer to midnight.
hey
That should be fine. That is harmless enough
im not durnk
usagi made sure
He paused, and then…
okay im alittle drunk
He smiles. Messages keep sending
youh ate new years
i know that
but i keep thinking about how youre not here
its sad :(
He feels a little dizzy, so he sits on the bed, leaning his back against the wall. He misses him.
i think ive been think about you for a while actually
What is he doing….
living with you was supposed to mkae this go away
it didn’t
it got worse
He laughs wetly. So much for nothing stupid.
i like you
more than i should
His eyes catch the time. 11:42
and i know youre at work
you dont have to answer
i understand if this ruins everyghing
i just dont think i can start another year pretending
He types the next message and squeezes his eyes shut as he sends it.
if you were here id want you to be my new years kiss
He should leave it at that. That is bad enough.
Instead…
i think im in love with you
The message sends and he drops the phone onto the bed like it burned him. He presses his hands over his face and a few quiet sobs come out. Its about to be midnight and Arisu has most likely destroyed the best thing in his life.
The surgery ends and Chishiya takes his gloves off with practiced ease. Instructions are given, he gives the confirmations needed. He hands off the charts. Everything is a practiced routine performed countless times. He reaches for his phone and sees the notifications.
Arisu
Chishiya’s eyes widen at the number unread messages from him. Heart racing afraid something must be wrong. When he unlocks the screen and starts to read he finds himself smiling
Arisu
hey
im not durnk
usagi made sure
okay im alittle drunk
He chuckles as he makes his way to his office scrolling through the messages. Then one comes through that makes him stop in his tracks
Arisu
if you were here id want you to be my new years kiss
He stares at the screen in shock the world around him quieting. Then one more message loads and its like he forgot how to breathe.
Arisu
i think im in love with you
He checks the time. 11:45
“Arisu… you idiot…” he mutters, already running.
Arisu is lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, like it might make the last 20 minutes disappear. Its only a couple minutes to midnight and he feels hollow. He tells himself that he knew this was a risk. Confessing to him drunk is such a cliche.
His phone buzzes and he sits up, grabbing it immediately.
Chishiya
Where are you?
He replies quickly
Bedroom
im sorry
im okay don’t worry
There is a loud thud from the front door. He hears Kuina shouting in surprise. Hears Usagi laughing. Then he hears footsteps rushing down the hallway. Arisu barely has time to stand before the door to the room flies open.
Chishiya stands in the doorway, coat half zipped, hair a mess, face red and panting. His eyes find Arisu like he’s been looking for him his entire life.
“You’re an idiot,” Chishiya says, voice rough and out of breath.
“I know, I…”
Chishiya crosses the room with 3 steps and grabs him by the front of his shirt. The suddenness of it makes Arisu fall back onto the bed and Chishiya follows. He kisses him before he can finish his apology. Its hard, desperate and it steals the breath from his lungs. Arisu freezes in shock for a moment and then he melts. His hands come up, grabbing desperately at Chishiya’s coat pulling him closer like if he doesn’t hold on tight enough he’ll disappear. Chishiya moans and then kisses him again. This time its slower, more gentle. When they finally part Chishiya presses his forehead against him while they catch their breath.
“I read your messages at 11:45,” Chishiya says into the quiet. “I don’t think I’ve ever run that fast.”
Arisu laughed “But you hate…”
“I love you too.” Chishiya says at the same time as they hear everyone in the other room cheer “HAPPY NEW YEAR”
Chishiya doesn’t care. Neither does Arisu. They kiss again, softer still. The new year starts tangled together hearts racing. Neither of them is pretending anymore.