Chapter Text
“I’m sorry.”
Eleven sat on that rooftop, shoulder pressed against Mike as she looked out into the open land surrounding the radio shack.
She doesn’t get to visit as much due the military in All so, whenever she gets a chance, she tries to soak in the warmth as much as she can. Looks up into the sky, sometimes decorated with clouds and sometimes clear.
She shifts her weight again and let out a breath, looking at Mike, browse, scrunched up and mild confusion
“Are you going to apologize every time?”
Mike just takes a second to look at her. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, strands falling in her face the outfit you had on scene practical and comfortable with all the training that she goes through with Hopper. She looks tired. The dark circles under her eyes seemed to become more visible every time she visits.
Mike heart clenches. He feels bad. Guilty even. She’s training out there, trying to get things right. Trying to build herself up in her powers. She’s been so determined ever since….
“ I’ll apologize as many times as I have to.” he states matter-of-factly, jaw clenching briefly with unwavering eyes, staring back into hers.
Eleven let’s a sigh, head, tilting, and lips piercing.
“ Well don’t. It’s annoying.”
She says it with such a blunt tone that Mike’s almost misses the way her mouth corks up briefly before she turns her head back towards the sun.
“ I’m sorry I just–”
“ Mike.”
mike’s mouth snaps shut and looks away towards the sun as well.
It’s quiet for a moment. Both shoulders still touching as they take the sun beaming on them, the air still chill in the fall season.
“ I know.”
These states softly.
“But, I feel like I owe you 100 apologies. Things between us – before was just so… Off. And I know we already talked about it, and I know we are both on the same page but…”
His voice throws off as he thinks about Eleven’s streaking face, steer, staining her cheeks as she looks dumb at him in that room.
‘ you don’t love me anymore’
“ You deserve 1000 apologies if I can give them to you.”
Eleven is quiet for a moment, letting the word soak in. She fills her heart clinch momentarily. She glances at Mike again, thinking about the good times they had. Thinking about how at one point they were both just going through the motions.
A form of normalcy if you will.
But that wasn’t enough. Being normal for them wasn’t enough. And El had known that for a very long time they both did.
So, when Mike sat her down all those months ago, as her training started to get a little bit more intense, she was not surprised.
She remembers the the guilt and clarity across his face as he tells her the truth. She remembers as his shoulders hunched up as he admitted that his love for her, wasn’t that of what she wanted. How his voice shook as he admitted that for the longest time, he tried to convince himself that they were right, how they fit was right. How he felt as if it was expected of him. Convincing himself and trying to convince her of something that wasn’t necessarily really there hurt her when she hurt it the first time. How he knew who he was now and he didn’t want to hurt her– that he never meant to intentionally hurt her.
She didn’t interrupt once.
She listened.
She listened because it was the first time he was able to look her in the eye and be honest with her. It was the first time she was able to see Mike be open and honest, despite how uncomfortable the truth was for him. She listened because it was the same Mike that wasn’t scared to show his emotions when she first met him.
That open anger, frustration, and hope that she remember seeing at such a young age… Her first friend expressing himself the way that he did… he was back.
She she remembers that she didn’t say anything when the truth tumbled out. She remembers her eyes taking in his facial expression. How his eyes were wide and glassy with unshed tears. How his mouth quivered with the emotions he let out to her, his jaw, jumping as he sat there and waited for her to respond, to say anything.
She didn’t speak then. But she did reach out her hand covered up, his trembling one she grabbed it and gave it a squeeze.
There is a sadness she feels inside as she looks at him. And, she wondered in that moment what their friendship could’ve been, if things flowed more naturally for them if she wasn’t so isolated to the point where she attached her emotions and feelings on him.
She lets out in exaggerated sigh now, her head plopping on his shoulders.
“ I know. Thank you, but like I said… It’s OK.”
She says it’s softly, patting her hand against his chest.
Mike hums but doesn’t say anything. He instead lays his head on top of hers and that’s out a sigh of his own.
They taking each other’s warmth, the chilled air in the sun, beaming down on them.
It’s comfortable. Safe even.
Both of them wonder if this is what they could’ve been the entire time, instead of having to pretend for each other or for themselves.
But the unseeing and looming threat istill awaits. They both knew that.
“So…”
Her tone is playful now, a small grin etched into her mouth.
“ how is… everyone?”
Mike lets out a small sound, clearing his throat a little before answering.
“ everyone is fine… I think.”
She lifts up her head, then looking at the side profile of his face.
“You think? Have you guys– did you talk to him about-”
Mike cuts her off then, leaning away from her now, eyes downcast.
A noticeable blush spread across his cheeks and neck.
“No, I haven’t – we haven’t talked yet. Everyone’s just been getting used to everything again – he’s just been getting comfortable again I don’t…”
His voice wanders off as his eyes look down at his clasped hands
“The world is ending, you know?”
The statement comes out plainly. A simple reminder of the position that they are in.. Her eyebrows raise as she meets Mike’s eyes again.
Mike roll his eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh.
“ Exactly! Which is why I don’t think it’s important to tell him. Hell, I only told you because I wanted you to understand – no, I needed you to understand and I – I just can’t.”
El shakes her head, as she’s done multiple other times.
She doesn’t get or understand the reason why Mike should wait.
She remembers asking him the reason a while back, wondering what’s holding him.
The answer she got then was a fumble of words and a stuttering Mike. Trying to explain away the world they lived in. Telling her that things were different right now that people would look at him differently, would treat him differently. That he would be more of an outcast than he already is.
El took this in then, not asking too many questions. But the confusion always stayed.
Mike never wanted to get into the details. Like there was something stopping him from explaining in a better way that she could understand.
She’s not stupid. There are just some things, social cues and politics – that she wasn’t able to grasp on fully just yet.
In a world of isolation and being on the run, it’s a little hard to think about the things Mike, and the others have to think about.
“ I think,” she starts slowly. “That before things get intense, you should tell someone. You two should definitely have a conversation.”
Mike is already shaking his head no.
“I told you, it’s not that easy. The family I grew up in- this town. It’s not fair or nice to people like me. It’s cruel, judgmental and hateful. Plus, what if he doesn’t even feel the same? What if I tell him and I ruins everything?”
El Considered this. Of course she does.
Once again, she’s not stupid
“Mike, you were brave enough to tell me. You should be brave enough to tell him.”
Mike opens his mouth as if to argue against her point.
She raises her voice a little and continues to speak.
“You and him have always been different. I’ve known you both for a long time. I don’t think he would take it the wrong way. I don’t think he would ever hate you for it.”
Might close his mouth once again, looking at her with those wide brown eyes. Brows pinched with a frown on his mouth.
“ I don’t know. I – I – I just…. The timing doesn’t feel right nothing feels right right now..”
Silence.
El shifts her body again to stand up.
She looks down at Mike.
“ you can be brave. You are brave. Just, don’t wait too long.”
She squeezes his shoulder, not expecting for him to answer, for making her way back inside.
She thinks to herself briefly.
Brave.
She wonders if she was being honest.