Work Text:
VOX: He begs to differ.
SCRAPS: I received a phone call!
SCRAPS: I’m dying next week.
SCRAPS: Monday.
SCRAPS: Are you doing anything?
EDDIE: No I’m not.
EDDIE: At least, I don't remember so.
CALLIE: We’re supposed to have a date, Dede.
EDDIE: Oh. Right. That.
EDDIE: I have a date.
SCRAPS: Oh so you have plans.
EDDIE: I have a date!
EDDIE: Sue me.
SCRAPS: Sue you?
SCRAPS: I’ll be dead!
SCRAPS: Skip it.
EDDIE: I am not skipping a date.
SCRAPS: I’m dying that day!
SCRAPS: You can't have better plans than mine.
EDDIE: You did not plan shit.
SCRAPS: I didn’t.
SCRAPS: I would've picked a better day to die.
SCRAPS: Like a Friday.
VOX: Who has a date on a Monday?
EDDIE: I can have a date anytime I want.
EDDIE: Adding onto that, I don't think dates matter when the occasion is as important as a loved ones death.
SCRAPS: So your date doesn't matter!
SCRAPS: The funeral wouldn't be the same without you, Double Dee!
EDDIE: I’m not going!
SCRAPS: (Sniffle) What? Are you saying (Snot) that my death isn't as important?
VOX: Keep your waterworks, Scraps.
EDDIE: You received a phone call, Someone saying you’ll die next week.
SCRAPS: Yup.
EDDIE: You were being pranked, Scraps.
SCRAPS: Now that’s just absurd.
EDDIE: It happens to the best of us, Scraps.
EDDIE: People are pranked.
RRRRIIIIIIIIIIIING
EDDIE: Who was that.
SCRAPS: Funeral provider.
SCRAPS: Why?
EDDIE: Don’t talk to a funeral provider.
SCRAPS: Why?
EDDIE: Because you don’t need one.
SCRAPS: Well what am I supposed to do?
SCRAPS: You’re not going to leave my body to rot, are you?
EDDIE: No!
EDDIE: I mean.
EDDIE: Ugh!
EDDIE: How could I possibly leave your body to rot when it’s alive and well.
EDDIE: You’re okay.
EDDIE: Hell, maybe in a place of safety and care.
EDDIE: You won’t be able to die anytime soon.
SCRAPS: Awwww!!
SCRAPS: You really do care!
VOX: (The most I’ve seen her care.)
EDDIE: But I don’t care! I don’t care about this funeral shit.
EDDIE: We are not going to Scraps’ funeral.
EDDIE: Because there isn’t a funeral and there won’t be a funeral!
MARIE: Don’t be an asshole, Ed.
MARIE: Even Vox is going.
EDDIE: I really don’t care that Vox is going to the supposed funeral of Scraps.
EDDIE: He’s not dead.
VOX: Yet.
EDDIE: Don’t act like you care so much.
VOX: I do care, Edward.
VOX: My stress might finally be scrap-free.
EDDIE: Are you hearing this shit?
CALLIE: Honestly,
CALLIE: It sounds fun! And I’ve never been to a funeral before.
CALLIE: But I haven’t a thing to wear.
CALLIE: Nudge!
EDDIE: You look fine.
VOX: Does she though?
VOX: Does she look ready for mourning?
EDDIE: You can’t even afford mourning-wear.
EDDIE: Can you even afford the funeral?
SCRAPS: Oh it won’t be a problem cause I knew you’d cover all of that stuff.
EDDIE: No.
EDDIE: I’m not “covering”.
EDDIE: Why don’t you go ahead and have the audacity to ask someone who does have the money to “cover” for you?
VOX: Not to exploit our richest friends or anything.
EDDIE: I did not say anything about Callie and Marie.
VOX: Hm!
MARIE: It’d be amazing
MARIE: I’ve been looking for excuses to spend my hoard of cash.
EDDIE: Don’t waste your money.
VOX: Well.
VOX: While you’re being selfish, I’m not going to leave Scraps.
VOX: Actually, why should we keep Scraps waiting?
EDDIE: So, we’re accepting the death of Scraps?
EDDIE: Just like that?
MARIE: (Sniffle) It’s important to welcome the natural causes of living impairment to process grief.
EDDIE: I’d say he sounds a little too excited.
SCRAPS: Who wouldn’t be?
SCRAPS: A celebration of life: Parting from the mortal plane to the Dark Kingdom of No Return.
SCRAPS: My time has come.
CALLIE: It does sound exciting!
CALLIE: (Whimper) If only we could go with you!
SCRAPS: I can’t bring anybody to death, silly.
SCRAPS: As clearly noted in section 5, subsection 9, paragraph 2, first sentence.
SCRAPS: I quote:
SCRAPS: Only authorized deceased defined as those living impaired, whose names have been duly recorded on the official list, may accompany death, or a legally designated agent thereunto pertaining.
SCRAPS: And Yknow
SCRAPS: Scraps Worner is the only one listed!
SCRAPS: And the insurance won’t cover you in an accident.
MARIE: We shouldn't rush things too much anyways.
MARIE: I don't think there's any proper eulogies in production.
VOX: It won't be easy to find any meaningful words.
CALLIE: Oh hush, I’ll probably find you crying at his funeral too.
SCRAPS: We’re like a family unit. A set.
SCRAPS: Like civil war chess pieces from the franklin mint.
VOX: Oh, please.
VOX: Don’t separate us.
VOX: We love each other.
CALLIE: (Whines) I want to stay together!
EDDIE: You’re being big babies.
MARIE: There’s more to life than just living, Ed.
MARIE: There’s loyalty, courage, and the bonds of love that bind a family together.
VOX: …Marie is right.
VOX: It’s not death we should fear, but a life poorly lived.
VOX: For nothing is worse than squandering this most precious gift of our creator.
CALLIE: There's just so much to think about.
CALLIE: So many fond memories, things you will miss.
CALLIE: (Sob) How do you feel, Scraps?
CALLIE: I can’t imagine what it’s like knowing you’ll be dead soon.
SCRAPS: Pretty boring.
SCRAPS: So far, I’ve hummed most of the songs I know.
EDDIE: You’ll be back.
SCRAPS: We’ll see how it goes.