Work Text:
El held his face lightly, though no romantic love was shared between them. Mike knew that now, deep down. Yet, she was still one of his best friends, someone that saved him when he was at his lowest, when Will had been gone and he thought the only way out was the hardest one to take.
Tell them for me, why I have to do this, she had said, kissing him on the forehead. One thing really stuck with him, though.
“Mike, I need you to move on from me. Be happy for once, choose something for yourself. Not for me, not for your friends, and not for your parents. For you. Stop hiding. You deserve to be happy, Mike. Even if that isn’t with me.”
He cried, wanting to scream at her that it wasn’t true and he was always happy with her even though they had both already had that long, hard discussion about why that wasn’t true. Why that couldn’t be true.
For the next eighteen months, Mike was a wreck.
Look, everyone knew that was true. No one was stupid about it. The only one who could really even get him out of his room most days when it wasn’t school was his mom or maybe, if he was lucky, Will. Lucas and Dustin would visit him in his room or his house, at least, but Will could at least maybe get him to go on at least a walk around the block.
Shockingly to everyone, Mike and Will seemed to grow even closer during that time. Mike knew it, and Mike knew everyone could tell it. Even though everything in him ached and burned every time he was with Will, knowing he was lying to himself all the time while being with him, it was at least something that he knew he could do. He couldn’t completely cut Will out again, because then Will would know. Will would find out why Mike was cutting him out, or worse, think that Mike actually hated him. Mike could not handle the idea of Will hating him any longer.
Mike admitted it one day when they were having a sleepover, him and Dustin and Lucas only for once because Will was in New York with Jonathan, all about what El had told him before she had died.
Well, not everything.
“It’s crazy, isn’t it? We weren’t even together anymore. All because I couldn’t fucking tell her I loved her because for some reason I couldn’t in my right mind tell her it if it wasn’t fucking true. Pathetic, isn’t it? I can’t even tell her I love her even as she’s dying. Maybe I should’ve really gone with her. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to-” He promptly ran to the bathroom in the basement and threw up, cutting him off before he could spill all his secrets. Lucas and Dustin didn’t ask him about it but did comfort him and ask him at the very least when they broke up, which Mike was honest about. It had been well over two years at that point.
Mike later found out that Will had found out from Dustin about them breaking up, but Mike cried to him too and told him that no one knew about it and frankly now no one should know about it. If Will had found out why they had broken up, then Will might find out. If Will finds out, he loses Will. That was how it all went down in his head, in his stupid stories. Him and El break up, Will finds out he’s in love with him, Will drops him and never talks to him again because friends don’t lie and Mike has been lying for longer than he could ever remember.
Fuck.
He’s so fucking stupid.
Yet, at least Will hadn’t dropped him yet. There they were, in his basement, maybe not playing as much DND anymore but that didn’t keep them away from their roles. Mike was writing some stupid story and Will was illustrating it and adding his ideas to it, and they had planned to take some of it and turn it into a campaign eventually. It was Mike’s favorite pastime, now, throwing all of his ideas into his writing.
Mike wrote something down, thinking, “The characters go to some tavern, right? What if the sorcerer finds some guy there that he likes, but he can’t quite be with him yet, and then he gets brought back at the end to help further the happy ending.”
Will raised his eyebrow at this, “The sorcerer’s gay?”
“Sure, it wouldn't hurt. It’s just something nice to add.” They both knew why.
Will looked pretty happy by this, but there was still something there in his expression that Mike couldn’t really put his finger on. Disappointment? Grief?
He immediately pulled a piece of paper out of his pile, “As long as I can make him hot.”
Mike laughed, and a part of him, a little bit bold, had hoped it would look just like him, “As long as he isn’t as hot as me.”
Will smirked, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Michael.” Mike looked back down to his paper, a little bashful, “But you know that isn’t very hard to achieve.”
Mike gasped and immediately looked back up in feigned distress, “You wound me, William.” They both laughed, going back to what they were working on.
Mike tried to ignore the way that yes, the bargoer did look a little bit like him, but really, it was just the hair. This random, fake man was much, much better than what Michael could ever be.
And god, did he fucking hate that. Yet he couldn’t do a damn thing about it, because the guy was fictional and it was his dumb idea.
He should’ve made the paladin murder him later on, but maybe that would be a bit too on the nose, and that might hurt Will’s feelings. And then Mike would get dropped. And then Will would find out and then Mike would get dropped even harder.
By the time it was graduation, Mike was only getting worse.
He couldn’t walk on that stage, especially knowing El barely even got to walk in a school at all. He couldn’t walk on that stage knowing he had been lying to everyone for years and just fucking up everywhere.
Him and Will had gotten into a little, tiny fight the other night, and yet Mike was genuinely treating it like it was the end of the world. They had made up immediately and everything, and had immediately gone back to laughing and talking like nothing had happened. Mike barely even knew what it had been about, though he remembered tiny details that were mostly just Will trying to get him out of his room to go to Dustin’s with him but Mike couldn’t do it.
Will had still stayed with him, though the rest of the party was at Dustin’s. Mike really didn’t understand why he bothered.
As he sat on the bench, looking where El had left over a year ago, it only convinced him even more why he couldn’t go.
He could still repeat her words in his head, telling him to move on. Really, he had, but that was the problem. He shouldn’t be allowed to move on, when she sacrificed so much to him only for him to not even be able to love her in return, the way that she deserved. So if there was one way Mike could punish himself for it, it would be that he shouldn’t, couldn’t move on.
Everyone treated him as a grieving lover, but it wasn’t anything like that. It was more like he was grieving his own personal shield, and a best friend all in one.
This was punishment. This was his personal hell that he created for himself, and he wouldn’t let it go to waste.
Finally, he felt someone walking towards him.
Robin.
What was she doing here?
“Hey kid, long time no see.”
“Robin?” Look, they weren’t that close. If anything, she should be with Will right now, making him more confused, but he was still a little happy to see her; it had been a while, after all.”
She sat down with him, looking at where he was, and Mike could feel the wheels in her head turning.
“Your mom was looking for you, called the Chief and Joyce. Hopper was gonna come talk to you, but I figured it might be better to get a little more of a neutral party here. If you don’t want to talk to me, though, I can go back and call him instead.”
Mike shook his head, “No, you’re fine.”
Robin looked ahead again, “So you really miss her, huh?”
Mike nodded.
“I didn’t really get to talk to her a lot, but she was a really sweet kid. Funny, too. Wish I could’ve gotten to know her more, Steve always talked highly of her. All of you guys.”
Mike nodded again. He knew, knew what he needed to talk to her about, why he was kind of happy she showed up instead of Hopper because it was something he could never really talk to Hopper about.
He just, he really didn’t know where to start. Or if he could.
“I mean, I couldn’t imagine being the boyfriend of a hero like her. Or the girlfriend, I guess in my case. It must’ve been-”
“I wasn’t her boyfriend.”
“What?” He could feel the shock rolling off her in waves, and the tears threatening to come down in buckets.
“We broke up almost three years ago now. We weren’t together when she died. She made that very clear to me even in the headspace.”
Robin’s jaw dropped, and he could tell that he stunned her beyond words. So, he decided to just let that snowball keep rolling.
“The last thing she told me was to be happy being not with her. To move on. Of course, I already had. We had already been broken up for so long. I just, I can’t tell anyone that. Because obviously there’s a reason that happened, and there’s a reason that I moved on so quickly, because there, there really wasn’t anything to move on from, even when we first broke up. But she’s the only one who knows that. Only one who knows all my dirty little secrets because she could read me a little too damn well.”
She sat with his words for a minute, jumbling them around in her head to try and make sense of them. Mike just sat in silence with her, trying not to cry, because once Robin figures everything out, he’s done. She will tell Will and then Will will drop him, and then Mike won’t know what to do with himself. Rename himself Ted Jr, probably.
“Mike, do you know what I told Will?”
He wasn’t expecting that, “What?”
“I told him about this crush I had in high school, on a girl named Tammy Thompson, but that she was too enamored with Steve to ever notice me. I told him, though, that my crush on Tammy was never about her, it was just another way for me to discover myself. To figure myself out. Of course, I got pretty lucky. I knew myself from that young age, and found out pretty quick. But I’ve known other girls around me, other lesbians I’ve talked to, that most of the time, it takes a boyfriend to realize that it was never right. A lot of the time, the girls would force themselves to like them just to feel like they were normal. So what I’m saying is-”
“Robin, I don’t need you to tell me I’m like those girls. I know I am. El knew I was. I’m not stupid, I’m just.” He cried, and Robin was obviously taken aback, and then Mike felt bad and calmed down, “I always hid behind her. It was so much safer, and she was so much like him. Joyce wasn’t kidding when she said they could be twins, because they pretty much were. And then he said he wasn’t really in love with me anymore, called me his fucking Tammy like you were saying, and then I told him I just wanted to be best friends with him. Because I’m too much of a fucking coward to just admit I’m a fag who needs his best friend more than he needs fucking water, and well more than he ever needed his dead ex-girlfriend.”
He could see tears streaming down Robin’s face now too, and she turned to hug him. Mike took the hug in stride, crying heavily into her shoulder because finally someone knew, and yet Robin wasn’t throwing him away. Robin wasn’t leaving him behind. Now he just had to hope she didn’t tell Will.
“Don’t tell him.” He said, straining, “Please don’t tell Will. He can’t know. He’ll hate me. He’s done all that work to get over me because I practically forced him to, so he can’t know he never had to. Can’t know what a coward I’ve been.”
“Oh, Mike.” Robin wiped her eyes. “I would never, but I think you should tell him. I think you have more of a chance than you think. And, hell, if Tammy ever came up to me and told me she liked me back in high school, I’d probably freak out, but it would mean a lot to me. A lot more than you’d realize.”
Mike wiped a tear.
“Plus, isn’t that what El wanted, for you to move on? Even if Will really somehow isn’t in love with you anymore, which frankly would probably be pretty hard for him speaking I’m pretty sure that kid has been in love with you since like forever-”
“Wait, what?!”
“Sorry, ignore me. Well, don’t ignore me, but you can take those words in later. I think you would deserve to be able to confess to move on from him if you need to, too. You don’t have to punish yourself like this, Mike. You should be happy, you’re graduating today, for christ’s sake. Hasn’t this stupid war punished you kids enough?”
He laughed bitterly, hugging her one last time. “Yeah. It has, it really has.” They sat in silence for a few more moments, and Mike took one last look at the library.
“Fuck, we gotta go.”
They hopped in Mike’s beat-up old car then, where he had shoved his graduation cap and gown. He showed up embarrassingly late, but Robin still shoved him towards his seat in the back, and Mike’s mom tackled him in a hug for actually showing up on time.
Mike quickly smiled at Will, and Will smiled back. Maybe he could do this.
Graduation went wonderfully, and so was this campaign him and Will had worked together so hardly on.
Of course, Mike was the DM. And hey, maybe he made Strahd von Zarovich flirt with Will the Wise a little bit. He had to build his confidence somehow, damnit.
And as the campaign ended, and everything came to a close, Mike made some ending for everyone. Told Will that he’d end up that famous artist, working with people all around the globe to make his mark.
When it got to him, however, Mike couldn’t do it. Made up some lame shit like the storyteller would still be some random loser writing stories for kids to read in his parents basement, allowing everyone to laugh.
And cry. Cry really fucking hard, knowing that that was that. That was it, their last campaign.
And as Mike put away his own binder, right next to Will’s, holding onto them both like a ledge, he knew what needed to be done.
He practically ran to the stairs, knowing Will took a minute to get up them. To his luck, he hadn’t reached the door. “Will, wait!’
Will turned around quickly, but stood still on the stairs. Tears were still cascading down his face, but they seemed to be slowing. Mike was five seconds away from absolutely sobbing.
“What’s up?”
“I just. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Go on.” Will walked down the stairs. Mike moved to the couch, and Will went along with him.
The last time they had sat here together, Will was still possessed.
“I’ve uh… Look, I haven’t been the most… ugh, I don’t know how to start this.” He put his head in his hands, “I wish I did.”
Will put his hand on his shoulder, and it felt like a flame had erupted in his sweater.
“I’m sorry, Will.”
Will pulled a little bit away, but kept his hand on Mike’s shoulder, “What are you sorry about?”
“I haven’t… I fucked up. I fucked up big time, okay? I… I haven’t been the most honest person. I just.. I never told you guys why me and El broke up.”
“We never asked.”
“I’m happy you didn’t but, look, you deserve to know the truth.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to say anything, Mike.”
He ripped it off like a bandaid. “It was because of you.”
Will’s hand shot off of Mike’s shoulder like he had gotten burnt. Fuck, shit, here it goes. Mike’s life is about to be over, and it’s all his fucking fault.
“Did I do something? Was it because…” Fuck.
“I, shit, you never did anything wrong, Will. I worded that wrong. It was because… El knew me better than I knew myself. She could always sense what I was feeling, and I guess… look, we were already on our way out. And she was in my room, and I’m pretty sure we were already on that way to the conversation, but, I don’t know. She saw me in my room, staring at the painting, and I just thanked her for it. And then, suddenly, she had no idea what I was talking about. Said that she never asked you to make anything for me. She didn’t even know who I was in the painting. So I had started freaking out, I was gonna go talk to you immediately about it, but she kinda stopped me. Broke up with me right then and there, and told me that she still wanted to be there with me and wanted to be friends with me, but she could tell that I wasn’t the one I wanted. I realized, then, that I kinda… said everything to her in that stupid pizza place that I would’ve said to you if you had told me it was from you.
But, look, you know me. I’m a coward, Will. A big fucking coward. So, I told her I wanted to hide that we broke up, and I wanted to hide why. I wanted to hide everything. I needed to hide. Because, I had no idea, even with the painting, that you were gay. That you liked me. I didn’t know until you came out to us and you said you didn’t like me anymore. So I hid some more. And then El died, and when she died, she told me that I needed to stop. That I couldn’t hide behind her anymore. I still am, hiding behind her, I mean. Robin told me I’ve pretty much been punishing myself because of her death, because of how stupid I’ve been, and maybe she’s right, but I still think I deserve it.
That’s why I’m saying sorry. I’m sorry that it’s, it’s taken me three fucking entire years of knowing that I’m some pathetic queer from a small town in love with his best friend, who’s so much more braver, perfect, and kinder than he ever could be. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you that I love you. That I’ve been crazy for you, probably since I told you we would go crazy together on this stupid couch.”
By the time Mike stopped crying, he was practically half scream sobbing into his hands, barely even able to get any more words out.
“Just please don’t hate me. Please don’t get rid of me. I know you don’t like me back anymore and that’s okay, I just, please, I can’t lose you Will, I can’t lose you again-” He looked up, only to get immediately pulled into the tightest hug of his life. He could feel Will trembling against him, crying almost as hard as he was. Will was always more of a crier than he was, just another way Will was so much braver.
“Mike.” He heard him quietly whisper into his ear. “I don’t think I could ever stop loving you.”
Mike let out a choked sob, and then fell back into the hug. However, only a second later, he pulled away just enough to take Will’s perfect face into his hands so he could kiss him breathless like he should’ve done as thanks for that damn painting years ago.
Mike didn’t know how long they made out on the couch for, but he knew it was long enough that Mike had fallen to lay down with Will on top of him. The only reason they really stopped was because Max, Dustin, and Lucas all yelled really loudly from the top of the stairs that “Yo, Mike, Will, the dinner is literally freezing! Get up here!”
They pulled away, laughing, walking up the stairs together, hand in hand.
Holly and her friends ran down once they got close to the top. They immediately started arguing and trying to figure out the DND board.
Mike and Will looked at each other and smiled, going the rest of the way up stairs to meet their own friends.
Mike and Will got fake-married around half a decade later, with all of their friends and family in attendance.
And somewhere in the venue, a short haired girl in her early twenties watched on with a few tears in her eyes, smiling happily, seeing her two favorite people finally, finally getting to be happy.
And she walked out, knowing she would be happy on her own, especially knowing that everything had worked out, in the end.