Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Jay should have known something was wrong when his phone buzzed four times before sunrise.

He squinted at the screen with one eye open.

Sensei Wu:
jay
are you conscious

Jay groaned and typed back.

Jay:
Sensei it’s 3:12 a.m.

Three dots appeared instantly.

Sensei Wu:
excellent
then you are available

Jay sat bolt upright.
“No. No no no no—”

Another message.

Sensei Wu:
the rectangle has trapped me

Jay stared.
“…THE RECTANGLE HAS WHAT.”

---

By the time Jay sprinted into the main room, Wu was sitting perfectly calmly at the table, phone in hand, sipping tea like nothing was wrong.

“The rectangle keeps changing,” Wu said serenely. “I believe it is testing me.”

Jay took the phone. “Sensei, you just opened the camera.”

Wu leaned closer. “Ah. So that is why it shows my beard from below. A most unflattering angle.”

Click.

Jay froze. “Did you just take a picture?”

Wu nodded proudly. “Yes. I have captured my soul.”

---

The group chat was created five minutes later.

Everyone’s phones buzzed.

Sensei Wu:
WISE GREEN NINJA AND FRIENDS

Kai blinked. “That’s the chat name?”

Another buzz.

Sensei Wu:
good morning
i am modern now

Cole typed.

Cole:
Congrats…?

Wu responded immediately.

Sensei Wu:
thank you cole
🪨

Cole sighed. “Why am I a rock.”

Zane tilted his head. “This appears to be a symbol of emotional representation.”

Kai crossed his arms. “Why do I get 🔥🔥🔥 but Jay gets ⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡.”

Jay squinted. “WHY DO I GET TEN.”

Wu sent another message.

Sensei Wu:
because jay is very loud

Jay choked. “SENSEI.”

---

Things went downhill fast.

Wu discovered voice messages.

Jay’s phone buzzed again.

Voice message – 6:42

Jay pressed play.

Wu’s voice filled the room.

“Jay… I am speaking into the rectangle now… I do not know if it hears me… I will continue anyway… wisdom is like tea—”

Jay skipped ahead.

“…—also the kettle is empty and I cannot remember why I came into the kitchen…”

Jay dropped his phone onto the table. “I can’t do this. I can’t.”

---

Then came autocorrect.

Sensei Wu:
patience is the path to weirdness

Sensei Wu:
WAIT

Sensei Wu:
wisdom

Sensei Wu:
THE RECTANGLE LIES

Kai was laughing so hard he had to sit down.

Lloyd tried to be supportive. “Sensei, maybe take a break?”

Wu nodded thoughtfully… then accidentally ordered something.

Jay’s phone buzzed again.

Sensei Wu:
jay
why are there 12 kettles arriving tomorrow

Jay screamed into a pillow.

---

At dinner, Wu raised his phone like a trophy.

“I have learned much today,” he announced. “The rectangle knows many things. Weather. Maps. Pictures of cats.”

Zane nodded. “Cats are statistically calming.”

Wu smiled. “Yes. I have saved seventeen.”

Jay slumped over the table. “Sensei, please. Just—please—put it down.”

Wu considered this.

Then sent one final message to the group chat.

Sensei Wu:
my ninja
technology is powerful
but wisdom is knowing when to stop

Everyone relaxed.

Wu added:

Sensei Wu:
also
how do i turn it off

Jay stood up.

“I’m taking the charger,” he said firmly. “For the good of Ninjago.”

Wu smiled peacefully.
The phone buzzed one last time.

Sensei Wu:
👍

No one ever taught Sensei Wu how to use a phone ever again.