Archive of Our Own

A young man walks his way down the street.

The night of the last day of the year is void of stars… mostly just clear and pitch black. It's passed the evening, and in only a handful of hours, the next year would be welcomed by many.

Set in one orbital path.

Including a specific actor. A star that could loop forever and ever.

He wonders if the cold is drawing the stars away from the sky, even though he knows that’s not how it works.

Tenma Tsukasa, now in his late twenties, still aimed to be the brightest star the acting world had ever seen and the entire universe as well. He thinks he’s been doing well. He can proclaim that all he wants, but then again, he did leave his scarf and warmer jacket back home so maybe he should be quiet.

Hard work paid off in the end.

Walking through the streets, he notices all the families around him, a few kids even coincidentally watching one of the TVs in the windows displaying a piece he worked on, all enjoying the holidays.

It’s bustling in a way Tsukasa has grown to appreciate. Whether he has company or not doesn’t matter, mainly because he was going to meet with his dear friends to spend New Year’s Eve with and to watch the sunrise.

Adult life had made them all busier with their work and projects; Phoenix Wonderland has grown so much because of how hard Emu worked for that dream of hers, the productions Nene has both led and starred in were awe-inspiring, and Rui had been all over the world.

Part of him wonders if he is on par with all of them since they don’t meet up as regularly as they could back in high school. Sneaking off to the sekai during the night, meeting up at the wonder stage when they were just starting out, or arranging to start at scramble crossing to go to the cinema or the arcade – all of that was easier back then since presently none of them were in the same city as often.

Time slips away fast, even more so at the end of the year. He had seen Emu and Nene in the sekai recently, but Rui? It had been at least half a year “When we were just graduating, I thought we’d be living together as roommates or something. Instead he’s the one I’ve seen the least”.

Time has always been a sensitive subject to him.

It makes him sad thinking about that, but the sudden vibration of his phone stops that line of thought. It’s not a phone call; it’s Miku grinning at him “Tsukasa-kun!”.

“Miku! Good to see you,” he greets her back and she waves at him ecstatically “Are you coming to the sekai? Or are you meeting everyone here or are you going to meet with everyone in the real world?”. The questions that get thrown at him are so sudden that he doesn’t know what to answer, especially when Miku starts asking if he can bring very specific foods back to the sekai. Ones not even traditionally served during the New Year.

“Ha ha slow down! Even if our troupe is no longer together as the valiant leader I was in the past, why wouldn’t I make plans to reunite us all to celebrate the new year!?” Tsukasa announces to only his phone and he feels it vibrate in what he only assumes is excitement “Although it is in real life, we’ll make sure to visit you, Kaito, and everyone else later!”.

Or rather, he interprets it that way, it’s ‘funer’. It’s not a word, but having three people, well one woman and two vocaloids, insisting that it is a word makes a difference. Rin and Len tag-teamed him with Emu; he had to give up that fight.

Miku appears to be in a festive mood since her usual outfit had been replaced by a traditional dress. Tsukasa smiles at that because it reminds him of the outfit she donned during his last year of high school. Reds, blues, whites, and bows. Her tail twitches behind her. "It’s New Year’s Eve, Tsukasa-kun! Be happier! Go fight many lion robots!” she cheers and Tsukasa clutches his head out of reflex in case phantom pain comes back “No lion robots, please”.

“Booooo” her fluffed out pigtails, extended from the top of her head by her cat ears, sway with her as she turns around. The star accessories she wears seem brighter with all the light decorations around him “Any shows planned?”.

“Next year for sure, but Rui is severely jet lagged and this was quite frankly too short notice for us all. A view I am not used to and will never be used to is unnatural smiles, so our shows cannot be vain or rushed!” Tsukasa sighs, “But I know everyone is surely itching to perform, making everyone smile before the festivities is a noble mission I wish to take on every year!”.

All those performances in the past come back to him and he smiles, even if they seem so far away in his memories. Come to think of it, they had never planned to do a New Year’s show in the sekai, maybe he should reconsider that.

He hasn’t been to the sekai the past few days, so he hadn’t even seen her outfit change till today. Tsukasa can’t go neglecting anyone during the holidays! So his mental checklist of things to do grows as he shifts his attention back to the virtual catgirl.

“YAHOO ☆!” she’s covering messages from their designated group chat. Tsukasa knows that now that he heard the designated notification go off, likely someone is asking what the delay was, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell her to move.

He watches her slap her cheeks, seemingly to hype herself up, “Alright then! Miku has decided to help you find them easy-peasy, are we close?”.

“According to the map, yes. Although I haven’t been here in a while,” he looks around and is surprised no one is questioning the hologram coming out of his phone, but Miku does look like she’s being careful and maybe those who don’t have access to the sekai can’t see her.

Her white ears twitch as the sparkles in her eyes zone in on a certain corner; a corner housing three familiar faces, “Tsukasa-kun! Look, look over there ☆!!!”.

Nene, Emu, and Rui – all his friends are already at their arranged meeting place. As he stated before, he had seen everyone in the sekai these few months, but mostly it was when everyone was going to bed.

He always wants to go back to WonderlandxShowtime, the Wonder Stage, all those wonderful people and places he was able to jumpstart his packed-in dreams.

Nene is the first one he notices, someone who has definitely grown since high school in terms of height and hair length. Her sage hair was straightened out like her bangs and the front section is braided back into a crown in the back of her hair, the rest flowing freely to her mid-back. Long gone were the bows she frequently wore in high school, now having some white highlights as a new constant.

She’s dressed warmly, especially with that long skirt that seems to be split with beige and a dark brown plaid down the middle, something that looks akin to one of those shorter jackets with more warm lining, and a simple white scarf ear muff combo.

Emu is next, taking note of her hair more than the warm attire she was dressed in. Her wispy bangs are pushed to the side and she has two small buns on the top sides of her head. It nearly looked like it was supposed to resemble a heart and the rest of her hair lay in a bob that framed her round face.

The light behind his friends changes and he can hear Rui’s laughter and a defensive remark from Nene. Emu stands on the other side of the sage-haired woman, even as she pokes the smug and large purple cat.

He can see the dark pink roots showing her natural hair, a shade that fell between her brothers, and he remembers the time that the vocaloids discovered people dye their hair because Emu had forgotten to touch up her roots. 

Light pink always suited Emu better; she had even said so herself.

“It really has been so long, it honestly felt too long since I’ve seen everyone” Tsukasa knows that they can meet in the sekai but it seems that this can slip their minds more often than not. He was busy as a high school student, he was busy during his studies and workshops as a vocational school student trying to climb the stairs that would get him closer to his true dreams, but now as an adult, it feels overwhelming. In a good way, much better than when he deliberately kept himself busy as a kid in a quiet home.

His eyes then shift to Rui. His hair was tied in the back and half his front bangs were swept to the side, somehow his side bangs frame his face in a way that draws attention away from how one of his eyes is covered. He still has the same teal earring, a singular earring, that matches the two out of color strands in his hair.

Tsukasa really needs to stop staring at his face; he’s seen his face so many times! Even if he wanted to, he had long since given up on noticing many things about Rui. It reminds him of the times when he saw purple and blue colored soda candy in the shop windows during the summer.

It doesn’t make sense. It's winter right now.

Rui had a warm brown coat over a red sweater vest that peeks out from his coat sleeves. He’s seen this combo on Rui before in photos but in those pictures Rui had shaven; now he can see that stubble slowly coming. One that man has been told multiple times not to grow, he doesn’t look as good as he thinks he does with it.

“Honestly, he looks more handsome without it– GAH what am I thinking?”.

“Tsukasa-kun, don’t keep them waiting! Get your head out of the clouds” Miku’s voice draws him back. The vocaloid is wiggling her eyebrows on his phone screen before leaving entirely, letting Tsukasa pocket his phone and take a deep breath. He’d have to talk about what she has been trying to hint at.

Honestly, it was the pinnacle of embarrassment when she decided to pop out when he by accident happened to be scrolling past one of Rui’s fan accounts. Maybe it’s because she’s connected to a world made up of his feelings, but Tsukasa doesn’t want her saying he makes what she has dubbed ‘lovely dovey’ eyes at Rui whenever he pops up on his feed.

Tsukasa hasn’t seen Rui in person or in the sekai for a few months now, so he feels like he is justified in missing him more.

He was proud of all of them, but especially proud of his stunning director.

“So why…”.

He doesn’t make any moves to approach them, seeing how his deep exhale becomes visible in front of him from the cold, maybe he should have worn more underlayers. Why was he nervous? Is it because they haven’t been able to meet in real life for so long? It feels like he has opening night jitters right now, something he has never been able to shake off in his entire acting journey.

However, Tsukasa won’t keep any of them waiting. The excitement outweighs any other emotion he holds onto.

He starts lightly jogging to reach them faster and gives them a large wave “Hey guys! The star has arrived!”. Three pairs of eyes spot him in the scarce crowd and Tsukasa offers a brilliant smile “It really has been…”.

Emu is the first to react, running toward him and leaping into Tsukasa’s open arms, “TSUKASA-KUN! IT’S BEEN TOO LONG!!!”. The blonde laughs and spins the giggling woman around, something he had always done, “It’s only been two months since we met in the sekai!”.

She blabbers his name and keeps her arms tight around his neck, but lets go once her feet are back on the ground “That doesn’t matter! I missed you, I am going to make you feel all honobono ☆ !”. Her cheerful greeting and the onomatopoeia she was clearly never going to stop using was always comforting. Tsukasa returns her smile tenfold as Nene and Rui join their circle, “I missed you too”.

“Sekai doesn’t count for meeting in real life, don’t you remember saying that, Tsukasa?” Nene says as she hugs him as well "Despite being able to go whenever, life gets busy”. She smells of amber plus white grapefruit and the scent stays even when she pulls away.

She steps aside to let Rui and Tsukasa reunite, but Tsukasa’s heart tries to jump out of his chest, like he was back in high school realizing his feelings for the first time. They stare at each other for a moment before Tsukasa hugs him the tightest, making Rui stumble back at the sudden force of his embrace.

He holds himself close against the sturdy chest “After all this time, you still can’t shave properly, Rui”.

“Long time no see to you too, Tsukasa-kun” Rui gives him that familiar feline smile as he reciprocates the hug Tsukasa offers, letting the blonde stay for longer than he did with their friends. Tsukasa, almost reluctantly disconnecting their hug to his horror, wishes that Rui’s hands would linger on his hips and that he could make the hug together.

Tsukasa refuses to acknowledge any deeper meaning to his feelings right now; it’d be selfish of him to do so. It’s the same feelings he tried to deny would have an impact on his life.

If they did, it’d be harder the next time they’d have to separate for work.

“Get it together, Tenma Tsukasa!” he chants in his head before speaking “Ha ha! Shall we get going? We don’t want to wait in line for terribly long now, do we?”.

Nene folds her arms “You were the last to arrive”. “THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT NENE!” he retaliates, leaving out the part where he forgot to text anyone that he was running late because of a train delay.

Tsukasa doesn’t notice how gold and blue linger on him for longer than purple and pink do.

(But if he did notice, maybe he’d have caught Rui’s gaze, coyly tilted his head, and smiled at the thought he was in the front and centre of the director’s mind.

If he even had the guts to do so in the first place).

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Emu had been beating both him and Nene at shiritori when Tsukasa made it to their chosen meeting place. Rui’s heart betrays him by speeding up almost immediately and he wonders if he should have tried to get leave earlier than he did.

The holiday season was fairly popular abroad too so he could only fly in on the 31st itself “Or maybe I should have coordinated the times I went to the sekai better”.

Seeing Tsukasa after months hit Rui like a train, harder than when he saw Emu and Nene for the first time in months. His hair was definitely wavier than when he last saw it, with feathered layers, bangs clearly swept and stylized. He’s used to Tsukasa tying up the back of his hair when he sees him, but the photos he’s seen online make it clearer that his hair reaches below his neck in the back.

Seeing him in real life is different from seeing magazine articles of him and his newest roles.

Not to discredit the successes of his other dear friends, but Tsukasa always popped out to him more. Because of his heart, he always longed to know what his star was doing. He deserved the fame, something he was always a little hesitant to admit.

It didn’t shake the longing of wanting to direct him on stage soon. Sooner rather than later – and from how Tsukasa has been talking about the Lion Dance Robot, it only sparked an urge to do so even more.

The snow machine gets brought up from that one Christmas show at the ski lodge and their group’s brainstorming goes absolutely wild. It was a miracle that no one had approached them tonight, in this area alone he knows Nene and Tsukasa are popular.

He’s heard a rumor of them being chosen as romantic co-leads, but since neither of them had mentioned it, he supposed maybe it was a fanbase speculation the fans wanted to come true.

It doesn’t really matter in a sense but Rui wishes he could do something like that; they never really did romance plots before they went off to their university lives.

Maybe their lives could have been a bit different during those years, not that his life was bad.

Rui was not one to ever shy away from risks… except for risks like these. A stunt on stage is surely incomparable to matters of the heart, or at the minimum, that is what he believed. After all, Rui had initially wanted to confess on the day they graduated. He just didn’t follow through with his plan.

It was their friendship at risk, the trust they had so carefully built at risk.

Rui liked to think that the fact he was able to admit he fell for Tsukasa was a brave thing and it was something beautiful, something he wanted to cherish. It wasn’t brave because it would mean he’s gay, he obviously likes guys, but brave because it was Tsukasa.

Tenma Tsukasa, his precious friend. Someone he doesn’t want to see leave.

His star.

Well he wants to call Tsukasa his and for Tsukasa to do the same, so right now he wonders if by referring to him like that is weird.

He is weird but this is different. He’d like to think he’s come to terms with it, even though he still hasn’t figured out how to shake them off. And he’s had these sinking feelings ever he acknowledged these emotions after the Wonderhallowen event they did. Emu and Tsukasa could be on stage during improv while Rui was supposed to be editing the script on the audience seats – his eyes would wander instead.

“You’re looking at him again like that” Nene had noticed as she leaned her arms on top of Nenerobo’s head. The squeals of a fallen princess and a chivalrous knight echo in the background.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Rui replied, causing her to raise an eyebrow “Yeah you do, is it embarrassing to you?”.

Rui turns to look at her, eyes no longer debating if they should or shouldn’t look away from the stage “Is it embarrassing to you when Emu-kun becomes the apple of your eye?”.

Nene pauses and the blush on her cheeks give away the truth before she even speaks “Touché”.

“But it’s not a bad thing”.

“No, it’s not”.

When Rui felt conflicted about it, all he needed was to hear that boisterous laugh from his star. He tries to push that to the back of his mind because right now it wasn’t just him and Tsukasa, and he really forgot how much he enjoyed all of them spending time together.

“If we want to do that I’ll have to order some parts, fufu, twice the output would make it a true winter wonderland” Rui smiles and Nene agrees “It would certainly look nicer, but now it’s like a strange combo of NYE and Christmas”.

“There’s nothing wrong with combining the two holidays!” Tsukasa adds on “What if someone is working on one and gets an off day for the other? Running this type of show on both days would allow those people to experience both joys”.

Emu nods “Exactly! For example, Nene-chan slept past New Years last year”, the sentence is to Nene’s horror “Emu?!”.

He and Tsukasa laugh at her expense, making Rui think that he should start looking at doing more jobs in Japan instead of in Europe. He feels more at ease here.

By the time they reach the line, a whole theoretical show is formed and new modifications to make their robot friend even better. Tsukasa tries to hide the terror at the fact, making a small mention of how good his hair has been looking recently.

The reason they came here tonight was that Emu had insisted on indulging in some traditions and no one had any qualms about it, even if they had to wait to order because the line is so long. Apparently, Kohane and the rest of Vivid Bad Squad had recommended this place for toshikoshi soba. The way here had been quick enough anyway, so they were already waiting for dinner. He’ll just ask for non-veggie toppings, especially to hold on green onions for the garnish, and even if it's a smaller bowl he can get some longevity for his life. The line is long but they all figured out what to order by taking a picture of the chalk menu outside the restaurant doors, so Rui hopes they are ready for his likely insane specific order. The poor chefs.

As they wait, they make conversation, only interrupted when Nene’s stomach growls loudly, much to her chagrin as she gets them to change the subject. It drifts over to Emu’s work and her plans for a theme park-wide performance just in time for when the cherry blossoms begin to bloom this coming spring.

It’s truly interesting what she is talking about but Rui’s gaze shifts to Tsukasa once again. He’s subtly rubbing his arm and the bottom of his lip appears to be trembling; it must be getting much colder than he realizes. So he tugs on Tsukasa’s arm, making them lag behind their friends for a moment. Tsukasa looks at him curiously as Rui begins to take his arms out of the sleeves “What’s wrong, Rui?”.

Emu and Nene continue the conversation, like they are off in their own world that Tsukasa got yanked out of.

Of course Rui would notice if Tsukasa got cold, although perhaps it should have been assumed he would from the moment he met up with the rest of them. They are standing too close right now and Rui wonders why their shoulders have just been barely brushing against each other before he had taken off his coat.

“You’re cold, right?” Rui simply says and hands over his coat. The line hasn’t moved and neither has Tsukasa. Tsukasa’s eyes widen and Rui wonders if the cold is making his cheeks appear redder than they actually are “Cute…”.

It’s quiet between the two of them and Rui wonders if he misinterprets something.

Then his hand is empty. Tsukasa had taken it.

“I am surprised it's not just a piece of fabric holes” he sarcastically remarks as he brings the coat around him tighter “You’ve had this coat for a long time after all”. Tsukasa seems to be avoiding his expectant gaze, wondering if he’ll let go to put his arms through and wear the coat properly.

Rui was initially surprised Tsukasa just wore a cardigan instead of a coat on top but now he thinks it was worth it, even if it just simply slipped his mind. The faint color that was spread across his cheeks was subtle, but Rui noticed.

“Fufu, you still remember that conversation” Rui laughs, remembering how second year Tsukasa had stared in such disbelief when he asked if he could repair clothes “That outfit was meant to have holes and I simply altered the design”.

“I only remembered because of how horrendous it looked!”.

Time was quite fickle, so it warmed his heart that Tsukasa could remember such a small conversation they had one day all those years ago. It seems that no matter what he does, he still feels like the new director on a stage that needed fixing up.

A stage that allowed him a place to belong, amongst people who understood.

“Thank–” Tsukasa’s smile disappears when Emu throws her scarf in his face, literally making it impossible to see. A flurry of pink fabric to match Tsukasa’s reddening ears as he pulls it off “Emu?!”.

“If Tsukasa-kun was cold he should have worn warmer under layers! Or a proper coat! Quick, Nene-chan, hand him your earmuffs!” Emu lays her hand out flat expectantly to Nene but the sage-haired woman merely shakes her head “I like my earmuffs, plus I think it means more when it’s Rui’s”.

“Rui-kun doesn’t have earmuffs, though!” Emu exclaims while Tsukasa goes “What is that supposed to mean Nene…”.

She just shrugs her shoulders and Tsukasa gives up on trying to get any explanation for it. He takes the scarf to please Emu and she shoves her hands into her light pink coat with the brown outlines, Tsukasa noting in his mind how this type of clothing is known as a princess coat, once the scarf is properly off her.

While this happens, Rui feels the breeze suddenly get a lot colder around him. Eh still had the sweater vest but the coat worked a lot better against the wind. Not that he was demanding his coat back anytime soon. Nene teases him “Did you wear a lot of warm underlayers for this?”. Rui remains silent as he refocuses back on Tsukasa, who is now wearing his coat properly,

Tsukasa is forcing Emu to stand still as he re-wraps her scarf snuggly around her neck, now with a little bow, as she spouts about the restaurant they are going to. She waves her arms, her tiered sleeves sleeping though the coat sleeves, and Tsukasa admittedly insists she stay still. Nene looks at them, amused, after sending Rui a knowing look, then getting scolded by Tsukasa for not wearing a scarf either.

The fact that Nene of all people is teasing him isn’t a surprise to him anymore; he could catch her off guard later if he so desired.

“What is that supposed to mean to him, Nene,” Rui smiles at the scene unfolding “Because to me it means that I am never getting over my first love… even in seemingly ordinary moments like these”.

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Feeling jet lagged tonight of all nights is just horrid luck and it seems all three of his friends have won the majority vote of him taking a nap before the sunrise happens. Rui had instituted he only needed 2 hours of his usual 5. “Do these things need to change?” Rui proposes the question as Tsukasa sighs tiredly  “Some things can be consistent like your sleep schedule”.

“Then maybe you should go to sleep” the director replies.

Tsukasa was not happy with that jab in the slightest, telling him that rest is still important even if he was done growing, to which Rui asked how he stopped growing after Tsukasa when the star slept more than him.

Nene had interrupted their bickering as Emu had begun bouncing in her spot, saying that if they all wanted to do what they wanted to do they needed to get moving. Emu and Nene to the festival, Tsukasa and Rui to Tsukasa’s apartment.

They had all watched a few street performances after eating and drinking, thoroughly tucking Rui out. But now he also is filled with a desire to introduce fire dancing in a future show.

Emu, despite all four of them not going to spend the first few seconds together of the new year, is dead set on getting them lucky bags since she knows how fast they go out of stock.

“Taiyaki stall vouchers, fireworks, candy, funny clocks that look like maneki nekos!? The possibilities are endless” Emu happily sighs, looking as if she was about to drool from the items she could receive, while Tsukasa gets a bad feeling “I hope Rui doesn’t get any explosions like mini sparklers”.

“Anything made of metal could work” Rui slyly adds, making Tsukasa shiver “Don’t go doubting my abilities, Tsukasa-kun”.

“We’ll get you old men some lucky bags, courtesy of a family friend of the Ootori’s” Nene remarks, pushing a strand of her straightened out her behind her ear as their friend eagerly looks around at the bustling crowds “At least some of this still want to live our youth”.

“Auntie knows me so we’ll either get a good discount or she’ll let us skip the line!” the pink-haired woman smiles widely “Now no more chit-chat, have a good nap Rui-kun! Oh and I’ll make sure to get a good video if they bring out the fireworks!”.

From there they confirm all the details one more time and where they’ll meet up before splitting their separate ways. Emu walks away while chanting the lucky bag name, Nene’s hand clasped perfectly in hers, as if it were second nature. Emu’s buns are slowly coming loose but she makes no move to fix them, maybe she hadn’t noticed yet.

Rui doesn’t say anything as they get further because he knows something is there, something that has been carefully built over years of moments that mean the world to the two women.

Talks about emotions, leaning on each other even in complete silence, knowing glances when one person bought the other their favorite drink just because they could.

Gestures, gifts, the warmest of hugs.

“Did me and Tsukasa-kun never have that? Or rather, will we not have it ever again?”.

In a way, Rui was almost jealous. But that was overtrumped by how happy he was for her, seeing it in real time as Emu began to swing their interlinked hands. Maybe none of them, including him and Tsukasa, knew what the future held even if they had graduated a long time ago.

By the time that thought finishes, they are nothing more but green and pink dots in the distance. Which leads to him entering Tsukasa’s apartment, the blonde snatching his scarf from him quickly and telling him not to track any snow onto the floors.

Tsukasa was always diligent with cleaning, confidently proclaiming that a fresh start begins with a spotless home. Of course the sekai counted as well but Rui hadn’t been able to visit all their virtual and plushie friends in a while.

He easily recalls when Tsukasa declared that the sekai would get the ōsōji treatment as well, back in their third year, and how it’d be sparkling clean after his meticulous skills got to shine.

It had backfired, of course it did. Rui’s heart had been too lovestruck at seeing a caught off guard Tsukasa not by his own doing.

Tsukasa had been running around trying to wash the plushies as well and only the dog with the red bandana had enthusiastically dived into the blonde’s waiting arms. Emu had joined him later, but she ended up getting as dirty as the other plushies, running around with Miku as they ‘saved’ everyone from the ‘meanie Tsukasa-kun’.

She had said he shouldn’t be playing tag when everyone was cleaning, while Tsukasa hosed her down in retaliation, causing Nene to try and successfully throw him into the lake. Rui had overheard the commotion as he went outside the stage tent to go help Kaito round up the more well-behaved plushies.

He seemed to be reminiscing those simpler times more often these past few hours, it makes him feel nostalgic to a certain degree.

“What are you laughing at?” Tsukasa questions as he places Rui’s coat on the coat rack, next to the one he forgot to bring. Rui puts on the house slippers “While thinking about how clean your place is, I recalled a memory of Nene tackling you into the lake for hosing down Emu-kun”.

Tsukasa frowns “Get that out of your head”. Rui laughs again as he follows Tsukasa into his living room, making himself comfortable on the carpet instead of the couch. He announces he’ll be back before leaving Rui alone.

The purple-haired man leans back against the table, looking at the sky though the balcony sliding door, anything to distract himself from being one on one with Tsukasa.

Maybe the security of being in a group was something he had overestimated, because all his mind wanted to do was to act on his feelings, to see if Tsukasa liked him back too.

No crowds, no chances to sneak off.

Rui could say that in a universe far away, he fell in love with Tsukasa, even though he feels as if his feelings could never reach Tsukasa. The actor has full reciprocation of his feelings on stage, why should he even ask for more?

“Fufu if they did reach him, maybe I’d kiss him at midnight”.

However he does feel a cold sensation against the back of his head and he looks up to see a can pressed there, Tsukasa looking down at him with a quirked eyebrow “I know for fact I cannot convince you to sleep before midnight, we may as well celebrate till then”.

The time is 22:30, of course Rui has no qualms about it.

“In that case,” Rui takes a big swing considering he barely had anything earlier “So then catch me up on the adventures of Tenma Tsukasa”.

“Eh?” Tsukasa sits down next to him confused, stretching out his legs despite mentioning Rui was weird for not seating on the couch. Rui shrugs with a smile “We got all the time to talk, no? I want to hear about what you’ve been doing”.

Tsukasa swirls around the content of his can “Ha ha! Even if we take it easy before the sunrise you’re right… I should call you more often so you can hear about everything in the moment, but I shall diligently give you a worthy recap!”.

“Please never stop talking” his heart cries for this, for moments like these that happen so rarely these days.

Rui hopes that saying he should call more is something he can actually take advantage of, to help push through the weird nerves he gets at the thought of doing it before today. If Rui missed spending time with their entire group, then he longed for conversations with Tsukasa alone. Ones where he poses whenever deemed appropriate and offers more details for relevant shows.

At some point, Tsukasa had turned on the TV to show a counter and when Rui glances at the screen, multiple three cans neatly together on the table behind him, it’s closer to midnight than he expects.

Tsukasa is on his third can but also drank more with Emu responsibly. Or maybe Rui could know because Tsukasa had been getting closer and closer, to the point Rui could comfortably put his arm behind his shoulders. Maybe Rui himself was more tired than he wanted to admit.

“There are two minutes left,” Tsukasa says “Do you want to toast as the clock strikes twelve, since you refuse to sleep? I don’t really know what to do ha ha”.

“I don’t know either, but my parents always kiss as they announce the new year” Rui notes and to that Tsukasa says “I wonder if I’ll ever get to kiss someone right at midnight”. He’s just thinking outloud, but Rui feels a twinge of jealousy at this ‘someone’ “I wonder if you could”.

One minute left.

Maybe the tiredness is making him more bold, not being held back anymore. His hands move to Tsukasa.

Tsukasa raises an eyebrow and takes another sip out of his can “What is that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’ve ever thought about it?”.

“I tried asking you about your feelings on love once” the fact that he did so was to make sure he didn’t want to ruin such a precious friendship doesn’t come up “You never showed much interest in romance outside of shows, even after we went into the work scene. No girlfriend or boyfriend".

Tsukasa looks like he doesn’t know how to reply and it’s clear neither of them have the countdown in the forefront of their minds anymore. But he looks like something just clicked.

“Rui…?”.

More than realizing how close they suddenly were, as if they did so unconsciously.

“Tsukasa-kun…”.

Rui hears a muffled countdown from five to one as he presses a quick kiss to Tsukasa’s lips. He hears a concealed gasp and the heat that accompanies the kiss, the kiss with someone who has been out of reach.

Someone who should still be out of reach, shining away.

Could he explain that this was because they were talking about what people did at countdowns mere seconds ago? Because he was tired?

He yanks his head away just as fast, Tsukasa barely having time to press back, barely having time to recognize what had just happened. Regardless, his fingers find his way to his own lips “Rui?”.

It’s whispered. It’s just his name.

“I don’t know…” he whispers back, trying to ignore the sad look on Tsukasa’s face at that answer, something he hates seeing.

Is this all because he let one thought become an action? His longing, one that could have easily been solved through the sekai, manifesting at the opportunity to do something people could call tradition?

An excuse hidden as an expectation?

"I wish I hadn't loved you from the beginning," he mumbles and Tsukasa whips his head up so fast he feels like his neck could have snapped. Rui has a good alcohol tolerance and the few cans he’s had tonight is not enough to get that man tipsy.

The beginning meant that first time in Phoenix Wonderland, or did it mean the new beginning when Tsukasa invited Rui to join their troupe once again?

And by the look it looks like he is surprised why he let that suddenly slip out of his mouth “Sorry that’s a lie, sorry I just got caught up…”.

The sentence dies down, what was he supposed to say?

He can’t make any excuses for these feelings that won’t ever fade but maybe he should wonder why he suddenly said it. Tsukasa’s eyes are wide and he nearly drops the can in his hand, barely missing slipping it on the ground.

Rui nearly makes a joke about all the cleaning going to waste mere minutes into the new year.

(This was not a lapse judgement, Rui’s face looked too serious for any of this to be played off as a joke–).

“It’s not a lie, is it? Don’t take it back” Tsukasa looked like would kill Rui if he was joking right now "Especially because I feel the same way!”.

Rui stares at him “You do?”.

“I mean uh– I” he stutters out as soon as he realizes he just admitted he also maybe liked Rui. Tsukasa refuses to make eye contact with him so Rui gently places his hand on the blonde’s shoulder “Tsukasa-kun”.

The freckles usually hidden by makeup are visible from the lights outside and the lamp on in the living room. Tsukasa stares back at him, a shimmer in his eyes as he looks expectantly at Rui.

“Comment on it,” he dares him “You want to, don’t you”.

Rui can’t help but be honest; Tsukasa deserved that much at the very least.

“Tsukasa-kun is my best friend, he’s one of my dearest friends” the words slip so easily from his lips, as if he were not actually speaking to Tsukasa “Tsukasa-kun helped me change for the better and told me that I was the reason I was able to when I said he was the reason”.

“I stopped myself from confessing” Rui never wanted to get his hopes up and he never wanted either of them to get hurt. One wrong move and– “I didn’t want to destroy the trust we had built and I didn’t want to believe you felt something for me other than friendship”.

He drops his head so easily on his star’s shoulder, letting his eyes slip close, "I didn’t want to lose you and that was stronger than my feelings for you". He can’t see Tsukasa’s face but he can feel a hand curl on his back, holding the fabric “Do you… what do you want from me Rui?”.

What did he want from Tsukasa? What more could he selfishly desire from someone as bright as the Polaris star? Someone Rui should count his lucky stars he was ever able to know?

It takes him a few seconds, then Rui lifts his head from Tsukasa’s shoulder “I want to continue being by your side, what do you want Tsukasa-kun?”.

Those piercing amber eyes look into his dual coloured ones, searching for a trace of what was racing through Rui’s mind. If he finds an answer, Rui doesn’t know, because his heart starts racing faster when Tsukasa picks up one of Rui’s hands between his own two.

“What I really want is simple. I want you to stop ignoring your heart” Tsukasa declares as he presses Rui’s hand firmly against his chest, watching Rui’s cheeks flare up “I want you to stop insisting that this is one-sided”.

His mind sounds alarms. Tsukasa likes him back.

The Tenma Tsukasa likes Kamishiro Rui.

His Tsukasa-kun, someone seemingly out of reach since he first realized his feelings could no longer be considered as merely platonic anymore.

Tsukasa huffs and lets his hand fall from Rui’s hair “Don’t be so cowardly but then again, I also was scared to say anything”.  He pauses “You let your feelings slip out first, is this how you felt in high school?”. It is so odd to think that far but he had said the beginning. Rui is being vulnerable but Tsukasa isn’t judging him “It’d be cowardly for me to take it back when it’s true, it would hurt my pride”.

“Pride isn’t on the table here, but your heart is! And my heart!”.

The TV still plays softly in the background and the room is still dimly lit. It hadn’t changed in the last few minutes, even as the date had, but something else decided to instead.

Their relationship. Where would it go now?

“You’ve loved me since the beginning and still had the audacity to leave” both know that there was no audacity since Tsukasa had genuinely screwed up that time, but that isn’t relevant right now “Even if we are mismatched, we could make our hearts into one!”.

Rui feels himself inching closer “Fufu, are you trying to wax poetry?”.

“I am trying to express my feelings!” at those words Rui’s eyes quickly flick down to Tsukasa’s lips with a sudden idea popping through his head. If Tsukasa notices that action, he doesn’t say, he becomes more occupied with how Rui is tilting his chin with his hand and how close they suddenly are.

The director wonders if his star can hear his heartbeat.

They don’t say anything but it becomes blaringly obvious Tsukasa expects Rui to be the one to lead them.

So he does, just like how he impulsively did when the clock hit midnight.

“I know a better way to express both of our feelings” Rui mumbles before leaning forward to capture his lips. The kiss is softer this time, less urgent, less tentative. It doesn’t stop at one either because Rui keeps pressing their lips together again and again.

His hands find themselves on Tsukasa’s hips, the star’s hands beginning to tickle the hair on his nape, arms finding comfort in looping around Rui’s neck. He has to lean over to make sure he doesn't strain his back but he adores the feeling too much to care about it.

Soft, tender, perfect. Could words ever desire such a feeling?

Then the bubble fades as Tsukasa disconnects their lips for the last time. Rui resists the urge to start peppering kisses over his flushed face, down his neck just to see if he’d express his joy by laughing.

Rui doesn’t think he can ever pull back willingly now that he knows what it is like to kiss Tsukasa. He says as much. Tsukasa laughs at his eagerness, slowly opening his eyes.

His star tends to want the moments to last longer, to immerse himself in the present.

Tsukasa tucks back the teal strand that had been tickling him as they had kissed, giving Rui a reassuring smile “We can take all the time we need, Rui. We can be as slow as you want”.

Rui places his hand under his chin again “What if I don’t want to be slow? I thought I was communicating that very well”.

“I want it to be like a fireflower” Tsukasa says confidently.

“What–” Rui watches Tsukasa suppress a snort “Are you tipsy?”. He feels a thump and a new weight on his chest, naturally wavy hair tickles his chin “There’s no fireworks, there should be fireworks”.

The area Tsukasa lives in doesn’t have any fireworks in the sky.

“If you’re this much of a lightweight than maybe we should stop” Rui chuckles as he moves the cans off the carpet and places them on the living room table. If it is possible to hear a pout, then Rui can before he sees Tsukasa pout “I’ll drink some water but first you have to go to sleep!”.

“Join me then, we’re only leaving at 5:40 right? You should sleep too” Rui suggests as they both stand up, evidently neither of them wanting to lose the close proximity.

“Then let me set an alarm”.

That is more than enough of an answer for him.

-----------------------------------------

When Tsukasa was a kid, he got to spend this time of year with his family. The one time his sister was miraculously home for the first few months of the year, and he remembers messing with the sparklers under their parents’ supervision before being dazzled by the sun. Neither of the Tenmas were used to staying up this late, but it was fun.

Tsukasa treasured moments like these and he refuses to forget them. He won’t forget them. Maybe next year Rui will be in the right time zone, and they’ll all be awake properly when the clock switches to all zeros, and they’ll buy sparklers and drink cider and all that jazz. Him, Rui, Nene, and Emu.

“Although this time wasn’t so bad, Rui’s too much of a charmer…” deliberately ignoring the fact that the moment he understood his director had reciprocated his feelings for a long time, he essentially pounced.

If Rui were in any crowd, in any audience, Tsukasa would always look for him instinctively.

Watching the first sunrise was always how Tsukasa spent his New Year and this year the people he was sharing this good fortune with were his dear friends.

Tsukasa had successfully made Rui sleep for a few hours so they could join Emu and Nene, and his new boyfriend clung to his arm in a firm grip as he wobbled to their meeting place. He’s still shaking off sleep and those long legs of his nearly make him fall face flat. The only difference in Rui’s appearance is that he is wearing Tsukasa’s scarf instead of his own and the blonde had kept his back at his apartment. Tsukasa keeps their hands together as they make their way through babbling children, food stalls that try to lure them in with their delicious smells, and lanterns that crowd their path. Rui has no objections as the blonde ensures they will not miss the first sunrise of the year.

Maybe next year, they’ll go to the beach instead of the mountains.

“Fufu, Tsukasa-kun is going against the sun” the purple-haired man teases and Tsukasa fires back “I let you sleep for longer! And I’ll be making sure you catch up on all the sleep you missed aboard too”.

Emu’s outfit is the reason he manages to catch sight of them at their chosen spot. The dreamer is sharing candied fruit with the diva. He hears Rui call out to them as Tsukasa goes ahead up the stairs ahead of the director.

Emu’s furisode is mainly pink with peonies and tachibana oranges, fitting for her status as a young adult and symbolizing her wealth and prosperity. Tsukasa thought his kimono fit him as well, alongside his white haori jacket. Nene and Rui had stayed in what they already had on, thicker coats to brave the morning. And of course the aforementioned scarf.

Emu twirls around, the long sleeves flowing out just a little “Tsukasa-kun, you and I are on the same team. That’s so… kera kera!”

“What do you mean by the same team?!”. 

“It’s a good thing ☆!”.

Rui’s sneeze breaks them out of their weird staring contest and Tsukasa notices his appearance is dishevelled again. He wishes he were surprised and his hands react faster than what he recognizes his mind is telling him

“It makes sense, not everyone celebrates the same way. When my family went over to Nene’s for an early New Year's, Auntie would be dressed up with Nene and my mother would be dressed in a tanktop” Rui hums as Tsukasa straightens out his coat “Well this year you and Nene are dressed casually while Emu and I put in effort!”.

“Your logic is skewed. How tired are you, Tsukasa?” Nene mumbles before she recognizes how close the two shownuts have been “Wait”. The sage-haired woman narrows her eyes and Tsukasa can’t help but wonder what he is doing that is suddenly so different.

He tilts his head “Wait what?”.

“What what…?” Rui parrots, seemingly confused as well.

Emu tilts her head in the opposite direction of Tsukasa “What what what ehe!”.

“Okay, we are going off track” Nene brings the conversation back, leading to the big question “Do you two have something you want to tell us?”. Tsukasa has no idea how she managed to catch on so fast.

As much as he hates to admit it, he and Rui did seem to do more… couply stuff even before realising their feelings were mutual. Maybe that added a strange familiarity within their eccentric partnership already, so nothing should look like it changed.

Rui tosses the theoretical mic to him “I don’t know, do we Tsukasa-kun?”. The blush is ever-present even if Tsukasa can’t see it on himself, but he sucks up his flusteredness to unashamedly answer “Yes, we do, but I am not doing so if it causes us to miss the sunrise–”.

And Rui grabs the mic to bring it back “I am Tsukasa-kun’s boyfriend”.

“Boyfriend?” Nene replies with her eyes wide “Like, actually this time?”.

“What on earth do you mean by this time?!” Tsukasa questions as Rui nervously laughs next to him, “Let’s not divulge secrets”.

Emu shakes her hands excitedly "Congratulations! You guys are becoming all wakuwaku!”.

The sun is literally about to rise and here they were talking about a romance that was highly anticipated. “Maybe we were just ignoring the signs for longer than we’d like to admit” Tsukasa huffs out “But none of that matters anymore!”.  “Good, because we don’t need all the details at this very moment” Nene flicks the blonde’s forehead, not attempting to stretch her hand high enough to hit Rui’s “You’re ludicrously stupid. Come on, let’s grab the bag with the ice tea”.

“Nene?! You can’t just call me stupid! Rui’s here as well” he squawks out but lets himself be dragged to the bag. They stand there for less than a few seconds, just out of ear shot, when Nene says “I am happy for you guys, it took you long enough”.

Tsukasa watches her pick up the bag and hand him a can, it’s passion fruit flavoured “Thank you”. The gratitude is for both her words and the can, her words obviously holding more weight than the drink in his hand. He notices that the lucky bags Emu promised to get are in the other bag by her feet.

He still has to ask “How did you know?”.

She simply hums “The way both of you were looking at each other gave it away because it was at the same time”.

In the corner of his eyes, he sees Rui talking briefly with Emu.

“I don’t really understand it, Rui-kun,” Emu says as they wait for Nene and Tsukasa to get back “You and Tsukasa-kun danced around each other for so long”. “Maybe we were both scared” Rui admits “But that doesn’t matter right now, Emu-kun, look over there”.

As Tsukasa brings back the silently requested cans, he follows where Rui is pointing to, over the mountains. The horizon begins to brighten up, gradually of course, and the darkness is slowly fading to the light.

The sun is rising and it’s rising brilliantly, much like how Tsukasa was now shining on stage at his full capacity – a capacity he will continue to increase as he extends his limits.

Oranges, reds, yellows, it’s all so dazzling. All four of them stand in awe as the atmosphere envelops all of them. A moment of shared wonder and wishes, wishes that are hoped to be granted for the new year.

The same sun but with different people, yet Tsukasa always feels such hope for the future.

“We should watch the first sunrise twice” Emu clasps her hands together when the initial rays peak over “Double the good fortune and then we go visit the shrine for the first time”. Tsukasa lets out a laugh “Saki thinks that’ll happen too but that isn’t how it works” and Emu moves her hands to her hips “Shosuke-nii says the same thing, but that never stops me!”.

“Emu… let’s focus on what’s right in front of us” Nene gently shushes her and Emu understands, choosing to quiet down and lean into the taller girl’s shoulder.

The present should never be forgotten, he mimics Emu and rests his head on Rui’s shoulder. Thankfully, the area they picked was less packed with a great view, so Tsukasa indulges himself and links their hands together. Maybe Tsukasa is just clinging to the sudden unspoken permission for close proximity, it had taken them one day to admit years of feelings after all.

“I am glad I was able to love you from the beginning” Rui murmurs as he rubs Tsukasa’s knuckles with his thumbs “That’s what I’m going to sing to the sky”. Rui’s eyes portray how glad he was to have been able to love him from the beginning and Tsukasa suddenly has an incredibly hard time looking at the sunrise.

The sunrise they came here to watch in the first place. 

His feelings are really uncontrollable right now. Is this how Rui felt when he tried to confess at graduation? How he felt wishing that he could tell Tsukasa his feelings were reciprocated? Even though Rui thought Tsukasa could never love him in that way.

Like isn’t a strong enough word to describe his trust in Rui, a word like love is only the beginning of it.

That kiss as the clock hit twelve, even if the starry sky wasn’t visible, it was a trace of the miracle the two shared. The miracle of Rui accepting Tsukasa’s invitation back into their troupe – the troupe that had become home to him.

“The sunrise really looks like a fireflower” Tsukasa acknowledges before nodding “Very well, you may do so while the sky is fit for such an occasion!”. Maybe it would work better with fireworks as well but Tsukasa isn’t picky, quickly posing in pose #233 dubbed ‘the pose I make while waiting for positive news’.

Tsukasa fully expects Rui to start singing his praises, but instead he hears him suppressing a laugh before leaving a quick kiss to Tsukasa’s forehead “Don’t laugh at me! You should be doing so in a heartbeat!”.

“Oh what must I do to gain your forgiveness my dear star–” Tsukasa kisses him instead this time, on the lips. He no longer has to wait until the day a huge flower blooms into the sky because Rui was now next to him in the way he dreamt about. He and Rui are different people, yet it seems that their hearts never stopped longing to make a big spark together.

His smile feels wonderful against his own. 

And the way Rui’s face brightens up is also wonderful.