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Today was a day… well, do days even pass in this place? But anyway, today was the weirdest day of all the ones she’d spent at the circus so far.
The new dynamic of skipping an adventure by vote initially threw her off, and, let’s be honest, she still hadn’t fully gotten used to it; however, she’d also be lying if she said she didn’t like it at all.
In fact, she could say that she was finally enjoying an adventure in this digital hell.
Her red-and-blue dilated eyes remained fixed on the red canopy of her new bed, which was noticeably larger than her body—or, rather, her avatar. Immobile on the mattress, without feeling the slightest texture of it, she replayed everything that had happened before over and over, as if it were a movie projected in her head. It was very strange: being “president.” Engaging in a pleasant conversation with the other circus members in a mundane setting, such as a bar. Or playing a simple competitive sport, which evoked the years when her human body struggled to keep up with others in the athletic arena.
But above all, those specific moments when her dynamic with Jax seemed, for brief seconds, to evolve.
It almost seemed to come out of nowhere; suddenly the rabbit stopped making his deliberate remarks to her at Spudsy’s, as if he were genuinely trying to start a “normal” conversation. Then, forcing her to star in an adventure, and afterward, coming up with his unpredictable apology at the bar. Finally, he let her get closer, mentioning her from time to time in unrelated conversations, even including her when she wasn’t aware of what was going on—like the time he implied she’d agree with him in one of the hundreds of ridiculous arguments he had with Zooble, which always ended up going nowhere.
At first, their relationship was… irrelevant, somewhat complicated, like all the others Jax was involved in. But she realized too late how, little by little, Jax’s attitude had gone from annoying her to attracting her indescribably.
She sighed; now, because of that, she couldn’t sleep—or even feel like she could.
She sat up in bed, using both arms to prop herself up lazily. With a quick leap, she jumped out of bed, barely stumbling as her feet hit the floor; she clicked her tongue: she hates being this short.
When she slipped out through the door, closing it as quietly as she could, she eyed the other doors in the hallway with uncertainty; a bitter taste flooded her mouth as she made out faces and figures crossed out on most of them, camouflaged by the dim light.
She had never really paid them proper attention.
With the idea that she was the only one wandering the desolate hallways, she headed out of the sleeping quarters, accompanied only by the echo of her footsteps. In no time she reached the ground floor of the eerily deserted circus. She couldn’t sleep, and the desire to do so had long since vanished, so what better than a “nighttime” stroll to help her relax? Even if it’s just one that helps her forget everything for a good while.
It’s not like it’s forbidden, right? She doubted Caine would suddenly appear out of nowhere to stop her. Likewise, she would make sure to return to her room before the glaring sun alerted the members to the start of another splendid “day” at the circus.
She flexed, clenched, and spread the fingers of her gloved hands, which hung inert at her sides, out of discomfort at not knowing what to do with them as she continued her aimless walk. She thought about stopping in the main room where she and the others spend most of their time, with decorative objects of absurd proportions, colorful armchairs to lounge in, and a small table in the center to lend it a touch of everyday life. But this time she wanted to venture a little further, ruling out the outside since she wasn’t sure she was allowed to go out.
Ah, yes, this wasn’t her first time.
In a way, it was like her strange “hobby,” so to speak. When she trespassed into abandoned facilities and buildings.
Remembering it didn’t evoke any nostalgic or pleasant feeling; back then, her life was miserable.
As she walked near a giant red toy block, she managed to make out a sound, a voice. For a moment it sounded like a growl, so she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes wide with surprise; she hadn’t imagined anyone else was there with her. She turned her head slowly, with dramatic intent, hesitating between discovering who was behind the structure or turning a deaf ear and retracing her steps to her beloved room. She moved one foot back, but was stopped by her curiosity to discover the hidden identity, to find out which member of the circus, of all of them, had also chosen to skip their sleep hours.
In the end, her innate desire to investigate won out.
Approaching silently, she leaned in slightly as soon as her hands touched the block. With the first, vague glance, she spotted several sheets of paper scattered on the floor, some covered in chaotic strokes and crossed-out scribbles; the image of Gangle immediately flashed through her mind. In part, she felt relieved; the one with the red ribbons is calm and shy, but she would probably let Pomni approach her. They could keep each other silent but warm company. The jester had no trouble imagining Gangle wandering around this setting alone just to draw in peace, anyways.
With a lopsided smile, she revealed herself completely, stepping out of her hiding place.
“Oh—hey, Gangle, I didn’t mean to scare you…” she fell silent, the hand she’d initially raised to gesture a greeting now frozen in mid-air in response to what her eyes saw before her.
Sitting with a sheet of paper resting on the knees of his long legs drawn up to his chest and a pencil in hand, Jax spun violently toward Pomni, his purple ears—and indeed his entire being—tensed and stood rigid, while his eyes, entirely black like pupils, formed tiny, surprised squares surrounded by intensely yellow sclera.
Both were stunned, unsure of what to do or say; Pomni never thought she’d run into the other so quickly again, or at least not like this.
Pomni swallowed, averting her gaze for a few seconds before refocusing it on the purple rabbit. What should she say in this situation?
Moreover, she just realized: Is Jax drawing?!
Like a hurricane of nerves, Jax tossed the pencil and made the sheets he was holding vanish in the blink of an eye, then stretched out his leg to cover the other papers scattered beside him with his paw.
“What the [@#&!?] are you doing here?!” He dragged his paw inside, manipulating the evidence away from Pomni.
“What are you doing here?” Pomni raised an eyebrow, emphasizing that he was there while scrutinizing the room and a noticeably nervous, surprised Jax.
Jax stared at her with furrowed brows until he sighed, squeezing his eyelids shut as his ears drooped slightly. Pomni laced her fingers behind her back, clearly uncomfortable with the scene that had unfolded. At some point, the silence became deafening; perhaps she really should have listened to her subconscious when it had the idea to return to her precious room.
“I… I didn’t know that… well, you drew.” She laughed, muttered under her breath and looked away again. Inside, she was screaming for help; with all her being, she longed to dispel the incredibly awkward tension of the situation.
Jax let out a snort, somewhere between amused and annoyed, and turned his attention back to Pomni. “Congrats. You’ve discovered the eighth wonder of the world. Now what? You’re not gonna tell the others, are you?” his tone shifted to his typical drawling, nonchalant manner, as if he’d never jumped in his seat like a skittish animal when the jester appeared.
Pomni watched as the other leaned slightly toward her, one eyebrow cocked defiantly and his yellow smile widening at each corner of his face with a mocking air; his dark eyes returned to normal.
She, now more accustomed to this treatment and these mannerisms, didn’t flinch, crossing her arms as she smiled wryly, her eyelids slightly narrowed. Who would have thought she'd discover so many things about Jax in less than forty-eight hours.
“Well, I know someone who’d lose her mind if she found out about this; who knows, maybe you’ll even find yourself a drawing partner.” She insinuated, clearly referring to the girl with the double mask.
"Ha, wow, how funny, Pompom."
Pomni blinked twice—was that a pet name?
“You already think you’ll take advantage of me because of this, right?” his voice dropped a few decibels, his smile widened so much it hurt to look at it. “I want to see you try it, and see who manages to believe you.”
Pomni rolled her eyes as soon as Jax settled in, placing both arms behind his head and leaning back against the giant block, adding the equally carefree gesture of crossing his legs.
“Oh, I bet Zooble will bully you for life.” Pomni mentioned, in a supposedly threatening way, taking several steps forward as she spoke. The discomfort turned out to be a fleeting feeling between them.
Jax furrowed his brow slightly, still raising his signature inquisitive eyebrow. His smile remained unchanged as he tilted his head slightly, looking at the shorter one.
“I doubt anyone takes your delusions seriously, Clowny.”
Pomni sighed wearily, ironically causing her to start missing the old “Pompom.” With a nonchalant movement, she dropped to the floor beside Jax, mimicking his initial action: drawing her legs up until they touched her chest. There was still a small distance between them.
“So… what are you doing here, anyway? Getting all serious over something you call ‘absurd’?” Pomni smiled mockingly, forming quotation marks with her index and middle fingers.
“Tch, you love gossip, don’t you?” Jax rolled his eyes with feigned annoyance. Pomni let out a dry laugh.
“Don’t act like you don’t,” she reached to her right, playfully nudging the other with her elbow and laughing softly.
It would have been a much bolder move on the jester’s part if Jax hadn’t joined in her quiet, momentary laughter. Well, he was the one who struck up a conversation with her during the adventure and then. Basically, a few hours ago.
“It’s… nothing. Just something stupid. I was curious, that’s it.” His eyes stared straight ahead; for a moment they weren’t intensely dilated, his smile trembled ever so slightly, but he quickly regained his composure. “It’s not like there’s anything more entertaining around here, either,” he muttered, that sarcastic edge returning to his voice, shrugging his shoulders.
He wanted to end the conversation right there, it was obvious; however, Pomni now seemed genuinely interested in this spontaneous exchange they were having.
She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little surprised at how the rabbit told her that without so much struggle, as if he’d forgotten that his character has a whole complex personality and a huge, unstable pride to maintain.
Pomni lowered her gaze to her two bicolored hands, intertwined and resting on her pale, raised knees, unconsciously stroking the back of her glove with her thumb, wondering to herself whether she should keep pressing or let go of that opportunity for better progress between them.
She decided to take a chance.
“…Can I see them?" she pointed to the drawings.
Jax scoffed under his breath.
“Don't get overconfident, clown.”
Pomni sighed deliberately loudly, annoyed. “I’m not a clown! I’m... uhm, a jester?” Jax smiled at her with an expression dripping with irony; his entire demeanor, with that damned raised eyebrow, already telegraphed from afar all the mocking comments he might make. At this, Pomni chose to snort. “The thing is you don’t have the right to act so indifferent when you were the one who wanted to tell me things.” She raised a finger at him accusingly, with her index finger.
“Hmph, yeah, as if I’d told you my whole life. Well, what about ya? Don’t you have any little secret you’d like to tell me? You have to keep up.”
The comment caught Pomni off guard.
“Well, uh…” she looked down at the black-and-white tiled floor for a moment. Did she even have anything to say? She felt like she’d already said too much in that phony bar she’d been in. “I don’t know. I already told you my life was pretty boring.”
“Right, I forgot you’re not as interesting as I am.”
Idiot.
The jester turned her head away from Jax, lowering it slightly to rest on her knees, while wrapping her arms around his legs. Jax was surprised to see that the two-toned eyes were no longer fixed on him, analyzing him. They got lost in an invisible point.
“You’re right.” The purple ears perked up discreetly after hearing her say that. “Monotony was suffocating me with each passing day. My mornings were always the same; my commute to and from work was tedious, nothing ever changed—it was always the same: wake up, get ready, work, come home, collapse on the couch, maybe have a beer while looking for an entertaining movie, until I fell asleep.” She recounted, her face showing not a trace of distress or annoyance, her voice unchanged, with no hint of melancholy—she simply said it like that: frankly.
Jax didn’t say anything, didn’t make any double entendres, nor did he try to steer the conversation elsewhere. He remained there, listening, with a completely different, unusual expression.
Intrigued.
Without his mocking smile.
Only genuine interest was reflected in his eyes.
“At one point, I finally got tired of working in a supermarket, tired of having no one to talk to, tired of not being taken seriously, fed up with not being someone in society. So I came up with the silly idea of exploring abandoned places. Before, I’d see those people uploading original content online, and I couldn’t resist the urge to try something similar to break out of my routine. Well, visiting buildings covered in graffiti and filled with homeless people wasn’t anything new.”
Pomni fell silent for a few seconds, sighed softly, and turned her head toward Jax.
She saw him serene, right there beside her.
He was listening.
Which, deep down, Pomni was extremely grateful for.
“After that, it didn’t take long for me to end up here. Sometimes I wonder what happened to my camera. They must have sold it; it was the most expensive thing I ever bought for myself.”
After that, silence began to emanate from them.
The thought that she had said too much crossed Pomni’s mind, but honestly, she felt more liberated than embarrassed. Why would she be, to begin with? It’s not like it’s not the most common story someone could tell you.
She was just another face in the crowd—after all.
At least her depressing narration helped to lighten the invisible weight on her shoulders a bit. One that hasn’t stopped growing since her stay in this place.
Pomni cleared her throat discreetly, furrowing her brow slightly after noticing how quiet her companion was.
“What’s wrong? Did my tragic origin story make you feel sorry for me?” she asked, at first with a playful tone, mimicking the eyebrow raise Jax often gave her. “Because your silence answers me as if I’d told you a great tragedy.”
Jax seemed to snap awake just then, letting out a soft “huh?” that made him shift his body against the structure supporting him. “What? Pfft.” He rolled his eyes, placing his arms at his sides; his exaggeratedly nonchalant posture faded into the background. “Nah, but it’s definitely bland, no doubt. And on top of that, you still haven’t told me a secret! Come on, Pomni, you’re not hiding it from me, are you?
And Jax was still Jax.
The aforementioned woman didn’t say a word, even when she should have. Her face was serene, as if she no longer cared much about what that part of Jax was telling her.
This distorted his smile, ostensibly taken aback by such a response to his usual behavior.
He tilted his head, like a curious cat.
“…I imagine you should be grateful for every second you spend in this chaotic circus of lunatics, right?” and he kept chattering, still determined not to be ignored. He remained clinging to his attempts at provocation, to his ineffable way of refusing to be resigned to having the last word.
Pomni, with a weary expression and fully aware of what he was trying to do, snorted derisively, shaking her head slightly.
“I should have just kept my mouth shut.”
Jax’s ears twitched, and as soon as he caught sight of Pomni’s tiny smile, hidden behind her arms, his yellowish, sardonic grin returned in all its glory.
“Nah, you had to. Otherwise, how would you convince me to open up to you like a poor, insecure, emotionally repressed little chicken?” he forced a childish tone, tilted his head toward Pomni, and phrased the words in a specific way, as he always did:
Through his teeth.
Pomni fixed her gaze on him. She laughed, not because she found the action funny.
She laughed at how complex yet at the same time so obvious it was to read Jax.
She raised an ironic eyebrow, throwing out something the rabbit wouldn’t expect.
“You make up a lot of excuses.” When she spoke, the other slowly turned his ears toward her, confused, his mask trembling on his face. “It seems to me you’re only hiding this because you’re afraid you’re not as good as Gangle, or am I wrong?”
The rabbit seemed to drop his self-imposed facade in just a few seconds. He frowned slightly, as if Pomni had hit the nail on the head. He maintained his subtle surprise, lost in her pale, painted-cheeked face, scrutinizing her from head to toe.
Then, brazenly, he acted as if nothing had happened.
He sighed softly, as if lamenting something. He smiled unexpectedly. “You’re not leaving until you see them, huh?”
Pomni immediately returned the smile, shrugging her shoulders slightly. It was as if she were saying with a simple gesture: 'I don’t know, you tell me.'
“I’ve already told you everything I had to tell you, so it’s only fair to pay me what I deserve. If you still want me to keep your horrible secret.” Pomni retaliated.
A quick, fleeting laugh escaped Jax.
Maybe the jester really did earn some answers.
His smile remained the same, but this one was different from the others.
Parsimoniously, he pull out the scribbled sheets of paper he’d kept out of the jester’s reach.
“Whatever.”
The circus’s main hall was filled primarily with silence, mysterious noises from outside, and the sound of two voices of different timbres immersed in their own world. At that moment, Pomni forgot the strange, annoying feeling that had been plaguing her day, because of all the somewhat realistic adventures Caine had created, she considered what she was now living and experiencing with that digital avatar to be far better. Much better than everything that’s happened during this time in general. One filled with adversity after adversity.
For the first time, she had an honest conversation with him, with someone who is not a NPC.
For the first time, she witnessed the first genuine smile among all those trapped there.
His.
Maybe Jax wasn’t pure cruelty, as Ragatha and Zooble kept insisting.
Maybe a friendship between the two of them wasn’t crazy.
…
“Geez, you really can’t take a joke, can’t you?”
She was wrong.
The gun trembled in her hand; every fiber of her being seemed to make it do so. She experienced distressing emotions in such a short time that she still couldn’t fully process the information. Everything that had happened between them—what they’d talked about, what they’d shared—vanished like an idea, a fleeting moment, like the gray clouds of bad weather that quickly dissipate to make way for the sun. Her disbelief reached the point of numbness when he told her so bluntly that their “friendship” had never meant anything, because it had never existed.
That this team was worth little, and even less if one of them got abstracted.
It angered, frustrated, and irritated her how brazenly he appeared while hiding behind lies.
Because she knew he was doing it. Shielding himself with lies—yet giving himself away all the same.
That’s why, with a deep breath, she stopped turning her back and tossed the gun at him without worrying where it was actually aimed.
She shouted at him with all her might, the truth the other wouldn’t accept: “You’re not the funny one!” she shouted, then lunged forward with lightning speed. Her hands clamped precisely around the other’s neck with more force than necessary, growling and squeezing until her digital fingers trembled with the effort; Jax began to make agonized noises once he was deprived of air. Pomni was able to anticipate the other’s next move to defend himself; the proximity of his leg, poised to push her away, confirmed it. She loosened her grip on the elongated neck, ready to pull away on her own before the taller one forced her to by force. But the shove never came.
Pomni frowned, waiting the rabbit’s new expression beneath her: catching its breath, the irritating yellow smile appeared. Although twisted, it abruptly appeared on his purple face. His dark eyes turned into barely visible squares, but what disconcerted Pomni most wasn’t that, but rather how the yellow-gloved hands embraced hers still positioned very close to his neck. Pomni hissed as she felt the pressure Jax’s hands were now exerting, as if he wanted to stop the choking without completely removing the trembling contact of her hands from his neck.
Pomni blinked when she heard Jax chuckle under his breath, just like all the other times. Except there was something strange, something deeper.
“I-I thought you were old enough to throw tantrums.”
Pomni’s anger flared; he can’t be serious.
“Oh… wait—are you seriously thinking we were friends?!” He laughs louder. His narrowed eyes looked at her condescendingly, so intently that an involuntary pang of regret shot through her from head to toe.
Pomni’s breathing grew ragged; for a few seconds she felt the strength drain from her arms. Jax’s grip was firm—if she had a real body, he’d have left marks on her wrists by now.
“Stop acting like you don’t care!” The rabbit let out a whimper, then another; Pomni gritted her teeth until they ground together when she realized Jax was still laughing in her face. She was still being made fun of. Her voice struggled to keep from breaking as she blurted out: “I don’t find it funny, Jax! Why does nothing matter to you? Why does everything have to be a joke?!”
The black eyes underwent a drastic change: they dilated like a cat’s pupils, leaving almost no yellow. Next, the grip on the jester’s wrists vanished. Jax arched his eyebrows downward as if everything coming out of Pomni’s mouth was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard.
“First of all, I don’t care about you. Or anyone in this circus in the slightest.”
With a direct shove to her stomach that knocked the wind out of her, Pomni was thrown backward, slamming into a toy block with a dull thud that stunned her as the impact shot up into her head. Two objects fell from the top of the structure. Pomni didn’t hesitate to sit up using her arms, head bowed, breathing rapidly.
She growled, clenching her hands on the translucent floor that reflected her anger back at her.
Jax regained his composure, rising to his knees in a swift motion, took a deep breath, and exhaled with a resigned grunt.
“This is already awkward.” He ran a hand behind his head, trying to mask his nerves with a new facade. He rested both hands on his waist, lowering his head slightly as he spoke to Pomni. “See? You should have shot me; we would have been done with th—” He cut himself off when an object came hurtling past, crossing right in front of his eyes and narrowly missing him. He jumped back, his eyes wide, barely managing to dodge it. Although an artificial flowerpot fulfilled the original objective of the first throw: to hit him in the face.
Jax shook his head, utter confusion etched on his face. When he turned around, Pomni was already running full speed toward him, like a scene from a horror movie. The jester embraced him, and then angrily bit his elongated leg, prompting the taller one reacted by shoving her away with a push of his hand.
"Fight back!" she demanded.
“Are you crazy?!”
“I said fight back!”
Pomni screamed furiously, clambering onto the slender body to deliver uneven blows and wild scratches left and right.
"Stop!" Jax finally reacted.
His ears were twisted, his expression completely dejected. He slammed Pomni to the ground, his chest heaving violently as he gasped for breath. In fact, they could both hear the echo of their loud pantings.
"What is wrong with you?!" he exclaimed angrily.
“Why didn’t you fight back?” Pomni looked at him with the same feeling, and once again she was seen kneeling.
“Oh, here we go…” he muttered, pressing two fingers to his forehead before abruptly pulling them away in a violent gesture. “Are you seriously still going on about that?! Do you think the fact that I don’t attack you is because I secretly care about you?! I’ve already made it clear to you!” he spat at her face, pronouncing the word “secretly” with disgust, mockery, and sarcasm as he quickly jabbed one of his fingers into the jester’s chest, judging her. “I never did it… And this little charade won’t change a [@#&!?] thing!”
Now, Pomni didn’t know what to do. She tried to confront him, but Jax switched and played with his personality like some kind of toy.
Jax kept talking, justifying himself. Pomni’s eyebrows arched downward as the other spat more venom at her.
He didn’t treat anyone like real people. He has always seen them as archetypes, as if they were an inanimate object, his toys.
Out of helplessness, Pomni clenched her hands into fists. She felt pathetic lying on the floor, forced to swallow all the rabbit’s blather.
She hated it, she hated that so much that the urge to strangle him until that fake yellow smile was wiped off his face forever surged more intensely than ever; however, she couldn’t find the strength to do it, or even to get up. She hated admitting how much his treatment of her hurt. Wasn’t the real world supposed to no longer exist here? Why does she feel her chest gripped by a crushing fear? This isn’t her original body; it wasn’t her broken-down body. So why does she feel her heart racing?
It was so terrifyingly real.
The knot closing off her throat is more present than she’d like to admit.
Even if he spoke to her without sarcasm.
Even if they worked well as a team.
Even if they had fun…
None of that mattered to him.
She still couldn’t wrap her head around how he swore he’d treated her like a pawn for his entertainment. Only feeding even more the fantasy of something more between them.
He had used her like just a thing to play…
And then throw away.
“There’s nothing more to me...”
Jax spoke with an exhausted tone.
He turned his back on her.
“So, please, just stop looking.”
The thumping of his purple feet grew fainter as he moved farther away. A beep pierced Pomni’s invisible ears, breaking the dense silence that filled the space.
At one point she lost sight of Jax, who left behind the last person he could ever care about.
Pomni didn’t move an inch
She held her breath
She didn’t utter a peep.
She stood there, watching him leave.
Her two-toned eyes remained wide as she watched him disappear.
Her anger faded away, and the irritation turned into pain.
On his saddened face, no frown was ever seen again.
Should she have gone after him?
Was it right to let everything end like this?
No.
It would be the same.
There’s no one so deaf as the person who doesn’t want to hear.