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The realization comes to him when he's laying down, his eyes blankly staring at the ceiling when he tries to recall the sound of her laugh. Mike tries closing his eyes to imagine it properly, but panic starts to rise in his chest when he couldn't conjure up a single echo of her soft giggles.
The realization that the only thing he could still vividly remember, were her last few words to him. The one that haunted him for so long and still does. Two words. "Goodbye, Mike."
His breathing becomes shaky, his chest aching, and slowly his eyes started to squint due to the tears forming.
Mike immediately sat up, hoping to find something that could remind him of the sound of what was once so familiar and vivid.
He never even thought that this could happen, Mike made sure to write everything about her including her voice. So how could he have forgotten?
"Stupid, so stupid." He muttered to himself yet his voice still cracked, rubbing his temples as if it could help in recalling.
When nothing still came up, Mike rushed to get up to grab a notebook—the one he specifically dedicated to write about the real personality of the girl he now sees as his muse.
His fingers quickly went through the pages, already memorized the entire placement of each phrase he wrote down. Finally, he finds it and his eyes scans the entire page as soon as his gaze landed on it. There were certain spots that had a stain on it, and you could tell that it was his tears. He couldn't count the amount of times his tears dropped onto the paper.
'Soft spoken'
'Sometimes monotone but became softer, full of emotions when she was with the people she loves, and when she was with me.'
Then her laugh:
'Warm'
'Gentle'
'A sign that she's comfortable with me'
Mike tried harder to remember, visualizing her face when she would giggle—her eyes wide, her head would tilt, and sometimes her smile would spread a bit slowly like she was testing the waters.
It was painful to remember the fact that her entire life, there were only a few times she could laugh freely without any burden on her shoulders and it was short lived. If only he got to give El happier experiences, maybe it would've convinced her to fight harder... but that train of thought wasn't fair because that would disregard the hardships she went through just to save a world that was cruel to her.
If only someone had a recording, Mike would've played it over and over again like it was a broken record.
A faint memory of her voice finally came to him, but now he's not so sure that he's got the sound of it right. It felt like he was making it up.
His knees felt weaker at the thought, prompting him to just squat down and take it all in. Mike could barely register the wetness on his cheeks, too deep into his thoughts.
What if one day, he would also forget her face? Her smell? The feeling of her warm embrace? Mike doesn't want to live long enough for that to happen.
Eventually, he gathers enough strength to lay back down and welcome sleep. Praying to any God out there that she would come to his dreams and remind him of everything that he must have forgotten.
Sleep was his only comfort now, because that meant he could dream about her and the life they should've had. Until he grows older, and those dreams eventually fades like the memory of her laughter.