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To say she was nervous was an understatement. These upcoming months were the biggest to date of her figure skating career, and any mistake now could be detrimental to her shot at the upcoming winter Olympics. Phoebe had been skating since she could walk, that's what happens when your dads are former NHL players, and as much fun as Hockey tots was, figure skating always had her heart. Phoebe had started learning to figure skate when she was five and since then her dream has always been to compete in the olympics just like her dads once did, and now she was finally 17 which meant she was old enough to qualify.
Currently Phoebe was standing in line waiting for her turn to compete in Skate Canada International which would be the deciding factor in whether or not she made it The Grand Prix Final. She had done well at Skate America which got her halfway to competing in the GPF, but in order for her to fully secure her spot her routine today had to be perfect. She had been practicing this routine for over 8 months but still each time when it came to performing it she still felt extremely un-prepared.
“You’re up next kid, you got this” Meredith, Phoebe’s longtime coach, came up next to her. “You’ve done this a million times, heck you could probably do it in your sleep, just remember not to get ahead of yourself, focus on your current steps.”
Phoebe had a tendency to think too far ahead in her routines which caused her to mess up or lose track of the music sometimes. She wasn’t focused on that right now though, her focus was on her dads faces in the crowd, she knew she couldn’t disappoint them.
“Yes right I got this.” Phoebe finally responds to her coach. She heard the music for the previous skater stop and the roar of applause that came after. Right before stepping onto the ice she reminded herself of the conversation she had had with her dad earlier, Shane’s words still rang in her head, “We may not be related by blood, but you share your father and I’s spirit, don’t forget that.” and how could she?
Phoebe steps out onto the rink and circles a few times while waiting for her introduction. It might just be the built up nerves but right now the lights feel so much brighter than normal and she has this weird feeling in her stomach. Phoebe doesn’t have time to worry about that now as she hears the announcer begin her introduction, first in English then in French.
“Representing Canada, Phoebe Hollander-Rozanova. Représentan le Canada, Phoebe Hollander-Rozanova” The sound of the announcer fills the air and Phoebe skates towards the center of the rink.
Her routine was to the song Night Shift, some had cautioned her against this choice of music because it was not the most elegant pick for a female figure skater, but she was known to break the mold a little and why would she make an exception now? To go along with her song her costume featured an ombré base of charcoal-black covered in crystals that swirled into an iridescent teal and bruised violet, mimicking oil on wet pavement which was finished with hand-sewn metallic shards on the shoulders and jagged mesh slashes to create a modern silhouette. It was a stunning costume and Phoebe could go on for days about the fine details and the symbolism behind it all but that wasn’t what the judges were looking for.
Phoebe took one last look up at her Dads smiling faces, then got into the starting position for her routine. The rising feeling in her stomach stayed persistent but the music started and she was fully focused on her performance. The beginning of her routine was minimal when it came to skating, but contained some of her most difficult jumps such as the Quad Salchow and the Triple Axel, these combined with the quieter music made the landings seem effortless, which they very much weren’t, but she was able to execute them well. As the bass and percussion of the song entered, her skating became more expansive and began building tension. She was using the full ice now, skating faster and adding in spins.
At this point in her routine, mentally Phoebe was feeling great. She was hitting her skills perfectly, but physically something definitely felt off. She just had to push through a little longer though, she had a minute left of her routine, this included her more intense sequence of spins at high speeds then power pulls. This was followed by a 30 second choro section containing a cantilever followed by a final, high-speed jump combination right on the final drum beat to secure the 10% second-half bonus before hitting her final pose.
As she entered the second turn of her sequence something strange happened, Phoebe’s body stiffened and she felt herself hit the ice just before passing out. When she woke up she was on a stretcher being carried off the ice into the back rooms. She could hear people trying to speak to her but she was having trouble making out what they were saying, she was dizzy and disoriented. Eventually she was able to make out a few words, it was a voice she knew well, her father’s, the Russian accent gave it away.
“Phoebe, can you hear me, Phoebe” Ilya repeated.
Phoebe looked to the side and could see, although a little blurry, her dads face. “Yea” Phoebe responds in a low tone.
“Hey we’re right here don’t worry” She hears a little clearer, but this time it came from her other side and had a much more Canadian accent.
Phoebe looked to the opposite side to see her other dads worried expression, and she could now feel his hand gripped tightly around hers.
“What” Is all she was able to make out but luckily it was enough to get her point across. Once they got further into the back or the arena the medics carrying her stopped and transferred her over to a bed. Before they began rolling her to the ambulance she was given a moment to pick up on her surroundings.
“Pheebs you had a seizure during your routine.” Shane spoke slowly and clearly. “We’re going to the hospital but Ilya and I will be with you the whole time.”
“Ok” Phoebe can see clearly now and is surrounded by EMTs, along with her dads and her coach. They start rolling the bed until they make it outside where the ambulance was waiting. Once they make it into the ambulance the EMTs start asking questions.
“Can you tell me your full name?” One asks
“Phoebe Irina Hollander-Rozanova” She responds shortly after.
“And do you know what city we are in?” He continues.
“Ottawa, Canada”
“Good ok thank you and we are just going to put this on your finger to check your O2” The other EMT says placing a small monitor on her finger.
“How are you feeling?” Ilya chimes in.
“My head really hurts, and I'm so tired” She responds a bit slurred.
“Ok well we’ll get you something for your head when we get to the hospital, but for right now it's really important you stay awake for us ok.” The EMT then turns over to Shane and Ilya to ask them some questions. “Are either of you her biological parent?”
“No she’s adopted” Shane responds. The truth is Phoebe looks like she could be biologically related to either of them due to her part japanese part eastern european descent but that was just a coincidence.
“I see, we just ask in case there’s any important family medical history we would need to know about” The EMT shares.
“We understand,” Ilya replies.
“And you said this was her first time ever having a seizure?” The other EMT asks.
“Yes, that we know of. We adopted her at 18 months, so for sure none since then.” Shane says, then looks over at Ilya for reassurance.
“And has she had any major head injuries recently such as a concussion?”
“Nope none” Shane responds.
Phoebe’s head is still hurting and her muscles feel sore like she had just finished a very intense workout, which reminds her, her routine was ruined along with her chance at the GPF.
“I never finished my routine, I was doing so well” She looked over to her dads and tears began to well in her eyes.
Ilya’s face softened, “It's ok you still have 2 months until the olympic trials, that’s plenty of time.”
“I actually had a chance at the Grand Prix, it was supposed to be my chance for improvement before the Olympic trials.” Phoebe pleads with her dad.
Shane grabs her hand, “Your routine is amazing, you said it yourself, right now what we need to focus on is getting you better so you can shine at the Canadian National Skating Championships”
Phoebe knew he was right but she had everything all planned out and now she doesn’t know what's going to happen. “Even if I make it to the Olympics my standings are going to be much lower than they should be.”
“I know you had everything planned, trust me I get it, but you’re still in this no matter your standings.” Shane’s voice was soft, comforting.
The ambulance stopped and the EMTs stood up so they could take her inside.
“We’re gonna hand you off to some doctors to get checked out ok?” One of the EMTs tells her.
“Ok” Phoebe replies as she’s brought inside the hospital her dads still by her side. She’s brought to a room and has her vials checked.
“We’re going to have a doctor come do a neuro consultation on you, but while you wait I'll bring you a go to get changed into. Is there anything else you need?” The nurse asks after finishing up her assessment.
“I’m pretty cold and my head still really hurts.” Phoebe responds. She's still in her costume but her skates are nowhere to be found, they must’ve taken them off while she was passed out.
“Well I'll talk to your Doctor about getting you something for your head and I’ll bring you a blanket with your gown.” The nurse responds then leaves the room.
Phoebe is left alone in the room with her dads now. They are both sitting in chairs next to each other that are placed up against the wall.
“I’m sorry that I let you guys down, I really did try to push through. Instead I just embarrassed myself in front of everyone.” Honestly Phoebe knows that she really let herself down more than anything and she can tell from the surprised looks on her dads faces.
“Let us down, no you never let us down” Shane begins.
Ilya interrupts, “We are so proud of you. You work so hard, we really couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.”
“He’s right” Shane chimes back in.
“So you weren't mad at me?”
“Of course not, we were scared for sure but what kind of parents would we be if we got mad at our daughter for something completely out of her control.” Ilya adds.
There's a knock at the door and the nurse comes in. “So I have a blanket and gown for the lady and some paper work for the parents.” She hands the gown and blanket to Phoebe and a clipboard to Shane. “I’ll let you get dressed and the doctor should be in shortly.” The nurse then leaves again.
Shane got to work on filling out the papers and Ilya helped Phoebe carefully take off her costume so she didn’t risk messing it up before the trials. Phoebe felt a lot more comfortable no longer wearing the tight costume, but she did feel slightly exposed in the gown. Luckily she was able to cover up a little more with the blanket the nurse brought her. After a few minutes there was another knock at the door.
“Hi I’m Dr. Night and I’ll be your neurologist.” The doctor is a tall guy in his mid thirties who seems to love his job.
“Nice to meet you” both Shane and Ilya shake his hand.
“So I took a look at your chart and your vitals look pretty good so no concern there. You seem very healthy which I would expect for an athlete at your level. That being said there’s a few things that could’ve caused you to have Seizure. At your age these seemingly random seizures could be caused by things like stress, hormones, or sleep deprivation. We can pretty much rule out it being caused by a head trauma but I'd still like to do a CT just in case. If that is inconclusive then we’ll likely have to keep you here overnight for observation.” Dr. Night explained.
“She was also complaining about her head hurting. Is she able to get something for that now?” Ilya asks the doctor.
“Yes she can, I’ll have the nurse bring her something when she comes to take her up for the CT.” He replies.
“Thank you” Ilya says as the doctor leaves.
“You know that doctor isn’t even going to be able to tell his friends he met two of the most successful NHL players.” Phoebe says laughing and looking over at her dads.
“What’ll suck more is in February when he’ll have met 3 olympians and won’t be able to tell his friends.” Shane points out.
“Oh yes that will suck very much for him” Ilya agrees. And the 3 of them laugh and joke together for a little bit before the nurse comes back to give Phoebe medicine (finally) and take her up to CT.
Once Phoebe got back from CT there was just more waiting to do. Shane called his parents, who had been at the competition cheering Phoebe on, to give them updates as well as her coach.
“You know I remember once when I was in the Hospital with your dad” Ilya shares.
“Oh really?” Phoebe loved hearing stories about what her parents got up to when they were younger but she was unsure where this was going.
“Oh yes it was before we were officially dating back when he played for Montreal and I played for Boston.” Ilya starts,
“Oh goodness Ilya you’re going to embarrass me” Shane says his cheeks going red.
“No, no is sweet. You see we were playing a game against each other and Shane just couldn’t keep his eyes off me.”
“Thats not true I looked back at you for just a few seconds”
“Well a few seconds too many because you got rammed into and didn’t see it coming at all.”
“Ok fine” Shane says finally giving in.
“So after the game I went to see Shane in the hospital like the good opponent I am, you know make sure he was all right. And he was very drugged up but had something very important to say to me apparently.” Ilya then proceeds to put on his best ‘Shane on drugs’ impression. “He said, will you come to my cottage? Don’t go to Russia, come to my house.”
Phoebe burst out laughing as she watched her dad’s face get even redder.
“And you know what, guess who came to the cottage!” Shane said, smirking at Ilya.
“Yes I so generously did because I am such good lover to Shane.” Ilya smirks back.
“Yes and that is when Ilya and I became boyfriends and he agreed to stop calling me his,” Shane puts on a Russian accent, “lover”.
“I cannot believe you have never told me this story, I’ve heard like a million of your other hockey stories”
“Yes well I guess it never came up” Ilya says smiling at her.
Shortly after Ilya finished his story, Dr. Night came back with the results of the CT. “So the CT does not show any brain trauma which is good news. Now what I want to do is move her to a different room so we can get her hooked up to an EEG and monitor her overnight to watch for seizure activity.”
“Is it likely she’ll have another seizure while we’re here.” Shane asks, concerned.
“We really have no way of knowing right now, but the good news is if she does have another she is in the best place possible for it to happen.”
“Ok well thank you.”
Shortly after Dr. Night sends a nurse to bring Phoebe to a new room in a different wing of the hospital. This area is much quieter then the ER and the room’s a little bigger. Phoebe then gets little stickers placed around her head that connect to another machine. Shane asks the doctors about a million questions about the machines and monitors, until Ilya finally tells him to lay off the doctors and let them do their job. Phoebe found this hilarious.
The rest of the night was fairly uneventful, Phoebe’s coach came to check in on her and bring her things, hey that's where her skates went, along with the news that Phoebe would not be skating at the Grand Prix Final which we already knew. Phoebe’s grandparents, Yuna and Daivd also stopped by to check in on her and bring everyone food and other necessities for the night, which somehow also included a ginger ale and a coke, neither of which were for Phoebe.
Phoebe was also finally able to get some of the sleep that her body was begging her for before she was awakened by that horrible feeling in her stomach again. She turned to the side to see Ilya passed out asleep on Shane's shoulder, Shane didn’t seem to mind this, he had his glasses on continuing to answer emails on his phone, always in manager mode, Phoebe thought to herself.
“Dad I feel weird again, I think I'm gonna have another seizure.” As soon as this came out of her mouth Phoebe could see the panic grow in her dad’s eyes.
Immediately Shane shook Ilya awake and stood up. “I’m gonna go get a doctor, Ilya keep an eye on Phoebe.” Shane rushes out of the room.
“What happened, are you ok?” Ilya sleepily asks Phoebe.
“I think I'm gonna have another seizure”
“Oh ok well dad is getting a doctor and I’m right here.” Ilya says in order to comfort his daughter.
Shane comes back in with a doctor and just like she thought after a few minutes Phoebe had another seizure. When she woke up from this one she didn’t feel quite as bad as she had during the previous one, although it still took her a little bit to gain back her bearings. As much as it sucked having another seizure, Phoebe was glad she was at least in a hospital this time and it did help the doctors come to a conclusion about her condition.
“So it looks like Phoebe has epilepsy which means that it’s likely she will have more seizures. We will get you set up with a neurologist for regular appointments and she’ll need to start taking medicine daily in order to prevent the seizures; however there is still a chance she could have one. Along with that it is important that she gets the recommended amount of sleep and stays out of stressful environments if possible because that can also help prevent seizures.” Dr. Night explains to the three of them. “Hopefully once we get you on medicine you won’t have to worry about your skating being interrupted again, but just like you did earlier, if you get that feeling that one is coming you need to inform someone and find a safe place to lay down and let it pass.”
“But she’s ok to continue skating and everything” Shane asks concerned.
“Yes she is. We are still going to keep her here the rest of the night just as a precaution but once she's released she's good to continue as usual as long as she feels up to it.”
“Thank you so much you have been great” Shane tells Dr. Night.
“Of course it's my job. I'm glad I could help, I have a 10 year old son who plays hockey and I know how scary it is to see him go down on the ice.” He shares.
“Well you have taken great care of our daughter, we really appreciate it,” Ilya says.
The couple settles back down on the padded bench leaning up against each other and Phoebe, more tired than before, falls back asleep.
Morning finally came and everyone was very ready to go home. Shane had left his car at the ice rink yesterday but when Yuna and David came to bring their other items, they also dropped the car off so they were able to go straight home this morning.
“So we go home, drop our things off, get changed and go to the rink so I can practice?" Phoebe asks as soon as they get in the car.
“Oh absolutely not” Shane says immediately.
“What? But he said I’m good to practice if I feel up to it.” Phoebe argues.
“He also said you need plenty of sleep, and last night we did not get good sleep so we are going home and getting all the blankets and watching movies on the couch all day till we fall asleep.” Ilya states.
“Yes I agree with what he said” Shane says quickly.
“Ok you guys win but tomorrow I’m going to have to spend extra time at the rink to make up for missing practice today” Phoebe says, secretly a little glad for a day off after all that.
“Yes sure as long as you are up to it whatever you want.” Ilya says sweetly