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Summary
“You must be hungry,” Hollander says.
“How do you know that?”
“You have not gone grocery shopping in weeks. The last time you went to the market was last month to buy ingredients for the tuna melts and a 12-pack of ginger ale. The sourdough bread had expired two weeks ago. The canned tuna and ginger ale do not provide sufficient calories you would need per day which would be approximately 5,000. Nor would they provide the appropriate nutrients to maintain your health—”
“Oh my God, Hollander, you are so fucking boring!” Ilya opens the door. “This is trick? Will not work on me. You are alien wearing Shane Hollander’s face. Fuck off my lawn! Go away. Or I kill you.”
imagine that after your situationship freaks out about both of you saying each other's first names, his consciousness and memories are integrated into a HIVE MIND and now everybody in the fucking world knows all about you two.
this is happening to my buddy, ilya rozanov