Chapter Text
To Saki, a day without pain was an alien concept.
'A day with little pain' was the best she could hope for, and, thankfully, today was one of those days — her elbows hurt a little bit, sure, but it was easy enough to ignore—a day in which Saki was allowed to feel like a normal high school girl.
A snowball streaked through the sky, leaving behind a trail of tiny crystals glistering in the setting sun's pink glow, and eventually hitting Saki. A hit she could barely register through several layers of clothes she wore to keep the cold at bay, far away from her joints. She looked a little silly like this, but that didn't matter to her. All that mattered was that she was out having fun with her friends, like she couldn't so many winters before. "Awwh, Shiho!" Saki looked at the girl in question with her signature puppy eyes, "That's unfair~! I was taking in the scenery!"
"Not my problem. Get your head in the game!" Shiho teased, preparing another snowball. Saki bent down to form her own weapon, only to look up and see Ichika charging at Shiho with a massive orb of snow in her hands, knocking both of them to the ground within the next moment.
Honami quickly dropped her snowball and trotted over to the pair, who were now wholly covered in snow. "Are you two okay?"
Ichika sat up, giggling in response. "Hehe, yeah, don't wo—" She was pushed back down into the snow as Shiho took advantage of her moment of inattention.
Within the chaos, Saki saw a perfect opportunity to strike. She reinforced the snowball in her hands, lined up her shot, and hit Shiho squarely in the head. "Heh heh heh." With a victorious grin on her face, Saki struck a proud pose.
"Oh, you—" Shiho was prepared to strike back, but Honami put her hand down on her. "That's enough now," Honami interjected, lifting Ichika from the ground shortly after, "it's getting late... I don't want anyone to catch a cold."
Saki looked at her surroundings again. The soft pastel pink from just moments ago was slowly fading, and the street lamps had turned on since then. "Awwh... Why does it have to get dark so quickly in winter...!" As she turned to walk over towards the other three, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Then again. And again. Saki stopped and shoved her hand in her pocket, struggling to take her phone out with her gloves on and nearly dropping it, but she managed to get it out in the end. An array of messages from Tsukasa greeted her when the screen lit up - first, proudly proclaiming what a wonderful dinner he's made, then asking when she would be back, and not even a few minutes later, worrying about her. Saki couldn't help but giggle to herself. She took her gloves off and began tapping away at the keyboard. "Hehehe. No worries, we're heading back♪"
When Saki lifted her head from her screen, she found the other three were in her face already. "Hey, hey~ you guys!" Saki chimed, "Big bro's made us all dinner! Looks like you're coming over♪"
"We were going to anyway," Shiho stated. Saki tilted her head at her. "Hm?"
Ichika's head dropped a slight bit. "Oh, um... I suggested we walk you back, since it's getting dark..." A dash of red painted her face.
"Awww, Ichi...!" Saki threw herself at Ichika, hugging her tight. "You're always sooo caring of me!!" She squished Ichika's face, quickly making it even redder. Ichika, in turn, put her own hands on Saki's.
That made Saki feel in a way she didn't quite expect. Her heartbeat grew louder, and her whole body heated up in an instant. Before she had a moment to think, though, another voice chimed in.
"Hehe," Honami clasped her hands together at her chest, her face adorned with a gentle smile, "we were only going to walk you back, but it looks like we'll be staying over instead."
Shiho crossed her arms. "Yeah. And if I have to endure his presence, then at least have the decency not to make us late."
"Fine, finee~" Saki finally let go of Ichika. "Let's go! Tsukasa is waiting for us~" She skipped on over to the rest of the group — who had since walked ahead — and Ichika followed suit.
"Aha! Saki and company!" A boisterous presence greeted them the moment the doors creaked open. "Please, come in!! Make yourselves at home!" Tsukasa held the doors wide. While Saki and Ichika happily poured inside, Honami had to drag in Shiho — who already looked like she'd had enough — like a dog that refuses to go on a walk. The five of them soon sat down at the table. And it was a lovely dinner! Tsukasa had told them all about the shows he and his troupe planned to put on all throughout the winter break — something he hadn't had the chance to do recently due to their separation during their training at Morinomiya Revue; Saki and her friends all received special invitations, of course. Ichika was excited to mention their recent strides in Leo/need's pro career, which finally got Shiho talking, too.
But for Saki herself, all the noise faded into the background. For a while now, she had felt somewhat foggy, certainly not helped by a rising headache. She hadn't eaten much, either; she lost her appetite. Her arms and legs were beginning to feel sore, and she felt colder than she did before. Honami must've noticed her spacing out, seeing as she reached out to Saki and gently shook her. "Is everything alright?" She asked.
"Oh, um, yes! Haha, I'm just not really that hungry~" Saki lied in response. Worry began creeping in: why was she starting to feel worse? She took care to stay warm and didn't overly exert herself. Was she... Flaring up again? No. No, she couldn't. Not now.
No. That could not be it. Her bad flares felt significantly worse than this, and if it were a really bad flare, she'd be on the way to the hospital already. It was probably just a cold or something similarly mild; Saki could power through it on her own.
When she looked over, Shiho glared at her, "Saki." She didn't need to say anything else. Saki knew what Shiho meant. Saki didn't want to worry her friends; She'd hide her symptoms if they weren't bad enough and try to push through regardless, which would come back to bite her every time. The first few times it happened, Saki nearly collapsed, and Shiho hated herself for not noticing sooner. She remained vigilant ever since, always the first to notice whenever something was up with Saki and make her admit it — a trait Saki was both thankful for and felt guilty over.
She really didn't want to make them worry. But she knew that if she kept pretending, they would only worry more. "...I'm feeling kinda worse, actually," Saki sighed. "I-it's not like a bad flare-up or anything, my joints aren't swollen," She ran her hands over her face, to reconfirm, "and I don't have any rash, but still..."
Tsukasa shot up immediately. "Then! We shall go for a check-up!"
"I... T-there's no need, it's okay!" Saki responded. She didn't want to be any more of a burden. She didn't want to ruin their evening. "I can just... Stay in bed, and I'll be fine~" She hummed, trying to put on her cheerful persona.
Tsukasa, however, would have none of it. He was already dialing the hospital reception's number to make an appointment. "We have to ensure you stay healthy, dear Saki! You know better than I that even regular illnesses can be worse for you than for the regular person." He excused himself out of the room as the ringback tone played from his phone.
Regular person. Saki hated that term. She hated how her awful, broken mess of a body branded her with this 'Fragile: handle with care' sticker. She hated the pitying gaze everyone seemed to have. She knew that they meant well, that they only cared for her, but that didn't make it feel any better. It was a painful reminder that she would never be a 'regular person.'
Saki felt a hand on her shoulder, soft yet firm. "Saki. You don't have to suffer more for our sake. I-it's okay to take it easy. You're not a burden." Ichika's gentle voice reached her. While Shiho could tell right away when Saki was ailing physically, Ichika had this uncanny ability to see right through her facade. It only made sense, on second thought; Ichika had seen her at her lowest — she was there, with her, at her lowest. And even those things she didn't see, she later read from Saki's notebook and turned into song. If there was one person who could truly understand Saki besides herself, it would be Ichika. Saki turned her head to look at Ichika, but when their eyes met, she didn't see the pity she expected. Instead, she saw determination.
She was right. Saki didn't have to feel worse. She didn't have to just power through it.
She didn't have to do everything on her own. It's okay to let herself be helped.
"...Okay. I'll go." Hesitantly, she gave in.
As if on cue, Tsukasa popped back into the dining room. "Saki! I've registered you," he proudly thumped his fist on his chest, "the wait shouldn't be long. They even have your rheumatologist free at this time!"
The rheumatologist, huh? It wasn't time for Saki's regular visit yet, but since she was already going for a check-up, she might as well get it all out of the way.
"Tsukasaaa... There was no need for all that..." Saki playfully whined.
"Nonsense!" Tsukasa erupted, "My dear little sister will receive the highest-quality care available!"
Saki let out a soft laugh. "Tsukasaaa...! You're embarrassing me in front of the girls...!"
"Now, then!" Tuskasa spun his car keys around as he went to take his coat off the rack, "It's nigh time we head out! Get dressed, Saki!"
Ichika chimed in. "Um... Can we come with?"
"Of course!! The more the merrier! Hah hah hah!! " Tsukasa bellowed a hearty laugh, powerful enough for the girls to feel the vibration in their bones like at a concert.
"Can I sit this one out?" Shiho scoffed. She already knew the answer.
"Nope~ You're coming with us♪" Saki hummed in a cheery tone, earning a disgruntled sigh from Shiho.
Shiho grumbled as she put on her coat. "And you have the gall to call me a meanie."
As Tsukasa opened the doors, he turned to the girls behind him, "Can any of you carry Saki to the car?"
Saki's eyes widened in surprise. "H-hey, big bro...! That's unnecessary, I'm not a kid anymore! I can waAA—" She trailed off as Honami swooped her up. "Hooonaa?!"
Honami giggled. "You're pretty light, Saki," she noted, as the five left the house.
This display earned a fascinated stare from Ichika. "I knew you developed stronger muscles from drumming, Honami, but I didn't know you could just lift a person like that..."
"Well, Saki is pretty light. She's so short." Shiho teased.
"Hey, no fair!" Saki piped up, "And besides, you're shorter!" She stuck out her tongue.
"Only by a centimeter!"
The group all erupted into laughter over their playful quarrel as they got into Tsukasa's car.
The ride was passing by quickly. Shiho, despite her apparent annoyance at Tsukasa's whole way of being, sat herself in the front seat to control the music — but it didn't take long for her to begin chatting with Tsukasa about the things they both held a strong passion for. Meanwhile, in the backseat, Saki was struggling to stay awake; whether it was by car or train, vehicle trips always made her sleepy. Saki, groggy as she was, slowly moved her hands over to Ichika's legs and gently squeezed them. "Ichiii... Your legs are so soft... Can I use your lap as a pillow...?" She stammered out.
This took Ichika by surprise. She opened her mouth, but struggled to form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence.
"No, sorry. We can't let you unfasten your seatbelt." Honami quickly interjected.
"Awwh..." Saki's disappointment was audible. "Then, can I use your shoulder...?"
Ichika looked the other way as her face reddened. "...Yeah, you- you can." She shuffled over closer to Saki.
"Yayy~♪" Saki promptly put her head down on her new headrest. It didn't take long for the world to blur as she fell asleep. Honami gave them a hushed laugh before covering Saki with her coat.
Ichika did her best to move as little as possible for the rest of the way, to let the sleeping princess have her little nap.
Lit by the white fluorescent ceiling lamps, Ichika sat in a plastic chair with a backrest far too short for comfort. For the time of the year, the hallways of the outpatient clinic were surprisingly empty; true to Tsukasa's word, they only waited for a few minutes before the nurse called out Saki's name, and the siblings disappeared behind the doctor's office doors — leaving Ichika, Honami, and Shiho in the waiting room. Ichika's absent-minded gaze landed beyond the window, on the lights of cars moving about the parking lot as thoughts moved about her head.
The feeling of Saki's head on her shoulder lingered in her mind, but that wasn't all Ichika was thinking of — though, admittedly, all of her other thoughts were connected to Saki too. She thought of how warm her face felt when Saki grabbed it, despite how cold her hands were. How she felt heat build up in her chest when Saki squeezed her as tight as she could, and how her heart skipped a beat whenever she called her "Ichi"; How, whenever Saki turned to Ichika with her brilliant smile, it seemed to outshine the stars. Has Ichika always felt like this? She looked further back and found the same light accompanying each snapshot of Saki's face, like buoys illuminating a path down the ocean of memories. Even on the darkest nights, Saki stood as a lighthouse guiding her way through the turbulent sea; Even when she knelt by the hospital bed, holding a half-conscious Saki's hand and marking the bedsheets with ceaseless tears, she choked out promises to never leave her side — even then, that warmth and light accompanied Saki.
And Ichika felt guilty for not being able to keep those promises. Saki had given her so much. When everyone else left her, Saki was still there. And Ichika couldn't even find the time to visit her more often in return. What if Saki got hospitalized again? Would she be able to keep her promises now, with high school taking up even more time? And what about the band? Would... Would they disband? Will everyone else drift away again...?
Ichika hadn't noticed that she started crying. Her friends did, though. Honami gently took her hand in hers. "Is... Is everything okay, Ichika?"
"I... I was just thinking of Saki, and- And I got scared that, if something were to happen, would- would we... Split up again...?" Ichika struggled to speak between sobs.
A firm hand grasped her shoulder. "Not happening." Shiho spoke with conviction, "We're never leaving again."
"I know, I-I know, but..."
"Geez," Shiho wiped her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie, "we promised. Come hell or high water, we'll stick together."
"Here, do you want to use this?" Honami, ever ready, took out a handkerchief and offered it to Ichika.
Ichika dried her eyes with her flannel. "...No need."
...How did this happen? How did she go from thinking how happy Saki made her to being scared that things would one day go back to how they were in middle school? Was it because she was scared of losing Saki? Was she afraid that, without her there, the group wouldn't hold? Ichika knew that was illogical. They've grown now, they won't repeat the mistakes of their younger selves; If anything, it would only serve to bring them closer — they would all visit Saki together now. But that still didn't stop her from thinking about the what-ifs.
A familiar bouncy figure wandered back into the room. "Ugh... I took the flu shot... And I still caught the flu! Can you guys believe that?" Saki's leg bounced aggressively as she spoke.
Ichika's world immediately brightened up. Like the rays of the morning sun, Saki's presence dispelled the darkness occupying Ichika's mind.
"The flu vaccine isn't 100% effective," Honami chimed in, "you can still get sick even if you take it, but the symptoms will be gentler."
"But I still have to stay home and rest..." The discontent in Saki's voice was clear. "I won't get to play or hang out with you guys...!"
Shiho couldn't help but crack up. "Don't be so dramatic, you'll just be at your house. We'll come over whenever we're free."
"Ugghhh... Ichiiii...! Shiho's being mean again!" Saki extended her arms out to Ichika.
Ichika stood up and took Saki's hands in hers. "Hehe... It's okay, I-I don't have a job... I can visit you more often. And you'll have your brother too."
"Awww, you're spoiling me...!" Saki pulled herself towards Ichika by her arms, colliding with the girl. Ichika's heart picked up tempo.
Shiho put up a finger to her chin. "Actually, where is your brother?" She wondered.
"Oh, he's just picking up the prescription for me♪" Saki hummed, happily bobbing her head. "They let me leave the office since the check-up was done~"
"Prescription? What for?" Ichika inquired.
"Um... I've got antivirals... Anti-inflammatory meds..." Saki counted on her fingers, "And stronger painkillers just in case!"
With his impeccable timing, Tsukasa strode in. "Ah, my dear sister's friends," he bowed, "I'm afraid I will have to cancel the shows I invited you to. I'm truly sorry, but Saki's health comes first!" With a solemn nod, Tsukasa took out his phone. "And as I will be home taking care of her, I can't perform."
"Awwh, big bro...!" Saki complained, "I'm not a kid...! I can take care of myself!"
But Tsukasa's course was set. "That doesn't matter, Saki! Kid or not, you still must rest."
Ichika knew just how much the Tenma siblings loved each other. She also knew Saki well enough to know that, despite truly appreciating her brother's care, she would feel awful for being the reason he couldn't perform with his troupe.
She also felt guilty for not being able to do more for Saki back then.
And she also... Felt this strange feeling around Saki. A feeling she never felt around anyone else. A feeling that she wanted to get to the bottom of.
"I-I'll do it!" Ichika blurted out, stepping towards Tsukasa.
"Ichika?" "Ichii?!" The Tenma siblings responded in unison.
"W-well, um..." She stammered, "I... I know you love your shows very much, but you still need to care for Saki... A-and I don't have a job, so I could take care of her, so you can hang out with your friends...!"
"Hmmm." Tsukasa furrowed his brows, considering the offer. "Well, you are her childhood friend, and you visited her in the hospital so often... And I will still be home for the night..." He tapped his foot, "Very well! I trust you, as my sister's good friend, will take good care of her!"
"Ichiii...!" Saki jumped in excitement, before quickly stopping as she clutched her head. "Dizzy..."
"Hehe..." Ichika smiled wide. The prospect of taking care of Saki made her immeasurably happy.
"Are you sure you'll be able to handle it...?" Honami questioned, "Housekeeping is a lot of work."
"Oh..." Ichika has failed to consider that part. "I-I'm sure I'll manage!"
"...And what about your parents? You didn't even ask them if you could do this." Shiho added.
"O-oh, right!" Ichika was the type to act first and think later. Thankfully, she also had friends who reminded her to do the thinking.
Ichika took out her phone, and... Found the battery was dead. "Oh no...!" Ichika bit her nails. "It's out of charge!"
Ichika opened her mouth, about to ask if anyone could lend her a phone, but Tsukasa's booming voice cut her thoughts off before they made it to her throat. "Fear not! I, Tsukasa Tenma, will drive you home, and we will ask your parents together!" He boldly stepped forward and extended his hand towards the ceiling, striking one of the many poses from his repertoire. "My presence is sure to persuade them!"
"Or you could call from my phone." Honami offered.
Ichika laughed. "I think I like Tsukasa's idea more..."
"Perfect! Then, off we go! After me, everybody, to the car!" Tsukasa began marching forward.
"Tsukaasaa...! Pipe down, we're in a hospital." Saki chastised her brother.
"Pot calling the kettle back." Never one to pass up an opportunity, Shiho poked at Saki.
Although inaudibly, Honami laughed. "Do you want me to carry Saki again?"
"Eeeh?! Honaa?!"
"Please, if you do not mind!" Tsukasa replied.
"Noooo...!" Yet, unfortunately for Saki, she was powerless to stop herself from being picked up.
The pull of the handbrake sent a slight tremor throughout the car, and with a turn of the keys, the engine quieted down. Tsukasa turned around to the passengers in the back. "Hey, Ichika," For the first time in what felt like forever, he spoke in a hushed tone, "we're here." Ichika nodded and unfastened her seatbelt, gently pulling it off. "Honami, can you, um..." Ichika whispered, gesturing with her head in the direction of Saki, soundly asleep on her shoulder. Honami nodded, taking Saki off Ichika's shoulder with great care. Ichika got out of the car and lightly pushed the doors behind her, closing them with a quiet click. Shiho and Tsukasa soon followed, with Honami staying inside until Tsukasa returns — while he would typically insist on driving them all home individually, Saki was sick and asleep, so he opted to drop them off by Ichika's house instead.
Ichika waved goodbye to Shiho, and she and Tsukasa headed towards Ichika's home. She took out her set of keys and pushed the doors open, then went in, with Tsukasa following behind. "Mom, dad! I'm home a-and, um, I have something I want to talk about!" Ichika shouted from the entrance. A single pair of footsteps echoed from a few rooms away in response, "Mom's away, Ichika!" The voice of, presumably, Ichika's dad rang out. "Just me in here." A few moments later, the owner of the voice revealed himself — a bearded man in plain shorts, a big Leo/need shirt, and blue, somewhat damaged slippers of dubious quality, holding a mug in his hand. His eyes immediately locked onto Tsukasa. "Oh? And who's that lad over there," Ichika's dad pointed at him with his mug, keeping his other hand in his pocket, "a boyfriend? 's that what you wanted to talk about?"
Ichika laughed as Tsukasa started to wildly swing his hands around in protest. "No, no, that's just Saki's brother!"
"Huh, now that you mention it, he does look kinda similar." He nodded, "So, what'd you want to tell me?"
"So, um..." Ichika started off, "Saki's parents are away and she got sick... A-and Tsukasa wants someone to look after her for a few days while he's busy, a-and since I'm close..." She trailed off for a split second before getting her thoughts in order and continuing, "Friends... With her, I offered to do it."
"No need to worry!" Tsukasa inserted himself into the conversation with a boisterous proclamation, "I will be there for the nights, and if anything happens during the day, your daughter can call me, and I will make haste at a moment's notice!"
"Hmm..." Ichika's dad thought it over, "Well, you've been to sleepovers at the Tenmas before, and you're old enough to handle yourself, so I have no qualms with you going..." He paused, his relaxed smile turned into a teasing grin. "But, are you sure? Honami would be a better fit, she's got experience with this stuff."
"Dad...!"
Mr Hoshino put his hand on his stomach as he let out a deep laugh. "Don't worry, just playing with you. You're free to go if you want. I'll make sure mom's fine with it, too."
"T-thank you!" Ichika beamed with joy.
"Well! I will pick you up tomorrow at 7!" Tsukasa turned towards the doors, "Thank you for approving her stay, Mr Hoshino!" He waved to the pair as he stepped out.
"No worries, kid!" Ichika's dad raised his arm before nodding to Ichika, "Well, get packing." He gently bumped her on the shoulder. "Wouldn't wanna get over to Saki's and realize you forgot something."
Ichika nodded vigorously. "Right! I'll head up to my room now!" As promised, she dashed off.
After quickly ascending the staircase, Ichika burst through the doors into her room. She was greeted by the numerous Miku posters lining he wall, which she momentarily looked up to with a smile before grabbing a suitcase and... What did she even have to pack, actually? Clothes were obvious, so Ichika started with those, but what else? Ichika never stayed over at someone's house with the explicit purpose of taking care of them before.
She knew who had, though — well, partially, anyway. Ichika swiftly slid her phone out of her pocket and went through her contacts until her eyes — and, subsequently, finger — landed on Honami.
"Ichika? Did you need help?" Honami picked up nigh-instantly.
"Um... S-so... What should I actually pack for my stay with Saki...?"
"Well..." Honami responded, "For my housekeeping work, I usually take things to cook, cleaning supplies, and a little something personal for the client... But you don't need all of that. I think that everything you'll need will be at Saki's house already."
Ichika blinked. How she did not think of that was beyond her. "Oh... Y-yeah, that makes sense. I'll just pack my clothes and toothbrush and..." One thing Honami said stuck to her mind. Something personal. "And, um... Maybe something for us to do! I could take my laptop, and we could make a Miku song together..."
"I see you figured it out already." Honami giggled.
"I-I guess so! Hehe..." Ichika replied. "Sorry for bothering you, Honami."
"Don't worry, I'm always glad to help. Good luck, Ichika!" Honami hung up.
Ichika returned to her packing endeavors, taking her laptop and charger, toothbrush, toothpaste, and some personal care products. "Hey, Ichika!" Her dad called from downstairs, "Dinner's soon!"
"Right! Coming!"
Night has fallen — though, in winter, it was hard to tell afternoon from evening from night. Yet despite the knowledge of the clock ticking ever closer to midnight, Ichika lay in her bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Just why was Saki making her feel like this? She doesn't recall feeling her chest tighten, her stomach churn, just the same way with anyone else. What made Saki so special...? Ichika always felt in touch with her feelings; it's what allowed her to sing so well. Then, why was Saki such an enigma? Why did her mere presence flip Ichika's inner world on its head, leaving her feelings a tangled ball of yarn? Ichika turned to her side. Why was this so hard...? Trying to figure this out felt similar to the first time she and Saki were tasked to write a song together — there was just something that Ichika wasn't seeing; her perspective was all wrong. It nagged at her to no end. That time, Meiko gave them good advice. But now it was far too late; Miku and the others were likely asleep. Ichika tossed and turned like this, mulling over the matter in her head until, eventually, sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning, her consciousness slipped her.