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Waking up is groggy for Robby, both him and his husband’s sleep have been intermittent since the day they brought her home. That’s what happens when you take in a newborn, not only that, but taking in a newborn without being more than a week prepared for it. Thankfully they did have a few days to prepare while she was in holding at the hospital, but it still wasn’t a lot compared to the months most parents normally have.
Robby’s Dennis’ sense is tingling, whispering to him that something is not right in the dead of night. The spot next to him that is usually so warm is cold and their new baby who would wake them with cries is silent.
His eyes snap open, Daisy. Is she okay? Robby looks around in the dark master bedroom and until he spots his husband and the aforementioned baby cradled in his strong naked arms. Dennis is rocking gently in the blue lazy-boy that they panicked dragged into their bedroom just for this purpose. It’s not the classic rocking chair but it’s what they have for now. Dennis picked her up from the Safe Haven box and it was over from there. They had a baby. They saw her and both fell in love.
Just a week ago on that god forsaken July 4th shift, nowhere near as bad as his husband's first ER rotation but arguably much-more tense. Robby remembers how Dennis so angrily stormed out of the Pitt, he yelled at him, cursed at him, spat his name ‘Michael’ with such vitriol, and in front of everyone. Basically revealed their dirty laundry in front of all the nurses, Santos, Langdon, Mohan, and the new students as well. Robby expected him to be out in the emergency bay for a few minutes, maybe even break his clean streak and steal a smoke, he expected him to let Robby deal with the backlash of everything that happened. Deal with the questions.
Not even two minutes later Dennis sprinted back into the Pitt. A little baby wrapped in a tattered pink blanket clutched to his chest, dried and fresh tears streaked down his face. His eyes darted around, searching for something, for help, for him.
Robby, he is not a strong man, in that moment it didn’t matter that they just fought. That Dennis told him ‘I am so fucking done with your bullshit Michael’. Robby still rushed up to him, rushed to that baby. It was only a week ago, but the look that Dennis gave him is still so bright in his memory. The look of pure love and adoration for this baby clutched in his arms.
He remembers Dennis looking at him and saying “We need to adopt her,” right before they were swarmed by nurses and doctors getting ready to prod at the baby who was dropped off at the PTMC Safe Haven box. The shock that flew through Robby’s system was instant, but he knew his husband, he knows his husband. He wouldn't say something like that without at least thinking about it. So he agreed without saying anything, and started putting the paperwork together in his mind.
He hears a slight grunting come from Daisy, as she is readjusted in her father’s arms. It drags Robby out of his remembering. The full moon shines through the window, illuminating Dennis and Daisy’s face. Their baby is content in her Daddy’s warm and strong arms. He cradles her with such competency of someone who’s been around children their whole life. Even with Robby’s life experience in the ER he feels he doesn’t cradle her with the same ease that his better half does.
Robby pulls his gaze away from their baby (their baby!), away from her soft cheeks and her plump little nose to gaze at his Denny, his little mouse. His cheeks are wet with tears and Robby stops breathing for a second, worried about what the other man is upset about. He has plenty that he could be, Robby can’t help but think about their fight right before the other man found Daisy in the dropbox. Of Robby’s ‘Bullshit’.
“Denny…” Robby starts, he’s whispering into the darkness still in bed, “What’s wrong baby?”
Dennis finally looks away from Daisy, his mouth is open and his eyes show the shock at Robby being awake without the cries of their newborn to bring him out of sleep. His lip wobbles a bit and Robby spots his grip tightening on Daisy just a bit. Not to hurt her, just to comfort himself. To reassure that no one is taking her away from his arms (like the nurses tried a week ago when he first walked through the door with her).
“I can’t sleep…” Dennis starts. Robby doesn’t dare to move. Things are still fragile between them and he would hate to wake Daisy as well. “I’m going back to the ED tomorrow and they… they know. They know about us now. Not only that but you won’t be here. And… and I won’t be here with her. What if I miss something?”
Robby doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to collect his thoughts. He looks away from Dennis for a moment, worried that if he keeps looking at the pure anguish and hurt on his lovers face that he will break. He will offer him everything. He will break his sabbatical. He will somehow wipe everyone's memory of July 4th and the events that transpired.
He can’t though. Instead Dennis continues, his voice still wavering but just as low and quiet. Neither of them wanted to wake Daisy.
“I know that you need to be here for her. And above that this… break for you was planned in advance. It’s why Dr. Al-Hashimi was brought in.” Dennis pauses. The way he mentioned Dr. Al-Hashimi was tense and Robby gets it, not only was that whole shift horrible, but her interaction with both Robby and Dennis were all around terrible. “I’m just scared to go in there alone in the morning. And to lose time with her while she’s this small.”
Dennis moves to adjust Daisy, so just one arm is holding her, before he gently touches her face with his finger. Running the tip of his callused hands down her soft face. She doesn’t budge. She trusts her Daddy. She’s warm and safe. Robby can see some of Dennis’ light return to him as he caresses their baby, as he stares down at her.
“Can you come over here baby?” Finally Robby is brave enough to say something. Dennis looks at Robby panicked, he gestures to Daisy as if she can’t join them in the bed as well. “Bring her too, please.”
Dennis stands from the blue lazy boy, the old springs in it creak as it adjusts back to its resting position. Both Robby and Dennis freeze as Daisy grumbles at the creaking sound before she settles back against her Daddy's bare chest, she mumbles to herself against his warm skin. The look that the two men exchange is one of pure warmth and fondness, for the moment, for Daisy, and for each other. Their constant bickering that has been happening for the past few months forgotten.
Dennis makes his way over to their king-sized bed. His bare feet make no sound against the carpet, and once he’s nearby Robby lifts the navy blue comforter up inviting the other man under the warm covers. Dennis smiles at Robby before adjusting his hold on Daisy so she’s fully leaning against his chest vertically. He leans over before finally curling his legs into bed with his husband, Robby scoots over closer to Dennis and brings his arms around him so he is helping to hold their little flower, and holding Dennis as well.
“Is this okay?” Robby whispers into Dennis’s ear, his mullet hair tickles Robby’s chin as he tucks his face into his neck. He loves this longer hair on him, he couldn’t be happier that Santos convinces the younger man to grow it out into this style. The curls look beautiful on his husband, Robby hasn’t appreciated him enough. Not recently.
Dennis nods, adjusting Daisy so they are both holding her. Robby’s arms move down and support her weight as well. Neither of them are aware of how late into the night it is, or early in the morning if that is how one wants to perceive time. They just cradle their daughter together in relative silence, listening to her and each other breath while the city outside occasionally chimes in sounds of sirens and honks.
“I’m sorry I can’t be there tomorrow.” Robby breaks the silence, he’s speaking so quietly and directly into Dennis' ear. He’s fearful of waking Daisy. Of interrupting the bliss that the three of them exist in the moment. “And… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a dick. About us, about all my bullshit wrapped up with this stupid sabbatical. About me trying to run away.”
Robby can feel that Dennis has almost stopped breathing once he’s started his apology. This isn’t something Robby normally does, he’s a fighter, or he ignores his problems; pushes them down until they drown, and that’s something that Dennis has gotten on him time after time about. Something that even Jack has told him he needs to fix.
“I know that me just saying sorry won’t be enough. But please…” Robby is still talking quietly into Dennis’ ear. Their girl Daisy has not budged at all. She’s calmly sleeping in both of their arms, the happiest little girl ever. “Please let me try, baby… I just want us to be okay.”
Robby finally stops, at least for now, and buries his face into Dennis' neck. Trying to hide the approaching tears at being too emotionally vulnerable, even with his husband that he cares for dearly. His arms tighten around both Dennis and Daisy, his hands cradling Dennis’ forearms dig into his skin. His husband rubs at his fingers, soothing him before he says anything, just soothing him with his touch.
Dennis leans away from Robby so he can twist his neck around into what is probably a somewhat uncomfortable position. They lock eyes in the dark room and his husband can see the unshed tears that rest on Robby’s eyelids.
“Oh Michael..” Dennis starts. His voice is a bit louder, he’s not as worried about waking Daisy. He keeps telling Robby that they need to get her used to loud sounds so she can nap anywhere. He bites his lip while he thinks on what he’s going to say before he says it.
“We’re going to be okay,” Dennis looks away from him, the other man's gaze drops down to their daughter, his thumb idly stokes her cheek. “We have to be, for her. For us.”
Robby can’t help but smile and think to himself, yeah, things are going to be okay.