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Bella Swan was your average teenage girl before moving back to Forks, Washington for her junior year. Then her world began to change, her perspective altered and she had to ask herself the age old question.
Is what she feels good old-fashioned love or are supernatural forces at work?
Bella Swan pulled up to his house in her beloved beat up chevy. The rocks on the dirt road scattered as her vehicle screeched to a stop. If he was home there’d be no doubt that he heard her coming. She took in a shaky inhale, mustering up her courage. She’d been focusing on her breath the entire way to La Push. Trying to get it to steady. Her heart raced in her chest, her limbs ached and her breath came out in sharp huffs. She felt the same way that she did when she fell from the cliff. Not the desperation and anxiety of the before, no that would come later when she was face to face with him. She felt like an anchor being dropped, waiting for the plunge, waiting to see if she survived this.
The most important thing to a human is survival. Joy, laughter and fulfillment come as a bonus, an afterthought. Power and strength are handed out to the fortunate and you learn quickly what you can and cannot live without. What you can and cannot endure. It’s up to you whether or not you prosper.
It’s a cruel and unfair world but if you find that something, the thing that makes it seem beautiful and easy. Then it’s worth a million lifetimes. It’s become terribly and increasingly clear to Bella that Jacob Black is necessary to her survival. All she had to do was open her eyes and that truth sat glaringly obvious in the aftermath, as most things are. She was annoyed at herself. At her stubbornness and gullibility. At how blinded she’d been by the things that shine in the sun. However she knew that she wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t made all the wrong decisions beforehand. She’d be in Alaska or wherever the Cullens were now. Or she’d be flying to Florida, getting ready to babysit her mother in between baseball games, naive to the supernatural world that she’d come to love. A world that she belongs in, one way or another.
Bella is an eighteen year old girl, who made being ‘mature for her age’ a death sentence. She shook her head, avoiding checking her reflection in the rearview mirror. She was still insecure, still clumsy and still wounded in ways that may never heal. She screamed into the night and bit her nails to the quick. But she’d had a revelation, that maybe being imperfect wasn’t so tragic. That she was just your average, awkward, girl who loved deeply and fought fiercely for what she believed in. Bella was scared of many things, but she wasn’t afraid to live. She was happy to stay with Charlie in Forks, excited to go to college and anxious to tell Jake that she’d finally made up her mind.
These nerves were different from how she’d felt during her conversation with Edward. He was relieved in a way that broke her heart, he smiled at her with his perfect, eerily shiny teeth and rubbed her shoulders in a way he must’ve thought was soothing. He encouraged her to go forth and live her life as normally as possible. It never occurred to him that that life, the one he’d been so deadset on Bella pursuing, the life of mundanity. Couldn’t, no, wouldn’t include him.
He’d tried to rationalize that they’d move, change their stories as she grew older, she’d be a family friend, or worse, a relative. She shook her head repulsed by the thought of them living in another town making up stories until she withered from age. He proposed that they live in obscurity, miles away from civilization, where she didn’t have to answer society's expectations when their physical ages no longer aligned.
It took hours to say, days for it to sink in and weeks before it was accepted. Bella explained it to him, over and over again. That a human life had always meant the end of their relationship. That they couldn’t survive it. She’d known that they hadn’t been evenly matched from the start. Their relationship hung on a precarious balance, always seconds away from plummeting. Her death had always and would always be their undoing. She’d had so many brushes with it now that she felt she understood it. Bella had never feared death, she’d simply wanted to defy it, like a child with a fixation that they’d eventually outgrow. Bella loved Edward, in a way that she could never love a human, she’d been drawn to him immediately and was intoxicated by his presence. She’d felt that way about all the Cullens but with him it’d been different. She appreciated him for showing her this new realm of possibility, teaching her his secrets and imposing his wisdom. She liked the attention Edward gave her, it made her feel different from everyone else, special for having been chosen by the attractive monster. All Bella had ever wanted was to feel this way. Renée had never made Bella a priority and Charlie had always been so far away. Bella finally found a group of people that welcomed her and to her they were perfect.
Of course Bella had to come to terms with the fact that fate didn’t just make Edward desire her. The stars had aligned a bit more tragically, destiny was designed in such a way that Edward desired to kill her. To consume her. He’d replaced these feelings of hunger with adoration as a defense mechanism, because what Edward wants most in the world is to not be a monster. If he stood by Bella whilst wanting her so badly then he was a shining example to all vampires. It was, as most things in the vampire realm are, an act of self-interest more than any interest in her. Bella had made this distinction without difficulty, but the denial came with even more ease. She’d flattered herself that it wasn’t just her special blood that tempted Edward, it was her mind or rather its mysterious effect. Edward Cullen knows what any person in any room is thinking. He has the answer before the question, he can sense the ending of every joke, he can see through any superficial show. Edward is bored out of his mind and that’s the very reason that he approached the quiet new girl. Bella is the only being that Edward cannot read, the only one who is capable of evading his exceptional talent. Bella was a mission, a conquest, a puzzle to be solved. She served as amusement and intrigue. Whatever was between them was far from true love. They were fooling themselves.
She would always have a fondness for him and his family. She still ached at the thought of them being gone for good, but what had once been her undoing would now be her salvation. When Bella said her goodbyes she made her peace.
Alice hadn’t taken the news well. “You were supposed to be my sister!” She’d cried out, but in their last moments together, she’d held Bella close and whispered apologies. She’d looked wistful then, and Bella knew that Alice was hoping that she’d change her mind. She promised to write and call Bella, keeping track of her, waiting for her. Bella didn’t want to argue, she’d learned that letting Alice think she’d gotten her way was simply the best course of action. She’d kissed Bella’s cheek as they parted. Emmett pulled her up into a bear hug, Jasper nodded his head at her as he climbed into the car. Carlisle made it known that he understood her decision and respected it. He promised that they wouldn’t come back so long as she lived. He’d meant it as a kindness. Esme was aggrieved, you could see the pain behind her eyes, and Bella wondered if maybe it was always there, just under the surface. She smiled sweetly at Bella and thanked her for all the happiness she’d brought her family. She swore that she would never forget her. Bella didn’t have much to say to any of them. Which shocked her all the more when Rosalie pulled her aside for a word in private. When they were alone in Carlisle’s now bare study, Rosalie smiled, she put her hand on Bella’s shoulder. “I hope it isn’t uncomfortable, if I say that I’m proud of you.” She’d closed her eyes as if in prayer. “This is the right decision, you’ll see.” And when she opened her golden eyes to look at her Bella agreed.
Edward was predictably the most difficult farewell of them all. He said all the right things with a tortured expression between his eyebrows. He told her he’d love her until the end of time, that knowing her briefly has made his life worthwhile. He said that he believes that although he may not be her reason for existence that she will always be his. It tore her heart in half and she nearly blew up her life again. She imagined it, following him around the world, her greying, him statuesque and perfect in the background. Her mind betrayed her, she let herself go back on her word, she pictured herself, only prettier, sparkling alongside him, as they ran through forests together, smiling and laughing. It was a small moment, only a quick indulgence. She didn’t tell him about it but she suspected that for once in his life Edward had accurately read her thoughts. He shook his head decisively, he wasn’t giving her the opportunity to change her mind, as if the decision was ever his. He kissed her lips, quick and cold. Then he lingered on her forehead, and brushed his stone-like lips over the knuckles on her hand. The finality of the gesture rocked her. A gentleman’s goodbye. It felt both intimate and impersonal.
She hated the way she remained rooted to her spot, long after the cars had gone. Walking through the empty house, running her palms over the walls. She’d stayed past daybreak, sleeping on the floor of what used to be Edward’s room. In the morning, she woke up to the sun blinding her and her throat dry, more reminders of how human she was. Bella made her way to the nearest sink and drank tap water from her cupped hands. Then she splashed it onto her face and grimaced at the mess of hair that met her in the mirror.
She’d gotten back to Charlie’s around noon, having thoroughly examined the evacuated home and filled herself with grief. She felt resigned, relieved to have no regrets. She was certain of what she’d wanted but now Bella knew what she needed. Charlie had been up all night worried out of his skin, Bella sensed the lecture before it began and she stood there nodding, guilty and silent through it all. Then she went upstairs to shower before making them both breakfast. She didn’t tell her father anything. Not that she’d broken up with her boyfriend or that he and his family had left again. That they wouldn’t be coming back and that she hoped that they’d keep their promise. Bella didn’t divulge a word, she ate her eggs and read the paper.
The next day Bella went to school, where everyone gossiped about the Cullens disappearance and her friends flocked to her with questions and theories. She didn’t indulge them, only saying what she had to on the subject. Yes Angela, they were gone. No Eric, they weren’t coming back this time. Yes Jessica, it was over between Edward and her. No Mike, she’s not ready to date yet. That last one felt like a truth and a lie. She’d never date Mike Newton and she did need time to get her head on straight but she had feelings for someone. If he could find it in him to forgive her, then she’d reconsider her stance on dating.
It took Bella two weeks to make the short trip to La Push. She’d excused away the impulse so many times. He doesn't want to see you. You hurt him, you used him and you don’t deserve him. You have schoolwork. There’s a party that Jessica is dragging you to. But Charlie was just as pushy as her inner monologue.
“You should go see Jake. Billy says he’s having a hard time.” Bella suspected that she was part of the problem and therefore could not be the solution.
“He needs you.” Charlie had said over dinner one night. She’d nodded her head then, but her mind reeled with possibilities. Would he welcome her back into his life? She pictured a dozen different scenarios until her need had won out over her worry.
Bella slammed the orange door of the truck, she wasn’t sure if it got more of its colour from Jake’s coat of paint or the rust underneath. Not that she’d ever cared. She loved that truck, partly because Jacob and Charlie had restored it just for her.
She’d said her goodbyes so many times now that it felt strange to be saying hello.
He looked horribly beautiful, hunched over in his garage, sitting with Quill and Embry. They all seemed surprised by the intrusion, the boys stared at her in disbelief. It took Jacob more time to lift his head, as if it weighed on him unbearably. When their eyes met she was struck with a feeling so intense that it made her happy to be alive.
“Bella?” His voice echoed around the tin of the garage.
“Hey, Jake.” She’d said, biting her lip, and making her feet move forward. She tucked her loose brown hair behind her ears and pulled down on her sweater sleeves.
He’d had his head buried in his hands before he’d heard the truck pull in, Bella had seen his friends crowd around him, touching his shoulder. He stood up, at almost seven feet tall. Bella blinked, swallowed, and then forced the words past her lips. “I’m sorry.” She told him. It didn’t even begin to express the ache inside of her, the turmoil she felt twist in her stomach. He stared at her as if in awe, surprised that she was there, shocked that she was alive, mystified by her presence. She wished that she’d come sooner, that they were alone on the beach where she could marvel at him and take his rejection in stride. Or she could embrace him like she yearned to. She’d make him promises, she’d stay in Forks and she’d love him. She could do that now, she could be someone that Jacob Black deserved. She’d work to earn back his trust and she’d be happy to do it. Anything to see him smile. Bella felt that perhaps that was all she really wanted. She’d felt so guilty, so pained over the situation between the three of them for so long. She did love Jake, whether she’d known it or not. It was destined to be this way and she’d had no choice in the matter. She knew that if she’d never met Edward she’d have been completely enamored with Jacob and that if it weren’t for the allure of the vampires she wouldn’t have been tempted to leave his side.
He was her warmth in the cold and her light in the darkness. She’d never been able to hide just how much she loved him. It’s the reason why Edward doubted her feelings for him. She and Jake would always be bonded, always important to one another. She’d rather be with him over anyone else, even if they were just sitting on a rock together laughing, or repairing motorcycles that they’d never ride again.
He was her best friend, she’d always said, when the accusatory glances came her way. He was like family, she’d admonish when they’d smirked at her knowingly. She would avoid their eyes as she said it, she’d bite her lip to stop herself from saying more. Jacob is the best person that she knows. She’d never told him just how much she cared and now was her chance.
“I came to tell you that I’m sorry.” She tried again. But his eyes were vacant, lost in a sea of doubt and disappointment. She didn’t come to fight, he had to know that, hadn’t they argued enough for a lifetime? She watched Quill and Embry rise up behind him, making their way over. She wished that they’d leave. She liked Jacob’s friends, she found them funny and charming, but all she wanted right now was a moment alone with her Jacob.
“She lives!” Quill practically yelled, coming over to give Bella a hug. He’d hugged her before and that didn’t sit right with her.
“You sure?” Embry raised an eyebrow in question, he looked comical that way, his lips in a wobbly smile. Embry came around to give her a half hug, squeezing her shoulders, “Ok, yes definitely human, for one thing you don't reek!” Bella would’ve laughed with them if she had the energy to take her attention away from Jake. She gave them a tight lipped smile instead and shrugged her shoulders. “Thanks, I guess?” That only made them laugh more. Jacob didn’t join in.
“Hey guys, can I have a minute with Jake?” She asked after it became obvious that these two could not take a hint. They looked at each other surreptitiously, then to Jake, their expressions morphing into worry. It was clear to her then, that she was the one not taking the hint. They didn't want her to hurt him again and she didn’t know how to tell them that she’d sooner die than cause him any more pain. It was too much, watching them watch him. They didn’t trust her around him and how could she blame them? Bella was the outsider, the threat to their ecosystem. How had she been stupid enough to expect any less?
“Let’s go for a walk.” Jacob finally said, dismissing their worried glances and gesturing towards the path behind his house. He didn’t reach out for her, put his arm around her or grab her hand like he ordinarily would. Bella, feeling a pain in her chest, followed him and waved goodbye to Quil and Embry.
When they were past the forest and far enough away from the house, she felt that she could breathe a bit easier. On the small beach, with pebbles and big rock formations closing around them Bella felt a sense of belonging. Of home.
“You wanted to talk to me?” This wasn’t her Jacob, this Jacob was cold and distant. He didn’t seem happy to see her at all. Which made her fear for the worst.
“I’m sorry.” She said again. She wanted to kick herself. Why couldn’t she get the words out? Surely this would be good news for Jacob, wouldn’t it?
“Yeah,” He nodded his head, kicking a rock into the water with a bit too much force. It landed with a loud splash in the distance. “You said that. But you haven't said what for.” His lips were pressed into a firm line. “I can fill in the blanks though.” He continued, she stared at him puzzled. “You’re sorry, you love me and you’re leaving. It’s all become quite familiar.” He said, his tone all hard edges, so sharp that she believed they really could cut her.
“Two out of three.” She told him. She was dragging this out because she was scared. Could he be able to forgive and forget? She tried to smile, but her eyes were filled with worry.
Jake took long strides away from her. “Where are you going?” She shouted after him.
He turned back, shoulders raised, eyes furious. “I won’t say goodbye to you again, Bella. I’m done.” She shook her head, her mouth agape.
“No!” She called after his retreating figure and the next thing that she knew, she was running at full speed. “You were right Jake, you’ve been right all along. I just couldn’t see it.”
He turned slowly, his brow furrowed, “What are you talking about?”
“You!” She panted, bent over one knee on the rocky path. “You were right.” She said exasperated.
He stared at her for what felt like an eternity, “I heard that the Cullens left.” She looked up at him, her hair swinging back from her face as she nodded. “I assumed you’d be going too.” She shook her head, swallowing air into her lungs.
“You’re not…leaving?” He asked her and for the first time since she’d arrived his eyes softened and his shoulders relaxed. Bella swore to herself right then that she would do everything in her power to maintain this peace for them both.
She stood up on shaky legs, almost falling in the process, Jacob caught her easily with one arm, pulling her up in step with him. She felt his warmth radiate through her sleeve and up to her cheeks. Leaving a slight blush there. “I’m staying Jake.” She told him, once she’d gotten her bearings. He looked so young to her then, they usually joked about their slight age difference but he really did seem older most of the time. Mature and worldly. He’d had to grow up just as fast as she did. Only, instead of paying the bills and packing lunches, Jake looked after Billy, he helped him move through life.
“We broke up.” She said, biting her lip. Here it was, what she’d come to say. To swear to him. She was staying home. Staying alive. Staying with him.
Jacob had resigned himself to the fact that Bella Swan couldn’t be swayed.That no amount of love or pressure from him would make her see what he knew to be true. That she was making a mistake, becoming a vampire would kill her. Her human self would haunt her new body for eternity. She would regret it, she’d be in so much pain because of it. She’d lose everything that she loved, well except her bloodsucker. He never tried to understand her reasoning for wanting to be a corpse, sucking out blood for survival. He simply couldn’t. Instead, he’d done everything in his power to make her understand that it was wrong, unnatural, sick even. But he’d failed time and time again, and every time that he couldn’t convince the girl he loved to stay alive, a piece of him broke, tore off and was reduced to nothing. He did this routine over and over until he physically couldn’t muster up the strength to carry on. He wasn’t proud of himself, he’d done and said horrible things to her in anger and frustration. He hated what he’d become in his jealous rage. Hated that he was pushing her further away from him and into the arms of the leeches. Hated that she was being manipulated by both of them. He thought that maybe if it were anyone else, someone normal and good, then he’d let her go. He’d wish her luck and happiness and he’d mean it. He very much doubted it but it was a nice thought. If it had been someone else, maybe a kid from her school, who wasn’t born in the 1800s. Or someone who didn’t shift into a giant wolf at the mercy of his emotions then Jacob surely would've had an easier time of it. He’d know that she was safe, he’d still be her friend, he’d love her from afar like he always had. But Bella was stubborn, she’d made her decision and it was final. He’d been nursing his battle wounds and broken heart for two weeks, knowing that soon the girl he loved would be gone forever.
Now Jacob couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. Mistrustful of his own hope, doubtful that his prayers had been answered, that she’d actually changed her mind. He looked at her as if trying to decide if she were real or not. If this was a very realistic dream. He’d gotten good at seeing her behind his eyelids, he could make out every trace of her, imagine all the right words coming out of her mouth. He’d dreamed of her for so long that he couldn’t recognize the reality.
“They left and this time I didn’t have a breakdown in the woods so you know,” She laughed awkwardly, “Progress.” She gave him a half smile, lines wrinkling by her eyes.
He could sense her anxiety fade, he felt it from the second she’d stepped out of the truck. Bella was so easy to read. He knew her quirks, how she bit her lip nervously before she spoke, how she tucked her hair behind her ear and shuffled her feet. Jacob knew these things because he knew her. He’d thought she was nervous to say goodbye but now that he knew that that wasn’t the case, it led him to wonder. He stepped towards her, a large grin taking over his face. “Saves us from another search party.” He joked with her, seeking confirmation in her features. She seemed to relax a bit, letting out an almost laugh as she shuffled closer to him.
“Bella?” He said her name and she looked up at him, completely uninhibited, her eyes big and brown and expectant. And he knew before she said it. That she was the one who left Edward, that Bella chose her humanity. That she chose him? She was here afterall, looking at him like that. The same way she’d looked in her kitchen when they’d almost had their first kiss. When he’d asked her to stay with him forever. Que Quowle. Before he’d begged her to actually stay in Forks.
She’d confirmed his suspicions when she got up on her tiptoes and touched the back of his neck, just able to reach its base. He tipped his head forward, towards her and she inched even closer.
“Can you ever forgive me?” She asked him in barely a whisper. He didn’t need his supernatural hearing to understand her though, she was that close.
“I love you.” He told her. Not caring that she’d only said it back in their most painful moments. He’d tell her again and again. She knew this and although love can be created in abundance, the one thing it can’t do is erase. The evidence of the hurt between them, the pain that they’ve suffered, it’ll always exist. A memory, a torn up page in their story. She worried over this. Hated herself for being the cause of it.
She let out an exhale, a puff of breath that hit his sternum. “I love you Jake, so much.” There were tears in her eyes. “I know that I’ve done some irreparable damage here.” She gestured between them. “But I swear to you, I will do anything to make it right.” She meant every word, if he only knew just how deeply in love she was with him. Their innate understanding of each other isn’t as easily boiled down as the infatuation that her classmates feel. Bella’s feelings for Jacob go beyond their hormonal stage in life, they are much more than two teenagers in love. Bella felt it, she finally understood what Jake had been saying all along.
His breath caught in his throat. This was more than he’d ever dared to ask for, more than he’d let himself imagine possible. He didn’t want to cry in front of her but it was out of his hands. A single tear trickled down his left cheek as he tried to clear his throat. He shook his head, unable to speak. “I get it if you’re not ready to trust me or if you don’t believe me or-” She closed her eyes, shaking her head. “I get it.” She told him again. “And I’ll wait, because it’s my turn.” She put her hand on his arm, unable to refrain from touching him now. Needing his warmth, craving his affection. “I’ll be here.” She told him again, seeking something in his face to confirm that he understood her. She saw it there, reflecting in his soft brown eyes, between the teardrops in his eyelashes, understanding.
She reluctantly released her hold of him and took a step back to wring her hands.
Jacob resented the distance. Ever so small as it is now, he refused to be the cause of it. In one swift motion he pulled Bella into his arms and enveloped her in a hug, careful not to use all of his strength with her. Gently placing his head atop of hers. She melted in his embrace, clinging to him. As if he alone tethered her to the earth. Knowing Bella, she probably believed that. That’s when the realization hit him. Sudden and unexpected.
“Bells.” His voice was hoarse, Jacob was suddenly afraid. She made this delicious sounding hum from somewhere by his chest and he had to suppress a groan at having her so close and so sweet with him.
“I missed you.” She looked up at him with her beautiful eyes and he saw what he always saw there, only now he understood it like never before. Jacob Black had loved Bella Swan before he’d known how it felt. He’d loved her before his transition and after. He knew that he’d love her all of his life. But this. This he hadn’t expected, and he could be wrong. Because how was this possible?
“Me too.” He told her, “So much.” She smiled at him, less shy now. He loved her smile, loved being the cause of it. Deep breath. This would be a difficult conversation and hadn’t they had enough of those?
This was the best day of his life. Well it could be depending on a few factors. He pulled her closer, wanting to kiss her but knowing that they should wait. Just a little longer, just until things settled into a semblance of normalcy. He kissed her cheek instead and she let out a sigh. He wanted to live in that sound.
“It just doesn't make sense.” She’d missed him so much, she’d missed him calling her honey and holding her. She wanted to stay like this. But the look in his eye made her waiver.
“What?” She asked. Did he doubt her feelings for him?
“Bella, do you feel any different?” Jacob's face had grown serious, which alarmed her.
Did she? Yes and no. Her feelings for Jacob had always been there simmering over the surface, never completely quiet. She’d forced them down at her own detriment but they were undeniable.
“You mean other than completely altering the course of my life? No.” She smiled at him coyly. Could this be the reason she’d changed her mind? The legends say that it happens after you shift, but it’s been over a year now. Have we felt this all along and just didn’t know it? Was the bloodsucker brainwashing it out of her? This was stronger than any hold he’d had on her, obviously. Here she was now, being pulled in his direction. This isn’t how he wanted her to choose him.
“Bells, do you remember what I told you about imprinting?” She flinched at the word. Great start.
“Yeah…” She started warily, before her eyes grew wide with fear. “You didn’t…” This was the heartbreak she’d anticipated, only so much worse. This blow may very well be fatal.
“Um…I’m not sure.” He told her. She felt it crash over her, like the waves off the cliff. Knocking the wind out of her until her lungs filled with burning salt water. Choking on it. Could she survive this time?
She looked absolutely devastated. Her entire face fell and she started to pull away from him. “Oh.” This could wreck her. Bella always knew that the possibility or moreover the probability was there. It was part of the reason she distanced herself from him. Not by much, she never could get herself to stay away from Jacob for long but she had put in a tiny bit of effort. She’d excused it away as devotion to Edward, or giving Jacob grace to accept her vampire aspirations. She hadn’t wanted to, it hurt her, it hurt him and she hated to see him hurt.
“I think I may have imprinted on you.” He told her quickly. Rip off the bandaid. The shock that came next was like a windstorm, throwing them each for a loop. Bella was pulled in one direction, Jacob another and they just barely held on to each other in the chaos.
“That’s not possible.” She finally said, her voice breathy. Could it be though? She wasn’t so sure.
“There’s a chance.” He said, perhaps more doubtful than she.
“What does this mean exactly?” She was racking her brain for any sliver of information that she’d learned from the Quileute legends. She knew that imprinting was an unseverable bond between a werewolf and their soulmate. That it usually looked romantic, but Jacob had described it as a controlling force, almost painful. It had torn Leah and Sam from one another. It had caused damage beyond repair to a family. It had sired Quil to a toddler. Bella never expected being on this side of it. She always figured that if Jake imprinted she’d be the heartbroken one. It was some consolation that she’d be clinging to Edward and her new life as a vampire but she knew that Jacob moving on would be a bleeding wound. She’d never fully heal, which is part of the reason why she was so stubborn in her immortality pursuit. She didn’t want to be stuck watching him be with someone else. Bella loved him too much. Was that what it meant to be an imprint? She didn’t like to think that he was forced to want her. Not her Jacob.
“It’s…a wolf thing.” He said somewhat stupidly. She fixed him with a look. “Ok, it’s like I told you, the imprint is the center of the wolf’s universe.” She didn’t want that for him, to have this impenetrable hold over him. Bella never had wanted control over Jacob but he’d given it so willingly. So she’d kept them friends and put as much distance between them as she could bear.
Things had shifted when the Cullens left and she became dependent on him. She wasn’t drawn to Jacob in the way she’d been to Edward, she didn’t see him as this god-like figure to worship. No. He was her Jacob, just Jake and she adored him. He made everything better.
How similar can an imprint be to good old-fashioned love?