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"—Toads actually don't drink water normally, they absorb it through their skin. Which, fun fact, toads actually shed just like snakes do, and they even eat their skin because it's good for them! And—" Adam rambles on.
Toads are his favorite animal in the entire garden. He knows that they're all Heaven's creations, but he can't help it! Toads are just so cool!
He watches them for hours after completing all his chores.
Lilith gets annoyed at him, though. She says he won't even look at her unless she's a toad. He said she would make a very cute toad, and she'd be the biggest toad of them all.
Lilith didn't like that.
So, he tried to explain that the female toads are bigger than the males, and increased size is a symbol of good genes and strength.
But, she didn't really get it. Lilith doesn't really get him at all.
Since that fight (Adam has started calling Lilith yelling at him a 'fight') Adam has made more of an effort to spend time with Lilith.
He thinks it's working out. Watching toads is good, but talking with someone about toads? That's even gooder. No, wait..great. Better than good will be great.
"Toads actually have to blink to help them swallow food! Isn't that great? They're just so great!"
He's so caught up in his rambling that he doesn't notice Lilith growing annoyed.
"Adam."
"Yes, Lily?"
"Go and watch the toads. I need quiet."
"But..you wanted me to—"
"Just go! I can't stand to hear your voice any longer!"
Adam flinches.
He..did something wrong again. That's what the angels say.
He does and says wrong things, that's why Lilith isn't bonding with him. The only problem is, Adam doesn't know what he does wrong.
Lilith storms off without another word. Adam trudges off to the toads.
He can't help but think that he is wrong.
Earth is a wasteland.
While the Garden of Eden was flourishing with life and love, Earth is a battlefield. The animals are no longer friends, but food. And food is so hard to come by.
Eve is a hunter. Adam fashioned her a spear, and then, what he calls a bow and arrows. Essentially, tinier spears that can be shot far distances for long-range damage.
While Eve hunts, Adam tends the land.
He is almost ten times as strong as her. The land is harsh and unpredictable, which is why he cares for it.
Hours and hours spent under the hot sun. Even with Adam's inventions—the hoe, shovel, and harrow respectively—it is still grueling work.
Every day, Adam comes home with bleeding hands, looking more tired and thin by the day.
He doesn't seem to mind the methodical work. Eve knows he thrives in repetitive tasks. But, she worries.
Adam is slowly whittling down. Yes, they both suffer and go hungry, but Adam starves, because he cannot stand to eat most of the food they have.
In the garden, it didn't matter what you ate or how often. Adam survived solely on oranges, pomegranates, dragon fruit, and joy.
Now? They need nutrients, just as the plants and animals do. Adam is not getting enough.
So, Eve cooks. A tactic she invented to purify the meat she killed. She cooks, tests, tastes, again and again.
She slowly finds things Adam can tolerate. They cultivate new fruits and vegetables, and find new ways to eat animals. Eve tests and tests and tests.
She tests until...Adam shrieks with joy.
Eve feels as if she could cry, seeing her husband smile again. He rocks in place and flaps his hands, joyful noises escaping him.
How long has it been since he's flapped?
"You like them?" She asks excitedly. "They are good?"
"They are great," Adam says, "no, they are..they are amazing."
How easily he comes up with new words always impresses her. His creativity knows no bounds.
"They are the ribs of cows. I simply cooked them slowly over the fire," Eve explains excitedly.
Adam laughs. Oh, how she has missed that laugh.
"I guess they remind me of you."
Eve falters. Her eyes trail down to Adam's chest. Although covered with cloth, she can clearly imagine the scar that covers his side.
"I'll make more. I'll make them every day if you'd like."
And she does.
Adam never grows tired of them, even after hundreds of years. Eve almost convinces herself that she no longer feels guilty.
Heaven is a nightmare.
So far, Adam has hidden out in the "penthouse" that Sera gave him. It's a bit like a home, but bigger. He likes it because it's more cozy.
He no longer needs to eat, but he can, for comfort. So, he does. He eats oranges and pomegranates and dragon fruit, and ribs. Lots of ribs.
There's not much else to do in his home other than eat and sleep.
To go outside would be to deal with the brightness and loudness of Heaven. He simply can't handle it. No place with so little people should be this loud.
He has the cloths pulled firmly over the windows, leaving him in darkness, save for a lamp or two.
Adam is quite fond of these lamps. They're much less oppressive than other lights.
Of course, Sera does not seem pleased that he isn't going outside.
"Adam. You cannot wither away in here for the rest of your existence."
"Why not? It's MY afterlife, is it not?"
Adam has taken to calling life after death the 'afterlife'. Not his most creative work, but he thinks it fits well.
"I just..I worry, when you're cooped up like this. I think some fresh air would be good for you."
Adam whines. He both loves and despises when Sera fusses over him, as he used to with his children. It makes him feel small and safe, in a way he's never felt before.
"It's so briiigghhtt.." He mumbles.
Sera's eyebrows furrow, and she tilts her head in confusion. "Bright?"
"I don't like it. Plus, it's somehow loud? There's no people or animals and it's loud! How does that even happen?"
Sera seems taken aback. She never thought about anything Adam is saying. Slowly, Adam deflates as he readies to be brushed off.
No one has ever understood his hatred for brightness. It is another reason he is wrong.
"Perhaps there are solutions to this problem?" Sera asks, mostly to herself.
"What—"
Sera disappears in a flash of light. Adam flinches and screws his eyes shut. When he hesitantly peels his eyes back open, he has to close them again, because Sera reappears.
In her hands are two items. One looks like a pair of glasses, but darker? He's seen Gabriel wear glasses, but not like this.
In her other hand is..well, Adam isn't sure. It's a thin piece of plastic connecting two much bigger, round pieces. Covering the bigger pieces are foam? Fabric?
"They're called sunglasses and headphones, Perfection," Sera says.
"Oh. What are they for?"
Sera just smiles. With gentle hands, she slides the sunglasses on his face. Adam almost panics as his vision darkens, but then he figures that must be the point.
Then, she puts the headphones on him. The whole world goes quiet. All the white noise of Heaven stops.
Adam is too busy basking in the silence to notice Sera going over to open his blinds.
He's in awe all over again, because the light doesn't hurt. It's not so bright anymore. He goes as far as to actually step out onto his balcony.
For once in his existence, he isn't overwhelmed by the outside.
"Are you feeling better, perfection?" Sera asks.
Her voice is slightly muffled, but not silenced.
Adam grins brightly. "It's amazing."
Adam's stay in Hell has been about what you would expect.
He's a survivor. He conquered primordial earth. Hell has absolutely nothing on the ancient beasts. His experiences are also the only reason he didn't have the meltdown of the century over it.
Unfortunately, he was found. Adam doesn't even know how the hotel crew did it. He was so damn careful.
After weeks of wearing him down, eventually, Adam moved into the Hazbin Hotel. Of course, that was only after he carefully negotiated his terms of staying. (He's an idiot, not a sucker.)
Once his safety and freedom were both secured, he agreed. Better than his shitty apartment, after all.
One of the biggest upsides to staying there? Access to their garden, and all the animals hiding there. Adam has spent days just digging around in there, finding every new species he can.
Currently, Adam is once again caught in a staring contest with Kiki, the enchanted cat-key-thing in the hotel.
"You are so fascinating," He says.
Kiki slowly blinks at him. Adam kicks his feet joyfully, not taking his eyes off her.
"You doin' okay there, dude?" Angel asks. "You kinda been staring at her for..like..a long time."
Adam acts like he's ignoring the spider. In reality, words are hard sometimes. Sera called it going nonverbal.
Kiki blinks slowly again. Adam kicks faster.
"Okay..weirdo," Angel mumbles, looking at his phone.
It doesn't hurt. Not anymore. Adam has been called much worse things by people he cared much more about. Honestly? 'Weirdo' is a bit mild.
Then, he hears it.
Oinking.
Adam's head snaps to see a tiny spider-pig hybrid curled up on the floor. It is the most adorable thing he's ever seen. (Next to his children and that baby sheep on Earth). It has him sitting up with the speed of sound.
Angel leans over to look at him. "That's Fat Nuggets. He's my pig."
Adam wants to pet it. No, he needs to pet it.
But, that would require speaking to the spider. Adam is no good at that. Nor does he ever want to ask a sinner for anything. Nor can he ask the sinner for anything, because words are super hard.
But-But—the pig. The pig with it's big cute eyes and tiny little limbs.
"Do you..wanna pet him?" Angel asks.
Adam silently nods, not taking his eyes off the pig.
Angel huffs a small laugh, smiling. "Y'know, you're actually kinda cute. When you're not trying to murder us and all."
That makes him blush. Eve used to call him cute a lot, but no one has since then.
She did it a lot when he got in these moods. He feels..softer. The whole world is just so much more than it usually is. It makes him feel vulnerable. Even weak.
Fat Nuggets crawls into his lap before he can spiral. Adam finds himself rocking back and forth as he finally gets to pet it.
He's pretty sure Angel takes pictures, but he can't bring himself to care.
To himself, Adam can't help but admit things aren't so bad in Hell. He thinks he could get used to it, maybe even have some fun.