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It would’ve been a pleasant day if it weren’t for an empty-headed, pasta-loving Italian asking completely random and redundant questions.
“Hey, Japan, want to see my butt?”
Upon being asked, Kiku quickly replied with a half-serious, “Not if you pay me a million dollars.”
He thought that would be the end of the discussion. Feliciano commonly asked him fruitless, frugal questions such as these. He knew better than to even be surprised, let alone confused.
Kiku was suddenly face to face with a large stack of bills, Yen, he quickly recognized them as. It looked to be about a hundred ¥10,000 bank notes, all strewn across his floor haphazardly in a messy pile. Next to it was a smiling Italian standing proudly with his hands on his hips.
“Well, here it is!” Exclaims Feliciano, grinning with a smile that swallowed his whole face up. Momentarily speechless, Kiku sighs and rubs his face as he tries to come up with words to properly convey his regret to becoming friends with Feliciano.
”Italy, why do you have all this money? And what is it for?”
”You told me, you wouldn’t look at my butt if i payed you a million dollars. So I got a million and one dollars!”
The silence that follows such a stupid statement is long and deafening. The only thing that cuts through the tension it is Kiku’s exhausted sigh.
“Well, I suppose you are right.” He mutters, looking at the bills before picking up the single ¥1,000 bill. “…This is 1,001,000 Yen, not 1,000,000 Yen…”
Feliciano scratches his chin chronically and gives a small smile that almost makes Kiku want to punch him. Almost.
”Ve, well.. there’s not exactly a 1 Yen bill…”
Kiku almost groans before finally giving up and giving in.
“I see. Well, since you’ve already gone through the trouble of getting this money, I don’t suppose I can back down on my offer.”
Kiku concedes, face twisting into a grimace. Frankly, he doesn’t want to see Feliciano’s butt. He doesn’t want to see anyone’s ass for that matter. However, if he’s getting money for it, especially in this amount, he supposes he could will himself to go through with it. After all, think of all the food he could buy with this.
Without a beat missed, Feliciano pulls down his pants, standing in the middle of Kiku’s room with just his boxers on like some kind of drunken Englishman. For a long, tense minute, both men stand there in silence, one smiling, the other wondering if legalizing nuclear weapons really is the solution to some problems.
”Do you want to touch it?”
”You’ll have to pay me a billion for that.”
“I’m on it!”