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What does a jacket really mean? It's just a bunch of fabric stitched together after all, a praticial invention for weather protection. You can't give a deeper meaning to a simple thing like a jacket, it would be foolish to do so.
So if all of the above is true, why the hell is Nancy Wheeler sitting on her bed, clutching Robins black denim jacket to her chest like a life line. Like she would drown, fall into the dark and never find a way out without the denim in her hands.
Nancy couldn't resist smelling the jacket, hoping to find the comforting scent of hot chocalate and sailty air like on the beach but the scent had long vanished. Of course Nancy already knew that, knew too well that her attempt was hopeless but what is madness if not doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result each time?
A few tears slipped from Nancy eyes down her cheeks, soaking her shirt just slightly. She needed to talk to Robin, damn it. But the memory of their last conversation weight on Nancy heavily, forcing her to sit back down on the bed. Flashes of words and both their voices echoed in her head mixing with a rush of sickness at knowing that she had hurt Robin, sweet oh so sweet Robin. But she was Nancy Walk Em Down Wheeler and she would fix this.
At the sqawk
Robin was spinning in her chair inside the recording booth, mindlessly rolling a pen between her fingers. The rambling was bad today, really bad. To Robin it felt like her head would explode soon with all the thoughts squeezing inside her mind, each fighting for room. For a place. For Robin to think them, to actually think them and speak them out loud. But Robin didn't feel like doing that, she was tired.
Robin stretched and just wanted to get up when the door opened or more so flung open and of course none other than Nancy Wheeler came face to face with her.
Normally Robin loved seeing the shorter woman. It always lit a fire in her to watch Nancy move, trace the outline of her jaw with her eyes when Nancy spoke and find passion in her sharp choice of words. But right now the fire was barely able to lit due to the strong storm brewing inside Robin. She didn't want to be mad at Nancy or feel so hurt over their stupid fight but all of her attempts to do so had failed. That left Robin with exactly those feelings and crossed arms as she looked at Nancy.
"Look Robin, I know that what I said to you was shitty and I am so sorry but please talk to me".
Robin let Nancys words roll around in her head, the taste of them similiar to citrone. On one side sweet but leaving you bitter in the end. She looked down, still feeling Nancys eyes fixed on her face. After a minute that felt like a hundred Robin clicked her tongue, taking off the headphones that had been laying around her neck before she stood up.
"Coffee"?
Nancy was suprised but at the same time really happy. Nancy never would have thought that a simple offer of coffee would feel like the start of forgiveness, like a opening to patch things up. So Nancy followed Robin to the small kitchen of the Sqawk, trying to not think about why being in such a small space with Robin made her heart beat faster. Surely it had nothing to do with the way how while Robin moved to make them the coffee, the tiny amount of space that now was occupied by two adult bodies made Robin brush against her repeatly, every time resulting in tingles and gossepumps for Nancy.
"So, I..uhm I still have your jacket".
Robin stopped, her grip tight around the cup before she set it down in front of Nancy
"I know Nancy"
She didn't say anything more and that made Nancy uneasy, nervous because Robin was a rambler. Robin rambled all the time, everywhere and about anything but now she was silent.
"Do you want it back? I mean it is yours and it's too big for me anyhow"
Robin took a sip, sighing when the warm liquid ran down her throat. For a moment Nancy was tempted to watch Robins throat move, see the skin and imagine how that skin would feel under her fingertips. Nancy tore her gaze away, noting how the moment was wrong for thoughts going in that direction. Instead Nancy tapped her nails on the table before she remembered that it was probably gonna seem weird if she didn't drink her coffee so she went to take a sip but being too distracted by Robin spilled the coffee right on her blouse.
"Ah shit, great, just great" Nancy laughed, grabbing some tissue from her purse to clean the stain with but it didn't work at all.
" That won't work, wait Nance let me help"
Robin didn't even think about it, invading Nancys personal space like it was her own. She leaned down, now focusing her movement on rubbing the stain ouf of Nancys pink blouse. Speaking of things being pink, having Robin so close to her made Nancy flush, all of her senses closing in on Robin in front of her. Robins touch was gentle despite Nancy knowing very well that Robin was mad at her and rightfully so.
"Ah shit, I think you'll have to give that shirt to a dry cleaner Nance".
Nance. Nance. Nance. Robin called her Nance, not Nancy and that left Nancy with a rush of butterflies swirling in her stomach. A few strains of Robin's messily put together bun fell in front of her face, of her eyes and Nancy wasn't okay with not being able to see that beautiful blue. Without a second thought Nancy reached out, pushing the hair back behind Robin's ear.
For the few seconds that followed it was silent, breathing mingling without them wanting to. Nancy felt like she was in a dream, was this really about to happen? Robin was so close already, just a push and there it would be, their first kiss.
The building tension was broken by Robin pulling away, dropping the tissue and stumbling back a few steps. She looked like she had been burned.
"Nancy, I think you should go now"
Nancy stood up quickly, her eyes wide and that want to be close to Robin bubbling underneath her fingers. She didn't wanna go. Nancy was controlled, always logical but Robin made her feel wild, free. With Robin Nancy felt like she could be anyone she wanted to be and more. But that stupid outburst of hers had put up a wall between them and now Nancy needed to find a way to break through.
Flashback
They had just come back from a group hangout, a desperate attempt for them to feel just a sliver of normality between saving the world and nearly dying every other day. Usually Robin would crash at Steve's but Steve The Hair Harrington had had a rough day, getting knocked down more than once by those damn demogorgons. So Robin had offered to give him so peace and time to process by staying at Nancys.
Nancy didn't argue against that, found no reason to. If Nancy was honest she found herself craving Robins presence more and more but she never allowed herself to dwell on the reason why too long. It wasn't like Nancy had a crush on Robin, that would be stupid and not possible since Robin was a girl. Crushes and butterflies and dreams about you kissing was something you had about boys, Nancy knew that. So Nancy locked that string of thoughts, thoughts about Robins smile, the smell of her shampoo and the way Robins rings fit her look so well deep down in her mind. But like even her uncounsis mind knew the truth Nancy simustanly pulled the jacket she had been wearing tighter around her shoulders.
"You look real nice in my jacket". Robins raspy voice cut through, pulling Nancy back into reality. Ah right, the black denim hanging on her shoulders belonged to Robin, she had given it to Nancy to comfort her after another encounter with Vecna. Nobody had commented on how it was Robin who had taken the role of comforter, of emtional support and how Nancy embraced it. Her and Jonathan were broken up but still had to save the world together so most likely the rest of the group just didn't want to make it uncomfortable by saying anything about the tension between Robin and Nancy in front of him. Steve had shot Robin a knowing glance though but kept his mouth shut.
"Thanks Robin, it's really comfortable". Robin smiled at that, liking that Nancy liked to wear her clothes. In Robins opinion Nancy looked rightdown adorable in the thing, it was too big due to their height difference and wasn't really Nancys sytle but the dark black made the blue in her eyes pop and sparkle and Robin wanted nothing more than to pull her in by the collar and kiss Nancy. But Robin couldn't do that. She couldn't cause one Nancy is straight and second the woman had just broken up with her longterm boyfriend. So instead Robin settled for being friends, it was still better than nothing.
"Anything for you Nancy"
Nancys heart stuttered, the steady tact of her heartbeat failing and her mouth suddenly dry. Nancy was so confused. For weeks now something about Robin sparked that response in her and she just didn't understand why. Nancy just couldn't understand why it was Robin who she wanted to be close to, no matter if day or night, no matter if they were hanging out with the rest of the group, eating junk food and watching movies or fighting for mankind in the upside down. For the life of her Nancy couldn't figure out why it was Robin who made her skin prickle with just a tiny touch or why it was Robin who she found comfort in. Why it had been Robins jacket that with it's weight and Robins smell clinging to the material managed to calm her down. It should have been Jonathan but he hadn't been it for a long time and Nancy knew that wasn't fair. So even if she couldn't understand her own feelings Nancy realized that she needed to let Jonathan go. Nobody knew why they had really broken up, not even Jonathan cause Nancy couldn't put all that into words.
"Are you okay"? Again Robin and her scratchy husk that grounded Nancy. Shit, Robin was the one who grounded her, made her feel connected to reality. Nancys head was spinning, her thoughts tumbling and spiraling.
"Yes, I'm great, why you asking"? Nancy managed to barely cough out, afraid her own voice would bail on her. They were standing in Nancys room, pink comforter on the bed and Tom Cruise poster tapped to the wall with 1 dollar yellow sticky stripes and Nancy Wheeler was losing it cause she wasn't able to figure out why Robin Buckley was everything she wanted but also was what scared her most right now.
Robin came closer, eyes soft and worried. She reached out, her hand finding Nancys which she squeezed. Robin thought about her words, not wanting to offend Nancy.
"It's...it's just that you...ahm seem distracted, like hella distracted and I'm worried that the stuff with Vecna is messing with you"
Nancy was aware that Robin meant well and was just looking out for her but the stress of today and her own confusion made her snap.
"Why are you always so worried about me Robin? You always worry if I have eaten, always asking about how I slept and offering to go with me on every mission and now you even share your clothes with me"
Nancy pulled the jacket off her shoulders, throwing it onto the bed where it landed witha thud. Robin looked taken back, trying to decipher what just happend.
"Nancy, I worry the same about Steve, we are friends, that's it. That is why I worry and want you to be safe".
Friends. The words rang like a bell in Nancys head. Similiar to a pink pong ball it bounced around and settled in her heart and it hurt but Nancy didn't want it to hurt. Having Robin describing them as just friends hurt her meant that Nancy did not want to be just friends and she couldn't allow herself to feel that way for Robin, it would be wrong.
"You don't worry about Steve like that, you love him sure but you don't act like you're his boyfriend like you do with me. That is what you do Robin, you act like my boyfriend but you are not and you never will be and I want you to stop. Just stop and let me breathe"
Robin felt like she had been shot, every word a bullet that tore into her body and slowly let her bleed out onto the floor. Robin clicked her tongue, all warmth rushing from her body, leavinc her ice cold. Ice cold like Nancy had just been to her.
Nancy must too have snapped out of whatever caused her outburst and Robin watched how her eyes filled with regret and shock at her herself. But Robin was tired, worn out from todays events and now had been insulted from the girl she was in love with and that was enough for a single day.
"Have a good night Nancy" Robin walked to the door, hearing Nancys begging for her to stay in the background but there was no way Robin could after what happend. She was heartbroken and if she looked now at Nancy, Nancy would see and this all would explode. Nancy would know that Robin was gay and into her and all hell would break lose. So she left.
Back in the present
"Robin please, I know that I acted horrible and that I don't deserve your forgiveness but please let me explain"
Robin breathed in, the air of the break room like smoke burning her lungs cause she had to share it Nancy. Nancy who had said all that stuff and was now asking to be heard.
"What would be an explanation for what you said Nancy? I made you uncomfortable, that much was made clear by you and I don't need a reminder or repeat of that night"
Nancy couldn' take it. Seeing Robin like that, she couldn't let Robin think that it was her fault.
"You didn't make me uncomforble, you never did Robin. There is no other person I feel so good with, with you I feel safe, like all will be fine and even being stuck in the upside down the person I seek out is you cause I want to be with you Robin, all the time"
Damn Nancy had done it, had cracked that shell open finally and now she wouldn't stop cracking it further and further till Robin knew for sure what she meant to Nancy.
"Everything I said back in my room was bullshit, lies. I was scared, so scared and I still am but damn it Robin, I only said that stuff because facing the truth freaks me out"
"What is the truth Nance'"?
"I...I am in love with you Robin and that scares me so much. It was never you that made me uncomfortable or feel wrong, I just didn't understand my own feelings and tried so hard to push them down that I hurt you in the process and I'm sorry really".
The room was on fire, elecrity running through the ground up into Robins body like a shock wave. Nancy Wheeler was in love with her. Nancy felt the same as her and the neurons in Robins brain screamed, screamed at her to do something about that. In a rush she stumbled forwards now, standing in front of Nancy, no space between them like it should have been all along. Her fingers were trembling, she was nervous and felt a bit like she was floading. Robins eyes found Nancys, captured them with a gaze consiting of longing and pent up emotion.
"Nance, I want to kiss you. I really wanna kiss you so please tell me that you want that too".
Nancy pulled her flush against her by the wrist, Nancys fingers curling around Robins leather armband. Robin sighed when Nancy laid her other on her cheek, the skin to skin contact better than any dream could ever be. Nancy rubbed soothing circles into her wrist, standing on tip toes as finally she connected their lips.
Robins shock that this was really happening quickly disappeared as kissing Nancy back consumed her body and mind. Standing in the sqawk break room sharing her first kiss with Nancy Wheeler, Robin couldn't have told you the difference between this and paradise