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“I don’t like girls.”
“I had this crush on someone, even though I know they’re not like me.”
“But then I realized, he’s just my Tammy. And by Tammy, I mean it was never about him, it was about me.”
⚄
Those words would haunt Michael Wheeler. How couldn’t he have known? Why didn’t he notice sooner? If he noticed earlier, would things be different?
Those are questions Mike asked himself often. He replayed the look Will gave him in his head over and over again. The look of yearning, sadness, acceptance. If only he knew.
Mike stood to put his binder away after everyone else, taking a moment to stare at Will’s binder sitting there on the shelf. The future he wanted for Will, where he’d find someone and find acceptance– it was only half true. He wanted Will to find acceptance. But he didn’t want him to find someone else. Mike was selfish. He wanted Will to himself, but how could he admit that? How could he admit it, especially after what he said?
“Friends? No thanks. Best friends.”
He was a coward. He saw the hope in Will’s eyes, only for it to be snuffed out. He was a jerk, he knew it. But he was scared. All his life, he had been told what was proper. Two men together was… dirty. And while Mike knew it wasn’t true, those thoughts had been ingrained in him. He’d always support Will, but he wasn’t sure if he could support himself.
Mike slowly placed his binder on the shelf, his thumb lingering on the spine of Will’s binder. His chest ached with longing and regret. He wished he could take everything back, start over so he’d have a chance. But Will for sure moved on already. He said so himself. He couldn’t do that to him, ask him for another chance.
Though, as he heard Will reach the top of the basement stairs, he felt a surge of desperation. “..Will, wait.” He turned to look at the brown haired boy.
Will paused, looking back at Mike from the top of the stairs. “Yeah?”
“I..” Mike swallowed thickly. His mouth suddenly felt very dry, his palms sweaty. “I need to talk to you. Alone.” He finished.
Will took a moment to stare at Mike before making his way back down the stairs, approaching the other boy. “What’s up?..” He questioned, examining Mike’s expression. He noticed the furrow in his brow, the way he anxiously gnawed on his lip.
“..I’m a coward.” Mike spoke, voice almost a whisper. “What I said that day? On the radio tower? I was a coward. The best friends thing was bullshit.”
Will blinked, staring up at Mike confusedly. “What do you-”
“I love you, Will.”
There was a silence that settled in the basement, only the sounds of movement from upstairs being heard. Then,
“What?”
Mike swallowed, taking a shaky breath. He avoided Will’s gaze. “I love you. And- and I know I’m probably too late to tell you, and I- I’m sorry.”
“Mike,”
“I’m so sorry. I- I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was scared. I was worried,”
“Mike.”
“And I know you probably already moved on, and-”
Suddenly, there were hands at his cheeks and tugging him forward, lips smashing against his. Will. He kissed him. Will was kissing him. He stared at his face with wide eyes before slowly melting into it, hands at the shorter of the two’s waist. This was wrong. This was so wrong. Anyone could walk down and see them, anyone could catch them, but Mike didn’t even care anymore.
He tugged Will closer, and Will wrapped his arms around Mike’s shoulders. They stayed like that for a few more seconds before reluctantly pulling apart, panting softly.
They gazed into each other's eyes, silent words passing between them. “I’m sorry”s, and “I love you”s.
“..You are a coward.” Will whispered, though he was just being silly as he gave Mike a small smile. Mike smiled as well, huffing out a laugh. “Yeah..”
Before either of them could speak again, Karen could be heard from the top of the stairs again. “Boys? Hurry up. Dinner’s getting cold!”
Mike sighed. “Okay, Mom!”
Will stifled a laugh. “We’d better go.”
“Yeah.”
Instead of immediately walking to the stairs, they just stared at each other for a few more moments. When they finally began making their way upstairs, they held hands the whole way until they couldn’t anymore. It would be their secret for now.