Chapter Text
Parents hand down their genes to their children, it is simple genetics really, when you look at a child you can see echoes of their parents in them. They will always be embedded in their children for better or for worse.
Tim can’t look at himself in the mirror. When he looks at himself he sees his mother’s blue eyes and his father’s nose.
He was always told that he looked like his mother. They claimed that he inherited her calm and cold demeanor. Tim doesn’t really believe that. He has always been more like his father than he ever wants to be.
Jake Drake was distant at the best of times. He didn’t know how to be a father and didn’t really try to fix that. When he experienced an emotion he deemed “too much” he would lock himself away from the world in his study. He refused help because he didn’t know any better.
Now after two years of Jake Drake being dead his legacy of self isolation continues on in Tim.
Tim is sitting under a table in a music room on the second floor of Wayne Manor. He is curled into himself like he could make himself small enough to become invisible. His head is between his knees and his hands are gripping his knees like a vice.
Shallow breathing is the only sound echoing in the large room. His lungs feel like a cup with a hole cut in the bottom. A little water stays in the cup while the rest leaks out. He doesn’t know how to patch up the hole in the cup so he can breathe again.
Tim doesn’t even know what triggered this response. It could have been anything. His therapist Miss Dinah Lance told him that people with ptsd get flashbacks often and they can be triggered by a lot of things. A sound, a sight, a texture or even a smell can send him back to that night.
The both of them have been working on trying to manage the attacks when they happen. He has methods and exercises to manage them. But suddenly all of them have vanished into thin air, leaving Tim up creek with no paddle to combat the tide.
A wheezing breath passes through Tim’s lips, the only sign that he is even there. His limbs feel like they have locked up as his mind feels like it is spinning. He wants to call out to Dick or Jason or anyone but his voice is stuck in his throat.
Soft scratching begins to happen at the door Tim had run through a few minutes prior. He doesn’t know if he ended up shutting it all the way. In the back of his mind he registers that the scratching sounds like Ace.
Ace had been adopted by the family shortly after Tim and Dick. Miss Lance had suggested a service dog could help them through panic attacks and nightmares.
It had been a big day when Bruce brought the German shepherd puppy home. Jason was excited to have an animal in the house after begging Bruce for a pet for years. Ace had immediately taken to Tim and stuck to his side like glue. The dog had been weary of Dick at first then warmed up to him soon after. Dick enjoys the dog’s company and would pull the dog into his lap when he was stressed.
The door creaks open, the accompanying tap of Ace’s claws on the floor helping to give Tim something to focus on. Ace finds him under the table and wiggles under it with him. His nose is cold as he sniffs at Tim’s tear filled eyes.
Ace lays down in front of Tim with his snout on Tim’s knees. He whines a little and Tim runs his hand through his fur. As soon as the tips of his fingers touch Ace his tail thumps softly on the floor as it wags. The sound helps him to ground himself.
“Why is this door open-?” Bruce’s voice has Tim curling into himself more.
He really doesn’t want Bruce to see him like this. Tim is weak and crying like a little kid and he doesn’t want anyone to see him. The thought of Bruce kicking him out because he is crying like a little kid sends sparks of white hot anxiety through him
Putting his hands over his mouth to muffle his sniffles he hopes that Bruce doesn’t see him. Maybe he will but leave him to his emotions. His parents would leave him to sort his own stuff out until the last few months they were alive, so why wouldn’t Bruce?
“Ace? What are you doing under the table?”
Tim can only see someone wearing a pair of sweatpants and black socks. He knows it’s Bruce just from his voice but the clothes confirm it. Bruce gets down on his knees to look under the table.
Tim hides his face in Ace’s fur in hopes of getting his teary state unnoticed by the world’s greatest detective. But sadly it doesn’t work out in his favor.
“What are you doing under the table Tim?” Bruce’s voice is soft in a way that makes Tim only want to sob harder.
He doesn’t say anything. Tim doesn’t think that he can without his voice cracking and more tears spilling over onto his face. So he stays silent and hopes Bruce will go away. When Tim looks up at Bruce he is sitting cross legged on the floor with a look of concern on his face.
“You don’t have to talk to me, I can call Dick if you want-”
“Please don’t!” Tim interrupts him abruptly, his voice sounding rough as he does.
Dick is doing well after a year in the manor. He smiles more, cracks ridiculous jokes and is a lot warmer then before. But the one thing that hasn’t changed was Dick’s itch to help others. He recently started working on a vigilante identity for himself so he can help Bruce and Jason. Right now Dick should be down in the cave testing out a suit prototype Bruce had made for him and Tim isn’t going to interrupt him.
“He has other things to do and I don’t want to bother him.” Tim explains with tears choking him.
Bruce’s face looks like he told him the wrong thing as Tim speaks. It makes tension form between his shoulders and he curls into himself more than before. Ace licks at his tears with a whine.
“Well do you want to talk to me about what is bothering you?”
Tim doesn’t want to. He feels his fight or flight kick in but he is stuck under a table with only one entrance or exit. His breathing starts to pick up as he looks around the space, realizing how small it is and how cornered he is.
His vision blurs and Bruce suddenly reaches out to him.
The image of his hand changes suddenly. Instead of gloveless fingers, a gloved handed with sharp talons is around his neck.
And Tim can’t breathe.
His chest is trying to get air but it feels like even the air itself is rejecting him.
The Talon is back to finish the job. He can already feel the hands around his neck. The air slowly being squeezed out of him as he looks up into an emotionless mask-
“-Tim!” Bruce’s voice is close to him. His tone carefully neutral but Tim can hear the hint of frantic desperation in it. “Please talk to me.”
Tim takes in a breath that makes his lungs feel like they are on fire.
“I need you to tell me what is going on, son.” Bruce is pleading with him as Tim struggles to blink away the image of the Talon that killed his parents.
As the panic attack wanes he feels his lungs taking in air and keeping it. He feels warm- the opposite of that night- his body’s temperature going up steadily because of Bruce’s presence. Tim slumps into the embrace without fully thinking.
He is just so tired.
Tim hasn’t felt this tired for a while. Miss Lance tells him that this is normal for panic attacks. With the intense emotions leaving his system it can cause after effects like exhaustion and tremors. That doesn’t stop his body feeling like it has been drained of everything.
“Sorry Bruce.” Tim croaks out through the aftermath of his tears.
There is a furrow in Bruce’s brows but he doesn’t say anything to Tim’s apology, just moves on.
“What happened Tim? Do you know what set this off?” He looks less frantic and more… sad.
Tim thinks back to what he was doing before he had the attack. He was walking down the stairs. Alfred had been putting up Christmas decorations. Tim was marvelling at the large garland being laid across the railing of the staircase in the parlor.
Then… then the golden lights flashed and Tim was back to that night.
“The lights-” Tim tells him after his silence. “-they were gold and then I wasn’t in the manor anymore.”
That is probably the only way he can explain it. He knows that it doesn’t make sense.
But Miss Lance told him that emotions don’t make sense sometimes. They don’t follow logic like Tim wants them to. He still tries to rationalise what he is feeling, to put his emotions into what are the right emotions and what are wrong for each situation he encounters.
“Do you want us to find different lights?” His voice is gentle, soothing in a way only Tim’s mother has ever been with him.
He feels fresh tears well up in his eyes.
“No.” Tim looks down at his hands. “It just caught me off guard.”
Bruce gives him a nod of understanding, “Do you want to go see Dick? He should be almost done testing the suit.”
Tim weighs it in his mind.
On one hand he wants to let Dick have his moment. Becoming a vigilante is a big deal and he feels bad for making this about him even when he didn’t intend to. On the other hand, Tim wants to see Dick. He wants his eldest brother to hold him and soothe him until Tim feels like the world is real again.
“If he is almost done.” Tim mutters and hunches his shoulders.
Bruce gives him a small smile before standing up, taking Tim with him.
Tim normally would protest being carried like a child but he is just too tired to argue with his adoptive father. So he lets himself settle against Bruce as they make their way down to the batcave.
Jason and Dick are waiting for them when they get down there. Jason is in his Blue Jay suit that has been modified a bit because of his recent growth spurt. He is sparring with Dick who is suited up besides his mask.
The Nightwing suit is far lighter than Batman or Blue Jay’s. While Batman and Blue Jay are more brawlers, Dick or Nightwing is an acrobat who needs more flexibility then the others do. He has panels of armor where he needs it but for the most part the armor is light weight.
If Tim wasn’t tired he would be inspecting the suit himself.
Dick senses them coming and pins Jason quickly. He has an innocent smile on his face as Jason struggles against his hold. It is a rather funny image and it pulls a quiet laugh from Tim. He feels Bruce sigh minutely in response to Tim’s laughter.
It takes a second for Dick to realize that something is wrong and get off Jason, who huffs in relief when his weight is off his back. Dick is on them in seconds, with Jason not too far behind.
“What’s wrong Tim?” He looks concerned and checks him over for injuries.
Jason’s brows are furrowed like Bruce’s do, “What’s wrong Timmers?”
“Panic attack.” Bruce sums up, his voice is gentle. “He is over the worst of it.”
Dick’s face softens immediately.
“Oh Tim, please come to me next time.” He murmurs and rests his forehead against Tim’s.
Tim fully goes limp at Dick’s touch. He knows that Bruce is safe but his body still hasn’t fully come to believe that yet. It is something he has been working on lately.
After being an isolated child for so long he latched onto Dick when he showed him that he wasn’t going to leave him. Miss Lance believes that their bond is as strong as it is because of their shared trauma. They both will remember that night in their nightmares so Tim’s subconscious has deemed Dick safe.
“He is right.” Tim can feel the low rumble of Bruce’s voice in his chest. “You can rely on us for things like this Tim.”
He feels a bit sheepish with his family staring at him. Jason’s look of concern, Dick’s soft expression and Bruce’s firm hands around him all feel so good that it hurts. His heart is full to bursting as he watches them care for him like this.
“I will try to be better, it’s just-” His parents really weren’t ever around enough for him to be vulnerable around them. “-hard.”
Bruce hums in understanding.
“Still, at least talk to me if Bruce or Dick isn’t around! I feel like I am failing at this whole big brother thing.” Jason tells him and points a finger at him like he is scolding an unruly child.
This gets a snicker out of Dick and Jason looks at him with a glare. Tim’s brother's petty squabble makes Tim laugh outright.
All four of them settle down in the cave for a few hours before they patrol.
Dick does some flips and tricks on the gymnastics equipment Bruce bought for him not long after Dick expressed his interest in joining Batman and Blue Jay a few months ago. Jason has changed out of his suit and has pulled up a spare chair beside the chair in front of the batcomputer. Tim is still in Bruce’s arms despite the aftermath of the panic being mostly gone.
The warmth of his family being with him and Bruce’s breathing lulls him into sleep.
⋆˙⟡
Dick is nervous. His whole body is jittery as he puts his suit back on after the test run they did a few hours ago. The suit fits well and allows him to move comfortably unlike his last one. But it doesn’t help with the rising contradicting emotions in.
He looks at himself in the mirror of the locker room in the cave.
Dick looks older. His hair is longer than the court of owls allowed. It comes down to just above his shoulders. The ends curl a bit like his mother’s did and it makes him want to cry. His eyes are still gold. Bruce couldn’t get his eye color back no matter what ideas they came up with. So during public appearances Dick has blue contacts that aren’t the exact shade of blue he knows was his eye color.
He is nineteen now, an adult, but it doesn’t feel like it. Some days he still feels like a nine year old boy who was stolen from his safe place to be turned into a monster.
Can he do good? After everything he has done is it possible to still help people?
Those questions have been rolling around in his mind since they took down the court. It is plaguing him as he adjusts the mask on his face. They decided on a domino mask and not a cow because Dick doesn’t think he could cover up that much of his face without having a panic attack.
Dick squares his shoulders, giving himself one last look over, then he walks out of the locker room with his head held high.
Bruce and Jason are waiting for him by the computer. The cowl on the batsuit is pulled down and Dick can see the blue of Bruce’s eyes. He looks proud. Dick basks in his unspoken praise and feels himself grow steadier. Jason’s face brightens when he sees Dick, a grin on his face.
“Lookin’ good ‘Wing.” He says and looks over the suit with appreciation for the lightweight armor that took Bruce days to get right.
“Thanks, it feels good too.” Dick returns his grin. “Where is Tim?”
There is a clatter from the top of the stairs. All three of them look over at Tim who is rushing down the stairs with his camera in his hands, the one he got from his parents. He has a smile on his face as he slides to a stop in front of them.
“I need a photo for my albums!” He exclaims and lifts up the camera to bring attention to it.
Bruce huffs in amusement, “As long as you don’t follow us on patrol.”
“But it’s Nightwing’s debut!” Tim pouts at him.
It is good to see Tim feeling safe enough to act like a child around them. Dick’s heart warms as his little brother doesn’t look anxious about offering up his disagreement.
“It is a special night B,” Jason gives Tim a conspiratorial grin. “We could give him a name and everything!”
Bruce raises an eyebrow, “He won’t be out with us until he is trained.”
“So if I train enough I can go out with you guys?” Tim’s eyes are lit up like the Christmas lights Alfred has strung up around the house.
A long deep sigh is drawn out of Bruce but it is juxtaposed by the slight twitch to his lips.
“Once you are up to my standards then yes Tim.” He says.
“Yes!” “Yeah!” Tim and Jason cheer at the same time.
“We will have to workshop some names.” Dick adds with a grin.
Bruce pulls the cowl over his face and Tim turns his attention back to his camera.
The three of them get closer together in front of the computer. Jason and Dick have their brightest smiles on their faces. Bruce still has the twitch to his lips that counts as a smile on his face.
The camera flashes. After that they say their goodbyes as start over to the car as Tim waves goodbye, Alfred behind him with his own small smile.
Dick decides that he will be able to move past his history if he has his family with him.
⋆˙⟡
Gotham is beautiful at night. Most people who don’t live in Gotham would argue that the city is too crime ridden to be beautiful. But Dick knows that the Gotham skyline is beautiful.
Old Gotham’s architecture looms below him as he looks over the city. All the previous nerves are gone, leaving only firm resolve to help. Bruce and Jason are dealing with Poison Ivy in New Town. Dick decided to bow out of that because of the possibility of her pollen drugging him and that inducing a panic attack.
So he is patrolling through old Gotham while he waits on them to deal with Ivy.
A scream pierces through the calm air of Gotham. Dick is immediately on edge. He looks around for the person screaming for help. Running to the other side of the rooftop he sees two men carrying off a little girl towards a car.
Dick feels bile rise to his throat as he remembers how he was taken from the circus that terrible night.
He pushes it down before getting down to where they are. He lands with a flip, a little bit more showy then necessary but he wants to make an impression on Gotham.
“The fuck are you susposed to be?” The man holding the upper part of the crying girl’s body.
“Gotham’s newest vigilante.” He pulls out his escrima sticks.
The man holding the girl’s flailing legs scoffs and the two of them throw the girl into the back of the car. She cries out in pain but it is soon muffled by the trunk being shut tight.
“You picked the wrong night to start out, idiot.” The first man says and pulls out a gun while the other man pulls out a switch blade.
Too easy.
Dick lets the men come to him. They are sloppy and uncoordinated as they attempt to hurt him. He knocks the gun out of the man’s hand with a single blow. The man clutches his hand and growls in frustration.
He watches the second man charge, blade towards him and retreats with ease as he swings. Dick lets the man try and catch him for a minute. It is kind of fun to watch him struggle and flail like the girl they were trying to carry off.
Soon he is tired of it and presses the button on his escrima stick to make them light up with blue electricity. The men looks scared now as he approaches them, sticks angled out.
“You picked the wrong night to kidnap a kid.” Dick parrots back with a feral grin.
The men don’t stay awake long after that. He doesn’t kill them but they certainly will be scarred enough to not be able to do anything for a while. They are quickly zip tied together and he makes a call to the police.
Dick has a few minutes until the police arrive so he approaches the trunk. He opens it up to see the girl, no more than ten, looking up at him in pure terror. Her hands are tied together but she is still struggling against them.
“Hey- hey- I am here to help okay?” He soothes her and holds his hands up to show that he isn’t a threat.
“How do I know you aren’t with the other guys?” She asks, thick with tears.
“Because I am with Batman, not those guys.” Dick gives her the best smile he can give her.
She doesn’t look convinced but doesn’t argue with him. He unties her hands and puts an antibiotic cream on the minor friction burns on her wrists from the ropes.
When Dick finishes checking her over for injuries, and finding none, he picks her up gently. She keeps her distance from him while he walks away from the car.
“Do you know where you live?” He asks gently.
“Why should I tell you?” Her face scrunches up in the same way Jason’s does when he doesn’t believe what Dick is saying.
“Because I am here to help!” Dick chirps, his grin returning.
“Mama said not to trust strangers.” The girl whispers but he can see her approaching adrenaline crash beginning to effect her decision.
“Then I will introduce myself,” Dick holds out the other arm that his holding her, extending his hand for a handshake. “I am Nightwing.”
She hesitates but shakes his hand, “My name is Lilly, I live two blocks over.”
Dick’s face brightens.
“Let’s get you home then Lilly.”
⋆˙⟡
Dick watches from afar as Lilly’s mother checks her over for injuries from an alley across from the town house. He feels good after helping her. It feels right to do this.
“Nightwing.” Batman melts out of the shadows with Blue Jay beside him, covered in different colored pollen.
“Sup ‘wing!” Jason grins and waves, seemingly unbothered by the various pollen staining his suit.
“She was being kidnapped,” He explains and looks back at the girl and her mother. “I got her back home safe.”
Bruce settles a firm hand on his shoulder.
Dick looks back in surprise at the rare touch. He hasn’t been good with people touching him abruptly so Bruce kept the physical touch to a minimum. It feels… nice actually. A lot nicer than he thought it would.
“You did good Nightwing.” Bruce says with a slight up turn to his lips. “Also Gordon wants to meet you before we wrap up patrol.”
“The commissioner wants to meet me?” Dick is mildly confused as to why Gordon would want to meet him so soon into his vigilante career.
“Blue Jay mentioned you to Jim and he wants to formally meet another partner of mine.” Bruce explains and takes his hand away from Dick’s shoulder.
“Let’s go then.” He says with a grin.
Commissioner Gordon is the same as he was when he talked to Dick two years ago. It is almost surprising when they land on the rooftop of the GCPD. His face is restrained but not cold.
Bruce had waited a month between Tim talking with Gordon and Dick talking with him. Dick was technically declared dead after being missing for eight years so him being found was a bigger deal then Tim being put in Bruce’s care after his parent’s deaths.
So Gordon had talked with him for a while about what happened to him, he left out the court of owls and Tim’s parents because he couldn’t tell him about how he came into Bruce’s care and that would expose Bruce as Batman.
The cover story was that Dick had run from the system for years and got mixed up in a gang. He was found by Batman and was dropped off at Wayne Manor for Bruce to help him because Batman knew that Bruce wanted to adopt the boy before he went missing.
Gordon explained about his options since he was seventeen, almost eighteen at the time. He could push for emancipation which would probably be granted since his birthday was so soon. He could be placed with another family for the few months before he turned eighteen or he could stay with Bruce. Dick had opted to stay with Bruce since he couldn’t leave Tim so soon after everything.
The commissioner dropped in a few times to check on both him and Tim. Each time he was polite and friendly to the two of them.
Now Gordon gives him a polite nod, “Nightwing, right?”
Dick reaches out a hand for a handshake.
“At your service Commissioner.” He says with a grin. “Nice to finally meet you.”
“I have heard good things from both Batman and Blue Jay about you.” Gordon says, shaking his hand with a firm grip.
Dick looks over at Bruce, “You say good things about me B?”
Bruce hums noncommittally and that is the closest to a yes that he is going to get. Gordon huffs an amused but also exasperated sigh before dropping Dick’s hand.
“Batman is vouching for you so I hope that you will help to make this city safer.” He tells Dick and crosses his arms.
“I won’t let you down.” Dick gives him a thumbs up.
Gordon looks unimpressed but lets his arms drop to his sides.
Batman and Blue Jay tell Gordon about what happened with Ivy while Dick walks around the roof top to keep himself occupied. He isn’t paying much attention until Bruce stops talking.
Blue Jay makes his way to where Dick is standing, looking down at the streets below them, “Do you think you could land if you flip off the building?”
Dick grins wide and sharp at his brother’s challenge, “Watch me.”
Bruce walks over to where they are but before he can get over Dick is flipping off the roof, feeling the wind blowing on his face.
“Let’s go!” Dick yells as he watches Jason grapple after him.
“-that’s a thirty story fall!” Gordon yells in horror.
“This is his element,” Bruce readies his grapple, “have a good night Jim.”
They all disappear into the night, leaving Gordon frazzled on the GCPD rooftop as he is most nights when the bats are out.