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The three men sat on the smooth leather seats of the diner. Dean next to Cas as reassurance, and Sam on the opposite side of the booth. Dean immediately grabbed a menu, contemplating what greasy foods he was going to curse his stomach with today. Sam leaned back and grabbed a glass of water, gulping a few mouthfuls down. And Cas glanced around nervously, almost like he was waiting for something bad to happen.
Sam noticed and started speaking to distract Castiel. "Hey, Cas. What are you gonna get to eat?"
Cas' gaze drifted to Sam's face. He swallowed before replying, "I don't think I will eat anything here today."
"Why's that?" Sam asked, although he was almost certain he knew the answer.
Cas drew in a few shaky breaths. "I can't eat here. I'll just... It's complicated, but I can't."
Dean tore his attention away from the menu, and patted Cas' back. "Sure ya can, Cas. We're right here. Nothing'll go wrong."
The waitress came up to the booth and smiled their way. "Are y'all ready, or do you need more time? I know I came up pretty quick."
"That's alright, we're good to go." Dean answered and smirked back.
"So what would y'all like?" She questioned as she pulled out her pad and pen.
Dean spoke up again, "I'll take a double bacon cheeseburger with a side of those homestyle fries." Dean then looked to Sam and motioned at him to order.
"I'm thinking about having the strawberry-mango salad. Is it any good?" Sam inquired.
"To die for. We just got a batch of fresh fruit this morning as well, which'll make it even greater." The waitress replied, still smiling sweetly.
Sam nodded, "I'll definitely get it then, thank you."
The waitress looked over to Cas. "For you, darlin'?"
Cas looked down and rubbed at the back of his neck. "I-I'm good. I won't h-"
"He'll take a pb and j." Dean interrupted.
She quickly scribbled down the last order, smiled yet again, and asked one final question. "So is that all?"
Dean nodded, and she swept herself away to fill the order.
Cas had started scratching at the back of his neck quite fiercely. "Dean, I can't eat here. I told you, you're wasting your money."
"It's just a pb and j. If you don't finish it, we'll bring it home, Cas. It's fine." Dean reassured. "Are you doin' alright? You're looking really tense and I know how you get. We both do, so it's alright to ask for help."
"I'm fine." Cas mutters bluntly. Maybe a bit too bluntly.
"Okay. Sorry for asking." Dean huffs. "I'm gonna go take a piss before our food gets here." Dean notes as he stands from the nearly-cramped table with not quite enough leg room for the three. He looked at Cas for a few seconds more before turning and heading to the restrooms.
Cas continues to claw at his neck although it was beginning to hurt. He didn't care. It was the only thing that was currently keeping him from complete and utter panic. Castiel hated this feeling. Not being able to breathe hear, or even see properly. Yes, it could be worse, and Cas knew this. But it was still an uncomfortable feeling that he had to endure. He wasn't having any sort of anxiety attack, but he sure as hell wasn't calm either. Cas just wished it would stop.
Castiel felt a hand on his shoulder, and another at his wrist, presumably taking his pulse. Cas turned to face a slightly worried Sam. "Sam, wh-what are you?"
"You weren't answering me. I'm starting to get pretty freaked out because you're about to scratch a hole into your neck, buddy." Sam replied. "You need to calm down. Everything's alright, I'm here."
"I know, Sam. I didn't mean to. I got stuck in my head while trying to calm myself down." Cas looked away, embarrassed of his situation.
Sam started rubbing circles into Cas' shoulder blade. "I know, I know. It's alright. Hey, you've got this. It's not so bad."
"I'm just... I didn't mean to, Sam. I'm sorry." Cas mumbled, repeating the same phrases over and over like he was a broken record.
"Cas, let's go outside, it's alright. I'll help." Sam soothed as he scribbled a short note for Dean when he got back.
When the two men stepped outside, Cas immediately started crumbling apart a little more.
"Hey, hey. Cas. It's okay, nothing changed. I'm here, and you're safe." Sam spoke softly, mantras dripping like honey from his lips. He slowly pulled Cas into a hug, not too loose and not too tight. When they pulled apart, Cas lifted his hand to Sam's chest, feeling for a heartbeat. He stared past Sam, clearly still in his head. Sam stood stone-still for a handful of moments before talking. "Are you better?"
Cas whimpered helplessly.
Sam sharply exhaled and then murmured a short; "c'mere." He pulled Cas into his arms, letting Cas' head rest upon his collarbone. "Can you hear my heartbeat, Cas?"
"Yes."
"Good." Sam shushed and comforted Castiel.
The doors to the restaurant flung open, a worried-looking Dean leaping through them. Dean looked towards Sam and weakly smiled. Not wishing to startle Cas, he spoke softly. "Hey, I'll just box the food up and we'll eat it at home, alright?" Dean held up the keys to the Impala before tossing them in Sam's direction, and rushing back inside.
Sam let out a strained breath before turning his attention back to Castiel. "C'mon Cas, let's get to the car."
Cas started unravelling into repetitive apologies, feeling bad for seemingly ruining the Winchester's day. "I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I... Sam..."
Sam just continued to shush him as they trod towards Dean's precious car.
Sam opened the back door to the Impala, and climbed inside, beckoning Cas to follow.
Castiel felt stupid and helpless. He was constantly shadowed with embarrassment for making scenes. He wanted so badly to control it, and he tried. Though his sanity still always managed to slip through his fingers like sand. Cas leaned against Sam, his mouth still flooding with sincere apologies.
"Cas." Sam called. "Look, it's alright. I know how rough this is on you. It's not ruining anything. You need some help, and Dean and I... We understand that. We're here for you because you're our friend. There's nothing that we wouldn't do for you. Shit Cas, we'd do anything."
Cas just sat there in disbelief. He knew what Sam was saying was true, he just didn't want to believe it. Because somewhere deep in Castiel's fragile, racing heart. He didn't think he deserved it.
"Hey, I'd really like you to go see a therapist." Sam piped in again. "I know it seems kind of embarrassing, but I think it'd help you. Dean could sit in with you if you'd like."
"I..." Cas stopped mid-sentence and thought a slight bit longer. "I'll try it if you think it would be best, Sam."
Sam pat Cas' back gently. "Thank you."
"No, thank you."
Dean suddenly opened the driver's seat door, startling both Sam and Cas slightly. Dean chuckled, and plopped the food boxes down on the passenger seat. Dean sat down and buckled himself in. "Are you ready to head back home?" He said calmly as he turned towards Castiel.
"Yeah... A-and I'm sorry about having us leave prematurel-"
"Shut it. The place smelled kinda weird anyway." Dean winked as he reassured Cas, before punching the accelerator.