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“You were supposed to keep him in the dark and kill him if he got too close. I gave you one simple job. How can you mess that up so badly?”
Vanessa knew she had fucked up. She knew she had gotten too close; too comfortable. Too vulnerable. Had allowed herself to feel safe with Mike. She knew. But it felt so right that she told herself she didn’t.
Her father was staring her down, hands clenched into fists on his desk, the vein on his temple pulsing. Same as always.
What was she even supposed to say?
“I know that I messed it up-”, she began but flinched as William shot up from his chair, slamming his hand onto the table before pointing at her. Heat burned in her neck, her arms twitching out of instinct.
“If you’re such a know it all, then why did you do it in the first place??”, he shouted but Vanessa averted her gaze. She couldn’t look at him. Because if she did, she’d either start crying or shout back.
She did that once; shouting back. It was the day that Charlotte was murdered. She had confronted her father, he had turned her down, called her crazy, began shouting and so did she. Because she knew that her father killed her and she knew that Charlotte wouldn’t be the last.
Vanessa still had a very vivid memory of William taking a swing to deliver the punch that knocked two of her teeth out.
He refused to take her to the dentist for three weeks until the pain got so bad that she was physically unable to get up anymore.
She never shouted back again.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, you’re sorry?”, William mocked, circling his desk until he stood directly in front of her. It felt strange to hate the person that made you who you were.
“Sorry doesn’t give me shit.”, he hissed, centimeters away from her face and it took all her willpower not to back away.
“I know-”
“Then why do you keep messing it up?!”, he thundered, beads of spit burning on her skin and this time, she did back away, her chest rising and falling with every ragged breath she drew in.
She was scared of her father. Always had been. But not in a way that the promise of violence could cause. She was way too hardened for that. Yet still, she flinched every time her father raised his voice.
“You’re a fucking disappointment, Vanny. Putting you into this world was a mistake.”, he spat and Vanessa clenched her fists. None of it was new. But it still hurt just like the first time-
“I should’ve killed you, back when no one would’ve missed you.”
She paused, staring at the floor. A freezing shiver slowly crept down her spine. She looked up and right into her father’s eyes. That was new. And it made her skin burn with a whole new emotion.
Rage.
“Do you know how many times I’ve lied for you? How much evidence I’ve discarded, how often I risked my job for you?”, Vanessa stated lowly, not quite letting anger shine through, though the bite in her voice gave it away.
But William? He laughed in her face.
“Not good enough! What do you expect? A medal? An award?”, he mocked and this time, Vanessa couldn’t help but scoff.
She knew it was a bad idea from the moment the air left her lungs. Because it had always been like that. Walking on eggshells, not daring to take a breath because if her father heard, he’d view it as an invitation to hurt her.
Just like now when he stepped forward and yanked her in by grabbing her arms.
“You’re my child. I brought you into this world-”
“Mom did.”, Vanessa corrected, very much ready to be attacked but William merely stared at her, his hands digging into her skin so tightly that it would definitely leave bruises.
“I gave you life. But you keep forgetting that I can take it away from you just as easily.”
His eyes felt alien, even though she saw herself mirrored in them. All her rage, all her mistakes- they were all his.
“Can you really?”
It burst out of her with no real intention. Maybe she wanted to provoke him, maybe she was really just angry. She didn’t know. It just gave her this tiny bit of satisfaction to stand up to her father every once a while and see in his eyes how little he was expecting it. Just like now.
“Yes. And I won’t hesitate to do so if you continue to be a burden.”, he growled, his eyes seeming dead already.
Her hand twitched towards where she kept her gun. It would be easy. So very easy to just grab it and shoot him. But then everything would come out and even if she could somehow convince judges about being forced into everything she did, she would never walk free again.
She was her father’s daughter after all, no matter how much she wished she wasn’t.
William’s chuckle yanked her back to reality.
“I know that look. You’re thinking about killing me.”, he grinned and Vanessa didn’t even try to disagree.
“Isn’t it frustrating? Knowing how easy it would be to kill me, yet never being able to do it?”
She had always hated it when her father grinned like that.
“And let me tell you something, Vanny. Should you ever even get remotely close to pulling that cute little gun on me, I will kill you.”, he explained as if she was a toddler, his voice not matching the violence of his hands grabbing her.
“You’re mine. And that’s all you’ll ever be.”